
Gurubabaramalamaswami |

Do you find yourself having any trouble interweaving things like romance into your game? How about confronting your players with graphic scenes of violence and rape? How do you do it and how did your players handle it?
And lets keep things mature in this thread (i.e. grown-up). Please refrain from vulgar language or using words like boinking etc.
And please don't use this as an opportunity to brag about how your fictional character bagged some fictional hottie.
And thus having set myself up...have at it!

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I think you'll find the term is "bonking".
I think with things like this, it depends on the group. Personally, apart from as a minor laugh in a campaign (and a fairly juvenile one at that), "sex" is something I'm not very interested in dealing with. I grant that love can be a very strong character motivator, but getting the players to go with that can be problematic if they aren't great roleplayers. Then it's just an embarrassment for everyone. I guess some players might be great with it, but it isn't really my bag.

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I have absolutely no problem using romantic themes or narrative tricks in my games.
My players are old enough - we average 33yo - to handle them with enough seriousness (and often, fun) and they "play along", understanding that the scene is just an interesting occasion to roleplay.
In the same way, sex is handled with occasional idiocy to have some good laughs, or with the utmost seriousness. I've had a player rolling a harrowing series of checks while trying to outperform an NPC in sexual prowess, just for the fun of it. Usually though, it's all handled off-stage, with no need to have every kinky detail told.
Mature, darker themes, are present in my games. During the first adventure of the Shackled City AP I hinted of possible pedophiliac abuse by Kazmojen. In a war-based campaign, I had to describe the occasional aftermath of the orc invasion, which included mass rape. Drow perform horrifying tortures and abuse, both on the young, the old, and the dead.
In these cases I prefer to just hint at what's happened, with some telling graphic detail but absolutely no indulgence whatsoever. They are just tricks in the bag of the GM, and are used as such.

James Keegan |

I tried running Porphyry House Horror, the Book of Vile Darkness adventure from Dungeon, for my group recently and it was...really uncomfortable. Not that it was a bad adventure, we just figured out that that kind of over the top sex, drugs and debauchery isn't something we really dealt with in great detail. In my opinion, less is more when it comes to portraying really dark subject matter. If it's described really overtly, things get awkward for the wrong reasons. If the themes are there but take up only a small amount of camera time they work much better and will more likely cause the right kind of reaction (which, to adventurers of good alignment, should mean motivation to cause change).
PC/PC or PC/NPC romance is done off-screen in my games, for the most part. It doesn't involve the whole group or the main storyline, so I'm content to say,"(NPC) seems to be trying to catch your eye at the ball. Why don't you go ask her to dance?" or "Okay, you go out to dinner a few times in your off time, having a great time. You going to get some new supplies while you're out?" There is a metagame thing about friends/love interests/family in D&D at times: they seem to players as kidnap/hostage fodder for the DM, so maybe that's a point where players don't want too many attachments for that reason.

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it depends a lot on the group. I have been in some that I wouldn't try such at all. Then in others mostly my main group we deal with the full spectrum of mature themes. If handled well and treated with respect and maturity it can add a lot to a campaign. But it can easily cause problems if not everyone can deal with it correctly.

Ultradan |

It usually serves as background story in my campaigns. When the PC party comes in town, the barbarian immediately starts looking for a prostitute. So without going into the details, we know what the barbarian did last night...
And for mature subject matter, I usually use it sparringly. Which makes it much more effective when it does come up.
Ultradan

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When it comes to mature themes, less is usually more, i think. Most games i play that deal with such matters do not put them up center stage for long, or else they really lose their impact as story devices.
Usually, hinting is better then showing, because it builds up the tension. Most of the Book of Vile Darkness for example is so "in your face" overdone that it has a hard time really engaging players. As soon as you know what you are dealing with, it is no longer as terrifying as having all the clues, knowing there really isn't much else to conclude, but still holding out for a less horrible explanation.
Spoiler for Savage Tide
Take for example Lavinia and Vanthus in Savage Tide. Vanthus is creepy. His obession with Lavinia is growing more worrying each time the party encounters him, from the "Keep away from my sister" to actually kidnapping her. But only in or even after Divided's Ire does the party really get real proof of what he was after all along. If Lavinia told them he was send to the farm for trying to seduce her from the get-go, he would probably be more vile to start with, but the impact would be much less.
Oh, and it helps tone down the really creepy guys ersatz relationship attempts.

