Kelim Esteban

Lord Dice's page

153 posts. Alias of Hitdice.


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I have one thing to say, and one thing only.

*coughs, clearing throat.*

*sips water, hydrating vocal cord tissue.*

*leans close to microphone, remaining silent until feedback subsides.*


thejeff wrote:
Fergie wrote:
Irontruth wrote:

Again, your examples of things prove the government has used behavior influenced by hate speech to oppress the people in an era when hate speech was not outlawed.

... more ...
The oft-repeated line you guys are saying is that the government will use a law like this to do X, Y, and Z, but the examples of X, Y and Z are all things the government is already doing. If the government is already literally doing the thing your worried about, then it cannot possibly be a consequence of the thing I'm suggesting,...

And what you are proposing - creating more criminal offenses for them to charge people with - are just going to make it easier to jail people, and for a longer time.

And the people saying racist garbage, from Hillay's "Super Predators" to Trumps 'rapists bringing crime and guns' never have to worry about this stuff, nor does anyone with a good lawyer. What you are proposing is only going to be a crime for poor people, not the wealthy and well connected. At best you are just going to punish the powerless, while the powerful will just have another tool in the extensive Screw-the-Poor tool chest.

Again, speaking out against hate speech is great! However, if you really want to make a real difference, focus on pushing for punishment for existing crimes, not making more actions criminal.

Well, of course. Laws never punish the rich and powerful and are only used against the poor, therefore we should just abolish laws.

I'm willing to live under your suggested legal system, but I prefer the extant legal system of Demesne Dice, where the rich and powerful administer the laws.

My wife's a half-elf, but she came here legally, okay. She is a very, very classy half-elf.

I'd also like to say that I do not believe that James Jacobs is an elf himself. It was the dwarves who started than rumor to begin with, but I'm the one who ended it. You know what I mean.

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I am glad to receive ten Paizobucks at such a low premium charge, but have you seen the conversion rate to DiceCorp Currency?

(Okay, look, we haven't settled on a final name; some of my board members wanted to go with DiCurrency, but I thought that confused the name brand recognition. Seriously, DiceBucks has market traction, but I'm just calling it DiceCorp Currency right now. Buy DiceCorp!)

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Hitdice wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Fergie wrote:

Again, I don't think there is really anything that could come out that would affect anything. People have know for over a year that Hillary Clinton Oversaw US Arms Deals to Clinton Foundation Donors
Many of whom were serial human rights violators.
Bomb those Houthi babies and MSF hospitals with Hillary-approved war materiel!
What a pity you aren't going to vote against her, Doodles.
What a pity you're going to vote for her, Dicey.

Okay, but what if, right then and there in the voting booth, I have some sort of epiphany and write in my own name because I honestly believe I'm a more trustworthy choice? I obviously won't win the election, but it's not a vote for Clinton. I also get to vote for all the down ballot issues that really affect my life in a day to day way.

It's probably nothing a goblin who thinks that voting is for ninnies would understand.

Why gold plate your palace when you can build it out of solid gold to begin with? It's classier!

This thread is explaining things about my life I hadn't realized; it all makes so much more sense now!

I found tooth marks all over the volumes in the library, Doodlebug, and I've elected not to inquire about the stains all over the lingerie models in Lady Dice's fashion magazines . . .

BigDTBone wrote:
LazarX wrote:
MagusJanus wrote:
Dicey the House Goblin wrote:
But Andrew, you do understand that "plenty left over to can" is such a work intensive proposition that the system you're espousing results in feudalism, right? Cause M'lord Dice and other such masters of industry grok that junk in technicolor.
Considering how well this democracy fad is working, I suspect feudalism will make a return soon enough.
Why? for the moneyed classes, the present setup has been working VERY well for them.
Oh! You mean like feudalism?

Dude, have you even tried to get someone to swear an oath of fealty to you lately? There'a a lot more to feudalism than moneyed classes doing well for ourselves.

