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The screwed up thing is I feel some damn guilty for feeling bad when there are people with far worse problems. Kids born with water-on-the-brain and severely retarded children.
Then I talk to someone at his school and they are like "My kid has Asberger's and is in his 2nd year at Princeton". Great. What if mine can't read. Or add. Or whatever. Is that a failure on my part in some way?
I always feel so bad for people who have worse problems but after I am done sypathizing and praying for them it is over. Everyday I have to wake up and wonder if he is gonna be his fun-loving self or if random fits are gonna make the day hell. Is he gonna do the arm flapping tip-toe dance that is indicative of autism more today then usual? Is he getting worse?
I go to his school and see all the other kids, mostly with worse forms of autism and I feel like I don't deserve to be angry because at least we are better off....
Grrrr. Just tough. It's so f**kin' hard to get a grip on this! I've talked to people, I've had major crying sessions, I've raged, I've started rerouting donations towards Delaware Autism Program, I've raged more, but it won't stop tearing at me. The only time I don't feel it is when I am gaming.
I guess time is the answer.
Thanks for reading and the support.
Hugs and cookies, Fakey.
Best wishes, Fake Healer. There's nothing you can't handle.
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Fake, my son is on the spectrum as well. I remember all too well holding his hand and walking him to a special school for autistic kids every day. I'd watch through the window as he stared into space or kept picking up and dropping the same toy over and over again. It broke my heart to see him like that, and it felt so unfair to me. Almost everyone gets to have a kid, and most everyone gets to have a typical kid. And for all that I had in life, I wasn't going to have that typical kid, I was going to have a special kid who might never know me from a stranger. It hurt a lot, and it still hurts to see him in social situations.
I don't know what to say to help, but I know that for us it got better. We joined and became active in the autism community. We got him services. His language improved, his eye contact improved. Just this week he began engaging in imaginative play for the first time. He has a friend now. He is doing better every day and I am learning how to communicate with him, how to enter his world to draw him into ours.
I can't say how your experience will be or how your son will do, but I know that it took a while to accept my son's condition, that it is still something with which I struggle. All I can say is to hang in there, find people who are going through the same thing, and just continue trying to reach him in his world. Your son is still there, he still loves you, but it's just going to take a little more work to reach him.
Best of luck to you, him, and your family. I lurk on the chat a lot, so feel free to swing by and talk whenever you want.
Sebastian
Director of Narrative
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Cool! I found the article.
When I first read this article in print, I immediately thought of the whole section of my friends that I only know through the written word, who are also great imagineers, and considered in this day and age the idea of disabled could (and should) greatly change.
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If you get a chance, shoot me an email so I can have your addy. I've got a few articles I'd like to share with you.
Time. That's all it will take, brother.
My addy is falsehealer at yahoo dot com.
Thanks guys. It's just been eatin' me up and I hate to wallow in self-pity. My boy is usually happy, makes eye contact alot, he laughs at funny things in shows he likes, and mechanically he is a genius. I feel greedy and disgusting sometimes for feeling bad because, while he is happy and healthy, I weep for what I feel I have lost by his being autistic. Same thing at my grandmother's funeral, everyone asked if I was alright because they saw tears and I'm not one to cry. I cried for my lose. She lived a full, long and great life but started having difficulties like altheimers and bone degeneration. She left at a good time and she told me she was ready. I wept for my lose. I would never have her around to show me how to crochet, or do ceramics, or sew Raggedy Ann dolls together again. And yes, Fake Healer, a Black belt in 2 different styles with 10 years of martial arts experience and who used to bounce at a local bar and beat people up regularly can sew, crochet, cook and use a kiln.Nice article, Daigle. Tough to watch that video but good article.
Sebastian and anyone else with some good info feel free to drop me a line at my addy above.
1 in 150 kids is on the spectrum for autism and the numbers are growing as the knowledge that science has on autism grows.
Your situations are very hard, Fakey and Sebastian, but autism is both frustrating and rewarding at the same time. Like Sebastian said, you and your child(ren) are operating in two different worlds, and it takes time to build a bridge between them. I have maybe 2 or 3 people at my program that I believe (autism is not my specialty) could be considered autistic, and while it can be very hard to communicate, those few moments where they turn to me, make contact and say a word or two are so rewarding that I remember them even years after the fact. It's okay to be scared, to rail and scream at the world and the situation and at the unfairness of it all, but for each of those moments, you are going to have a one where you connect with your child on such a quietly powerful level that it will render you proud and speechless.