MrFish |

I agree that the situation in Savage Tide is actually quite well done and when you think about it a very mature theme and yet presented so subtly that it did come as a shock to me as well.
Rape
As for the mature themes spoken of by the OP: I find that with something like say rape you really have to be careful with how you present stuff like that. Some people are very sensitive about things like that and so it's often better to imply that it happened rather than demonstrating it happening. It is also good to present the idea of it being about to happen and giving the players a chance to stop it.
I have a couple of examples. In the RE Howard story "Shadows in Zamboula" Conan discovers a group of men struggling with a naked young woman in the shadowy streets of the city, and manages to rescue her. Nothing actually happens to her though because of this rescue. (it also turns out that they're not rapists but part of a cannibal cult)
On the other hand more unpleasantly in George Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" there are several rapes that take place. The author tends to avoid really graphic detail though--he simply refers to what's happening in a general way. I think that if you MUST refer to something like that then that's the way to go about it. In the case of ASOIF the actions mentioned are done to demonstrate the villainy of those involved towards conquered or captured people.
Romance
This is another matter altogether. This tends to be consensual and so it's a lot easier to deal with. The main thing is to talk to your players about it and figure out how they want to handle it. For example in one group I ran romantic things were referred to as asides, as in "my character spends his free time taking his girlfriend out to dinner and courting her in general. This is how much money I spend, this is how much time I spend." In another roleplaying and occasional game writing was desired.
As far as how you handle the actual romantic scenes, I always would draw a veil across actual full on intimacy. Unless orgies are normal down your way imagine you're being romantic with a loved one in front of others--obviously there's a line you don't cross normally. You might kiss, embrace, exchange endearments, snuggle, that kind of thing. Even if other couples are doing the same thing (imagine a romantic movie night with friends) you're going to have certain limits of behavior. I tend to use that as a yardstick.

Saern |

Really "dark" content hasn't actually come up in my games before; I know my previous group wouldn't have had a problem with it, but the adventures just never called for that kind of material. I'm not sure how my current group would handle it, but again, none of our adventures have veered in that direction yet.
As for romance on a lighter note, that's an interesting area. There was a very long-term romance theme in a friend's game with my previous group that was extremely successful and fun for all of us, not just the player directly involved.
On the other hand, the ranger in my current game took an interest in the innkeep's daughter, just some off-stage talking and flirting while the rest of the party was busy. After saving her, she repaid him with a peck on the cheek. Very innocent stuff. Now, there had been some raunchy jokes around the table up to that point and all the players (including one girl) had been nearly rolling with laughter (the girl had even made some of said raunchy jokes). But as soon as this act of very light and totally innocent actual romance came up, she became squeamish. I thought it was rather unusual, but got off the subject quickly.

Logos |
I honestly don't think rape should come up in game.
The chances of really putting someone out is not at all small, and considering that particular crime has a lot of lasting reprecusions, I honestly think its an easy thing to ignore in favour of i don't know fantastic stuff. I mean really, what's the difference between staking vampires or a father mindseeding his daughter and rape. One has to do with fantasy, whereas one has to do with a heinious crime that happens in the modern day. Its also part of the reason why I don't use real world drugs, and all my psycho axe murder's really do get super powers from an evil cult for doing so. (admittedly some fantasy AUTHORS do it, but i also generally consider it a strike against them, it kind of ruined me on Goodkind and im so so with it in Martin, but perhaps the more important point is that no gm or group is writting a fantasy novel, novella, or even a short story, and most certainly not anything that could be considered fine fantasy, so....)
As for romance, I enjoy romance and flirting, and stuff because it gets people interacting with others. I don't enjoy sex because it does. Sex therefore gets the fade to black.
What i really don't get is some people's insistance that endurance checks or consistution checks of some kind = a better, longer night in the sack. I don't know maybe its just my own experiance but i don't think it works that way...

