You are freaking out....man.
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I don't usually hang with the Awful Good crowd ;)Clearly, you haven't met some of the lawyers I associate with......We in the legal profession prefer to be compared to Remora.Well, considering I'm going to have to work with them , I had better learn. When in the Atlantic, swim like a shark.I felt a rapport with the lawyerThat's never a good sign... Why do you hate THE LAW?!?
We in the legal profession prefer to be compared to Remora.Well, considering I'm going to have to work with them , I had better learn. When in the Atlantic, swim like a shark.I felt a rapport with the lawyerThat's never a good sign... Clearly, you haven't met some of the lawyers I associate with......
Well, considering I'm going to have to work with them , I had better learn. When in the Atlantic, swim like a shark.I felt a rapport with the lawyerThat's never a good sign... We in the legal profession prefer to be compared to Remora.
Hey! I just happen to like Tandorai style over American style. Sue me. :p Hmmmmm.....I'll have to consult with my client about potential legal proceedings.
Back away from him, Madame! Lest you bring down the wrath of the LAW!!
SMITE EVIL!
SMITE EVIL!!!
Time for a good old fashioned zombie culling. No offense, Aberzombie. ;) Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Mr. Aberzombie's legal counsel......
Well I in particular don't really care that much, but I suppose with a horde of mindless zombies you could accomplish something great... or terrible. Good evening, Sir. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Sir Spitsalot, Paladin-at-Law, duly appointed legal representative of those members of the Heart Beat Challenged (hereafter called the Plaintiffs), you so despicably referred to as "mindless zombies". On behlaf of my clients, I hereby name you as Defendant in this cease and desist order regarding the impuning of the Plaintiffs intellectual capacities. Hatred of those who are different is no laughing matter, good sir. My clients were deeply offended by your callous attack, yet wish nothing more than for you to refrain from further insulting comments. Thank you and good night. Sincerely, Sir Spitsalot, Paladin-at-Law As an aside, please be aware that I talked the Plaintiffs out of convening a trial so they could find you guilty and eat you.
What did I do wrong? I have the Asmodeus given right to skin and torment Poodles. *gives Sir Spitsalot a valid copy of his poodle skinning license* Yes, but only on Monday. Your appearance here on Tuesday, and subsequent attack on these poodles, constitutes a breach of contract, and may also place your attack under the definition of assault. You could very well face prosecution by a jury of your peers, and since only the poodles are legal residents of this thread, they would make up said jury.
MoMo the Monday Monster... good morning. As a duly designated legal representative of the Poodle Lords Thread and the Paizo Messageboards, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. hands MoMo a legal banishment document
Oh I thought this was about those videos leaked on the internet from Vegas involving a Pony. No. That was a different case for my client, Mr. Ford. It involved a younger man by the name of Mr. Round.
Oh I am sure that is nothing that a little grooming won't fix.Indeed. I'm representing him in a case against an old friend of his. A Mr. C. Wookie.Oh, the pilot.No, you're thinking of my other client, Mr. Ford.I thought that was clear and present danger?Pardon me, good sir. I am legal counsel for Mr. Aberzombie. I'm here to inform you that, on his behalf, I intend to file a restraining order with the courts barring you from approaching within 2000 yards of my client. I intend to show your comments here as evidence that you represent a sincere and dangerous threat to my client's well-being. Good day, sir.Advocating, how about expecting.I hope you're not advocating violence against the heartbeat challenged! Well, there's something in the case files about Mr. Wookie losing, and something he did with an arm. I don't recall the details at the moment.
Oh, the pilot.No, you're thinking of my other client, Mr. Ford.I thought that was clear and present danger?Pardon me, good sir. I am legal counsel for Mr. Aberzombie. I'm here to inform you that, on his behalf, I intend to file a restraining order with the courts barring you from approaching within 2000 yards of my client. I intend to show your comments here as evidence that you represent a sincere and dangerous threat to my client's well-being. Good day, sir.Advocating, how about expecting.I hope you're not advocating violence against the heartbeat challenged! Indeed. I'm representing him in a case against an old friend of his. A Mr. C. Wookie.
I thought that was clear and present danger?Pardon me, good sir. I am legal counsel for Mr. Aberzombie. I'm here to inform you that, on his behalf, I intend to file a restraining order with the courts barring you from approaching within 2000 yards of my client. I intend to show your comments here as evidence that you represent a sincere and dangerous threat to my client's well-being. Good day, sir.Advocating, how about expecting.I hope you're not advocating violence against the heartbeat challenged! No, you're thinking of my other client, Mr. Ford.
