Thevanan Quain

Sebastian, CEO of Hasbro's page

23 posts. Alias of Sebastian (Bella Sara Charter Superscriber).


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We need these wages to motivate us to crush your dreams and ruin your favorite rpgs.

MHA HA HA!!!!


Andrew Turner wrote:
LazarX wrote:

On another note, Please consider not using that alias again. If it's mean to be funny, the joke's died of old age long ago. It's borderline misrepresentation.

No, it's parody-- absolutely no reasonable way anyone should think I'm the real Steve Jobs, since I use a white tiger to parody the snow leopard, everything the alias 'says' is ala SNL, and last but not least, all you have to do is hover over the alias and it reads 'alias of Andrew Turner'...

Misleading avatars almost ruined my company. HOW DARE YOU!

Spoiler:

To avoid any misrepresentation, borderline or otherwise, I think I should disclose that I'm not actually the CEO of Hasbro nor Steve Jobs, though both post here regularly and in their official capacity, so I can see how someone might be misled...

...you know, if they were drunk...and had never used the internet before...and under the age of 6...

Then, it's definitely misleading.


You'll buy it and you'll like it! Otherwise, we will send in our elite secret agents to raid your home and confiscate all of your 3e and OGL materials, including Paizo products.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to do some blow off the naked bodies of multiple hookers.


houstonderek wrote:

Try as they might, Hasbro will ever be resigned to being Evil Lite as long as Sebastian draws breath.

Poor fools, they meddle with powers they do not understand...

You are only scratching at the surface of this conspiracy.

Mha ha ha!


Mammon, Habro V.P. Assets Div. wrote:
The Jade wrote:
You can be the WotC lil brother, belching out secondary material

I'd like to point out that here, at what we merrily refer to as the 'Hive', we do in fact eat our young if they fail to produce.

Though we would never wish to offend our paying patrons. This philosophy is modeled on our "Don't write about it, just do it" policy.

DISCLAIMER:
This communication is confidential and may be legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, (i) please do not read or disclose to others, (ii) please notify the sender by reply mail, and (iii) please delete this communication from your system. Failure to follow this process may be unlawful. Thank you for your cooperation.

GET BACK TO WORK!


Patricio Calderón wrote:

Sebastina says he is Hasbro CEO, would he talk about "oral sex" in Hasbro Board in front of the rest of the Board members, I doubt it.

You obviously don't know the rest of the Hasbro Board. Milton "the Snake" Weisburg once brought six hookers, a pound of blow, and a doberman to a meeting. That was a hell of a night - I think it might have been when we came up with taking out gnomes and replacing them with tieflings.

Besides, if I used my real name, I'd really be concerned about you hitting on me. Particularly when you spell my name Sebastina. I just don't swing that way.


Patricio Calderón wrote:
Sebastian wrote:

This thread is ridiculous.

I was expecting it to be about oral sex.

If you don't like it, then don't read it. You should take a good course about human relations, your behavior is always aggresive and unrespectful.

You will pay for that statement. You've made a very powerful enemy today. I am going to personally dedicate each and every 4e product to you. In fact, I will include a foreward in the 4e phb explaining how we weren't really going to produce 4e, but due to a well thought out letter by you, Patricio Calderón, begging us to update 3e because you thought it was "the most broken thing ever in the history of humankind and fit to be played only by feces-flinging chimps" we changed our minds and produced it anyway.

You will henceforth be known as the person who created 4e!

Mha ha ha!!!


Hasbro Executive Ron wrote:

Oh yeah, all the best to Paizo, they dropped a beautiful present right in our laps!

Don't you love it when someone puts their blood and sweat into something, making it great, and then you get to come along and take it away from them and make it yours, just because. Well, I do.

By the way, Paizo, don't make too much money, leave a little RPG market for the rest of us, huh? Heh heh heh heh heh eHEHEHEHHEHHHHERAGHHHAHHHHGHGHGAHHHHHHHHH

YES, MY CHILDREN, RISE UP AND DEFEAT PAIZO WITH YOUR NEWLY IMPROVED 4E MECHANICS!!!!

PS. Love Pathfinder! If we could we'd take that too.

Hey! I'm not paying you to take to the "fans". Get back to work!!!


Charles Evans 25 wrote:
Lord Sebastian: Was your deposal of Lady Stevens to usurp her position a bloodless coup, or a messy affair?

That's a good question Charles and a common misperception. Though I am CEO of Hasbro, which owns WotC, I currently have no control over those unstoppable rebels at Paizo. Believe me, if I were to run Paizo, things would be very different. I'd change all their adventures to my new Super Delve format, which is actually just a linear narrative explaining what happens to your characters in the adventure. We realized that making choices is what really slows down the game, so by eliminating that aspect, we've found that D&D is a much better experience.

