The Next Poster...


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It's true. But I feel just awful because he's not talking to me. And now, when I do talk to him, it just looks like I'm crazy...as if I'm talking to nobody.

When the next poster enters their house, they change out of their shoes and a sweater into different shoes and a sweater, singing about some next-door residents.

Dark Archive

1 person marked this as a favorite.

*enters to the fanfare of a cheerful piano tune, accompanied by the monotonous piping of a demoniac flautist*

It's a dark, chill evening in the neighborhood,
A hallowed eve to ritually sacrifice a neighbor!
Would you be Yog-Sothoth's?
Could you be Yog-Sothoth's?
It's a beautiful eve for a sacrifice,
A sacrifice in exchange for personal youth and beauty!
Would you IA! IA!?
Could you IA! IA!?
I have always wanted to kill a neighbor just like you!
I've always wanted to satiate the netherworld with YOU, so...
Let's make the most of this chill blood-moon eve,
There's still greater depths of abyssal power to achieve...
Won't you sip human-blood wine
By my Elder Sign
Whilst I KILL my neighbor?!?

The next poster has recently discovered a forgotten form of magick, and will share its secrets with us!


I will, it is called goblin magic. You have to be as ugly as you can and jump around whilst mumbling incoherently. It works in my head at least...

The next poster has a rare find to show the class.


Oh my, yes.

:produces a fist sized bundle, wrapped in lavender silk:

I found this in... on... a moody drifter who has since "left town".

:unwraps bundle, revealing a [REDACTED]:

Isn't it lovely?

The next poster will have a taste.


I have a taste. It's called classy, and I refuse to look your "gift" in the mouth.

The next poster has a set of jaws inside of their jaws!


Do you see my picture? I have jaws in my jaws inside of my jaws!

The next poster is in love with JTDV.


I've got a thing that's called ankheg love
I've got a cave in the ground . . . ankheg love.

The next poster's been drivin' all night, their hands wet on the wheel...


Jambi's calling. "I need you here!"

Apparently there has been an escape.

the next poster will return my... guest... to my tender care.


He had a 'thing' that was called Radar Love, which luckily made him very easy to track down.

The next poster would like to tell us why Brenda Lee was a-coming on Strong.


No deodorant.

The next poster has made a career of singing dirty lullabies.


Oh yes...

"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little [REDACTED]"

"The Itsy-Bitsy [REDACTED]"

"Old MacDonald Had a Giant [REDACTED]"

"Baa, Baa, Black [REDACTED]"

And don't forget my classic children's books:

"Goodnight [REDACTED]"

"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, [REDACTED]"

"Green [REDACTED] and Ham"

"The Very [REDACTED] Caterpillar"

"Where the Wild Things [REDACTED]"

And

"I Know and Old Lady Who Swallowed a [REDACTED]"

The next poster is my agent, and is entirely responsible for me influencing children all over the world.


There is a special place in Hell for me . . .

The next poster will be my eternal neighbor...


As long as you stay off my lawn.

The next poster knows Benny, from the jet of course


He was oh so weird and wonderful,
you know I read it in a magazine.

The next poster has thought about basing a module on the Hotel California.


We’re going to start session 214 of the campaign tomorrow! The PCs still haven’t found a way out, even after checking out in session 93.

The next poster earns the big bucks in an unusual way.


Deer replicators.

The next poster understands why we need so many bucks.


To buttress Milwaukee's basketball team, of course.

The next poster likes to "buttress" something else entirely . . .


Oh yes. Fortress walls. Of course.

The next poster has found two already, and is looking for the third.


Yeah, these fountains of youth are everywhere nowadays...

The next poster is on the verge of something great.


Silence please. I'm trying to open this bag of corn chips without them exploding all over the room...

The next poster does what with their vacuum cleaner?!?!


Robo bagpipes! (nb: not a euphemism)

The next poster would like to share their recipe for piano rolls.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Well, I kinda cheat - just order from this source - but they're delicious.

QRS has been manufacturing piano rolls since 1900 and is the only manufacturer of piano rolls still in business today, with over 5,000 master recordings and 45,000 music rolls. We have rolls from actual performances by legendary greats such as Liberace, Scott Joplin, Fats Waller and George Gershwin, among others. We also offer more contemporary selections from artists ranging from Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Ella Fitzgerald to Elton John, Billy Joel, and Yanni. To view our Piano Roll offerings, click on the appropriate category to the left.

The next poster has actually tasted my piano rolls, and lived...sort of.


I'm only partly dead.

The next poster is 1/4 alive, 1/4 dead, 1/4 in-between, and 1/4 wtf


To be...or not to be?

Next poster: Who's on first?


I don't know...third base ! ! !

The next poster lays eggs.


I do indeed, and have for years, but that's not the interesting part.

The next poster knows what is in the eggs.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Official invitation cards to Bilderberg Group meetings. That's where they come from. Nobody even knows who the year's guests will be until they hatch.

The next poster is an exotic cheese snob.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

If you all think I'm going to share my knowledge of 12-year aged Roquefort or the monera count of certain camembert mold strains, you've got another thing coming.

And that thing is a giant Cheddar wheel, headed for your head.

The next poster likes posters.


You're a good poster, Sliska Zafir! I like you!

The next poster is afraid of homonyms.


I never know if I am spelling it backwards or forwards.....Am I grammatically correct or not!

The next poster discovered a rare strain.


I worked with a guy with the surname Strain. He was never cooked that much, so quite rare.

The next poster has discovered an unusual, but effective, way to cook steaks to perfection.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

But you have to be a 5th level summoner - 5 rounds of the fire elemental holding the dragonsteak imparts a sulphurous undertone that is harsh on the nostrils but caresses the palate.

The next poster discovered a new language while reading an alien Rosetta stone.


I DID! However I'm still having a hard time understanding it...

The next poster has had one too many.


Well, I had one too few, then I got one more, but with that one came another, free, one. So, I thought "I can't turn down a FREE one. I mean, how many times does that really happen? Not very often, that's how many!" So, I took it. Now, I have one too many.

The next poster is a big fan of one particular prime number...


What can I say? 2 and me go way back.

The next poster regrets something they know they are alone in missing.


Remember the days when I had won the “Last One to Post Wins” thread? Those were good days...

... for me.

The next poster just remembered something that they had to do a year ago.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

And that was to plan the year ahead. Whoops! Forgot to do it.

The next poster expectorates unexpectedly.


<cough cough cough cough cough cough ... >

da da

da da da

d-da da

da da

da da da

I love you sweetleaf!

The next poster loves a different kind of leaf.


Leif Erickson!

The next poster is a Viking!

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Of all the kings, I vied the most. Crown me!

Backward this read can poster next the.


Call me a drawkcab will you? We'll see how your slander stands up in the court of law!

The next poster is the judge.


Dearly beloved, we are here to celebrate this thing call life.

The next poster is also an imposter in the court of law.


I'm the love-matic Barrister, and I want you to hold my briefs.

The next poster is auditing Judge Dredd.


ISO CUBE ON MARS FOR FIVE HUNDRED YEARS!!!!

The next poster wants mercy.


Please! Let me live...don't do it!

The next poster shall give the final judgment.


"Overruled!"

The next poster objects.

Liberty's Edge

*is an object*

*beepbeepwhistlewhistleTHIS*


The last poster didn't read the rules I think.

The next poster will reprimand them for it.


I commit Order 66 on that poster...and on Goblinbane just for good measure.

The next poster likes to remove keys from their keyboard for a more feng shuiy look and feel.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Idd. y lif hs co so uch tt sic I d th chg.

Th xt post hs id tht will sv s ll.

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