Advocating, how about expecting.I hope you're not advocating violence against the heartbeat challenged! Pardon me, good sir. I am legal counsel for Mr. Aberzombie. I'm here to inform you that, on his behalf, I intend to file a restraining order with the courts barring you from approaching within 2000 yards of my client. I intend to show your comments here as evidence that you represent a sincere and dangerous threat to my client's well-being. Good day, sir.
Only if it obeys THE LAW!!!
Did someone call for me?
Did someone say they needed a smite?
As legal counsel for the flesh challenged, I'd like to inform you of our intent to seek to bring charges of assault against you. Sir!!! I AM an officer of the courts!! Duly appointed to carry out my duties in the name of the LAW!!! Don't make me Smite you!
As legal counsel for the flesh challenged, I'd like to inform you of our intent to seek to bring charges of assault against you.
Calling Sir Spits-a-lot!I may have to bring some kind of class action lawsuit against them.Hilarious! Heh..heh..hahahaha!RUN ABERZOMBIE!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUN! I have reviewed the facts of the case, and I believe my client and his fellow heart beat challenged have a case for a nice civil suit, and perhaps even a criminal one. Oh yes, CDC, I've got your number now, you undead hate promoting bastards! PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF THE LAW!!!
On behalf of my client, a Mr. Aberzombie, and all other heart beat challenged, I hereby bring notice that we shall be seeking recompense in civil court for you libelous accusations against my client. Although my client is indeed one of the heart beat challenged henceforth known as a zombie, he would like to state for the record that he does not hate America, nor do many of his associate zombies. We shall see you in court. Good day sir.
Public indecency now? Is there no end to your lawbreaking and flouting of all the common decency of a civilized society? Ah, I see - so we're going for the whole insanity defense? signals the men in white coats
Something has to exist to be flouted. Are you suggesting the people of the Paizo messagboards are indecent, sir? That they somehow do not conform to the rules of proper etiquette? Preposterous! All here know that the internet is a place of strict adherence to the rules of good behavio...... ......crap! Never mind.
*takes down the new 'Mission Accomplised' banner, uses it for toilet paper, then puts it back up* Public indecency now? Is there no end to your lawbreaking and flouting of all the common decency of a civilized society?
*takes down 'Mission Accomplished' banner and tears it up into little pieces and then burns those little pieces and then throws the ashes in the river* I'm afraid you'll now have to be cited for littering, pollution, and unauthorized fire, young man.
I don't collect fees. All my work is Pro Bono. And a trial with Erik as Judge? Hang on, we're about to tee off here at the driving range. I'll ask him if he's available.....
I very much agree my learned colleague. This gentleman seems to be attempting to cite legal precedence from some foreign power. Such things have no basis under the law in these parts. And yes, his hate speech is very distrubing. Methinks this young man needs some sensitivity training.
You can't file a lawsuit against me, because you are dead! You have no legal or Constitutional rights. Your civil rights begin at birth and end at death. You are a talking piece of meat. You may be an engineer at some Chinese techno-death firm, but you are no lawyer... As duly appointed legal arbiter of all things that occur on the Paizo Messagebaords, I must inform you of your error. My clients legal status has been well documented in numerous proceedings. I cite Zombie Horde v Cosmo, Zombie Pizza Delivery Girl v Mairkurion, and Aberzombie v Sebastian as just a handful of cases. He does indeed have a right to bring legal proceedings against you, on behalf of himself and all the Hear Beat Challenged. In fact, many would argue it is not just his right, but his duty! You may expect our paperwork to be filed with the courts, and on your own counsels desk, within the next 3-5 days.
Why yes, doctor, he does appear to be hearing voices.
With all due mockery, the laws set forth in the Book of Paizo govern the entire messageboard, and it is to those rules that I have pledged my entire legal knowledge. Your paltry claim of authority over a single thread is nothing when compared to that.The Book of Paizo has absolutely no authority on that happens in this thread. You are basing your entire legal knowledge on that which you know nothing about! The fact that this thread still exists means that the Higher Powers that govern this web site have chosen to give me absolute authority over this thread! I have made it very clear that no one is to reply to this thread, and it is against You are all guilty before the trial even begins... Ah, yes, I finally see what is going on here. places a phone call to the court-appointed psychiatrist
Unpossible sir! You are no duly authorized agent of the courts! Therefore, anything you say can and will be mocked by us, or otherwise ignored. With all due mockery, the laws set forth in the Book of Paizo govern the entire messageboard, and it is to those rules that I have pledged my entire legal knowledge. Your paltry claim of authority over a single thread is nothing when compared to that.
