Spitfire Revenant
Description: A spitfire revenant is a nightmarish creature resembling the scorched carcass of a powerful stag impaled on a long wooden skewer. It stalks through the wilds upright on its hind legs with the shaft of the spit running upwards through the body to pass out one side of the beast’s neck. Its torso is split open revealing an inner cavity filled with hot, glowing coals, and its tough outer hide is blackened and seared as though having been roasted at great length. The beast’s dark eyes smolder with hateful malevolence from a head violently canted to one side by the wooden spit.
Spitfire revenants are most commonly encountered in areas of dense, wooded wilderness just beginning to suffer the encroachments and depredations of humanoid civilization. Though usually mistaken for some twisted form of undead by those who survive an encounter with one (hence the fallacious name), they are in fact vicious fey bound to patrol and drive interlopers from the borders of their domain. Some believe they are the vengeful spirit of the forest itself manifesting its fury at the rape of the wild.
Powers and Abilities: As the approach of a spitfire revenant is accompanied by the overpowering stench of charred meat, it often must attempt to take its prey by ambush – observing parties of humanoids from a distance and waiting until after they make evening camp to strike and wreak the most havoc. The creature is extremely strong – especially when fully enraged – and charges whenever possible in combat to gore with its sooty, blackened antlers. The massive heat radiating from its body is intense and often damaging to melee opponents. The spitfire revenant also possesses a breath weapon, being able to expel a blistering cloud of hot, acrid smoke at its foes.
This is gross creature that also makes me feel sad. You can totally see how this thing is raging at everything in its path. I wonder if druids have any influence over it, or can summon it with summon nature's ally.
If it's accompanied by the stench of charred meat and radiates enough heat to harm anyone near it, I'm not sure how it can ambush anything--anywhere it waits is going to stink pretty badly, and it may scorch plant matter near it, so its typical plan of attack is more of a stalk-and-charge.
Ooooh, that's a pretty rough name right there. A dual word name with a compound word. Oofda. I'm just not seeing who would call it that - probably not the creatures themselves, and also probably not the first folks to see it. So it's not winning any points with me there.
A lot of weird design also gets written off with connections to the fey. And more often then not they just don't float. This thing, for example, looks like an undead, smells like an undead, and, heck, is even named like an undead, but - uh oh! - it's a fey. Just because something's related to the wilds doesn't mean it can't still be undead, and I'd feel like this was less of a "trick" monster if it were.
Some of the heat and fire elements on this are pretty cool, though, and I think something like this would be a real surprise to PCs exploring the forests depths.
Initial Impression: Mad deer on a stick. You're going to have to do a lot to overcome that image. Let's see how it goes...
Concept (name, overall design choices, design niche, playability/usability, challenge): C
This is more concept than monster. This is a "revenge of the forest" set up. I think this monster is just a poorly thought out execution of the big idea of the forest fighting back. I just don't like the idea of PCs getting attacked by their food.
Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, world neutral, quality of mandatory content—description, summary of powers): C
I think PCs would laugh at this. Plus, the powers don't make sense. You can't ambush things when you reek and set stuff on fire.
Tilt (did it grab me, do I want to use one in an adventure?): D
Its a roasted deer.
Overall: C-
Thumbs down to the roast beast.
Recommendation: I DO NOT recommend this creature advance
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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The visual of this monster I think is cool, nicely horrifying; I think PCs could take this monster seriously, and in fact it could even be legitimately scary.
Mechanically, though, an ambush monster that roars like a furnace and smells like a BBQ pit - those things don't quite seem to go together. Also, what Wes said about "hey, it's an undead... NOT!" is true; the monster is a "gotcha" that tricks the PCs. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with a gotcha every now and then - there are plenty in D&D history, but all things being equal it's probably not the best choice.
Overall: Kinda neat, but not quite superstar.
Definite Silent Hill vibe here. That is a compliment.
Making this creature a fey was a jarring but brilliant choice. Obviously, I assumed it was an undead when I started reading, and finding out that it was actually a sentient nature spirit made it seem so much more horrible and.. wrong.
Possibly my favorite so far.
I just seeing some party making a lot of noise to attract one of these just so they don't have to go hunting and cook dinner. Its like a medieval corn-dog.
Overall: Kinda neat, but not quite superstar.
this is the vibe I got from this one as well.
