Röne Bartön's page

Catfish b!tches love me.

You know. I've been thinking. A lot. Dreams of melancholic broccolinalia and parsnipsnythetics as well as televised water polo sideboobage.

What if there was a gonzo edition of AA from GenCon? I want to do something that makes Hunter S. Thompson smile like a Chupacabra after ten cups of coffee and a pack and a half of premium smokes ad Darya Klishina to long jump me equestrian style.

I need more fans. And adulation.

Ego ganging is serious business.

It's true. I should get ALL THE CREDITS.

Adulation of me is a virtue.

Just make sure that no one informs David Bowie where I got my main riff. I had to fast for two days to get the pitch just right. Another twenty-four hours and I'd have to assault some rhubarbs.

<coifs hair 80's fabulous>

Klaus Meine wishes he could rock this mane like a hurricane.

Wait until the remix when the video is re-cut where I am playing the role of Jen Page. Besides, being behind the camera warbling for you folks clearly cuts into my fanservice percentages.

This sexiness cannot be contained. CANNOT BE CONTAINED!

Seriously, y'all need to be listening to this. I slaved long and hard and hard and long over this little gem. It would be a disservice if I didn't get more fanservice out of this venture. Dig?

Now let's get all Carcosatcular up in this bidness! But don't touch the hair.

Röne Bartön wrote:

What can I say, I'm a fame monster. Fame me, baby. Daddy needs a new pair of pleathers.

Will I never live those black PVC pants down? Never?

Living them down during a fanservicing is not a bad thing. It's a perk.

What can I say, I'm a fame monster. Fame me, baby. Daddy needs a new pair of pleathers.

Now if the children were eaten, the problem would cease.

But I wouldn't know of such things; I'm a vegetarian.

I believe it's time for me to invest in some new skinny pleather pants.

Hell, I have a surplus of those in the basement.

Yeah, I did her. Chicks dig me in my leather pants.

Grand Magus wrote:

TV

I've always watched TV with an active mind. Picked up a lot and learned to sift through most of the mind control... or so I think.

Beep beep... Boop boop... Sleeper operative Rone Barton activated... Must kill targets.

Kill is a euphemism, correct? Because at the start of an evening out, I slay the babes. And I have the assphyxiatingly tight leather pants to prove it.

I should start an OpEDesign Podcast and corner the market with a shaky Teutonic accent. Groovy. More fans. I need a good fluff.

Röne Bartön wrote:

Myself and Ron Jeremy being in a very exclusive club.

Are you saying I'm a hefty old wise-cracking Jew with a diving board dong? How dare you, sir! HOW DARE YOU!

I'm only on my way toward hefty. There's still time to turn this around... there's... there's still time.

I'm saying we've reached and didn't break our necks in the process.

That and our fabulous hair always get the ladies.

Myself and Ron Jeremy being in a very exclusive club.

I agree. On a scale from one to savvy, he's two tiers above me. And I'm a pretty savvy guy.

This gets the doppelroner seal of approval.

I am too sexy for you.

Who has time to listen? I have hair to manage. Lots of hair! I make general assumptions. I use the Internet as a vehicle to transmit them.

Now if I had a transcript service provided by my fans, then we'd be getting somewhere. But they're fickle. And all they want are prizes. Greed drives them. And what does that give me?

Not enough time to listen. This hair is a job.

You know what I dislike more than getting up early?

Vampires that sparkle. They cause me so much ire that I can't sleep at night because of my loathing of them that they force me to get out of bed and go to the bathroom to stare longingly at my luscious mane.

Except I have no reflection.

It's a conundrum.

You know who's to blame for all this rantiness? Rone Barton.

My fans are not doing what is contractually and immorally obligated to do. So yes, I must rant. And rant some more. I am not adored sufficiently. And you call yourselves fans?

Some people simply do not even deserve to gaze their sights on my awesome visage. Not one iota.

Wait...after-sex-breakfast-demanding makes one dark? Are you sure?

Yaoi betcha. The dark will snuff out the luminaire from which normal individuals find solace. You got an ecchi that needs scratched? I do.

How bad you want that module, junior?

Howdy, Vaughan! Can't wait to get hold of your module! :D

I may have to devalue said module ... until you prove your fan loyalty to me. What will it take for me to confer mercy? Exalt me.

Röne Bartön wrote:

I need some fan servicing to inspire my mojo. Get the juices flowing. And the hair follicles stimulated. Invader Zim needs lost of caffeine.

Oh, dear RoneClone, you poor power mad fool.

Au contraire, I must counter with this proposal.

I need some fan servicing to inspire my mojo. Get the juices flowing. And the hair follicles stimulated. Invader Zim needs lost of caffeine.

I'd like to see him run through a gauntlet. Can't just hand it to him; the precious. Exact demands! Fans should service. When will I get it through you?

Röne Bartön wrote:

If my mane were anywhere as impressive as Rapunzel's, I would have eluded the Snowpocalypse much sooner. One more week and I'd have to double up on the conditioner.

What's so sad is that I really always do have to double up on conditioner. My dopplegiggity really knows me only too well.

BTW, Rapunzel wears a weave. Try and run your fingers through her hair. She will lose her mind on you!