I don’t know if this helps or not Fakey, but here’s something to mull over:
I fought long and hard to keep a portion of my thyroid, potentially tumorous or not, because that organ, specifically, helps me define who I am as a person. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to do more things simultaneously than anyone I know, and I make “leaps” to connect similarly unrelated concepts. It also makes me difficult to talk to, as my conversations jump all over the place as I draw in ideas and move subjects, sometimes returning to the original matter without warning. I constantly interject questions while other people talk, and hurry conversations if I feel they are taking forever to get to the point. I can force myself to not do it to avoid appearing rude, and I can “hyperfocus” on one thing (like a book, project, or conversation) if I need to get something done, but I “need” background noise at the very least. Now that my tiny piece of organ is supplying my entire body, I only feel…normal (or what I guess what other people feel like), and it bums me out. It isn’t as bad as it could have been, if they had taken everything, but it isn’t the same. I’m not as crazy all the time, million thoughts at once; unable to concentrate or remember things guy I was just a few weeks ago. Maybe when I start on hormones this will come back; I hope so. It may be aberrant to everyone else, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In my strange, jumping around way, I guess what I’m saying is, inside of him, he may perceive the difference between himself and others, but that doesn’t mean he won’t like who he is, or even seek a total “cure” someday if one becomes available (which isn’t the same as saying don’t try).
Cool! I found the article.
When I first read this article in print, I immediately thought of the whole section of my friends that I only know through the written word, who are also great imagineers, and considered in this day and age the idea of disabled could (and should) greatly change.
Very, very strong and interesting article.
I hope FH (and Sebastian and everybody else in a similar situation) can use this.I'm an atheist, so my advice would be to make sure you do everything you can to support your son with all the earthly means available.
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Cool! I found the article.
When I first read this article in print, I immediately thought of the whole section of my friends that I only know through the written word, who are also great imagineers, and considered in this day and age the idea of disabled could (and should) greatly change.
That article was really interesting from my point of view. Here's why:
When I was about three or four, some doctor (I don't know who- I was about three or four), pronounced, godlike, that I had Aperger's. Then another doctor said I was normal. Then I had Asperger's again. And again, I was normal. It flip-flopped for years, and to this day I still don't know what the f+$! was, and is going on as far as my brain goes. And I'm cool with that. The running diagnosis is that I just have a relatively high IQ, plus a bunch of unrelated mental problems.
The article was particularly informative in that it described autism as a different way of seeing the world, not a disease. I like that. What it did for me is, it made me realize that if I have Asperger's or if I'm just a weird genius guy, in the long run, I don't give a f*%!. I've got some sort of closure.
And Fakey; everything's going to work itself out. I know it will.
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Cool! I found the article.
When I first read this article in print, I immediately thought of the whole section of my friends that I only know through the written word, who are also great imagineers, and considered in this day and age the idea of disabled could (and should) greatly change.
Very, very strong and interesting article.
I hope FH (and Sebastian and everybody else in a similar situation) can use this.
I'm an atheist, so my advice would be to make sure you do everything you can to support your son with all the earthly means available.
I seem to be fighting with God a bit lately, I ain't one of those 'God is perfect, don't question him or he will smite you' type of guys. I've always thought of God as my best friend. Sometimes he does some stuff that you want to smack the crap out of him for but usually he is cool and totally has your back. I'm at the 'Smack the crap out of him' stage. We'll work it out. But anyway, I always do everything I can possibly do to fix my problems. God is only there to pick up the slack on occasion and to give me the strength to go another round.
His hand is so subtle that it sometimes seems like it isn't there and that you are on your own, but that strength that carries us onward springs from him. Doesn't mean I can't be mad at him, though.Done preaching.
My wife and I are so on top of this that the therapist have told us that most parents would've missed the signs until pre-school. I had him in a program at 18 months, 2 days a week for 3 hrs a session, and the doctors and therapists just thought he had some minor delays. I pushed for an answer and got a total evaluation of his blood work, DNA, and had a Neurologist examine him. We buy every form of educational toy that could help him explore his limitations. I guarantee that there are very few households that he could be in that could support him better than the one that my wife and I provide. That probably sounds cocky but I am very proud of us for what we have accomplished. I have taken night courses in the Hannan program which helps teach parents of kids with communication problems how to draw communication out of said children. It's just that the work involved is SO damn intense.
He's probably in the best place he could be in and I will run myself into the ground to ensure that he has every means possible for him to be the best him that he can be.
A wise priest once told me "Pray like it's all on God, but work like it's all on you."
It's great that you have started working with this early, and that you are working so hard on it. My former housemate's son is autistic, and I was at the outskirts of things for a while, and I remember seeing some information stressing how beneficial involvement like you and your wife are engaging in can be in the long run.