MrTsFloatinghead wrote:
A whole bunch of nonsense about people enjoying themselves and living dignified lives.

"Van Gogh, Botticelli

Scraping paint onto a board
Color is the fuel of madness
That's no way to praise the Lord
Grey's the color of the pious
Knelt upon the misericord"

Now that's a beautiful artistic creation everyone should learn in grade school!

Freehold DM wrote:
Andrew R wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Hee hee!

It's just something that crosses my mind when people tell me their horror stories about being in line at the grocery store behind someone who is using their food stamps in a way the story-teller feels is inappropriate: Maybe they bought it off some wino in the parking lot? Maybe they're just some hard-working, god-fearing, 'Murican with kids to feed and they're supposed to say no to someone offering them Juicy Juice and Hamburger Helper for pennies on the dollar? Whatever happened to smart shopping?!?

Anyone caught selling a card should be cut off for life. that is just stealing from tax payer, worthless filth
You got to jail for selling a card. More or less no questions asked.

Yeah, and that prosecution costs tax payer money! Can't we just feed the homeless to the hungry and be done with it?

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Andrew R wrote:
yeah he is in public housing but has plenty of drug money, simply trash before even getting to the point
Do I insult your friends, you rude piece of shiznit?

I get where he's coming from: back before the Just Cause debacle I was perfectly willing to provide free beer to the lower classes. It kept them happy, and if they were too drunk to pay their rent, hey, no big deal, I could just evict them, right? But that afternoon, once I had finished* vindictively torturing Dicey showing Dicey the error of his ways, I went inside and drafted my new policy: No beer till you've paid the rent, and I'm charging by the stein from now on, so there!

* What happened was, the sun went down; Manse Dice isn't wired for electricity, and I didn't want to continue by firelight. It wasn't till I was shaving the next morning that I said to myself in the mirror, "Lord Dice, how did you miss the opportunity for red-hot pokers like that?"

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
News from the Dice Manse

Dude, I had not planned to enact that into law. What happened was I took Dicey the House Goblin to the council meeting, and he was dancing around rhyming words with underwater mortgage (not even real rhymes though, junk like "funderwater supportgage")while we were going over the bill, so I was all, "Dicey, shut it, the grown ups are talking!"

Dicey repiled "Should I wait outside then, m'lord?"

"YES!" sez I, y'know, like really passionately.

The head coucilman said, "That's wonderful, sign here!" and shoved the paper in my face. I was so distracted that I just signed it, so now it's a fricken law, and I can't kick people out of their houses--no, wait, my houses--at the drop of hat anymore!

I swear, if I had the chance to re-geld that goblin, I'd take the franks along with the beans just for good measure.

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Don't say that in Boston! The hockey-jocks will assume you're talking about the beer, and we won't know what happened till we find your body floating in a vat.

Good luck with the research, records from that time are spotty at best.

Ah, His Rotundity, The Duke of Braintree. John Adams had no few opinions on the function of government. Not welcome on the Dice Estate for his firebrand cousin. Yes, we consider family relations here. I swear to God, it's like you goblins people just want to feast on all the free corn chips your family can eat or something!

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Matt Thomason wrote:
Bloody computers and electronic transactions. We don't even have the option of robbing the tax collector's carriage on its way out of town any longer :(
Better days.

Look, I'm not trying to undermine anyone else's efforts to undermine the system, but that thar is why want to get yerself a lordly title and drive the ficken tax-cart! One time, Dicey bit a gold piece and was all, "M'lord Dice, this thing tastes horrible!"

I was all, "I'll trade you that tooth-dulling gp for this tasty, tasty corn chip!"

He took and ate it, and looked at me so gratefully that actually felt some small twinge of conscience. I still took the gp for services rendered, cause, let's be serious, right?

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
"But what I really think is, it should be like a corporation. You pay a million dollars in taxes, you get a million votes. How's that?"