Unpossible sir! You are no duly authorized agent of the courts! Therefore, anything you say can and will be mocked by us, or otherwise ignored.
As duly appointed legal counsel of the Paizo Messageboard Off Topic Section, it is my duty to inform you all that no legal actions will actually be taken against you for posting in this thread. Paragraph 2, Section 7, Subsection A, Subparagrpah 3.14159 clearly states that "any and all efforts by people who make interwebz demands shall be met with extreme lunacy, sarcasm, and general annoyance". So, you're all in the clear. Except for that Sebastian guy, since we all know that somehow, someway, this is all his fault.
I think Moff stole my moxie... Then you admit to the theft? Well then, sir, the firm of Pony & Paladin may just have a thing or 50 to say about that. Prepare to face the full wrath of the LAW!!
My fee in this case would be a George Clooney Bobble Head, a six pack of Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA, and Jessica Simpson's autograph.Alas, obtaining the latter item would cause me personal disgust to such a degree that I would be unable to appear in court. As legal counsel, I am open to negotiation. Perhaps the autograph of Dolly Parton instead?
Our definitions of "respect" evidently differ substantially. When evaluating a lack of respect, I weigh "failing to pretend to talk nice" into it far less than things like making false assertions, moving goalposts, ignoring points, and so on. By my personal definition, I was treated with a pervasive and near-total lack of respect. By your definition, apparently so were you. Sir, as a legal representative of the Paizo boards, I could be persuaded to take on your case and develop an official Paizo definition of the term "respect". My fee in this case would be a George Clooney Bobble Head, a six pack of Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA, and Jessica Simpson's autograph.
No problem. We should probably think about starting a firm: Pony and Paladin?
Um, hookers and blow are my niche, too. From way back...In hindsight, I probably should have stayed out of it. Perhaps, but we are dealing with the legal system here on these boards. As such, the poster with the most time, and who used the term "hookers and blow" for the first time here on Paizo, is Sebastian. As his duly appointed proxy in Paizo legal matters, I am therefore allowed to use the term with impunity.
In hindsight, I probably should have stayed out of it. Especially since you've now been found guilty of violating the Shtick Law. I'm afraid you're going to have to make reparations to The Plaintiff. The minimum pumishment for this infraction is 12 Jolly Ranchers, a pound of cooked bacon (Oscar Mayer Center Cut only), and a case of The Plaintiff's favorite beer. Attorney's fees can be summed up in three words: Hookers and Blow.
Hey! Pretending to be a lawyer is my shtick! I was acting as your proxy while you were....er...otherwise engaged with...well...you know.....
Very well, as a duly appointed representative of a fictious legal system, and complete figment of someone's imagination who nevertheless receives responses as if he were a real person, I have determined that, according to the aforementioned fictious legal system, Houstonderek, henceforth referred to as The Plaintiff, has a legitimate beef against bugleyman, heretofore referred to as The Violator. It is The Plaintiff's assertion that The Violator knowingly and willing infringed upon The Plaintiff's Shtick, described as the niche wherein The Plaintiff gets to tell people to STFD & STFU. The Violator has reversed asserted that the Shtick is actually his. We find for the Plaintiff, primarily due to a made up legal whim, but also due to the unconfirmed rumor that the Violator enjoys watching Dora the Explorer and smells like 3 day old cabbage.
Do you take bagels as a retainer? I seem to have left my wallet in my other pants...Wait, I thought that was my shtick. I want some niche protection here, dammit!Hmmm, I could look into the legality of this for you, sir. Only if they're whole wheat - doctor's orders.
Wait, I thought that was my shtick. I want some niche protection here, dammit! Hmmm, I could look into the legality of this for you, sir.
If this weren't so damn funny, I'd smite you all.
Um, aren't my paladin spells are based on Charisma? Same as the Bard.
Salutations on this fine morning to all posters on these messageboards. I am legal counsel representing an organization known as the Lollipop Guild, and they have requested that you all cease and desist using the word "munchkin", hereafter referred to as The Term. Use of The Term often denotes negative connotations and has greatly damaged my clients reputation and ability to find employment. Any further use of The Term may consitute grounds for increasingly severe legal actions. Thank you, and have an excellent day.
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