Ooh! I just thought of a really great idea. We should run a drug cartel, and when people are really doped up we can spawn in them, and it'd be painless!
No habla... Painless? What the Abyss are you talking about? I want my surrogates to be wracked with excruciating pain.
You must be an imposter of some kind!
It kind of felt like I was dying.
It kind of felt like I was dying.
Sounds to me like you just had too much taco dip. Just to be sure, I am going to deposit some eggs in your chest cavity, and you can tell us whether it feels the same.
No, you're supposed to acknowledge it.I will forgive him if he acknowledges that I AM CAESAR!!Come now, little dretchings - save it for the poodles. Dretching-dependent slaads like myself cannot afford to have you guys fight one another into extinction.Yeah, you say that, but I bet Ceasar Slaad isn't going to be quite as understanding ...I AM CAESAR!
There, I said it.
I acknowledge that I said it.
Ooh! I just thought of a really great idea. We should run a drug cartel, and when people are really doped up we can spawn in them, and it'd be painless!No habla... Painless? What the Abyss are you talking about? I want my surrogates to be wracked with excruciating pain.
You must be an imposter of some kind!
He does look like that Potatoe Slaade guy that was killing slaads a while back.
Playing hard-to-get I see...
Playing hard-to-get I see...
Rrrrrryap!
Playing hard-to-get I see...
Rrrrrryap!
Oh crap, I thought he was a pacifist?
*Stops setting fire to chew toys and looks innocent*
nerf constable situation 12 nagging gumdrops.
Paloma gazpacho anejo carramba hermanos vaquiero!
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Ooh! I just thought of a really great idea. We should run a drug cartel, and when people are really doped up we can spawn in them, and it'd be painless!No habla... Painless? What the Abyss are you talking about? I want my surrogates to be wracked with excruciating pain.
You must be an imposter of some kind!
Yeah, but this way we can get their money and make more slaadi!
And they probably wouldn't risk getting caught if they heard the screams from the other people. I mean, this way we could get 10x as many spawn!And yes, this isn't as fun as listening to them scream, but it's the best way to prepare for the poodle war.
And not only do we not come from the Abyss, but we're chaotic neutral.
And even someone evil like myself doesn't have to be driven by a need for mass suffering. This isn't 4th edition.
Sorry I've been gone... been busy converting Pood-dull and Wafu Dretching into a defensive perimeter of "landmines" to fence out the poodles. Poodles respect "landmines."
Bikers never seem to like me... I empathize. This happens to me a lot too.
Augh, at least you're not Jello Slaad -- he's got weird bits of stuff floating suspended in his flesh. Looks like a damned gelatinous cube squashed into a Slaad mold.
<Walks over to Wafu Dretching.>I've still got you, right Waffles?
No kid, she's over there as that landmine... and that one... and that one...
Sounds to me like you just had too much taco dip. Just to be sure, I am going to deposit some eggs in your chest cavity, and you can tell us whether it feels the same.
{picks up notebook, drags in couch} So CourtFool (you rotten pood-dull), hop up here and get comfy. Now, you have slaad larvae lanquidly, gloriously chewing through your unworthy flesh. Tell me, how does that make you feeeeeeel?
And while you're at it, describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.
COME ONE, COME ALL!
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EVENT AT SLAADCON! TAKE PART IN OUR MULTIVERSE-FAMOUS LIMBO CONTEST!
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?????
WIN FABULOUS PRIZES!!!*
Ooo, I can't wait to go. I'll start dyeing my eggs bright colors to hide them in the non-Slaad attendees. The contest losers will be the ones who don't find our eggs before they hatch. The winners? Well, the only real winners will be us slaad and our larvae.
{checks out Tossed Slaad: My, such a strong, strapping slaad -- he's got quite a set of "tomatoes" on him.}
{checks out Caesar Slaad: Horrors! His "croutons" are... square?!?!}
{notices Ranch Dretching: That would go nice with colored eggs. I'll dip him in chocolate, wrap him foil, and sell him as a Bunny to some dumb pood-dull or or one of those stoney-brained Jackthbpts}
Ranch Dretching wrote: <Walks over to Wafu Dretching.>I've still got you, right Waffles?
No kid, she's over there as that landmine... and that one... and that one...
Over here Ranchy! Kissee, kissee! I may smell a little "barnyard-ier" than before, but our love will see us through.
You might want to hurry though, I'm sprouting mushrooms.
Ranch Dretching wrote: <Walks over to Wafu Dretching.>I've still got you, right Waffles?
No kid, she's over there as that landmine... and that one... and that one...
Over here Ranchy! Kissee, kissee! I may smell a little "barnyard-ier" than before, but our love will see us through.
You might want to hurry though, I'm sprouting mushrooms.
<Eats Wafu Landmine>
That's pretty good. Even with the mushrooms.
COME ONE, COME ALL!
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EVENT AT SLAADCON! TAKE PART IN OUR MULTIVERSE-FAMOUS LIMBO CONTEST!
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?????
WIN FABULOUS PRIZES!!!*
Ooo, I can't wait to go. I'll start dyeing my eggs bright colors to hide them in the non-Slaad attendees. The contest losers will be the ones who don't find our eggs before they hatch. The winners? Well, the only real winners will be us slaad and our larvae.
{checks out Tossed Slaad: My, such a strong, strapping slaad -- he's got quite a set of "tomatoes" on him.}
{checks out Caesar Slaad: Horrors! His "croutons" are... square?!?!}
{notices Ranch Dretching: That would go nice with colored eggs. I'll dip him in chocolate, wrap him foil, and sell him as a Bunny to some dumb pood-dull or or one of those stoney-brained Jackthbpts}
I don't want to go to a piddle or a Jack!
