Heathansson's Cryptozoological huntin' thread


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Dark Archive Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games

So, werewolves must be higher up the food chain than Sasquatches.

Liberty's Edge

Hell's yeah.

Dark Archive Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games

I'll update my list.

Liberty's Edge

Well...what's tougher...a wolf man or a skunk ape?
I know apes are tuffer than men, but skunks are byotches.


I personally witnessed a battle between a werewolf and a sasquatch. The werewolf landed first, with a terrible rake of the claw across the larger creature's chest. The sasquatch wailed and ragefully grappled the wolfman, crushing him down to the ground and then batting his arms down upon the shifter as a gorilla does many times before fleeing.

We examined the werewolf's pulverized corpse, every bone seemed broken, every organ near liquified. We dragged it off the path, and it was like carrying a sack filled with granola in milk.

One week later the sasquatch returned, gleaming yellow eyes preternaturally aglow, slobber raining from its toothy, double-sized maw. This was a sasquatch werewolf!

We unleashed the village guardian, Bippy the Hedgehog.

What was left of the were-squatch was buried out back in the tater fields.

Liberty's Edge

He hit me when I waddint lookin.


Yeah... it's prolly best if you huge furry beasties play nice with each other. And why not? Crunch all the humans you want... we'll make more.

Paizo Employee Director of Sales

The Jade wrote:
Heathansson wrote:

Woah. I saw this show--this dude peed in the Amazon River, and this 6" eellike fish that smells the ammonia swum up there....

He said he thought it was an "urban legend" but it's real.
Kids, don't pee in the Amazon River.

Well there's this very tiny fish that will follow a pee stream up into your man business and then go all blowfish on you from inside. Local tribes would perform phallectomies (off with his head!) lest a man die from his urinal flow being blocked, but modern medicine has some better techniques.

"Thank you, science!"

You are, of course, referring to The Dreaded CANDIRU!!!

Spoiler:
Tried to find a YouTube of the Venture Bros. episode where The Monarch was threatening the Ventures with the candiru... but I gave up. But that episode is funny.


Is that the one? Candiru. Although the name sounds like candy, do not, I repeat, do not stuff one up your jimmy jam!

Well, I mean... what do you guys do with a Twix bar?

They're saying the fish lodging in the privates is a myth but I personally have one stuffed inside me. Right now I'm 620 lbs (mostly water weight).

Liberty's Edge

(LOL) the first thing that occurred to me was a James Bond villain-type, putting our hero in a 40 gallon drum of water with some whang fish in there, then starting an i.v. saline drip with lasix...


Heathansson wrote:
(LOL) the first thing that occurred to me was a James Bond villain-type, putting our hero in a 40 gallon drum of water with some whang fish in there, then starting an i.v. saline drip with lasix...

Ooo... that's good.

Liberty's Edge

Ooooh---that'd be a gnarly familiar for an aquatic wizard.


Heathansson wrote:
Ooooh---that'd be a gnarly familiar for an aquatic wizard.

Or even for a swamp dwelling wizard/rogue type with a penchant for tailing his prey in the wilds? The fish couldn't be spotted, and would just bide its time near the prety until that acridly perfect moment. Then, like a smart bullet... Ka-thoooooooop!

Sovereign Court

Celestial Healer wrote:
I once shot a bulette, but it kept coming at me. I ran away.

Hhhmmm... making the search more difficult:

In Germany bulettes are only known in edible form. Most other nations probably know them as the meaty ingredient in hamburgers.

Hamburgers are also somewhat different than elsewhere. Here hamburgers are the inhabitants of the city of Hamburg.

And talking about D0: The tatzlwyrm is called Tatzlwurm in his home land.

Paying my 3 ct. fine for dumb ass remarks,
Günther


Man Beats Peacock He Says Was Vampire
By Associated Press
Sun Jul 1, 5:12 PM

NEW YORK - A peacock that roamed into the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant was attacked by a man who vilified the bird as a vampire, animal-control authorities said.

Beaten so fiercely that most of his tail feathers fell out, the bird was euthanized, said Richard Gentles, a spokesman for the city's Center for Animal Care and Control.

"It's just unbelievable that someone would do something to a poor, defenseless animal and do it in such a cruel fashion," he said.

The peacock, a male several years old, wandered into a Burger King parking lot in the New York borough of Staten Island and perched on a car hood Thursday morning. Charmed employees were feeding him bread when the man appeared.

He seized the iridescent bird by the neck, hurled it to the ground and started kicking and stomping the creature, said worker Felicia Finnegan, 19.

"He was going crazy," she said.

Asked what he was doing, she said, the attacker explained, "'I'm killing a vampire!'"

Employees called police, but the man ran when he saw them. Authorities were looking for the attacker, described as in his teens or early 20s.

It was not clear how the bird made his way to the Burger King, but a Staten Island resident who raises peacocks said he had given some to a person who lives near the restaurant.

Silver Crusade

I once staked a kender. I don't know if he was a vampire, though.

Liberty's Edge

Celestial Healer wrote:
I once staked a kender. I don't know if he was a vampire, though.

Better safe than sorry though.

Liberty's Edge

Celestial Healer wrote:
I once staked a kender. I don't know if he was a vampire, though.

Uh....mirror test?

Silver Crusade

Heathansson wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
I once staked a kender. I don't know if he was a vampire, though.
Uh....mirror test?