Of course, the real genius is that on the third page of every single adventure, the characters die. Which is why I would also relaunch the Magic Item cards to contain the exclusive means of raising the dead under the core rules. This innovative product will result in you buying the adventures, and then having to buy 10-20 raise dead cards per adventure.

Genius, I say, genius.

Combined with our new $20 for a 20, where you pay us $20 and we issue a certificate to your DM which must be treated in all ways as a natural 20 on an actual rolled die, and you can see how we will transform the way you play D&D.

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

And did I catch you making a clever reference to one of Abba's better known songs earlier in this thread?

We at Hasbro actually own that song, so yes, in a way you are correct.


Heathansson wrote:


How much you gimme a wolf pelt? If I skin myself it grows back.
How bout a kidney?

Sorry pal, I don't truck with you angsty save-the-earth hippy wolves. Go tell it to Gaia.


The Jade wrote:
I am legend. And apparently a collectible.

And you will make a lovely rug to sit around the base of the toilet in my servant's servant's servants quarters.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Not to worry, Dateline NBC. This wolf is my nemesis. I'll take care of 'em!

*Whacks wolf again*

If you succeed in killing the beast, I'd pay handsomely for its pelt...


Boggle wrote:

I cannot understand why wizards want to change almost everything when they have a fantastic set of mechanics right now.

Dont get me wrong there are still some issues however its very difficult to fault it to be honest.
I think the combat if played fast rarther than a chess match is excellent. The magic system has always worked well and has stood the test of time.
You could discuss the leveling system till your blue in the face however thats d&d.
Other than money why change any thoughts?

Money is a sufficient justification. What's wrong with money?!?!!

Money, money, money!

MONEY!

I love money, yes I do!

Money, money, money!!!

Dollars!

Bling!!!

Moolah!!!!

Cash!!!!!

We are living in a material world, and I am a material CEO....

Seriously - you don't even need to buy the new rules set. Just mail me hundred dollar bills. Is that so hard?


*knock, knock*

Who's there?

Spoiler:

MONEY!


Occam wrote:


Sebastian, what happened to your gig as CEO of Hasbro?

As for me: UNIX system administrator.

Oh yeah. That too.

BUY 4E!!! And Pokemon cards!!! I own you!!!


Chef's Slaad wrote:

I love how the avantar automatically changes.

just like with the smurf posts.

(did I just break it?)

Did the Postmonster set this thread up to do the avatar automatically? That's great, particularly if it even overrides the smurf feature.


Wicht wrote:


Is Papa Smurf a prestige class then?

And what about Brainy Smurf? Surely we need a Brainy Smurf class...

Excellent idea! Brainy must be a character class.

We've taken Papa Smurf out of the game, but that's because it's so cool without him that I can't even keep from wetting myself. Instead of Papa Smurf, we're going to put Jar Jar Binks in as a prestige class!


Lilith wrote:


Does this mean we'll get the Great Book of Smurfs, including a sourcebook full of hooks where we always face the same bad guy at the end of every episo - er, adventure? Smurfy keen smurfy cool!

Oh yes.

Also, the base classes will be handy, grumpy, and female.


Ah-hah! My lurking secretly on these boards for so long has paid off. I now understand what my audience wants in 4e:

1. Less passive-aggressive whining.
2. SMURFS!!!


Heathansson wrote:
I don't know. Sebastian, what should I do?

Because WotC makes the best products known to man. Even if you don't play with the material in the 3.5 books, you could use them to say, wallpaper your baby's room. Or make folding cranes. If you can fold over 1,000, you may even save the cheerleader.

Or the waitress.

Or maybe not.

And most importantly, because I need a new panda-skin rug for the guest bedroom on my yacht.


Great. I've got Heathanson and the poor man's Heathanson busting my balls on the same thread.

Just for that, I'm going to tell WotC to take Dragons out of 4e and make Eberron the default setting - but with 80% more ninjas.

I hope you're happy...


Daigle wrote:
Sebastian - President of Hasbro wrote:
My unfounded, uninformed, completely baseless speculation...

Are you legally required to saw that these days?

Bah. You lie about having a working replicat of Optimus Prime once and the lawyers are all over you. I can't even say things like "Shut your pie hole and buy some more pokemon cards - I need silk toilet paper for my yacht" anymore.


Reminder that corporations need to make more money or poster will not have sufficient funds to gold plate his dog.


Dear Mr. Overgod,

George Lucas has never, and will never, meet a horse so dead that he will not beat it some more. We at Hasbro are currently working on a license for his upcoming 14 part cartoon epic titled "Han Shot First, Leia was Not Really Luke's Sister, and Darth Vader has a Clone D00d." As with all our products, we are confident this will be a resounding success.

As for your existence, let me assure you that in 4e FR, you will be retconned back into the game. We have chosen you as the diety of the new Magic Pony Kingdom High School Musical Land, our attempt to cross over with the tween girl audience. We sincerely hope that you like pink, purple, and sparkles as much as our target demographic.

Best regards,
Sebastian
CEO of Hasbro