Its like a medieval corn-dog.
*snickersnort*
Thanks to all the judges and everyone here for taking the time to look at my beastie and shout out their opinions about it, be they loving or brutal. Hopefully you folks will see enough win there to give me one of your votes for this round.
Free venison jerky offered for every vote! (It's only slightly over-cooked...)
Definite Silent Hill vibe here. That is a compliment.
Making this creature a fey was a jarring but brilliant choice. Obviously, I assumed it was an undead when I started reading, and finding out that it was actually a sentient nature spirit made it seem so much more horrible and.. wrong.
Possibly my favorite so far.
Thank you for this, Hydro. Seriously. It means a lot.
And for my money "jarring" and "wrong" are two words I am really, really getting a kick out of seeing in a positive review right now. Heh...
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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As a vengeful "spirit on a spit" of nature, you could have committed to it being an undead creature. Also, you need to describe how this creature can sneak up anything with its overwhelming stench.
There are very few creatures of this ilk, and it's definitely something I'd introduce in a game. It's not quite good enough to get a vote, though.
This really might just be me, but I think that making it a fey changes it from "vivid and cool but typical" to "freaking terrifying". This thing isn't just "still alive". It's a fey, HYPER-alive, driven forward by magic and anger.
Fey should NOT be hobbling around on fire with a spit through them, and yet- with their malleable and vindictive natures- it makes perfect sense that one would be. This is going to be one pissed-off nature spirit.
I kind of want to see more feyish abilities, to drive the theme home (and give the PCs some in-character shot at guessing what they're up against).
The image of a deer twisted into a human-like form, impaled and burning in a mockery of the crimes of their victims, is pretty freaking creepy. Some of the language, unfortunately, belies that--the word ambush is one that a lot of people are picking on, and for good reason. An ambush seems more short-range, which this reeking, burning, screaming (at least, I imagine it screaming) thing is not exactly capable of.
You know what this guy reminds me of? Grendel. It strikes at merriment and the joy of a warm hearth and a hot meal, charging at campsites and lodges to kill hunters and loggers with cloven hooves and fiery breath. Disturbing and wrong. And on my short list.
I like this. It seems very Unseelie, or even Wild Fey, to me. I can also see how it can be an ambusher. The party is settling in for the evening. The tents are up, the fire is burning, and dinner is cooking. "What's that smell? Is something burning?" "Nah, it's just the evoker's turn to cook dinner, and she went overboard with the pyrotechnics again. I once heard of this merchant-mage named Akabar who was a good cook and-ARGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME KIND OF DEMON DEER JUST SET ME ON FIRE!!!!!!!"
Props to my vague thematic cousin (twice removed). :)
I'm having trouble picturing this in my game. Sure, describing the beast in an appropriate way is the GM's work, but how on earth are the players not supposed to laugh at a walking undead barbecue?
If you'd only gone with different visuals, I think this would have had a lot of potential.
This one is an oddball, I liked where he was going with it, but not so much how he went, if that makes any sense.
I also like the revenge of the forest angle, though the "cooked deer on a spit" is weird.
Also, again with the 4e name vibe. Thumbs down to that.
Overall, I like it, with some modification and a rename.
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I also like the revenge of the forest angle, though the "cooked deer on a spit" is weird.
Also, again with the 4e name vibe. Thumbs down to that.
Overall, I like it, with some modification and a rename.
This.
I want to like this so much, I love me some fey, and its quite creepy, but the spit and walking on hindlegs means I can't visualise it, especially in motion, in a way that doesn't look kind of stupid.
I think if it had looked cooked or roasted without the spit and hind leg walking it would have been better a bit
Developer
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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This creeps me out. That may be a good thing! I can see using this monster in a wilderness/horror game... once, but probably not more than once. I kind of dig the fey aspect.
I will be taking another look at this one on my second pass to decide where my votes go.
Praise: I like most of this creature; a firey stag packed with hot coals, breathing fire and hell and despair on all who dare to tread the forest without respect. But...
Concerns:
The description is way too specific and detail-oriented. The position of the shaft isn't so important as to be mentioned three times. I think those words could have been better used describing what this creature is, not how many degrees to the left of it's spine the spit pierced. Also, the name is super generic. It feels like something out of World of Warcraft, and the fact that it's a ringer is doubly unappealing. Also, and I am sure you are going to hear this multiple times, but if it smells terribly, how can it set up an ambush?