Is that where you hold the mirror under his nose to see if it fogs up? Really, I don't see how he could have survived the staking.

Liberty's Edge

(sigh...)

Scarab Sages

I just read a story where a 5-year old kid in North Carolina grabbed a rabid fox, wrestled it to the ground, and held it there until his step-father could come and kill it. He did it to protect his little brother. Now that is courage!

Liberty's Edge

Dayyum.

Scarab Sages

Aberzombie wrote:
...grabbed a rabid fox, ...

Now why hasn't there been a "rabid" template?

Dark Archive

Daigle wrote:
Wut 'bout dis?

This site is the most flippin awsome thing EVAR!

Scarab Sages

I saw an article today (didn't read it though) that was titled Bionic Turtles. All I have to say is - WHY?

The Exchange

Aberzombie wrote:
I saw an article today (didn't read it though) that was titled Bionic Turtles. All I have to say is - WHY?

So he can REALLY outrun that hare, instead of tricking him. *BON-ON-ON-ONNN* A determined looking turtle running in slow motion with cheesy sound effects playing flashing across the screen.

FH

Scarab Sages

Fake Healer wrote:
Aberzombie wrote:
I saw an article today (didn't read it though) that was titled Bionic Turtles. All I have to say is - WHY?

So he can REALLY outrun that hare, instead of tricking him. *BON-ON-ON-ONNN* A determined looking turtle running in slow motion with cheesy sound effects playing flashing across the screen.

FH

I hope they inlcude that sound effect in the new Bionic Woman TV show.

Edit: And now that I think about it, that would make a great ringtone! Better than Godzilla!

Silver Crusade

Moff Rimmer wrote:
Aberzombie wrote:
...grabbed a rabid fox, ...
Now why hasn't there been a "rabid" template?

Careful... Heathy hasn't had his shots.


Aberzombie wrote:


I hope they inlcude that sound effect in the new Bionic Woman TV show.

Edit: And now that I think about it, that would make a great ringtone! Better than Godzilla!

Aren't they giving her a bionic ear and a bionic eye (which was Steve Austin's thing)? If she's got the whole cyber kit and kaboodle we'll never need a bionic man. They must have decided that Alias and Dark Angel draw more viewers than shows with super dudes.

Liberty's Edge

And a bionic bigfoot. They need one o' them.


Heathansson wrote:
And a bionic bigfoot. They need one o' them.

I was overly affected by that first bionic bigfoot series entry. The next day in third grade all I could do was stare off and think about the romance between Steve and blonde Stephanie Powers alien lady. I was a weird kid. Not like now. Now I'm completely normal in every way. ::big smile::

Andre the Giant was the first Bigfoot on the show by Ted Cassidy (TV's Lurch from the Adam's Family) was the thinner version who showed up for the next two entries.

Liberty's Edge

My wife worked at Baylor hospital. This one hand surgeon had a casting of Andre the Giant's hand...she said it's huge.


Heathansson wrote:
My wife worked at Baylor hospital. This one hand surgeon had a casting of Andre the Giant's hand...she said it's huge.

Some of his fingers were as thick as silver dollars. He had acromegaly, which kept that growth hormone pumping.

There are some entertaining stories about him on wikipedia.

Andre the Giant

Liberty's Edge

Don't wanna play mercy with that guy...

Liberty's Edge

Man, it's raining in Texas. My wife ran over a turtle with the lawnmower; just scratched his shell up some. I'm gonna go throw him in the lake.

Scarab Sages

This dog must have like 10 HD or something.

Liberty's Edge

Zoey rocks!!!


Aberzombie wrote:
This dog must have like 10 HD or something.

That is so cool. I love dogs, man.

Silver Crusade

Aberzombie wrote:
This dog must have like 10 HD or something.

Nice fortitude save.


My Grandad once bagged a Yowie. He said it tastes like chicken.

Scarab Sages

Here is a cat that you probably don't want curling up in your lap.

Liberty's Edge

THAT'S a happy well-howdy now.

Dark Archive Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games

So, the Grim Reaper is using cats now? That's hardly fair.

Did you see that the Weekly World News folded? Where am I going to get my news on Bigfoot and aliens now??? And what's to become of poor Bat Boy??

Liberty's Edge

Larry Lichman wrote:

So, the Grim Reaper is using cats now? That's hardly fair.

Did you see that the Weekly World News folded? Where am I going to get my news on Bigfoot and aliens now??? And what's to become of poor Bat Boy??

OMG--We need custom avatars so I can be Bat Boy.

Dibs on Batboy, byoches!

Paizo Employee Director of Sales

Aberzombie wrote:
Here is a cat that you probably don't want curling up in your lap.

I wonder if this kitty hunts, or is a friend to the Death of Rats?

Liberty's Edge

The Demon of Dartmoor has been sighted again recently…


I shot a fairy once.

Silver Crusade

Tensor wrote:
I shot a fairy once.

I'm an angel! And that hurt!


Savage_ScreenMonkey wrote:
Daigle wrote:
Wut 'bout dis?
This site is the most flippin awsome thing EVAR!

This is just sick-WARNING GRAPHIC VIOLENCE NOT FOR YOUNG CHILDREN!!!

http://www.paroadkill.com/


Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Has anyone else seen this:
The Chupacabra has been found in Texas

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