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I honestly don't think rape should come up in game.
I agree that this particular issue is sown with mines like few others, especially since it could very well have happened to one of your players, or one of their friends or relatives. I absolutely and vehemently agree that rape should never happen with PCs as either perpetrators or victims.
I don't agree that there should not be any hint or mention of it. I would never put a PC through a rape, but i would not sanitize my world of it entirely.
The chances of really putting someone out is not at all small, and considering that particular crime has a lot of lasting reprecusions, I honestly think its an easy thing to ignore in favour of i don't know fantastic stuff. I mean really, what's the difference between staking vampires or a father mindseeding his daughter and rape. One has to do with fantasy, whereas one has to do with a heinious crime that happens in the modern day.
Funny you should mention vampires. Did you know a lot of people consider the vampiric feeding a rape metaphor?
But more on the subject, i would not exclude the topic from the world simply because it is such a heinous crime. Because it is so horrible, so life-shattering. If you are sure you can pull it off without cheapening or making light of it, consider a villain who after a rape decided all men needed to suffer. Wrong? Yes. Needs to be stopped? Absolutely. But at the same time, i certainly hope the group would pause a little while longer before cutting her down like "yet another orc wannabe-warlord, ho-hum".
Consequences are an important part of storytelling (and i don't mean that in the WoD-sense, but literally telling a story). A world where at the end of the day, not everyone goes home happy is more engaging than one which features a reset button between episodes. Horrible consequences included.
Its also part of the reason why I don't use real world drugs, and all my psycho axe murder's really do get super powers from an evil cult for doing so. (admittedly some fantasy AUTHORS do it, but i also generally consider it a strike against them, it kind of ruined me on Goodkind and im so so with it in Martin, but perhaps the more important point is that no gm or group is writting a fantasy novel, novella, or even a short story, and most certainly not anything that could be considered fine fantasy, so....)
I believe you are doing yourself a disservice. By removing these hot topics, you in effect throw away things that have relevance. Consider Drugs, for a moment. What is more engaging: A gatewarden betraying his town to the conquering army because it is the only way he can stay ahead of his addiction, against his own anguish, or him betraying the town because he is evil.
It is not the medium (good thinking distinguishing roleplaying and novels, by the way, you would not believe how many people mistake one for the other...) that matters. It is the tone. You can have very intense RP sessions, or you can have a lighthearted, fun fantasy novel, with no hot topics ever cropping up.
Let me put it this way: Would you or your group enjoy encountering an aging adventurer, who once rescued maidens and battled dragons, but now his bad back is stopping him from lifting his sword, let alone donning his armor. I know my group would probably not enjoy the encounter every other night, but once or twice, it gives a sense of dept that I at least can not really produce otherwise.
As for romance, I enjoy romance and flirting, and stuff because it gets people interacting with others. I don't enjoy sex because it does. Sex therefore gets the fade to black.
You kind of lost me here. The sentence "I don't enjoy sex because it does" does not make much sense to me, truth be told.

Pat Payne |

Do you find yourself having any trouble interweaving things like romance into your game? How about confronting your players with graphic scenes of violence and rape? How do you do it and how did your players handle it?
And lets keep things mature in this thread (i.e. grown-up). Please refrain from vulgar language or using words like boinking etc.
And please don't use this as an opportunity to brag about how your fictional character bagged some fictional hottie.
And thus having set myself up...have at it!
In most cases, I like to shy away from too much of that. I'm not myself any good at doing romance, and most of my players don't seem to be interested in romantic subplots. As for the scenes of rape, if handled badly (hell, even if handled tastefully most of the time as well) it can drop a game to squicktacular levels. I don't use it except as a spur to the players on the level of "the big bad's about to rip her clothes off -- what do you do?"

