*radio crackles*
"Repeating this advisory from the Office of Emergency Preparedness. The dead are being reactivated by forces unknown. The bodies are weak and uncoordinated - but are capable of inflicting damage on people and property. They are to be considered extremely dangerous, especially in large numbers. These can be disposed of only by incapacitating the brain. These reactivated bodies will attack warm-blooded animals of all species without provocation, and will devour the flesh. Acts of homicide and cannibalism reported through the afternoon are contributable, at least in part, to these reactivated bodies.
We now rejoin our regularly scheduled program."
Ahm covrin m'ears. Caint stannit whin th'talk gits all sooty.
*two human zombies emerge and shuffle slowly towards the porch*
Aber! Sumuh yer kinfolks is stopped by.
Think ah mite go set in m'tree furuh spell.
Zombies: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINSSSSSSSESSSSSSSSS!
Aber's right. Ain't nivir seen a zombie yit cain't prnounce "brains." Sorta thir speshiality an whatnot.
*The zombies try to move onto the porch, but stumble on the steps. They fall to the ground and begin writhing around gurgling.*
Well, damn, I wuz agoin ta bring over som a ma moonshine, but looks like yew don needs any! Howdy, charlie, scuse me while I step over ya. Anyhoo, the missus put the still backs together, an so longs as I members ta put ma pipe out round those parts, we got all the liquer we can drink!
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*The zombies try to move onto the porch, but stumble on the steps. They fall to the ground and begin writhing around gurgling.*
Dang it hippeh! Ain't ya got no respect fer uh fellas kin folk! Howd ya lahk it if'n ah started rahtin nasty stuff bout yerselfs kin? Don't make me git out muh shotgun!
Howdy, charlie, scuse me while I step over ya.
Dang Korgoth! Howd ya knowed muh pappy's name wuz Charlie? Ya'll ain't nevuh met afore.
I comes back and looks whats happening? What is with pictures next to names?
Wal, I reckon ivvybuddy roun these parts knows Charlie, jess it ain't plite tuh say so til yuh bin interduced properlike. Whichis tuh say, ah cain't rightly say ahm acquainted with thet feller thar. Thuh key tuh being plite, mah granmaw told me, is knowin when tuh not know thuh things yuh know.
Wal, I reckon ivvybuddy roun these parts knows Charlie, jess it ain't plite tuh say so til yuh bin interduced properlike. Whichis tuh say, ah cain't rightly say ahm acquainted with thet feller thar. Thuh key tuh being plite, mah granmaw told me, is knowin when tuh not know thuh things yuh know.
whut he said.
Trey, yer granny shor wuz uh smart gal.
Ah coulda bin thet smart, but ah went an got uh education insted.
ayup. Almost to 6000 pages. ayup.
gikky gik! you miss!*Cannonball crashes into insane doppelganger*
"And the necromancer picks up a spare."
Whuups.
They kin count, jes not all inna row.
arrryup.
*A black Chevy Suburban pulls up to the porch. Guys in sunglasses and dark suits jump out with pistols drawn, looking over the scene.*
Veector: So... the postmonster is now replacing words typed as "Ay" and "Thee" with "Uh" and "Thuh". Quite the neat trick Mr. Wertz.
ayyup.
whooo doggies!
Yup.
Aheeryuh.
ayup.
An even if'n yuh did, thet shed had it comin. Bin blockin m'view of thuh East Ridge fer a dog's age. Old man Dugan warn't even usin it rite innyhow. Which don't matter none, since nobuddy hit it. An thet's all I got tuh say bout thet.
Is dat de Mary Jo Dugun wid de yellerish hare or de Mary Jo Dugun wid de reddish hare?
gikgikgikgikgik!!!
Thim lil red fellers giv me uh headache sumtimes.
Ah reckon so.