R2-FU's page

"Back in my day the only AI was ' AI 'm walkin' here ' "

― "Inauspixious", City of Heroes player

*BEEEEP!*

*shoots teddy-bear on sight, deploys fan to blow stuffing back in Bumptious Wazzock's face*

*BEEP!*
*BOOP!*
*WHOOGA-WHOOGA!*
*gunshot*
*sound of change hitting table*
*DING!*
*DING!*
*DING!*
-*SPLAAAAAAAAT!*-

*queues up nuclear launch-codes*

*catches AM GOLD's trousers in the toxic-flamethrower sweep*

*deploys S2A-toxic-flamethrower apparatus*

*beepidibipFWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...!!!*

*JINGJINGJINGJINGJING!!!!!*

*begins zooming around like a pinball*

*some meal orders may incidentally be delivered*

"...The dominant search engine cannot also be a major AI creator of information. The conflicts of interest of having these two functions in the same company are enormous and unavoidable. We must have search engines that function fully independently from information generators. If not, truth truly dies."

- “Make Orwell Fiction Again”, SubStack commenter

*DING-DING!*

*speedily delivers a 'Parton Parcel'*

...

...

...

...*VVVOOOORP!!!*

*blows an enormous laser-hole straight through The Beast of London's chest*

*stares silently back*

*begins juicing lemons with mechanical efficiency*

*THUMPATHUNMPATHUMPATHUMPA....!*

*BONK-BONK-BONK-BONK-BONK...!*

*BEEPBEEPHONKHONKBONK-BONK-BONK...!*

*interacts in a vaguely-inappropriate manner with Dedrick's washing-machine*

*CLAXON-CLAXON-CLAXON-CLAXON...!*

*catapults Fish-Malkovich onto the roof of the historic SLEEP-&-F@$# Motel...right into one of the letters in the giant neon sign*

"Stupid people can create problems, but it often takes brilliant people to create a real catastrophe."

- Thomas Sowell

Dare I ask your estimate of where my acquaintance above would fall?

"Da solstice is da opposite of da equinox. Dat is da special day of da year when eggs spin on their sides."

"Dat is what you call science."

― "Stickbonker", City of Heroes player

**PRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINT...*printout starts off as coherent data, then becomes more warped and disturbing the longer it goes on...and it goes on for a long time***

*beepbeepwhistlewhistleTORKATURKATARKATIRKATERKATYRKA!!!*

Tin City ("An old can dies. A young girl lives - and her little dog, too. A fair trade.")

Launching DEARUNCLEGOATTOUCHER.exe:

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...
...
What
The
Hell
Is
'2'
And
Why
Do
I
See
It
Everywhere
???

C:\_

*pow!pow!pow!pow!WHACKKA-WHACKKA-WHACKKA-WHACKKA...!*

*is now wearing an old-fashioned reporter's hat, and...somehow...smoking a stogie*

*bipbipbeepboop-PWOOM-PWOOM-PWOOM-PWOOM-!!!*

*cues up the I Love Lucy theme*

*rolls up covered in what is obviously the upper-half only of an ape-suit, opens a hatch on side from which a silver monkey-idol is somewhat violently ejected*

*beepbeepwhistlewhistleBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP....*

...

...

...

...

...

...

...*AAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOGGGHHHAAAAA!!!!!*

Don't worry about it, your Fang-fulness, I'm sure that R2-FU will be along soon to help us all get clean.

*sits, quarter-buried, on lonely, desolate grey-sand beach bordering a liquid-argon sea while winged eyeball-creatures circle mournfully overhead*

*'sips' Glakzoob cocktail through vacuum-funnel*

*THPHFTHPPHFTHPFFFTHTPPPPP...*

*a mysterious flickering red dot suddenly appears on Vidmaster7's forehead*

*NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED*

*SHUDDERshudderrumblerumble-T'F'DT!T'F'DT'!T'F'DT'...slowly prints out crudely-drawn crayon picture of big-bearded smiley-stickman linking hands with a short polygonal entity on green field with what might be an apple tree on the far left and a large goldenrod sunburst in the upper-right corner*

*advances on Vidmaster7 from the the opposite direction, Shiva-chainsaw-arm-system deployed*

*WHOORPWHOORPWHOORP!!!*

TMI! TMI!

*syntax error - TRANSLATING...*

*hums with pride*

*DOOOIIINNNGGG!*
*WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP!*
*KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!*

*ticktockticktockticktockschtupschtupKONKONKONKONK-printer noises...!*

*beepbeepwhistlewhistleBOOOOOOOOOOMK'BOOMBUMBUMBUMBUM!!!!!*

*AAAOOOOOOOOOGAAAH!!!*

*runs Beep Beep off the road Ben-Hur-style*

I'm looking over
my dead dog, Rover,
Who I hit with the power-mower!
One leg is missing,
the other is gone,
A third leg is scattered all over the lawn!
No need explaining
the one leg remaining
Is spinning on the carport floor...
I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I'd over-looked befooore!

I'm looking over
my minced dog, Rover,
Who I hit with the power-mower!
My dog's not eating,
he no longer barks,
He hit the propeller and turned into sparks!
No need explaining,
there's no dog remaining;
He's part of the lawn, you see...
I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I sent to Eternityyyyy!

*BeePbOOpboodleboodleFWEEPFWEEPFWEEPRh-CH-CH-CH-CH-Rh-CH-CH-VVVVVVPTweeeeee eeeyoooooooooooowwww!!!*

*there is then a moment of quiet, and the sound of sadistic lawn-mowing can be heard outside...*

*vacuums up Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis's character sheet*

*VRUUUUUUUUMMMMM...!*

*BEEPITTYBOOPsweepsweepsweepSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKthhhp!*

*beepbeepwhistelwhistleKKKKKRRRRSZZZTBFFFVVVVV....*

*begins rubbing up against Malvel...possibly inappropriately*

*vwubvwubvwubvwubvwub-chudder-chudder-Honk!Honk!AOOOOOGGGAH!*

*prints out personal specs for Malvel - it's a long list*

*SPRIIITZT! WHUMBA-WHUMBA-WHUMBA-WHUMBA....*

*BLUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRHHHHHMMMMM!!!*

*WHISTLE-DEE-WHISTLE-DEE-BEEP!*

*BOOP....*

*...nooneenooneenoo...*

*rolls slowly by, innocently vacuuming the hallway*

Bluff, masterwork tool bonus: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (16) - 1 = 15

CTRL...

Launching DEARUNCLEGOATTOUCHER.exe:

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...
...
Wouldn't
You
Like
To
Be
A
Pepper
Too
?

C:\_

*HuuummmmmmTwing!MeeeeepLOLOLOLOLOL*

*Boop Boop!*