I'd much rather her unweave the garments that hold back her blossoming bosom. It beckons fanservicing and my lack of a gentle touch.

Except for my hair. Only my hair gets my gentle touch. Everyone else? They get the hose.

If my mane were anywhere as impressive as Rapunzel's, I would have eluded the Snowpocalypse much sooner. One more week and I'd have to double up on the conditioner.

Dark_Mistress wrote:

On the topic of fluff. I like the term fluff and I like fluff. fluff sounds cute and the creamy goodness that makes up fluff is good. So i see fluff as a positive term.

It doesn't really bother me either. Flavor is my forte, and that makes me a paid fluffer.

Er... Hold on...

Everyone has a price.

My hair is sexy. I'm sexy. And damnit, I should be fanserviced as there's enough sexy to go around.

Röne Bartön wrote:

Rone Barton wrote:

Absolutely, DoppleRoner. Boomer said all fanservicing are belong to us. That's just so typically arrogant of him. All fanservicing are belong to me! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!

As long as I get an awomen!

When do you ever not get all the dopplegroupies? Come on.

What can I say? I like to doppel them up. I try not to make the distinctions between au naturale and the blessings bestowed by a plastic surgeon.

Besides, someone has to pay to keep this mane of mine in pristine order. Doppel up on the competition.

Röne Bartön wrote:

The Jade wrote:

I never did write that novel, but no matter... the LA times reported the next day, "Rone Barton is a Real Page Turner!"

I need to get my book out before Boomer picks up an official publisher. It'll cut into my fanservicing.

Absolutely, DoppleRoner. Boomer said all fanservicing are belong to us. That's just so typically arrogant of him. All fanservicing are belong to me! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!

As long as I get an awomen!

I never did write that novel, but no matter... the LA times reported the next day, "Rone Barton is a Real Page Turner!"

I need to get my book out before Boomer picks up an official publisher. It'll cut into my fanservicing.

I still think Rone cut his hair off and burned it as an offering to Wolfgang Baur. The cold-hearted brute.

I'd sooner <redacted> a Philistine.

Urizen wrote:

Her?

I'd butter her English Muffins.

Every nook-and-cranny?

If it were me, I'd fanservice her. Don't even bother the will save, man.

If you cannot accept the fact that I, indeed sir, am always right. You, forsooth, must be a troll.

Yeah, Mallonhead. Don't bogart the link.

The Jade wrote:

Craziest thing! Our waitress had Clinton Boomer's EXACT way of talking and gesticulating. It was Clinton in a dress - sans physical resemblance. I so swear. Uncanny. I even told her so and asked if she was of any relation.

I fear for the worlds safety. She didn't dress in the leather number did she?

No. But I look smashing in one. Turn your envy up to eleven.

Röne Bartön wrote:

We need much more fan fawning, dudes. Swing that badger around like a Steelers Terrible Towel. Don't make Ed emo when he's without his EVE Online.

I am not a fawn! Nor am I a Steelers fan.

Stop being emo, tar heel. Or do I have to take you by the horns and swing you around in the air like a badger on a Benadryl binge?

We need much more fan fawning, dudes. Swing that badger around like a Steelers Terrible Towel. Don't make Ed emo when he's without his EVE Online.

Urizen wrote:

I may have tossed a couple flags, however.

In Leavenworth "tossing a couple flags" has a whole different meaning. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to share your experience. We're here for you, man.

Silverbacks, they were. *shudders*

Davi The Eccentric wrote:

The Jade wrote:

taig wrote:

To be fair, Moorluck originated the greeting. Inadvertently.

My greatest FaWTL achievement was originating BttH.

What's that one stand for again?

Boobies to the Head. Of course, we're all talking about the water fowl and not the part of the female anatomy. Talking about the latter simply isn't proper, you see.

Thanks, Davi.

How could I forget that?

I'm embarrassed to have the same name as you.

You guys are hilarious.

Hank said that you had a low-self opinion of yourself. But I said he was a liar.

Röne Bartön wrote:

taig wrote:

I hope Ed likes working with your replacement!

Being so self-absorbed with EVE Online, I've been thinking about giving Mallonhead a chance to come to the big time. He's got the looks, he's got the chops, and he's a sex-ay brochacho.

As if that isn't something Ed's actually brought up for realz. Mallon's going to leave his footprint in the world's bloodied mug, believe it.

You are a rather omniscient doppleganger, aren't you?

I'm also the better looking one. But if I were omniscient, I'd have the winning Powerball ticket and we'd be living large, partying in Hedonism (Jamaica), having the natives roll our d20s for us, and giving Hasbro the middle finger.

Röne Bartön wrote:

Jyu1ch1 wrote:

Next podcast should be interesting then.

Nay; it shall be awesomestanding!

Well that isnt different form normal. ^^

We put the normal in abnormal!

Next podcast should be interesting then.

Nay; it shall be awesomestanding!

I hope Ed likes working with your replacement!

Being so self-absorbed with EVE Online, I've been thinking about giving Mallonhead a chance to come to the big time. He's got the looks, he's got the chops, and he's a sex-ay brochacho.