In any event, make sure to give yourself credit for throwing yourself wholeheartedly into helping your kid. As sad as it sounds, I know firsthand that not everyone could or would. And good luck with blowing off steam when you need to.
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FH my thoughts are with you and your family as well. I spent many years helping with mentally disabled children in school and in our neighborhood. The most important thing I learned that even if they were unable to speak, a smile from anyone of them said more than words ever could. Keep your head up and remember that he will always be YOUR son through the good, bad and ugly. The best thing that you can do for him is to be educated in any way possible to help him and give him the love that he needs and take a smile for everything that you can. BTW great job on figuring this out early it will make things easier in the future.
whew; thread like this remind us we are all just people trying to make it through the day; am praying for all of you for what is worth.
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Director of Narrative
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Of course this is minor, but my main computer took a header into that big ewaste pile in the sky this weekend. But...
Well, I am getting Bifurbicated; whatever that means or however its spelled by them legal begals; getting divorced sucks but at least this shows some movement in my case after almost two years; no money; no freedom; no kids; no rights; just getting screwed by the courts and giving my money to everyone but me; sheesh; tuff being a man baby. Good thing ramen noodles taste ok when you add a few veggies.
Got a frakking ticket in a place where no one gets a ticket.
This is turning out to be a banner year for me. Went to see my surgeon today (same guy who removed the cancer from my neck…and large parts of my neck…) and it turns out I have a strangulated inguinal hernia on the left side and need to go in to surgery first thing in the morning (woooo). Could be worse, I suppose. The surgeon is very talented and I had a lot of fun getting the hernia. Still sucks.
... and I had a lot of fun getting the hernia.I'm only saying, "Do I want to know how?" because that what all the cool kids say when they are afraid to just straight up ask.
Um. I could guess, given said location of the hernia...but that would be assuming a lot.
...Went to see my surgeon today (same guy who removed the cancer from my neck…and large parts of my neck…)...
Do you at least get 'frequent patient' points or something? For every four operations, get one free, that sort of thing?
This is turning out to be a banner year for me. Went to see my surgeon today (same guy who removed the cancer from my neck…and large parts of my neck…) and it turns out I have a strangulated inguinal hernia on the left side and need to go in to surgery first thing in the morning (woooo). Could be worse, I suppose. The surgeon is very talented and I had a lot of fun getting the hernia. Still sucks.
"Keep a stiff upper lip."
"They removed my upper lip.""Well keep... something stiff."
"Already there."
Next time I pick up a found penny I'll make a wish for you MW.
This is turning out to be a banner year for me. Went to see my surgeon today (same guy who removed the cancer from my neck…and large parts of my neck…) and it turns out I have a strangulated inguinal hernia on the left side and need to go in to surgery first thing in the morning (woooo). Could be worse, I suppose. The surgeon is very talented and I had a lot of fun getting the hernia. Still sucks.
From now on, when you run, you can totally make the Six-Million Dollar Man noise. Stronger, faster, better.
Wow, almost 1000 posts in this thread.
There are a lot of things in life that suck, it seems.
Has anyone said YOUR MOM ?
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This is turning out to be a banner year for me. Went to see my surgeon today (same guy who removed the cancer from my neck…and large parts of my neck…) and it turns out I have a strangulated inguinal hernia on the left side and need to go in to surgery first thing in the morning (woooo). Could be worse, I suppose. The surgeon is very talented and I had a lot of fun getting the hernia. Still sucks.From now on, when you run, you can totally make the Six-Million Dollar Man noise. Stronger, faster, better.
WORK IT HARDER
MAKE IT BETTERDO IT FASTER
MAKES US STRONGER
MORE THAN EVER
HOUR AFTER
OUR WORK IS
NEVER OVER
- Daft Punk
I'm only saying, "Do I want to know how?" because that what all the cool kids say when they are afraid to just straight up ask.
Yes, it was intimacy related, if that’s what you’re alluding. Hey, when the little man goes to sleep, you have to get the freak on in a hurry (dear God I hope he doesn’t grow up and read that some day; so much therapy).
I am so going to ask to have the Six Million Dollar Noise installed. After this surgery, my punch cards says I qualify for a free appendectomy.
Important safety tip: Your groin should never make a really loud, “POP” during relations.
Before I remembered you had kids, I thought you meant something else.
In my case, hauling a crate of diet coke bottles into the house would be plausible…(though honestly I’ve cut down to a little over a 20 ounce a day since my surgery, I’m quite pleased). Speaking of which, what is the heck is up with the European silver diet coke bottles? My mind rejects them. On some level, I know that coke, coke zero, and diet coke
look virtually identical, but, my God man, there could be anything inside there!
