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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
Edit: As Kileanna pointed out, Annette is nekkid.
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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I used to be an accountant, but it was too taxing.
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Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
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Sign in a toy store: "Please don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed."
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"Khakis". A type of trouser to most people, but in Boston it's what you need to start the car.
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My wife got fed up with all my jokes, so one morning at breakfast she poured hot oatmeal in my lap. I jumped up, and said "How could you be so gruel?"
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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Is a veterinarian with laryngitis a hoarse doctor?
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gran rey de los mono wrote: My wife got fed up with all my jokes, so one morning at breakfast she poured hot oatmeal in my lap. I jumped up, and said "How could you be so gruel?" His poor poor poor wife.
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2 people marked this as a favorite.
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Some river valleys are absolutely gorges.
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What do you get if you cross an electric eel with a sponge? A shock absorber.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: What do you get if you cross an electric eel with a sponge? A shock absorber. I think I told that one to my teacher in the third grade.
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Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.
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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: What do you get if you cross an electric eel with a sponge? A shock absorber. Watt ever!
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I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated in a local algebra class today. The student who brought it was arrested for having a weapon of math disruption.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette. And she is standing naked, it seems.
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Rust must be edible. After all, it is a form of car-rot.
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Kileanna wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette. And she is standing naked, it seems. Good catch. I edited it. Thank you.
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3 people marked this as a favorite.
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Do deposed kings get throne away?
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What do you call two people in an ambulance? Pair-of-medics.
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I considered becoming a priest, but I don't have an altar ego.
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When a vain woman saw her first gray hairs, she thought she would dye.
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Are tired Army uniforms fatigueds?
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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When the smog clears in California, can UCLA?
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A cat ate some cheese, and then waited by the mouse hole with baited breath.
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My dog had puppies, and then the police came by and cited her for littering.
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Freehold DM wrote: gran rey de los everything wrote: Freehold DM wrote: Kileanna wrote: My closest experience was entering a bar at the seaside wearing a skimpy canary yellow bikini to buy an ice cream. The "bar" resulted to be a kinda fancy restaurant. It was an awkward moment, but I wouldn't get out of there without my ice cream.
What I recall with most intensity was that the ice cream was really expensive and not specially good!
goes into seaside bar business, offers better ice cream *makes Freehold a sign that reads "Free ice cream for nekkid women. 1 scoop per cup size* weeps thank you...
waits for kileanna and lynora to visit shop O.o. I....don't think I can actually eat six scoops of ice cream....
And that right there is why I don't go brakes if I can help it. And why when I do find a bra that fits I buy six of it. Finding bras in my size is not easy. They have to be special ordered :/
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Are two crows sitting together an attempted murder?
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Are two crows sitting together an attempted murder? Well with jokes like that... maybe...
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Reading while sunbathing can make you well, red.
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Are Santa's elves subordinate Clauses?
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended in a tie.
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What is the purpose of reindeer? To make the grass grow, sweetie.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Reading while sunbathing can make you well, red. Sunbathing? Ha Taking a book outside for more then 5 minutes makes me well, red.
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When a male snake charmer marries a female undertaker, do you get them towels labeled "Hiss" and "Hearse"?
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The roundest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his girth from too much pi.
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When you dream of a color, is that a pigment of your imagination?
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Atheists can't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
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What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
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I've been to the dentist before. I know the drill.
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I used to be a butler, but quit when I decided it wasn't my cup of tea.
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My wedding was very emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.
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An incompetent captain grounds the warship he walks on.
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A bear got hit by a semi and splattered all over the road. Witnesses described the accident as "grizzly".
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When you tickle a baby, you say "coochie coochie coochie". If the baby is rich, do you say "Gucci Gucci Gucci"?
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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Is copper nitrate overtime for policemen?
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1 person marked this as a favorite.
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Wouldn't be ironic if the Titanic served Sanka coffee and iceberg lettuce?
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