D'you know that the vegepygmy head weighs 8 pounds?
D'you know that bees and turnips can smell fear?
D'you know that our next door neighbor has three poodles?
Can I borrow a cup of filings?
The rutabagas screamed. That should count for something.
Oh, you know what? Those might have been those smurfnibblers that got turned into rutabagas. You promised to reverse the transformation, boss, like a couple of centuries ago.
|
Oh, you know what? Those might have been those s****nibblers that got turned into rutabagas. You promised to reverse the transformation, boss, like a couple of centuries ago.
Well, it's late for that now. Since the rutabagas were actually little blue men polymorphed into tubers, perhaps Asmodeus will be pleased after all.
At any rate, if they screamed, I know one celestial who is certainly pleased.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Hey, we got a flyer in today's mail. Zon-Kuthon's Krazy Footwear Emporium is having a sale. And there's coupons!
{looks confused} What is "footwear"? Heck, what's a "foot"? Hmmm, time to look up humanoid anatomy in the handy Rob Liefeld's Guide to Human Anatomy.
It's like a tentacle, except short and stumpy and with little tentacles on the ends. Also it can't really grab anything.
I don't trust any business that misspells crazzy.
Oh no, the smurfnibblers took away my abillitie to spell!
What the...I'm not even carrying a present!
{digs in to a second bowl of 20yro Smurfberry Crunch cereal previously forgotten in the pantry} I didn't realize the natural progression of stale eventually leads to petrified. I think the artifici͇͈a̴͇̯͈̝͍̦̝l̖͇̯̠ ̛̮̼̩͈c̖̜̘̣o̧̙̣͓l̟͚̝̯or̠s̪͡ h̡̜͎̹̠̘͕ͅạ̝͕̞̞ͅv̠̯̻̼̝̣̬ȩ̷̻͍̫̼͓͞ ̡̪͙̘̦̥͈o̗̲͕͚̦͈̮̭ṉ͓̦̥̣l̦̼͓͕͙̕y̶̲̞̩͖̞̜ ̠͙̙̩͇͘͡i̢̳̦͈͟n͘͡͏̝t̶̯͓̼̜̣̱̙͍̲e҉̙̬͕͉n͎̯͈̦͈̪͝s̸͏̞̼̲̝͚ͅi̛̭̼͖̫͇f̸̦͇̣̩ì̻͡ͅe̢̯͝ͅ ͈d͘͜҉̞͙͉̲ w̴̛͡͏̡̝̱̗͍̟̖̝̖̟͈̪̹̪̙͕i̷̗̝̰̰̼͈̜͈͔̹͉͕̳̥̻̖ͅt̸̷͎͍̼̠̘͙̟̘̻̳ͅh̴̵̘̮͍̪͙̪̲̳̙̞̫̘͜͞ ̵̟̟͍̲̙̜̦͖à̵͇̥̘̰͎͚̹͎̣͉͍̥̼̣͠͡g̷̼̙̭͎̹̜̻̹͠e̶͘҉͕̪̝̩͎̭̼͈̟̻̪̟̲̙̩͕̙͕̖.̡̧̩̹̜̦͓̱̙̻̕ͅ ̳͔̟̙ͅ.̶̰͖̖͕̘͜͡͞.́͏̻͉̥̮͉͈̻̦͎͕̗̼͟ ̨̫̣̫̥͎̯̹̼̺̰̮̟͙͟W̙̫̠͇͢͞͝͝ͅh̸͙͚̖̰̫͕̯́͟͠o҉̸̀҉͈̜̤͚̤̪̪̼̹͕̟̝͙̱̰͉̻̠̜a̶̷̧̫̦̬̪̼̙̜͖͘. ̷̢̕͏͈̫͚̤̫̯͇̟̳̻͏̷̡̦̣̗̻̬̀͠
It's Crazy Crazy *Tries to emulate monster truck announcer guy...voice cracks*
Aww. My little Wally is growing up. Before you know it, he will be having his first lady-bleeds.
I'll go back to the flaying box.
Mmmm, Flays(tm)... can't stop at one!
Wait, we're talking about parsnip chips, right?
Kinda more like petrified parsnip chips.
She was the only one who interviewed for the job, though. And you said I needed help in the kitchen.
Could be worse, could be Guy Fieri.
{begins renewing anti-Fieri wards and runes}
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
I really should have taken the Paula Deen correspondence Cooking and Racism course.
3 times to summon? You only need 1 for TOZ.
I think the slaads got into the power converters again.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
What a coincidence! I just got a job delivering pizzas at Daemono's. I tried to apply at Baba Yaga's Pizza Hut, but the manager seemed really cranky. I'm hoping I can get in the kitchen, but my trainer, The Fleshless One, I mean, Mr. The Fleshless One says that I'm much more suitable as a driver. Anyway, I recommend that you try the Die-Whyin', which has generous portions of Sacrificial Ham and Painapple.
Oh, oh, oh, and I met this girl who might be "the one". She seems to really get me. Her name is Braaaaaiiiinnnnnssssss, or something like that. I think she's from one of those exotic Outer Planes like Mechanus. The Fleshless...Mr. The Fleshless One pointed out in the employee manual, entitled Employee Suffering, wow they have a sense of humor at Daemono's, I mean who really enjoys their job, right, he pointed out that employee relationships are only permissible if one of the employees is syphilitic, whatever that means.
Oh I know that place. The Die-Whyin' isn't too bad, but I'm much more partial to the Heat-n-Loather's myself. The spice they put on the pepperaughni is to die for, yeeeessss.
I believe that's the point.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
{gazes longingly into oven} Mmmm, CF's roast random encounter & turnip stuffing smells wonderful.
I can't believe I Rip Van Winkle'd through Poodleween and almost missed Lemsgiving!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Now I'm not hungry.
Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the Lands; when they are famished, they will become enraged and, looking upward, will curse their kings and their gods. ~Book of Leafar 8:21
Dangit, that exterminator was in just a week ago, and he promised he'd smite'd all the vermin. {goes looking for flamethrower}
I think one of the other threads has something contagious.
Obviously. {lines up flamethrowers, begins blessing napalm tanks}
To be fair, our standards were always pretty low.
Leafar said, "Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have Masters in Nevaeh." ~Book of Leafar 4:1
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
To be fair, our standards were always pretty low.Leafar said, "Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have Masters in Nevaeh." ~Book of Leafar 4:1
{blasts with cleansing gout from Holy Flamethrower of Antioch}
Oooo, I sure hope Satan Claws got my wish list this year! I could really use a new blender from the Island of Misfit Appliances.
{quietly eats the Elvis on the Shelvis figurine, lurks quietly}