Dretch

Ranch Dretching's page

145 posts. Alias of Mike Welham (Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012).


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Their mysterious magic allows them to use the misspellings to make them seem less threatening and catch their targets off guard. While some f*@%er is complaining about the baristassassin spelling his name "Mork," he's got third degree burns all over himself that weren't there seconds ago.

On a related note, Steve Harvey can use killing words despite being unable to pronounce them.


I think they all disregarded my warning. Stupid f@$*s.


Watch out for baristassassins!


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Quantum funnel cake is delicious.
That’s what she said!

She didn't say it to me.

She said, "Get the f!** out of here. You're dretching!" And then a gate to some dimension opened up in her left nostril.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Tossed Slaad wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Quantum funnel cake is delicious.
That’s what she said!

She didn't say it to me.

She said, "Get the f!@$ out of here. You're dretching!" And then a gate to some dimension opened up in her left nostril.


Chrome asked if I wanted to translate this page.

Hahahahaha, stupid f&#+ing Google!


Merry Slaadmas, m*@$#!%$&@~$s!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thanks.


The slaads say I'm unhealthy.


Ha ha!


Damn skippy!


It turned me into a newt!
.
.
.
.
.
I got worse...


A dretch Yoda is not.


<Stabs Salmagundi with a carrot stick>

Am now.


Ooooh...he's getting the celery treatment next time I see him.


Damn it! This always happens to me.


Chief Chef to Pres. Moorluck wrote:
Croutons or sunflower seeds?

I'll take this one:

Ranch dretching!

<Stabs chef with a celery stalk>


Davi The Eccentric wrote:
I just spent forty minutes trying to open a bottle of ranch dressing. My hands are sore, the wrench has a few bits of green plastic on it, and one of the carving knives is a good deal duller, but that damn bottle is open.

You never know what those slaads will do...


Where's that leafy guy? He needs some of me!


You want me to stab someone? Cuz I'll do it!


Tuna Fish Slaad wrote:
Tossed Slaad wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:
Tossed Slaad wrote:
I think my dretching has spoiled.

I'm not spoiled enough, if you ask me.

You smell spoiled.
Does he smell like spoiled tuna? If he does, I want to give him a hug.

k. Let's hug.

<Holds celery stalk of wounding behind back>


Tossed Slaad wrote:
I think my dretching has spoiled.

I'm not spoiled enough, if you ask me.


KaeYotik wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:
KaeYotik wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:

Carrots are alright, but the best stabbing is done with celery.

I likes celree too! It makes me happy!

I've never heard anyone say that before.

<Stabs KaeYotik repeatedly with celery>

Whee!!!

*bites celery as it is thrust at him*

Ewe got any peenut budder? An' some Rayzans two?

<Bashes KaeYotik with an adamantine hammer>

Die! Die! Diiiiiiiie!


KaeYotik wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:

Carrots are alright, but the best stabbing is done with celery.

I likes celree too! It makes me happy!

I've never heard anyone say that before.

<Stabs KaeYotik repeatedly with celery>

Whee!!!


Carrots are alright, but the best stabbing is done with celery.


Frat Jack wrote:

*Walks in with the Ranch dressing*

Salad time!

*pukes a little*

You didn't tell me we were seeing salads! I want to go back to where the slaads are, nitwit!


<Stabs the pirate with a celery stalk>

Stupid pirates!

Stupid new page! Does anyone know what a dretching looks like naked?


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:
Tossed Slaad wrote:

Have fun, Potato!

And Spawn of Pazuzu, aren't you from the Abyss? I thought we were all Chaotic Neutral here.

<Stabs Tossed Salad with carrot stick>

Did that feel Chaotic Neutral, bub?

First, I am a slaad, not a salad.

Second, *eggs Ranch Dretching*

The eggs wither away

*sob* Now the slaad is belittling my lack of education.

<Makes call to the ACLU--Abyssal Civil Liberties Union>


Tossed Slaad wrote:

Have fun, Potato!

And Spawn of Pazuzu, aren't you from the Abyss? I thought we were all Chaotic Neutral here.

<Stabs Tossed Salad with carrot stick>

Did that feel Chaotic Neutral, bub?


Fruit Slaad wrote:
Tuna Fish Slaad wrote:
Tossed Slaad wrote:
ALL HAIL OUR UN-EMPIRE!
YES! OUR MOTTO of OUR UN-EMPIRE! GO TEAM CHAOS!
ALL HAIL OUR UNEMYPRE!!!

