Professor Farnsworth, Scientist's page

Freehold DM wrote:

lisamarlene wrote:

(I mean, personally I'm just holding out for my own "Mister Fusion" units powering my home and my car with garbage, but until that day...)

Now you have to design the mascot for Mister Fusion.

Wouldn't that be a cartoonified Christopher Lloyd?

Oh my! If you're trying to market a home fusion mini-power plant as scientifically sound, safe, and dependable, I'm not sure you'd want Judge Doom (Who Framed Roger Rabbit? spoilers) as the mascot.

How long do you leave an installer at “estimating time remaining” before forcing a restart?

~13.8 billion years?

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Goth Guru wrote:

152. Entire contents of digestive tract turns to solid gold. Big lump of gold comes out 6 hours later doing 1-6 damage.

Worth how much?

I'm not sure.

I was hoping someone would hazard a guess.

The average human's average movement typically weighs 1 lb/2.2 kg, but can reportedly be up to 4 lbs/8.8 kg. Today's (09/20/2018) price for gold is running $1,201.90 per ounce. Assuming the transmutation conserves mass, your typical 1 lb. movement would be worth $19,230.40.

How much today's real world gold is currently worth in Golarion is beyond me.

Limeade is delicious and seems fairly popular here in SW Florida. I don't know if it's popular because of the large Cuban and Latinx community, or because Floridians are largely weirdos.

Key lime-ade and Meyers lemon-ade are also both delicious.

We have a standard Grape flavor for things like candy, medicine, etc..., but grapes don't actually taste like that.

I have heard that it's due to the standard grape artificial flavor being based on Concord grapes instead of the usual varieties that show up in markets.

Since vampires don't have reflections, you could draw a dick on their face while they sleep and they wouldn't know about it.

Many mirrors use aluminum instead of silver as the reflective substrate, so vampires should see their reflections in that. Likewise, digital imaging devices like cameras and cellphones with LCD displays should also work fine. Silver supposedly didn't reflect their images because the "pure" metal would not reflect something so unholy or soulless.

Since moonlight is really just sunlight bounced off the moon, it should also kill or at least lightly tan a vampire.

Maybe T'Challa's vibranium suit uses flubber in place of the spandex/rubber bits?

{scribbles notation of new Tensorynbee Convector appearance}

John Titor where are you?

Craig Bennett Stiles mugged him and locked him in a dumpster.

I'm gonna go ahead and blame any solar farts on...

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

...a nearby dogstar.

YEEEEAAAHHH!!!

Hitdice wrote:

Pillbug Toenibbler wrote:

Fallacy. Fallacy fallacy fallacy phallacy fallacy. Fallacist's fallacy...

You ever hear a perfectly cromulent word so frequently that it now sounds weird, like you're now not quite sure it's real?

I never heard the word "enbiggen" until I moved to Springfield.

Ahem... it's "embiggen". I don't know why; it's a perfectly cromulent word.

You are technically correct -- the best kind of correct. ;)

I really do miss the cosmic being type aliens found in the original show. Were are the giant glowing hands, cosmic ameba, floating head of Jaja Gabor, etc.

I'm sure they're still around. Now they just Uber a starship instead of trying to hijack it.

Edit: Also, I am very amused by the concept of a Jar Jar Gabor.

I blame Cosmo that no one is funding research to capture and sequester stupid. Forget carbon emissions for a moment. Humanity's only hope is to halt the catastrophic rise of global stupidity before it permanently endumbens us all.

Three very small Earthlings have successfully arrived in Jupiter orbit.

New Google Doodle commemorating Juno orbital insertion

Three very small Earthlings have successfully arrived in Jupiter orbit.

Edit: New Google Doodle commemorating Juno orbital insertion

Aranna wrote:

Sissyl wrote:

Humph. Well, you can't prove I have the princess anyway. Now for the matter at hand! I demand tribute!

Isn't it a little early to be planning your memorial tribute? You aren't defeated yet.

You may have defeated the assassins I didn't send to kill you, but that doesn't give you any right to question me. I demand tribute (that's T-R-I-B-U-T-E by the way), because it is my right to do so. Are any of you Space Empresses? No. Didn't think so. Now get to it, underlings.

What does God Space Empress need with a starship compact SUV? [/le jambon Shatner]

If my clones haven't completely thawed, I may be able to refreeze them.