Lilith |

Mature themes should be used in game with a consent of both the GMs and the players. Asking them what issues are hot buttons for them (child abuse or rape, for example) so that you can stay your GMing hand when it comes to those issues. In my games, I have used abuse, pedophilia, rape, drug use, romance, sex, childbirth, family disputes, all where it emphasized the story, but I only used it if my players were okay with it in game (and they were).
Overuse of any of these themes is like adding too much spice to a dish - a bit here and there enhances it, too much overwhelms it. Where that fine line lays is something that a GM and their players will have to agree upon.

Deathedge |

In the most prominent party I've ever played, the barbarian would look for a woman every night spent in a town. That said, any uh......activity.....took place "off-camera". But we all knew...
Rape also took place, but the characters were as uncomfortable with it as the players were...and the characters reacted accordingly.
A small town had been overrun with orcs, and in a secluded hut we encountered a tusked savage having his way with a village girl. My rogue and my cousin's bard were INFURIATED. The bard went invisible, as simultaneously we snuck up on him...his throat was slit and his chest pierced at the same moment. After that we escorted the poor traumatized girl to the next town, where they could take care of her.
The description of the event was not done in an overly graphic manner, but it still left an impression on us.

The OP |

For those of us who have used mature elements in our games...how did it go? Do any of you find that the reaction is different if you have a mixed gender group (as opposed to the all male nerd party)?
In my own campaign I set my party up to ambush a bad guy who was showing up at a location with a wagonload of kidnapped street urchins. When my party heard the half-orc bad guy threatening to further abuse one of the urchins my wife and a player who is the father of two little girls immedieately saw red and abandoned stealth in favor of an all-out assault with the half-orc their favored target.
In the aftermath, when it became clear that at least one of the female victims had been brutalized and raped by the half-orc my party members immediately excuted the half-orc on the spot.
Although the father of two was playing a LG monk (with exalted feat progression) I chose not to penalize him for the act.
And do keep in mind that I do use these elements very sparingly and not arbitrarily or with any intent to titillate. I was wanting to provoke a reaction of righteous outrage from my players. I got it in spades.
Share your thoughts and experiences my friends.

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Mature themes should be used in game with a consent of both the GMs and the players.
Excellent advice, that's what I did and so the players knew stuff would be dark at times. A kid died in a goblin raid, I played the 'unpublished' version of Hook Mountain Massacre (by filling in the blanks with hints from these very boards and my own twisted visuals) and a sidetrek with Carnival of Tears just got nasty.
Also, my players were used to graphic violence in the St. Demain trilogy too. I think this means poor Nic Logue = Mature Themes. Must be why we like him!
-DM Jeff

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I use it when it makes good campaign sense AND as a tool to evoke strong emotions in my Players.
I've used all the things Lilith mentions in her post but only at times where it seemed like a good adventure-design tool to enhance the gaming experience.
And, obviously, you only do what will not make folks uncomfortable.
-W. E. Ray

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Mature themes should be used in game with a consent of both the GMs and the players.
I agree with Lilith on this. I try to judge what the group can handle by talking to them. That said, I'm told that I tend to run things as a Saturday morning Cartoon, when I have younger players(11-14). But I think that I pull it off. When it's just us older guys (age 21-32) I'll run more mature themes, But try to hint at more then throw it in the faces of the PCs, letting them draw their own conclusions. This works well for me because this gives the Players an emotional response, with out getting to graphic.

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To The OP. Wouldn't know, since it wouldn't be possible for me to be in a all guy group :) and I have yet to be in a all girl group. But I will say from personal experience that girls on the whole tend to be more interested in mature games than the guys. Not that guys aren't just you know.