So long long as there's a lifelong residency requirement for voting so that politically concerned mary-sues, murder-hobos and special snowflakes adventurers can't show up and stuff the ballot box with their WBL, that sounds like a great system! I mean, there's already a poll tax here in Demesne Dice, why not just point a coin slot on each candidate's ballot box, and whoever earns the most wins? (All proceeds kept by the winner.) I'm torn between providing a jar of beans for the masses to use or minting a coin higher in value than pp so I can throw the election whichever way I want suit the needs of the upper classes; politics is full of tough decisions!

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Quark Blast wrote:
This country was founded as a representative Republic. We are now a Democracy in the sense that Plato warned us about and it shows.
It's too bad we can't live in a world ruled by enlightened aristocratic slaveowners like Plato--and a good portion of the Founding Fathers, come to think of it--wanted.

Can't, or won't? Y'know what, never mind, I'll be sulking in the solarium.

I will say that I fully support the decision. If I was required to provide contraceptives for my "employees" in the goblin kennels, Demesne Dice wouldn't have the workforce necessary to support my enlightened aristocratic lifestyle. Well, the house-goblins get gelded, but that's a behavior thing, not a birth control thing.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Woops, it's Yum! Brands. Whether that excites you more or less, you vile trafficker in green flesh, I couldn't say.

It excites me more! I can only hope that at corporate HQ they're required to say it with the appropriate emphasis. Something like: "Yum! (Brands)."

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Andrew R wrote:
Getting a job might not be enough to get rich but if i work at mcdonalds and my buddy works at taco bell together we can get an apartment without stealing. Maybe we can rent a house and garden for some of our food, hunt and fish for some. is it living high on the hog? no but it is living honestly

Study: Low-Paid Fast-Food Employees Cost Taxpayers $3.8 Billion A Year

According to this, McDonald's employees receive $1.2 billion in "estimated annual cost of public assistance".

Yum Brands! (owner of Taco Bell) employees receive $648 million.

I should have named my corporation Yum Brands! DiceCo sounds so clinical, whereas Yum Brands sounds, well, yummy. Plus that exclamation point is bit of genius level PR; it just makes you happy and excited to read the company's name.

I wonder if they'd be willing to provide some cut rate gruel for the goblin kennels . . .

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Swedish equality fades away as rich get richer

I should hope so! The rich getting richer is my entire lifestyle strategy encapsulated in three simple words . . .

Speaking of suction, I always thought a Dyson Sphere was that ball the vacuum rides around on instead of the little wheels, but I don't concern myself all that much with the house-staff's equipment.

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Look, I sold all the ratty old first editions in the library of Manse Dice and replaced them with leather bound, gilt edge books of blank pages, for a fraction of the price. Lady Dice complains about it, but they look lots better!

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I scored like a chimp, too, Doodles! Hurray for commonalities between Reds and effete aristocrats!


(If anyone ever asks about this again, I plan to say, "No, you misheard me. I said champ; I scored like a champ." And then I'll ply them with champagne until they can't argue.)

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

It's a long list of people (and illithids) who are going to get it.

When the revolution comes where will you hide?

Well, duh, I'll hide inside Manse Dice; the curtain walls aren't cosmetic.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
New England Communist Goblins Hereditary Nobility.

Fixed that for you, Doodles. :)

(More seriously, I agree with you on not seeing much PTL outside your three problem topics. All the examples of PTL I can think of come with an explanation from the mods, which is the least draconian PTL I've ever seen. As Orf pointed out, it's Paizo's board and they'll mod it as the please, which I find better than the alternative.)

It's a loophole for the lower classes, but when I know how to do it, that's just smart thinking. Evidence of my Noble Station in life, in fact.

. . . Taldor will rise again? *crickets*

I've been drinking too, but can't say I'm with you 100% on the equality thing. (Well, I've got strong feelings on it, just not in that direction.)

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Sometimes when I'm bored, I abuse members of the lower classes to entertain myself, but never their women--I'm not uncivilized!

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So that's what the caterwauling from the goblin kennels has been! I told Dicey it was the ghosts of lazy goblins, cursed to walk the earth, but a cappella goblin "music" makes more sense.

