Power Prestige Class (Humor)


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The following class is based on 31 years of running games for friends and non-friends (you know who you are...).

Level BAB Fort Ref Will Special
1 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Self), extra class
2 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Other)
3 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Creatures)
4 +0 +0 +0 +0 Clever (Shopping)
5 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Skills)
6 +0 +0 +0 +0 Clever (Item Creation)
7 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Prestige Class Self)
8 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Prestige Class Other)
9 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Plot)
10 +0 +0 +0 +0 Clever (Tactics)
11 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Unskilled skills)
12 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Everything)
13 +0 +0 +0 +0 Halt Game
14 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Online)
15 +0 +0 +0 +0 Post Online
16 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Oddities)
17 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Skill usage)
18 +0 +0 +0 +0 Min/Max (Psychic powers)
19 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Self)
20 +0 +0 +0 +0 Identify (Loner)

This class is designed for those who have to “win” at Pathfinder. Because if you don’t “win” then you aren’t playing the game right. This class is designed to use the uncanny knowledge that all power gamers can bring to the table. (Note, I wrote "CAN" and not "DO".)

Powers:

Min/Max (Self): Roll up the character using the best technique available. Roll up 300 characters and use the best one; just remember to not tell anyone about the other 299 characters.

Extra Class: You gain levels in this class at the same time you gain levels in the class you are already taking. It’s like playing a gestalt character from D&D but without the DM’s permission. This class offers no bonuses to attacks, saves or spell casting ability because then it would be “broken”.

Min/Max (Other): Tell the other players how to create their characters or at least what classes they should be playing. Heck, tell them about your classes and how cool you are for taking it. They will thank you later.

Identify (Creatures): At 3rd level, you can identify any creature you run across, even though your characters have never seen anything more dangerous than a kobold. You automatically know the weaknesses and classes of everyone you meet including NPCs.

Clever (Shopping): At 4th level you acquire the knowledge to buy exactly what you need for your next adventure. You will automatically ask to buy silver arrows for the werewolves you haven’t met or a wand of fireballs when you head into the unknown lair of the frost giants. It’s time to invest in a bag of holding when you can easily pull out exactly what you need when you need it.

Min/Max (Skills): At 5th level, you can magically rearrange your skill points after each gaming session to be optimized for the next session. For example, your points in Diplomacy magically transfer into tumble once you leave town. Also, you now have skill points in the languages you will need no matter where you go in the campaign world.

Clever (Item Creation): At 6th level, you can now use any item creation feats that you gain from your normal class to make the exact magic items needed for the rest of the campaign. For example, any bane weapon you make will be constructed against the most common enemy.

Min/Max (Prestige Class Self): At 7th level, you can now take those prestige classes you were looking at without considering if they even make sense for your character. Paladin ninjas are all the rage. Also, consider asking if you can take templates if they add to the power of your character. If necessary, ask if you can completely remake you character claiming that you made a mistake before.

Min/Max (Prestige Class Other): At 8th level, you can now tell the rest of the party to take prestige classes even if they are not in their character concepts. Also, you can try to convince the entire party to all take a level of rogue for the extra sneak attack damage.

Identify (Plot): At 9th level you gain uncanny knowledge of the plot of the campaign. You automatically know who really rules the city, who the leader of the thieves’ guild is and where the party is going in the next few weeks. Also, this power grants you the ability to find all hidden treasures.

Clever (Tactics): At 10th level, you gain the ability to avoid particular individuals in combat as this skill allows you to know which enemy is holding a deadly spell, who has a poison attack and whom is an archer; all before combat begins. Also, you now instinctively recognize where traps are and can avoid them with ease.

Min/Max (Unskilled skills): At 11th level, you can now attempt to use skills you don’t have as long as it gets the party to the next combat. You should speak up with your +3 Diplomacy and be heard over the rants of the party bard or spokesman. You also gain the ability to make rolls even if they are mathematically impossible.

Identify (Everything): At 12th level, you can now identify everything you see in the game. You know that the creature is not just a minotaur, it’s a minotaur barbarian named Tarrianius using a +3 broad sword of cleaving. Also, this power allows you to know exactly how many hit points every creature has.

Halt Game: At 13th level, you can now put the game into a living pause mode as you argue rules with the person behind the screen. Because you know everything happening in the campaign, you must now also know the rules too. Don’t be afraid to forget to mention negative effects of your powers too. For example, buy a ring of elemental command and forget about the saving throw penalties.

Min/Max (Online): At 14th level, you can now legally go online and brag about your character. No one at the table cares but everyone online wants to hear about how you did over 100 damage in a single round. Also, you can now research anything online after making a knowledge roll in your bedroom. Who needs a screen monkey when you have the online forums? Also, you can now rearrange your feats accordingly after reading the online min/max forums for your particular class.

Post Online: At 15th level you can actually post game materials online so you can self reference your material and use it at the table. For example, create a feat that give you +4 to attack rolls, post it online then tell the other players that you found a new feat that you are going to take next level.

Identify (Oddities): At 16th level, you can now identify when something has been changed in the campaign or module. This usually takes place in a change in the challenge rating of an encounter. You will now note when there are extra guards or the enemy wizard knows more spells than he should.

Min/Max (Skill usage): At 17th level, your character is just so awesome that you should make skill rolls for everything, even if the entire rest of the party have those skills maxed out and you have only one point in them. If the screen monkey calls for the party wizard to roll to identify a common magic item, you should roll too and loudly announce your roll especially as you could have done the wizard’s job for him.

Min/Max (Psychic powers): At 18th level, you gain the psychic powers to know everything that is happening in game and you should demonstrate that power openly. You no longer need to just identify the enemy; you can now recite the personal history of the big bad in your campaign even without the ranks in the appropriate Knowledge. Plots are now just meaningless waste to time between combats and should be treated as such.

Identify (Self): At 19th level you realize that you are the best player at the table. You should speak loudly and firmly as you are always correct. You should quote game books, forums and other games often as you know more about the game than the rest of the group combined. If confronted with facts that dispute your knowledge, reference materials not on hand and claim that they were corrected in online errata.

Identify (Loner): At 20th level you achieve maximum character awesomeness. You are such a good player that the rest of the table no longer wants to play with you. They would rather be surprised by encounters, miss out on hidden treasure and fumble their way into saving the world rather than follow you. You should search for another campaign and begin again at 1st level.


This was hilarious to lighten up a boring afternoon at the office. Thank the gods I haven't had this at my own table.


+1!!!

Hilarious ... but ... odd in the discipline it must have taken to write it all out seriously.

Does your CPU screen have a few soda stains now?

I couldn't imagine not keeling over once in a while just in writing it up and thinking it out.

Well done, man!


Hmm... And what are the prereqs for this class?

I'm debating on grabbing it for use at my table...

Of course, I'm the GM, so it may be somewhat redundant...

/jk


I once played with a guy who progressed from level 12 to level 20 over the course of 4 play sessions. It was an amazing sight to behold.

He brought his laptop to game sessions and used it to look up every monster the GM threw against us. Just for his own knowledge of course, not so that his character would know what to do...

Needless to say, he didn't last very long with the group.

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