When you say "my clones", do you mean clones of yourself, or clones that you own of other people?

I hope to see:

• Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
  
• C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
  
• Tears in the rain.

Don't know, I don't know such stuff. I just do eyes, ju-, ju-, just eyes... just genetic design, just eyes. You NuOrc, huh? I design your eyes.

Wait a minute, maybe MitM is Seth Grahame-Smith? Wow, that'd be pretty darn evil.

The Man in the Mask is the show's science advisor. This is why none of the cast or writers seem too worried or hurried about rescuing him.

captain yesterday wrote:

Einstein was right.

Gravitational waves have been detected.

What does that mean for practical application?

It means we can say things like:

"Yo momma's so fat, we felt her sit down from a billion light-years away."

Ah, so one of you is Lady Me with the stolen T.A.R.D.I.S.? Good to know.

Cosmo only shakes the earth when he laughs.

Given how many earthquakes we've been having lately, he's apparently having a good time.

But he moves the stars for no one.

Maybe this is the punchline: New York Times: Oxygen linked to lung cancer.

Geez, Cosmo, really?!

Also:

There is, for instance, a strong correlation between per-capita cheese consumption and the number of people strangled accidentally by their bedsheets. Year by year, the number of letters making up the winning word for the Scripps National Spelling Bee closely tracks the number of people killed by venomous spiders.

What the Hell, Cosmo?

Rynjin wrote:

Introducing: iPatch.

*Uproarious applause*

you could make serious coin just pitching that name to Apple... I mean the best thing their competitor has is Google Glasses...

Sure beats Google Monocle. No, I'm not kidding.

Freehold DM wrote:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FAWTL!

leaps of faith into black Friday shopping madness

But it's Thursday.

Actually — from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint — Black Friday's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.

...where the poor store staff are more soul-deadened than Cybermen, and most of the shoppers are less courteous than Daleks.

Edit: Geriatric nekkidness?! Oh my!

Doctor Who You?

I had a Trek once.

A red one. I believed it was a 740. I named her Hayai, for she was as fast as a zephyr. I lost so much weight on that bike. Dropped down to a 34 waist. 190 pounds. Enough muscle that I looked at myself in awe every time I passed a mirror. I caught a woman checking me out once.

She was stolen from me from right outside the market I visited one day. That was supposed to be a day I spent with my now wife looking at houses in the area and planning for the future. Instead I was enraged and powerless at the same time.

I will never forgive the thief. I hope to find them one day.

Clearly, dedicated bicyclists need to be equipped with a featherweight Veritech Cyclone exhansile that combines with their bike. Hey Tony Downey Jr., get on this!

Katina: I’M the top 3 things in the Seattle area

Katina found/built Calvin's transmogrifier duplicator?

Someone failed to renew the chatroom's bot attack coverage with Old Glory Insurance.

This morning started with the toaster committing suicide. The apartment reeks of burnt plastic. >.<

I know Monday's are usually rough, but this is taking things a bit too far.

My condolences. Hopefully the Resurrection Ship was in range and he'll re-download into a new body there.

David M Mallon wrote:

Freehold is a lot shorter than I thought he'd be...

*sob* I'm NOT short! You're just tall, that's all.

Curse whatever caused me to inherit my father's brother's height!!!

It's his own fault. Freehold wouldn't normally be that short, but he knows the constant freezing temperatures he's exposed to also cause shrinkage.

I blame Cosmo for Master Kretzer not blaming the snow on the real villain, who is sitting in NYC with his M.A.R.S. Industries Weather Dominator sipping bubble tea.

If you use Chrome as your web browser, you can turn on an option to mute audio in individual tabs (like from embedded auto-playing videos/ads). To enable it, in Chrome's address bar, type:

chrome://flags/#enable-tab-audio-muting

Under the Enable tab audio muting UI control section, click Enable, then close & restart Chrome. Now when audio is playing in a tab, you can click the little speaker icon in the tab, and viola! the sound is muted.

{observes thread collapsing upon itself into a derail hole from which the original discussion cannot escape}

Good news, everyone! While Tensor may not have passed that pesky Turning Test this time, she/he/it is already reliably demonstrating more sentience, logic, and sociability than 98% of politicians worldwide. 538 also predicts Tensor is now leading Richard Nixon's head by 5 points to become PoE.