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Well, I'm glad to see Mlle. Deneuve never got typecast.

In other news, Downton Abbey, Season Three got me searching the web:

Branson burned down the manor home of our Lord Dunsany!!!

Take that, Elfland!

Vive le Galt!

Actually, I've come to the conclusion that Branson is a Stooge of the Plutocracy, and I am desperately awaiting someone to set Downton on fire.

Vive le Galt!

Oh, pish, it's been obvious from season one that Branson was a limousine liberal, he just happened to be driving the thing.


"Hey, yo, Lord Grantham, don't let the staff read books from your library! It gives them ideas!" I swear, to hear *ahem* the Lineal Sovereign Lady Dice (look, whatever) talk about it, and to watch Downton Abbey you'd think that the Lady Dowager and I are the only ones who even understand why society should be stratified to begin with. Well, Carson's alright; y'know, for a servant.

I thought they wore jumpsuits in prison these days.

Anyhow, here on the Dice Estate, men frequently wear make-up and high heels, and the women wear their hair braided into bird cages, with song birds inside. I mean, okay, I try to color coordinate my eyeshadow with the piping on my high heels, but you'll never catch me wearing a guano-catch cap, cause I'm a dude, and that's female fashion.

My point? Looking for a reasonable explanation for fashion trends is a fool's errand.

Speaking seriously to GreatKhanArtist, the places I've worked have had that policy for kitchen staff, but floor staff is allowed tasteful/reasonable jewelry. I've never worked anyplace that has required anyone (kitchen or floor staff) to remove their wedding ring, but that's a special case, and most kitchen staff usually chooses to before they start shoving organ meats into the sausage grinder or whatever.

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This sort of thing makes me sick! Granted, Lady Dice, who's half-elven, is a softer touch with the estate's goblins than I am, but ye gods! So what, we're all just supposed ignore industrial progress in favor of pastoral pipe dream? This is exactly the sort of "historic victory" I'd expect to hear bandied about in the goblin kennels.

BigDTBone wrote:
Hitdice wrote:
I'm specifically asking about how you equate tattoos and piercings with "serious lack of personal hygiene."
It's a conscious choice made by an individual which has the likely and foreseeable consequence of causing others to be uncomfortable around that individual.

You really think lack of personal hygiene is some sort of conscious choice people make, rather than some indigent situation they end up in?

'Cause I don't let Dicey wash in clean water (sorry, it's a commodity) and then I make fun of how bad he smells in front of other people; no, seriously, you should attend one of my cocktail parties, it's hilarious!

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Guy Humual wrote:
What Mandela's deal did was give people a chance that they wouldn't have had before.

Discussion Piece #2

Just so I'm clear: Life still sucks in Angola, therefore armed struggle is futile; life still sucks for the black masses in South Africa, yay Mandela?

But, Doodles (and yes, I'm speaking in the voice of Lord Dice) however badly life may suck for the black masses in South Africa at present, you aren't honestly trying to say that we shouldn't appreciate Nelson Mandala as a political figure on the occasion of his death, right? 'Cause that's exactly the sort of the that black masses in South Africa totally appreciate.

Doodlebug Anklebiter wrote:

My English ancestor was forced to expatriate from Old Hampshire after he was found in a compromising position with a Jersey cow, a common garden implement and the son of a respected Nonconformist preacher.

Which was much more exciting than my Italian ancestor, who was forced to expatriate after being fingered by his neighbors as a smuggler.

The reasons my Scots and German ancestors were forced to expatriate remains shrouded in mystery and scandal to this day.

Give me your tired, your poor
Your huddled goblins yearning to be free
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore

and, boy, were they wretched.

Y'see, it's s**t like this that makes me glad Demesne Dice wasn't a signatory to the the Statutes of Liberty.

Oh, I disagree Comte, and Dicey has it all wrong. As a sovereign noble, I'm a bit of a socialist myself. Within the borders of Demesne Dice, I collect my subject's surplus income (everything) in the form of taxes, and provide whatever services I deem essential (beer) for the good of my demesne.