{checks out Caesar Slaad: Horrors! His "croutons" are... square?!?!}
Wanna see my bacon bits?
Wanna see my bacon bits?{checks out Caesar Slaad: Horrors! His "croutons" are... square?!?!}
<Waves pitchfork around>
I'll take a whole forkful.
'K, I'm gonna go implant some spawn in the poodles. Anyone want to come?
Lead the way. I want some more of those delicious landmines!
Heaven catcher descent two Frank eye.
Yeah, but this way we can get their money and make more slaadi!
And they probably wouldn't risk getting caught if they heard the screams from the other people. I mean, this way we could get 10x as many spawn!And yes, this isn't as fun as listening to them scream, but it's the best way to prepare for the poodle war.
But... I like the screaming...
And not only do we not come from the Abyss, but we're chaotic neutral.
It's a figure of speech...
And while you're at it, describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.
Rrrrryap! Yap!
And while you're at it, describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.
"mother"? What is this "mother" of which you speak? I had a parent and a host. I suppose, by humanoid standards, the "mother" would be the host as that was the one from which I emerged ... so here goes:
Soft mushy gore screams convulsing thrashing entrails gurgling gasp dead
How's that?
'K, I'm gonna go implant some spawn in the poodles. Anyone want to come?Lead the way. I want some more of those delicious landmines!
Do the poodles still even have a thread?
Do the poodles still even have a thread?
Do you really want us congregating in some other thread?
Rrrrryap! Yap!
{glances at VK readout}Yep, zero rational thought detected. Congrats, you're a Pood-Dull all right.
Soft mushy gore screams convulsing thrashing entrails gurgling gasp dead
How's that?
{contented sigh}Such a poet; you're a slaad after my own heart.
Seriously, though, that's my heart. Don't even think of pulling it out through my ribcage.
Wanna see my bacon bits?
Oh MY! Such tasty, meaty, smokey <----- CENSORED ----->! Oh, heavens! I feel like such a humanoid girl! {faints with silly grin on face}
{contented sigh}Such a poet; you're a slaad after my own heart.
I'm a slaad after everyone's heart ... my larvae need food and the heart is good eating. ;)
Seriously, though, that's my heart. Don't even think of pulling it out through my ribcage.
Dang!
<goes off looking for another vict ... carri ... "friend" for his eggy larvae>
Maybe at Slaad Con we should encourage everyone (especially the pood-dulls) to sign up for the Cool Hand Luke egg-eating contest (points off for chewing, eggs should be swallowed whole).
Hey, I've never egged a pood-dull before... does any slaad know if the slaad hatchling will still end up a proper bipedal slaad, or if they'll come out quadruped, like that poor xenomorph in Aliens III?
This thread needs more tentacles.
But... I like the screaming...Yeah, but this way we can get their money and make more slaadi!
And they probably wouldn't risk getting caught if they heard the screams from the other people. I mean, this way we could get 10x as many spawn!And yes, this isn't as fun as listening to them scream, but it's the best way to prepare for the poodle war.
*Smack*
Bad slaad! Bad! No acting Chaotic Evil! Are you a Death Slaad? I don't think so!
I don't feel so good...shouldn't stay out in Mechanus so long...
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And while you're at it, describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother."mother"? What is this "mother" of which you speak? I had a parent and a host. I suppose, by humanoid standards, the "mother" would be the host as that was the one from which I emerged ... so here goes:
Soft mushy gore screams convulsing thrashing entrails gurgling gasp dead
How's that?
That was... beautiful. sniff
Maybe we're like those fish... we do it, then the males (or females? or either?) implant the eggs into humans.
Scream scream shriek omigod omigod omigod ow ow ow oh s#$% uaaah! splurch munch munch yum.
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Maybe at Slaad Con we should encourage everyone (especially the pood-dulls) to sign up for the Cool Hand Luke egg-eating contest (points off for chewing, eggs should be swallowed whole).
Hey, I've never egged a pood-dull before... does any slaad know if the slaad hatchling will still end up a proper bipedal slaad, or if they'll come out quadruped, like that poor xenomorph in Aliens III?
I hope not. I think it only works on humanoids, but unfortunately due to our conspiracy of silence I can't find the info online and I'm too lazy to look it up manually.
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But... I like the screaming...Yeah, but this way we can get their money and make more slaadi!
And they probably wouldn't risk getting caught if they heard the screams from the other people. I mean, this way we could get 10x as many spawn!And yes, this isn't as fun as listening to them scream, but it's the best way to prepare for the poodle war.
*Smack*
Bad slaad! Bad! No acting Chaotic Evil! Are you a Death Slaad? I don't think so!
Yeah, see, I'm the death slaad. And even our kind's mindset is too alien to really care about pain and suffering... we do what our instincts dictate, continuing our research and extending our power (like aboleths, not sahuagins).
The duck is too fast! I can't stick him with my new fork! Waaaaah!
The duck is too fast! I can't stick him with my new fork! Waaaaah!
{rummages through Bag of Molding} Ah ha! Here you go, Ranchy -- a +2 Vorpal Salad Fork of Canine Bane {tosses it to Ranch Dretching}
The duck is too fast! I can't stick him with my new fork! Waaaaah!{rummages through Bag of Molding} Ah ha! Here you go, Ranchy -- a +2 Vorpal Salad Fork of Canine Bane {tosses it to Ranch Dretching}
<Fork bounces off Ranch Dretching>
<Thinks: I'm kinda stuck here!>
We are not evil. We are Chaotic Silly.
Where'd the duck go?!?