Three years into a five year rehabilitation program to rebuild your damaged left upper hamstring tendon, you blow out your left knee - the pain from which causes you to limp in a way that aggravates the hamstring injury.
:/
Three years into a five year rehabilitation program to rebuild your damaged left upper hamstring tendon, you blow out your left knee - the pain from which causes you to limp in a way that aggravates the hamstring injury.
Unfortunately, I can relate to this one.. not as bad, I just tore the meniscus (the cartilage between your knee bones) a few years ago, and it's mostly better now, but DAMN, knee injuries suck.
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Before I remembered you had kids, I thought you meant something else.In my case, hauling a crate of diet coke bottles into the house would be plausible…(though honestly I’ve cut down to a little over a 20 ounce a day since my surgery, I’m quite pleased). Speaking of which, what is the heck is up with the European silver diet coke bottles? My mind rejects them. On some level, I know that coke, coke zero, and diet coke
look virtually identical, but, my God man, there could be anything inside there!
Aspartame is in them(at least all the diet and Zero cokes) and there are some questions about it's interactions with neurologic functions. They haven't proven that there is a problem but there are many rumblings alluding to it. I always err on the side of "not trusting morons" so I switched to Pepsi One. Took em decades to finally prove that cigarettes and nicotine were really bad, why wait decades for this too?
Better safe than f**ked up.Do a search, here is the first site I got on a search for 'Aspartame'. I doubt it is all true but why risk it?
Fakey's PSA.
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Question - what is the difference between Coke Zero, Coke Light and Diet Coke?
To answer the question on Fakey's link: probably not. And which is worse: a hypothetical risk of "something" (maybe) from artificial sweeteners or a genuine risk of obesity and diabetes from the full-sugar version (though, I admit, not drinking either would probably be the best thing to do).
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Question - what is the difference between Coke Zero, Coke Light and Diet Coke?
To answer the question on Fakey's link: probably not. And which is worse: a hypothetical risk of "something" (maybe) from artificial sweeteners or a genuine risk of obesity and diabetes from the full-sugar version (though, I admit, not drinking either would probably be the best thing to do).
Yeah, pretty dumb first question if you want people to take your cause seriously, but that is just one of many sites and reports and other junk related to this. Maybe it's nothing but who knows....
Oh absolutely. I can guarantee it’s eating my guts, but cripes do I love the taste (I don’t care for regular coke, unless it comes from Mexico [cane sugar, glass bottle]). Well, that and I’m addicted to the caffeine. Working on it, but I’m pretty satisfied if I can keep down to a single pop / soda bottle a day, and I loathe the taste from a can (blech). What I really miss are glass bottles.
As far as artificial sweeteners go, they are all horrible for you. Ever drink a pop exposed to the sun and then re-cooled? That plastic taste is the equivalent of wood ether (you know, the stuff that causes blindness and memory loss). Good stuff! Still, High Fructose Corn syrup is arguably worse, and that crap is in everything over here.
Knee injures = the suck. Amazing how much you ignore your dependence on them until they blow out. My mother just had a titanium knee put it a few months ago, she still doesn’t have the full range of motion back yet (although she isn’t exactly pushing herself either).
Question - what is the difference between Coke Zero, Coke Light and Diet Coke?
Question - what is the difference between Coke Zero, Coke Light and Diet Coke?
Coke – Tastes terrible in the U.S., because we have ridiculous sugar tariffs.
Coke Zero – Coke flavor, no calories, artificial sweetener. It “does” taste very similar to HFCS Coke, but doesn’t have the same “smoothness” or “thickness” to it.
Coke Light = Diet Coke
Diet Coke = Artificial Sweetener caffeinated beverage, more or less you like it or you hate it (but not in the save way as say, trying to choke down Moxie).
Diet Coke with Lemon – If cancer had a flavor, this would be it.
Diet Cherry Coke – Not undrinkable…
Diet Caffeine Free Coke – I can’t determine a reason this product exists.
Other varieties available at random times:
Diet Coke Plus – Sounds good, but high zinc content would likely kill me.
Diet Coke with Lime / Raspberry / Orange / Vanilla / Splenda / Random Fruit of the Month - all dreadful, especially the splenda variety. Splenda is fine for some things (though it makes my baked desserts collapse), but in beverages it tastes “badong.”
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I was going to get all self righteous and tell you all that I don’t drink coke or pepsi at all … until I realised that’s not true, I do drink coke … with rum.No health risk there, then!
I like to think they cancel each other out.
You can get coke in glass bottles over here Beeler (granted, its a long way to come for a drink).