I love socialism; I'm happy to "collect" every spare cent my subjects manage to scrape from their subsistence farming, and they're happen to drink the beer they make from the grain that's too rotten to sell. It really is a win-win situation!

Welcome to the twenty-first century, Doodlebug; I like like books because because I heat my house with a wood stove, and books are good for burning. :P

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Well, sure, they were both kings; toss in Tywin Lannister and that's a crowd I'd gladly hobnob with!

Now that I think of it, it might of been when I described Cija as "the ideal of female aristocracy" that Lady Dice and I started sleeping seperate bedrooms. No, wait, I tell a lie; it was after the whole "It's not cheating if you're with a goblin" argument.

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But you're okay with the useless aristocracy, right? *bats eyelashes*

Comte de Malodor wrote:

Au secours! Au secours! Les lutins se révoltent!

An abbey, full of nuns - FULL. OF. NUNS. - and what does he do? Set fire to it. You see, this is what happens when you abolish serfdom.


No nuns?

Oh, fine. Carry on. Have some turps.

I also notice that my effete, tea-drinking and dentist-shunning Elven steward is reading My Apprenticeship, by Gorky, for which he will be PUNISHED.

Comte, mon ami, if you can even afford an elven steward, you must doing something right. I'm stuck with all these goblin house servants who keep humping the cushions and shouting "Vive le Galt!!" at their moment of climax.

(Yes, Diceton Abbey could use a good going over with a bucket of bleach or two.)

I'm not saying you're an inattentive viewer, Doodlebug, but when something's revealed in the first episode, a claim of miles away sounds like a bit of an exaggeration.

Man, I liked that Duke, though; there's a member of the Peerage who had his priorities sorted out!

Kittyburger wrote:
Basically, he just stumbled onto why elite-class horse racing only uses the smallest and lightest jockeys it can find.

Is there any other kind?

Orfamay Quest wrote:
Adamantine Dragon wrote:

Living in a well-built "smial" was indeed a sign of status for hobbits. But I would peg Bilbo's lifestyle as more or less corresponding to what we in the West now describe as "upper middle class," not "wealthy."

Except that he didn't work to support himself. He didn't even take in lodgers, the traditional way to eke out a living from a house that's too grand for your income. That's a "wealthy" lifestyle, not upper-middle class. He lived purely off income from rents and investments.

OMFG, lodgers! Here's to paying guests!

Now, if I can just get the guest suites full before Lady Dice sees her attorney . . .

Comte, you're a man after my own heart; the guest wing is always available at the Dice Estate. We have had a small problem with goblin infestation, but what old manor house doesn't have a little vermin scurrying around behind the walls?

If you're taking Zelazny for a test drive, I'd recommend one of his stand alone books like Lord of Light; the Amber stuff is good, but there are oodles of books in the series.

I don't allow Scrabble at the Dice Estate; it can be used to teach the illiterate lower classes how to read, and that's where things go awry . . .

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter in no way advocates spelling "America" "Amerika," nor even "AmeriKKKa" (except for on picket signs, where it looks great). Nor, in fact, does Comrade Anklebiter necessarily endorse anything in that above post. Louis Proyect, for example, hates Wes Anderson and wrote that Moonrise Kingdom made him want to throw up.

I liked that part where the tween-aged kids made out on the beach, though, that bit was pretty good . . . what?

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Doodlebug, once you start spelling America with a K, you're just going to alienate the people who would benefit the most from your message. (Seriously, when I want to whip up anti-goblin fervor, I just explain to everyone how goblins spell "Amerika.")

I've mentioned it before Limey: I hired a eugenist, to breed a race of docile, hard word-working goblins for the Dice Estate, but the result was worse than the killer bee experiment. I ended up with with a kennel full of tireless, mouthy, politically active goblins. Take it from me, eugenics is a bad idea . . . plus, sometimes they they fly!

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