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My group has done this a couple times, and I've had the fortune of playing with some older(than me) gamers when I was in my teens, so we actually had mature games.
In one instance, the party was in a carnival, when Daj(my character) came across a seductress. Daj told the rest of the party he'd join up with them later and everything happened "off screen". Of course, this also allowed a planned swap between Daj and another character I made who was impersonating him, I just didn't know it was going to happen like that. Imagine the party's surprise when their "buddy" starting trying to kill them; then durring the fight, Daj showed up and I got to fight myself with the DM playing Daj and me playing the impersonator to add to the confusion. >:)
Another instance involved a session where a PC was interrogating a captured enemy, the badguy got the upperhand and subdued her and was about to rape her, but once again, Daj showed up.
As a side-note, I eventually killed Daj off, as he became WAY too powerful.

roguerouge |

On the other hand more unpleasantly in George Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" there are several rapes that take place. The author tends to avoid really graphic detail though--he simply refers to what's happening in a general way. I think that if you MUST refer to something like that then that's the way to go about it. In the case of ASOIF the actions mentioned are done to demonstrate the villainy of those involved towards conquered or captured people.
This is not off-topic, the RP point will come...
I suffered through Wizard's First Rule, where the book takes an explicit S&M Prisoner/Torturer turn in the final 100 pages. I felt profoundly betrayed. Nothing set up that tonal shift; nothing in the book prior to that point had been particularly sexual. You certainly couldn't make an informed or uninformed choice to read that sort of thing. By putting that material in the last 100 pages, the author basically held the book's narrative closure hostage, forcing the reader to drop the book and stop caring about the tortured character or slog through the author's amateur flirtation with the Hurt/Comfort fanfic genre.
I should have known better when I read that the wizard's first rule is that "people are stupid." Clearly, the author had the same contempt for his readers.
My next book? The George R.R. Martin book you mention. I dropped George Martin like a stone once I saw three threats to or references to rape and childhood sexual abuse in the first 150 pages. I had liked his short stories but I wasn't going to be a reader-masochist to the author's sadist a second time.
What do I hope that you draw from this tale?
1. Explicitly ask your players what they are comfortable with before starting the campaign. Don't spring anything on them. Because you never know what your players have actually experienced. (And yes, that goes for all-male tables too.)
2. This kind of material is often a disguise for an author who excels at plot but fumbles character motivation and tone. It's not grim and gritty; it's (often) lazy. If you need this to motivate an NPC, go back to the drawing board. If it's not real, you'll look sick.
3. If you do use sexual violence in your games, you better make sure that its pleasures are critiqued, as in David Lynch and Joss Whedon's work. Depict the perpetrators as leading damaged and damaging lives. And you'll note that both authors realistically depict the perpetrators of sexual violence as having been victims of sexual violence in the past. It's a cycle of evil and hurt, not a cool "adult" cliff-hanger.
4. If you mess this up, not only might your players walk, but you might have them stop playing with you all together. And they might go on to the internet to talk about what a bad experience they had. So, ask yourself, given what you're risking, what's the real gain for including these topics?

Todd Stewart Contributor |

Do you find yourself having any trouble interweaving things like romance into your game? How about confronting your players with graphic scenes of violence and rape? How do you do it and how did your players handle it?
For anything on the darker side of mature (heavy violence, torture, yugoloth family night out, etc) I don't mince descriptions so long as the characters and situations involved make sense in terms of the game's GM and PC driven plot. If it would happen, I describe it as such, and it's not done just to be gross or over-the-top (which I felt oftentimes seemed to be the case in the BoVD). I actually made my players cry at one point during their dealings with an archfiend (yay for massive moral quandry).
For sex, again if it makes sense it happens, but it's not pushed by any means. There's a certain level of out of character wierdness I want to avoid, and so character-character innuendo aside, I'll gloss over the actual sex itself, or it's something that is assumed to happen if two characters go to bed that night. Over around five years, I've had several incidents of PC/NPC sex (one of them ongoing till the NPC died a much deserved death) but probably under 10. Most of the time it was a one-off thing and it's not like there was an AIM text-sex session after the game to RP it. Not going to happen unless I'm dating the player outside of the game (admittedly, this has been the case before, and the descriptions did get more personal at that point compared to what would have been given to any other player).
Of course, one of those NPCs while flirting obnoxiously with some PCs (and intentionally so) got me the following line from a PC: "I'm immune to disease, and even I'm not going there." ;)
For romance, it's handled in much the same way as sex, but without the same level of OOC wierdness inherent in that. I've had two PCs fall in love and then drift away from it over time (opposite sex players), and I've had one major romance between a PC and an NPC, and a number of NPC-NPC relationships that impacted the campaign.