Vote Tensor/Yellowdingo in 3016!

Alanis Morissette wrote:

Did you get sekritly brainwashed by the Juggalos?

No

burps. Licks a little black and white facepaint off his muzzle

I may have had a snack on the way in though...

As a top-of-the-food chain predator, you should be aware of the dangers of bioaccumulating Juggalo in your flesh; it is often more hazardous than mercury or lead poisoning.

I blame Cosmo for the conspicuous absence of SteamPeeg in the TechGuide.

Technically all of my rants are about ranting...

You are technically correct—the best kind of correct!

Orfamay Quest wrote:

yellowdingo wrote:

No, it appears to be a ball of gas, but we dont know if the centre is an ultra dense shell sufficient in mass to attract a gaseous outer layer or a solid core of a brown dwarf.

Have you any more evidence for "an ultra dense shell sufficient in mass to attract a gaseous outer layer" than I do for "a lemon pudding"?

It's a cabbage! A gigantic galactic cabbage!

Well, Jupiter's core is made of diamond, so a gigantic galactic diamond cabbage.

Ross Byers wrote:

DM Beckett wrote:

I didn't say worse. :)

DM Beckett wrote:

When PF came out, the Cleric itself got blasted with nerfs

I am having difficulty reconciling these two things.

New to Beckett, aren't you? :)

I'm just wondering what he has to put right every week before his next leap. :)

Ooo, that's a paddlin'! keeperin'!

How much of the dust on the record player used to be me?

All of it is yous. The other Teters from parallel continuities are using Dyson Quantum Dualities vacuums to suck up all the you dust from their realities and shunt it to yours.

And Sony will invent the first robotic daggit.

{looks around nervously} Whatever you do, don't try to burn it again... you'll likely summon an OSS evangelist swarm, or worse... a mythic neckbeard!

Well, typically we deploy a Bussard ramscoop array to collect the hydrogen accreting from the red giant companion before the white dwarf-

{glances up at other responses} Ah, never mind.

I blame Cosmo for the collapse of the experimental quantum states designed to create alternate timelines that would serve as pollution dumping grounds and oil sources for our own. Now we're just limited to our own oil!

Actually, I think Yellow Dingo is more likely to blame for this... he's probably in Sydney colliding Whitehouse.gov petitions in the ANTARES accelerator again.

Well, we gather up the Earth's fissionable materials, build a reactor on a rocket, and fire it at the Sun to take out the q-ball. Hmmm, that sounds somehow familiar...

If I had to bet, 'Dingo, I'd've figured you would have ignored the Page headline in favor of the one about strangelet creation that would "leave the planet ‘an inert hyperdense sphere about one hundred meters across.’"

Gary Teter wrote:

Given the aforementioned ridiculous sound system, could you subtract the dishwasher from the room?

How mad will your wife/life partner get?

A sound system that can shift an appliance like a dishwasher out of phase is going to use too much power to get a good Energy Star rating. Also, it likely violates the Treaty of Algeron.

Is it ok to infringe a patent in the privacy of my own home?

You'll eventually go blind doing that.

Professor Farnsworth, Scientist wrote:

Thymus Vulgaris wrote:

I blame Cosmo for Chris Lambertz removing inappropriate posts in a thread I was reading and me wanting to know what they said.

Don't worry. When you go to sleep tonight, we'll inject Cosmo in a microscopically-shrunken Proteus II into your bloodstream. Once inside, he'll fantastically voyage into your brain and make the corrections in your grey matter so you'll forget about those posts Sara Marie removed.

It was Chris Lambertz I complained about... but I certainly don't remember being annoyed by posts removed by Sara Marie, so I guess Cosmo succeeded on that one.

I guess my memory was altered too! {shakes fist feebly}

Apologies to all. I don't know how I confused Sara Marie for Chris... I must therefore blame Cosmo.

I blame Cosmo for Chris Lambertz removing inappropriate posts in a thread I was reading and me wanting to know what they said.

Don't worry. When you go to sleep tonight, we'll inject Cosmo in a microscopically-shrunken Proteus II into your bloodstream. Once inside, he'll fantastically voyage into your brain and make the corrections in your grey matter so you'll forget about those posts Sara Marie removed.