The Next Poster...


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Ankheg scat! Soooo sorry. Would you please clean that up for me, Todd?

The next poster is very angry! Look out!


I am quite cross indeed! I was "working" with a seemingly hale and hardy young man when he died of a massive aneurysm caused by an undiagnosed congenital defect only fifteen hours into our session! I hadn't gotten him to the point where he began to like it just to make him not like it again yet. Why, he hadn't even lost his voice from screaming: he could still manage a hoarse croak!

The very idea of someone begging to be freed from care by the sweet embrace of death and then receiving said embrace without my permission!

:takes a deep breath, smooths frock coat:

Quite frustrating!

Jambi! Set out a bed of coals for me to lie upon. I am tumescent, and require stimulation so I can achieve ... release...

The next poster will towel me off after I am finished.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Yes, this is definitely a towel, and not a very hungry cloaker.

The next poster has chosen what GT will be come in his next incarnation.


Germs. It is easy to kill germs, especially if they get out of hand like this one did.

The next poster has a backup plan for returning GT to the grave if the germ-GT proves almost as unkillable as this one did.
Edit: Our posts are switching places; I've had this happen to me before.


I would have chosen one of his own goats (wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff), but I don't think that would be justice, as he'd like it too much. So, a celibate and chaste goat of the cloth.

The next poster loves that idea for all the wrong reasons...


Follow Link at your own risk.

https://www.google.com/search?q=Goat+nuns&source=lnms&tbm=isch& sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjZ99zS_JPUAhWB3YMKHeJ9D0oQ_AUICigB&biw=1360&bih =638

The next poster has ideas for refining the search.


Goth Guru wrote:

Follow Link

at your own risk.

The next poster has ideas for refining the search.

Fixing the link, as a starting point.

The next poster loves to fix things that are not broken.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I have fixed cars, TVs, cameras, computers, and a couple of pieces of furniture. After I "fixed" them...I had to buy new ones. :(

The next poster builds starships!


Oh, yes. Hundreds of them, of many different kinds. It would be really hard for the Iron Federation to function without them, especially after we put a fair chunk of the portal network on lockdown following a demonic invasion incident. We still don't know who in the worlds thought hooking up a gate to the Abyss to the transportation network was a good idea...

The next poster does.


I build 'em on rock & roll, or Grace Slick's hair, whichever is less flammable.

Nothing is going to stop the next poster now.


Then again, nothing ever could.

*GRAB*

The next poster made itself a sandwich.


Yes, yes I did. And it was tasty.

The next poster made itself the Earl of Sandwich


Oh yes. He was a great strapping fellow, so his skin fit quite nicely over my... well, let's just say I live a life of leisure and prosperity, and my body reflects that.

I thought I looked quite dashing, but his family seemed unsettled when I (disguised as the Earl) came home to dinner. I don't know what kind of man the Earl was, but his wife and children could not look me in the eye, and actually burst into tears a few times.

I'll me interested to see if this reaction continues when I attend young Lucille's harpsichord recital two days hence.

The next poster attends to my collection of disguise skins, keeping them fresh and intact.


Let's see:

One dire skunk skin, check!
One dire dung beetle skin, check!
Half a horse's ass skin, check!
One dire fox skin, check! - hmmm will have to remind GoatToucher not to talk while wearing this one
One dire worm skin, check!
One slime/ooze skin, check!
One dire...
etc...

The next poster is currently the champion!


and I'll keep on fighting to the . . . oh, here's the end! I'm out!

The next poster is in.


I am. Just relax. Take deep breaths. You'll get used to it.

The next poster is memorializing the moment in a sculpture.


And only the sublime genius of Pulg could immortalise this scene using porridge.

The next poster will never eat porridge again.


Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Its a gut reaction. You try eating porridge after trying The Three Bears' porridge! Have you seen what they put in it. Disgusting.

Next poster is someone's duplicate forced to go to work in their place and is now goofing off on the job.


Hmmm, what mayhem could I cause with . . . DROP TABLE Document . . . mwahahahahahaha

The next poster confuses table drops with mic drops.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I confuse them both with eye drops, actually, which is why my conjunctivitis isn't getting any better.

The next poster can see for miles and miles.


That is only beginning of it.

The next poster doesn't need to see at all.


I just run in to crowds with my mouth open.

The next poster found a novel use for a can opener.

Sovereign Court

And GoatToucher is STILL ​jealous that I found this out first.

The next poster is also jealous.


Were wolves are so free and powerful.

The next poster is also thinking of creating a sick PC.


I make food. Food make sick PC. Food is good. PC is weak.

The next poster has a way to protect himself from food poisoning.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Goodberries. I have a lot of Goodberries. When I do not know what to do, I create some Goodberries. Do you want some Goodberries? They are good... berries.