Jeremy Mac Donald |

I honestly don't think rape should come up in game.
I'm on board with you in the idea that the DM is playing with fire here. Its probably generally best to avoid the idea though I'd use it for say NPC character back grounds or events in the worlds history. Otherwise I think its understood that it exists but I need a really compelling reason to focus on it in my plot line. There has to be a very large pay off and I'd never go near an actual PC with this theme. Truth is I don't know what skeletons lurk in my players closets in RL so why take a chance by walking into this mine field?

Jeremy Mac Donald |

To The OP. Wouldn't know, since it wouldn't be possible for me to be in a all guy group :) and I have yet to be in a all girl group. But I will say from personal experience that girls on the whole tend to be more interested in mature games than the guys.
I'm not actually sure just how far this is true. Put another way, I suspect this is less true then you might think. I feel that a lot of the guys would love to play in games with more romance and maybe more relationship drama but broader social and cultural mores are playing into this.
In my experience, to pull this sort of thing off a male GM needs to be far more experienced and significantly more talented then his female counterpart just for the GM and players at the table to be comfortable with the game.
I GM in a mixed gender group and play in a group with a female GM (My GM does not play in my game).
I've got more personal experience at GMing then my female GM has. A lot more, and yet I step vary lightly around themes of romance with my players (male and female alike). When I play in my female GMs game I find that the players (who share no overlap with my game except for myself) are just a lot less uncomfortable in role playing things like romantic scenes or themes with a female GM then with a male GM and that goes for both the guys and the girls sitting around the table. It just seems easier to be role playing flirting with an NPC or smooching with an NPC if its a female GM who is running those NPCs. Furthermore once you've established that flirting and romance is part of the game with the NPCs its a smaller (though still tough) step to start to initiate relationships between the players characters.
I feel even really dark themes like rape are much more acceptable if its a female GM who incorporates them into the plot. Its just assumed that the female GM is doing this purely for dramatic reasons and not for titillation. With a male GM I'd say much greater care must be taken.
YMMV.

Hierophantasm |

I think to introduce any potentially mature themes into a campaign, or even a one-shot adventure, the DM should take a few things into consideration, namely the capacity of his/her players for the subject matter, as well as the appropriateness of the subject matter.
I haven't shied away from mature content before, but have met with different receptions from my same group of gamers depending on the setting, timing, and rarity of the material.
In one of the better received instances, a sidequest within a campaign, the party had to investigate a haunted burnt out husk of an orphanage, filled with ghosts and wererats (and in one instance, both), as well as rescue various children. The adventure dealt with graphic child abuse and mutilation, but the players seemed to respond positively, I think, because the horrible evil of the scenario allowed for their actions to shine out as truly heroic. They felt pity or sympathy for the victims, and rescued them, fulfilling an archetypal role in fantasy role-playing: the saviors of the innocent.
In another, a one-shot side story where the players played one-time NPCs, the players reacted somewhat more negatively. They were passing through town, rather briskly begged by an innkeeper to pursue a ragged detective who raced back to a brutal murder scene, and after chasing him through a blizzard into a ruined home, witnessed another grisly murder and horrifying wheep (Libris Mortis). They shortly later snuck into the killer's home, and found her possessed, and half-finished with her torture of another victim. The mature themes in this one-shot included very graphic mutilation, and at a point, the overt presence of body excretions. I think the players were less fond of this situation, as they felt that it wasn't as much as an exception for them from the norm, so it kinda just seemed like a Clive Barker-esque "geek show", meant just to forcibly unnerve them and gross them out.
I guess my suggestion would be to consider using mature themes in a D&D game only when it seems the natural progression of events for your players' actions. Throwing out "mature content" just to get them to wince is sure to cause your players to feel uncomfortable at the table. On that same note, even mature themes as benevolent as "romance" can be just as damaging if the player is uncomfortable in engaging in romantic role-playing, or if he/she feels it is an awkward instance for it within the context of the game.
In short, feel it out, and pepper it in lightly when you feel it is appropriate.