Overall:
The overarching idea of this creature is nice, but could benefit from some simplification. The description spends basically a paragraph talking about this spit. The idea of a nasty vengeful flame-stag is evocative, but the rest of the entry doesn't follow. From a rules/stats perspective, this would be a fun encounter to run, but I just couldn't see using it as is without changing the core of the creature.
Well, I started to like it, then when I got to the "Fey" part, you lost me. I just couldn't put it together.
I think it should have been an undead, under the auspice of vengeful spirit. This strikes me as a dark-druid's perfect tool.
However, I also think you missed a major flaw in the concept. Generally speaking, most nature-based religions would see eating an animal as a perfectly valid use of its life. If it was a carcass left in the wilderness to rot and not be used to sustain another life (due to hunting for sport), then you've got a good vengeance basis. I think making the argument that roasting a deer on a spit incurs nature's vengeance doesn't really hold up.
It's cool, but just doesn't do it for me.
Ken
However, I also think you missed a major flaw in the concept. Generally speaking, most nature-based religions would see eating an animal as a perfectly valid use of its life. If it was a carcass left in the wilderness to rot and not be used to sustain another life (due to hunting for sport), then you've got a good vengeance basis. I think making the argument that roasting a deer on a spit incurs nature's vengeance doesn't really hold up.
My thoughts as well. Not only does the spit make it look hokey, but it's not in line with the "spirit" (pun intended) of the concept. The spit makes this seem like some sort of "hunter's revenge" joke.
As for the creature walking upright and looking like a deer, I wonder if he wasn't trying to sneak in an Erastil reference.
Sorry, but I don't think this will get my vote.
Scotch Assassin: ACK! the Doppelganger is back!
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Director of Brand Strategy
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This reminds me of the nasty maggot creatures in Princes Mononoke, in that it represents the forest retaliating against encroaching civilization. I really like the image of a skewered, upright stag that looks like it got off the spit and ate its hunters. It would certainly make a memorable encounter. I think it was a misstep to make it a fey creature, though, and feel that you could still have it represent the dying forest as an undead. Furthermore, the tactics and ecology you describe for it seem at odds with its abilities and appearance. I really like the potential here, and hope to see you in future rounds to show more of what you can do. At this time, I'm still going through all the entries to find what will get my vote, and am putting this in the maybe category. Best of luck!
I'm just not seeing who would call it that - probably not the creatures themselves, and also probably not the first folks to see it.
I believe they would call it delicious.
And for those who can't see it in their campaign, two words: Falcon's Hollow. I can totally see these creatures in their forest.
I do, however, get what people are saying. Either players will be screaming or screaming with laughter.
I think it would be cool if the fiery aura was suppressed or reduced for a round after it breathes clouds of coals at the party. It takes a round to stoke up its internal heat. Then a few rounds later, it breathes again.
Hopefully, this thing has lots of hit dice and huge Con score so it can stick around for a while, maybe with decent DR/cold iron to increase its staying power. Tons of HD and Con bonus also make its breath weapon more potent and harder to save against, which is good.
"A spitfire revenant ... resembling ... a stag on a long wooden skewer"
"an inner cavity filled with hot, glowing coals"
"they are in fact vicious fey bound to patrol and drive interlopers from the borders of their domain. Some believe they are the vengeful spirit of the forest itself manifesting its fury at the rape of the wild."
"As the approach of a spitfire revenant is accompanied by the overpowering stench of charred meat"
"As the approach of a spitfire revenant is accompanied by the overpowering stench of charred meat, it often must attempt to take its prey by ambush"
I like the idea!
I think I might take out the long wooden skewer or make that visual varied or optional. After all this is an entity that is taking on a symbolic appearance. That specific appearance doesn't always need to look exactly the same. A flaming stag or hart is a good base though.
The overall concept is solid. It might have gone better as an angry nature spirit rather than Fey, but I don't make too much of that as a problem.
Also, the stench is contradictory to trying to ambush. This is no natural force but a thing of magic and power. Perhaps the stench is noticed right before it's too late?
This is by no means a bad entry. With only 4 votes, I'm not sure.. But I wouldn't want the author to think this is a bad creature by any stretch.