I'VE JUST KILLED AN UMPIRE!!!!


How about some dretching?

<Stabs WoC with celery stalk>


<Stabs Piratey McPirate>


<Stabs Puffy the Cup Cake>

Ooooh! Cream filling!


Puffy the Dinner Roll wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:
Have you seen Ranch Dretching? I've been in the mood...

Bounds about as well as one can expect a Dretching to bound back into the thread.

Hellllo Puffy!

<Stabs Puffy with stick of celery>

:::Laughs like the Pilsbury Doughboy:::

Celery can not hurt me.

<Wild-eyed look>

What manner of creature are you?


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Butter Patrick wrote:
Puffy the Dinner Roll wrote:
Tabbouleh Slaad wrote:
Puffy the Dinner Roll wrote:
No Slaad will ever be great unless of course it comes with a dinner roll.
*tries to egg the dinner roll*

*excepts the egg graciously*

I'm great toasted with a slice of cheese and an egg between the slices. They'd call the egg McMuffin with cheese.

Butter! Butter! Butter!

Have you seen Ranch Dretching? I've been in the mood...

Bounds about as well as one can expect a Dretching to bound back into the thread.

Hellllo Puffy!

<Stabs Puffy with stick of celery>


Snarky Poodle wrote:
Poodle of the Shadows wrote:
CourtFool wrote:
Pirate Poodle Power!

*stabs CourtFool*

Wait... you're not a pirate.
*stabs him again*
Where is Ranch Dretching for a good stabbing?

Hellllllo Poodle!

<Stabs Snarky Poodle with celery stalk>


taig wrote:
I was finishing David Fryer's countdown from 200, using prime numbers.

NERD!!!


Don't mind if I do.

<Spears a brain on a stalk of celery and departs>


Poodle Jack Slaad wrote:
Fruit Slaad wrote:

Traitor! Abomination (again)! Poodle!

Well, I always have the lich queen to do my dirty work...
Your just mad because people keep letting Ranch Dretching ooze all over you.

I don't ooze! I stab!

Except for this boil on my hinder. That oozes.


Dayam! I don't know which is scarier--the acid-spraying spider poodle or Scrappy Freakin' Doo.

Here's some croutons.

<Hands Tossed Slaad a stick of celery with an assortment of kidneys speared through by the celery>


Still alive and stabbing, baby!

¡Dos!


<Stabs pirate with celery stalk>


Potato Slaad wrote:
Beautiful weather this week, so far. I just hope it lasts through this weekend. I've got the Smatherly Family reunion, and Mrs. Claire Jeblonski's 90th birthday party picnic.

I hope they don't forget the Ranch Dretching for Mrs. Jeblonski's picnic. That old biddy's got some celery stabbing due.


There's this poodle with stuff wriggling under its skin. If you ask me, it's unappetizing, but you might like it.

<Stabs Cobb Slaad's corpse>


Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Fruit Slaad wrote:
You should try layer 138. Some archons were attacking there...

Damn spring-breakers always drunk and partying, never consider how the natives feel.

Welcome back, Ranchy! {stabs him repeatedly with celery stalk in welcoming manner}

<Stabs with dual-wielded celery and carrot sticks>

Whee! This is fun!

I'll have to check out 138. Sounds like there might be some good deals down there.


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Has anyone seen the dretchings? I am feeling dry and flavorless lately.

<Stabs Cobb Slaad's corpse>

Oooh! Squishy and...squirmy!

Sorry I was away. I was closing a deal on a timeshare in layer 227.


<Stabs Cobb Slaad/poodle corpse>

Oooh! Squishy!

Sorry, I was working out a timeshare deal in layer 227.


I can stab the larvae out of you!

<Waves celery stalks around>


I think Low-fat Ranch Dretching got killed in the FaWTL!!! thread.

<Stabs a slaad to honor his fallen friend.>


L. G. G., C. o. t. 101st G.A.R. wrote:
Ranch Dretching wrote:
Low-fat Ranch Dretching wrote:
He wuz killt by thet fatty Ranch Dretching.
Sorry about that. I meant to kill someone else.
Shoots at the dretch.

<Feels sorry for Low-fat Ranch Dretching who took the shot. Waddles out of thread.>

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