Mary Yamato |

I got burned on this once--I ran a scenario with explicit miscarriage/monster child elements (like one of the early subplots in RotRL) with a player who, unknown to me, had just herself had a nasty miscarriage. She found this distressing, and I wish I hadn't done it. So I agree completely with the "Know your players" advice.
I haven't played in an all-male group either, for the obvious reason. But in general I try to build groups that have a high comfort factor with roleplaying--I just enjoy the games more that way--which includes being able to clearly separate PC/PC or PC/NPC from player/player or player/GM interactions.
In our current one-player games, consensual romance is pretty much always on-board, at the detail level appropriate to its role in the storyline--usually you don't need or want to know just how Tab A goes into Slot B. We are much more light-handed with vile stuff like rape. Often the GM will just drop his/her voice and say, "They've been pretty badly abused" rather than going into any details.
Interestingly, I ran the Lust section of RotRL #5 with the thought that it might turn out to be erotically charged, but it had all the sexual impact of a...rubber chicken. It's too obviously set up as an immediate fight. Someday I'll think about how that could have been done differently, because it felt like a bit of a waste.
Mary

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As a side-note, I do play in a predominantly male group, and most of the games I've played in the past have been all male. I think it mostly has to do with where I live; most of the people here still think D&D is the devil and the majority of those who don't, well think its the kind of stuff only "nerds" like.

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stuff
YMMV.
Yeah as I said it was from personal experience. mostly it has come from. That the girls seem more interested in making long term relationships with NPC's and far more likely to have romance happen or be open to it if a NPC comes onto them. As i said not saying guys don't I have seen plenty of guys that will. Only that the majority of women I have gamed with are that way and I would say at most 50% of the guys have been. The rest blow it off, make it into a joke ect. Basically just not take it seriously. But this is all just personal experience.

The OP |

I haven't played in an all-male group either, for the obvious reason. But in general I try to build groups that have a high comfort factor with roleplaying--I just enjoy the games more that way--which includes being able to clearly separate PC/PC or PC/NPC from player/player or player/GM interactions.In our current one-player games, consensual romance is pretty much always on-board, at the detail level appropriate to its role in the storyline--usually you don't need or want to know just how Tab A goes into Slot B. We are much more light-handed with vile stuff like rape. Often the GM will just drop his/her voice and say, "They've been pretty badly abused" rather than going into any details.
Mary
In your game isn't your player also your husband? Wouldn't that qualify as an all male group? :P
In regards to your one player party: how many characters does he run? Does he concentrate on one character particulary or does he try to roleplay a whole group? What's his party makeup?
All off topic, but enquiring minds want to know.

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Surprisingly, no one has really discussed the violence aspect of a mature theme (and I don't mean the "I bash orc A with my longsword" kind of violence). My group just experience the mass gassing of 50 halflings they were trying to save. I have to say, the PC's were pretty pissed (except the druid, but he's another story!)but the players were interested in this plot twist (them thinking they were going to save them, be heroes, etc...), but accepted it and decided the person responsible must die.
Its all in the group and your perceptions as a DM and what you think they might be able to take. But build up to it, don't drop something like that on them right away, or else they might leave/be mad/not play.