Generally speaking, most nature-based religions would see eating an animal as a perfectly valid use of its life. If it was a carcass left in the wilderness to rot and not be used to sustain another life (due to hunting for sport), then you've got a good vengeance basis. I think making the argument that roasting a deer on a spit incurs nature's vengeance doesn't really hold up.
This is a good point. For my own part, however, I see a divide between "druid-nature" and "fey-nature". And the 'fey' concept of nature casts it as fickle, spiteful, and 100% out-to-get-you. The revenant could have been created when hunters ignored some death-rite for the prey, broke some feyish rule in an enchanted neck of the woods, or simply hunted where they had no right to hunt.
I actually assumed that the stag was a fey creature before it was killed (the fey-haunted norther realms of Golarion mention "enchanted creatures that can beg for their lives"). But I could be treading into fanon here.
Spitfire Revenant
The description is very vivid and unsettling, but ab bit too wordy.
It is also very specific, but somehow i nevertheless thought: I know this one I've seen it before.If I have, this would be bad and unoriginal.
But so far nobody has mentioned it, and it is so specific, that i really don't think that it is a copy of something else.
Which would mean that your description was so cleverly arranged that it made me think: "Ah, alright, I know this. It's cool." And that would be REALLY great work.
But your description also has it's weak sides, you overly emphasize on the location of the spear and aren't too well structured.
Innovation/creativity.
As I mentioned, this is either very creative, or just a copy of something else. I'm willing to take it in your favor, you certainly had a great image and theme and stayed with it. the powers fit the beastie nicely and I can very well imagine this stalking to through the forest, standing a vigil guard and ragingly attacking a party of advenutrers.
I too like that it is not just another undead, but a creepy fey.
Tilt:
Its purpose is too specific for me to use it for anything else than what you described it doing. This means I'm limited to pretty much one application of this monster. And it doesn't grab me enough to go that way. If I ever have a wrath of the forest plotline I might come back to the spitfire revenant, but also only if the strong image he has really fits the theme I have in mind. Thats the other side of the strong image: it might make you unflexible and too specific.
I'll see if I really consider this for a vote after spending some time with the other entires. right now you are on the low end of consideration.
This would fit in Enworld's adventure path's second module, actually.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Originality: Is this creature a unique creation? Does it fill a unique niche in the game?
Mojo/ spirit: Do I want to see your creature in my game?
Spitfire Revenant
cut for space
This is my eighteenth creature reviewed. I do not read comments below the thread before posting my evaluation, so there may be some duplication.
Whoa! It’s a stuck pig. Almost literally. Okay, actually it’s roast deer on a stick. Its eyes have hatred and inside it is coal – glowing red hot. Whoa, this is either cool or weird. I guess if it weren’t staked – part vampire? – it would be very bizarre but cool. Now, it’s a little more on the side of weird. Ahah! They aren’t undead – they’re fey. Hmm. Echoes of an echo-moral in there too. I am not sure how I feel about “fey hot-coal—as mutilation”.
Powers:
* smell of charred meat forces them to ambush (Oh? Really. Points for creativity. Still a lot of writers going for the ambush justification.)
* extremely strong and has rage (different sort of choice for a fey yet cool)
* antlers/gore attack (k)
* heat radiates from body (so I guess it can’t hide behind bushes either? An okay power though and very consistent with the coal)
* hot acrid smoke breath weapon (sounds good to me!)
Summary: Well, this sounds indeed more like a revenant than a fey – although I understand tormented fey turning into things like this so I can go along with it. I think what really bothers me is the stake through the critter. If it were not for that, I think this would be entirely terrifying. Essentially, it’s your meal come to life. I almost wonder if a magical beast would make more sense – supper come to life along with the barbecue pit! It’s an interesting creature. I’ll think more about it as I continue to review, and probably revisit for a second look.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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How did the author respond to the challenge? Tight concept, well developed within the given format.
How does it stack up
- as an opponent? Essentially a strong melee attacker that wades into the midst of its foes. I get the sense retreat is not a high priority for these beings.
- as something other than an opponent? It's specific as to location. Otherwise the revenant shows up and wreaks havoc on demand.
- in relation to other monsters? I don't have a problem with it being a fey manifestation (whether or not it has the fey creature type) and in fact could stand to see more such designs.