The next poster has gorged himself with Goodberries.


Actually, I have gorged myself with Goldberry.

o hai there tom.

The next poster has created the Mother Of All Bombadils.


I think that makes me his Grandfather.

Ho de doe. Doily foe. Wash and wit and fallow.
Hor de derve. Daily verve. Sit and eat the mallow!
For come as he. Both as we. Cannot taste the mar.
Ho de doe. Boil'd and grow. Bend down to find the star!

Just totally made that stuff up on the spot.^

The next poster has fathered thousands of offspring.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Oh my, yes. Numbers untold. For now, they wait.

The next poster operates a nursery for my younger progeny.


*A dreamy-type of unfocused camera pans across the nursery. Plucked string music plays from somewhere winding up to a crescendo as JTDV steps on to center stage.

*The scratch of a record stops the music as the camera comes into focus.

JTDV says, "I have them on a working conveyor belt right this second. The batter is ready and I'm just doing quality control checks on random progenies before starting it up."

*Audience: applause!

The next poster also enjoys doughnuts.


No, I do not 'enjoy' doughnuts. Nobody 'enjoys' doughnuts, since it is, in fact, a distressing and unsightly medical condition that I do not believe in making fun of.

The next poster has discovered a cure for doughnuts.


Unfortunately, it requires an operation that only GoatToucher is skilled in performing. Teaching this skill has been banned by a special meeting of the Geneva Convention.

The next poster has seen said operation, and it cannot be unseen . . .


The Pillsbury doughboy had the operation.

The next poster had their junk recycled.


Sort of.
I had this pile of junk piled in my lair, it was becoming an annoyance because I barely could move in the middle of so much junk.
So this adventurers came, took almost all my junk and sold it. I think they are even wearing a piece or two of my junk.
I tend to think of adcenturers as the garbage picking service that nature gives us (I wish they didn't try to kill me each time they come for my junk)

The next poster found something unexpected in my junk.


Unhatched Black Dragon eggs. Man, people are always leaving these things around. I don't want it. Anyone else want it? No? Okay, I'll just leave it where I found it. Ooooh look there. A bottle cap!

The next poster is strapped to a guillotine for a crime they didn't commit.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

"Attempted murder," now honestly, did they ever give anyone a Nobel prize for "attempted chemistry?"

The next poster is strapped to a guillotine on his own will, and will explain why.


She promised to give me some head...

The next poster would like to tell us How To Get Behinds In Business.


NO I DON'T. BUT I ALSO WON'T TELL YOU HOW TO GET AHEAD IN BUSINESS, WHICH WILL ACCOMPLISH MUCH THE SAME THING!!

The next poster disagrees with me!


No, I don't!

The next poster does, though.


Hmmmm. Getting confused here. So I'm agreeing with the person who agreed with the person who disagreed with the person who knows how the second person gets behinds in business, but made it look like they disagreed with the person who disagreed? Ug.

Let's go back to the "behinds in business" and try it this way:

A) I don't like big butts - a lie

B) I like big butts - cannot be a lie

Ah, okay so it's B, and I think I just agreed to something.

The next poster will tell me what I won for getting the question right.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

An even bigger butt!

The next poster would like to clarify whether their sign advertising 'Legs, Bums and Tums' is for an exercise class, a restaurant, or something else entirely.


Something else entirely... :steeples fingers:

The next poster will make a supply run for me.


Here it is! A supply of rum!

The next poster also misread last post.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר
לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר
לִצְפּוֹרלִצְפּוֹרלִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹרלִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר
לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹרלִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר
לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹרלִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר לִצְפּוֹר

There you go - the Mizrahi Last Post. You're welcome.

The next poster has also been made welcome, and is not entirely happy about it.


*A thunderous voice booms: WELCOME TO HEAVEN

Damnit, where are all my peeps?

The next poster has also shown up at the wrong house.


Woke up next to a strange person the next day. Oh, wait, that's the other person. She woke up next to a strange person in her house. I woke up next to a *shudder* NORMAL person. I'm scarred for life.

The next poster is also scarred for life, but in a completely different way.


Indeed. Let me show you...

:does so:

Next poster, kindly silence KahnyaGnorc's screams of horror (mixed with just a *hint* of curiosity).


(Casts a silence spell)

The next poster could also use some magic.


I can, you cannot.
Any use of unsanctioned magic will be prosecuted. Unsanctioned magic is dangerous.

The next poster will prove me right while trying to prove me wrong.


Indeed. In fact, I specialize in making things that are very, very wrong, seem so, so right.

Let me show you...

:does so:

The next poster will dry Lady Audrey's tears in a most unconventional way.

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