- in relation to the author's item? Another wilderness-related entry. Some variety in theme might be indicated for later rounds.
- in itself? I think it works well in a more traditional, folkloric sense than we often see in D&D.
Not bad, deserves further consideration.
Angry burned Stag on a spit. That by itself is freaky. As others have mentioned some of its abilities seem to contradict the whole ambush M.O. I could totally see this things attacking overzealous hunters or humanoids clear out large sections of forest for settlement. I think is tweaked and well stated this thing (or a herd of them?) could make for a horrifying night time encounter.
I mostly like the visual here. I could do without the spit still sticking through it. But a buck that is split open, glows with hot coals and spits ash and smoke? I'm pretty much OK with that.
I would drop the "seems like undead" thing and focus right out the gate on the fact that this is a fey spirit of vengeance against encroaching civilization. The "it smells, but ambushes" bit is obviously a problem, although it could work as a mislead. I like the idea of hunters or campers smelling this thing and getting more worried when they realize there is nobody cooking meat somewhere in the forest. It creates a sense of impending badness that ends with someone getting gored and set on fire. Fun times. :)
Again, good visuals and some strong potential as an unpleasant wilderness encounter.
Thanks again to everyone who's come to offer their thoughts and criticisms here on my monster and to those who have decided to give it their vote as well. Hopefully some of those who posted that they were on the fence couldn't get it out of their head for the next few days and felt compelled to come back and give it a big "yea"...
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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While this creature has a powerful description, and creepiness to it, some of the internal inconsistencies make it hard for me to see it working as a gelled together monster. The first thing I thought as I read was how does this thing move around without tripping over it's spit? I also didn't see the ambush tactic working with the glowing coals, and stench, as did many others. Finally, the looks undead but is really a fey doesn't work for me. With a spit through it and obviously looking like it's a partially cooked stag come back for revenge, it's too clearly linked to something that was alive but was then killed. If it was simply a burnt carcass looking fey, I might be able to see it as a vengeful fey, but the spit through it doesn't make sense unless it's an undead.
I can see that others disagree with my take, and therefore hope you make it into the next round, even though this monster didn't really resonate with me.
Does it grab me visually: Yes. This is a horrific description. The artwork for this would give me nightmares. A manifestation of the forest’s wrath was a little weak for me. I don’t like the forest protecting itself from the pain of mankind’s advances with something that sounds like it is constantly in pain. It just doesn’t mesh for me.
Would I use it in game: Maybe. I’m not really sure where to throw this in. I could see an adventure where the PCs kill one of these, then realize that it was trying to protect the forest. Now the PCs have to make things right. I’ll have to think on this one.
Would my players enjoy an encounter with it: I think so. Could lead to some interesting role playing with druids and rangers killing one of these because it is looks like a undead, tortured beast, and then realizing that it was actually trying to protect the natural world.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka flash_cxxi
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Love the name.
Not a fan of the visual and it is definately not what I pictured when I read the name. This was another of the names that caught my eye at the start but the creature let me down a little on it's execution.
It's a decent Monster, but it just doesn't have my Vote.
Sorry but Good Luck. :)
This is clipped from my rotling "clarification post," because I finally can. :)
...let me take a quick moment to say that it was maddening not being able to comment on the Spitfire Revenant's form, because any comment on that would have been a comment on the rotling too: we were obviously following the exact same train of thought. An angry anima will take a form which hybridizes what it should be and what's wrong: it has emerged into this world to shove itself in our mortal faces and scream, "LOOK! LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU MONSTER!"
Hey Brian,
I liked the core concept of your monster, nature retaliating against civilization.
However, the imagery is blurred and doesn't really support that concept. A dead stag is a good symbol, but on a spit it conjures images of food, BBQs, and even the cycle of life. A fiery creature in a forest doesn’t give the right atmosphere; it could burn down the forest it is trying to protect. Its attacks (basically melee and breath weapon) don't feel right either because those being attacked don't really know why it is attacking.
Making it seem like a spirit rather than an undead could have worked. Maybe as an incorporeal dead stag that uses spell-like abilities to fight?
The name drew me in; I liked it. It was a bold monster to try, in this competition you have to go for it. I hope you give the competition another go next year.