Fawtly DM's page

I am going to GM tomorrow. Unless something explodes or something.

One player will be probably absent unless the weather will be foul - she will have some family meeting/trip in case of good weather.
I don't want the weather to be foul because it will increase my ticket expenditure to get on the place but it would be nice to have a complete party. How am I going to do a TPK when there are party members absent?

When the missing player returns require a Will save DC 50, or the PC dies from shock at seeing their companions bodies strewn about their living room.

Oh good grief, I just killed a party member.

HUZZAH!!

As you flee through the woods it isn't long before you hear the sound of barking cutting through the air, it last for only a moment before the sound is cut off in a sharp yelp, then is forever silenced.

M, did you still want to creep back and take a gander?

I took last night off to celebrate the little one's 3rd birthday, I'll be back this afternoon after work, anyone who hasn't posted by then will be assumed to be following along with the others.

"Very well, then, let us make a run for it. Once we get well away, mayhap I can sneak back and catch sight of this Snow White and her army of dwarven men."

Hieron commands the hound to remain behind and bark when the dwarves come into view, to give them some idea of how far behind us they are. He hoists a pig up on his shoulders and vamooses.

** spoiler omitted **

From outside you hear the sound of the drums beat louder and louder as the source comes closer and closer, at this rate it will only be a few more minutes before it has arrived at the house you now occupy.

Aevelyn shudders as she feels the arctic chill enter the tiny hut. "Look, you feral beastling, I don't think we have time for a good old fashioned barbeque. In case you hadn't noticed, this party is about to be crashed."

She heads over to the cringing piglet, and continues, "Let's grab this one and go. I am sure the Lord President Moorluck will be satisfied with this one."

The "pig" eyes you for a moment, then his mind made up he says, "Youz getz me brudders an me outa herez and I'z'll go where da f*#! evahz you wantz me ta'!"

From outside you here the wind pick up, sending a chilling blast across the home.

Knowledge [local] 1d20+9. Have I heard of this lady and her dwarves? Are they well-known in these parts?

You know the basics of the fairy tail, but you also know that Snow White was a power mad harlot that seduced an army of 7000 dwarves to her side. She destroyed her step-mother and lay waste to her fathers kingdom, plunging it into an eternal winter.

So, um, who's the "bad guy"? And -- pig -- where are your brothers?

With a shaky hand he points behind you, to either side of the door where two mangled and very dead pig/halfling hybrids lie.

"Az Bacon!? Bacon'z deed ya frakkin jerkwad, I'uz Hamhock! Ans yoo guyz is in deep doo-doo! The frightened pig tells you from under the flimsy table he has taken refuge under.

"And hooze iz Sheen? HOOZE IZ SHEEN!? Snowz-freakinz-White iz hooz SHEEN iz!, sheen comed inz here and sez to uz to bugger out. Sez thit Thiz land herz now, herz and her 7000 dwarvezez. Sheen gived me a day ta get cleared out, but how kin I leevez me poor brudderz here? And now youz iz in deep doo-doo, cause time iz up!"

From out side you hear the wind begin to pick up, carrying with it an arctic wind.... and in the distance you detect the faint sound of dwarven drums beating... getting louder as the source moves closer with each passing second.

Thinking quickly and trusting to the luck of his god, Hieron finishes his summoning, but instead places the dog on the porch where it can sound a warning if anyone approaches the house. When he finishes casting, he moves quickly towards the door while trying to take in any details that would help him assess this surprising turn of events.

Perception Check 1d20+2

Yay! we're back!! :D

As the cleric begins his casting the door swings open, and a filthy terrified halfling/pig hybrid stares at Pip with bloodshot eyes, his whole body trembles in abject terror as he shrieks, "Git n'here afore sheen cohm backs!!, with that he dives back in the house and, leaving the door open dives under a table in the filthy home.

I'd like you to finish your casting, but everyone needs to make perception checks as well.

Moorluck wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

Moorluck wrote:

~Sits waiting for Leafy to do something....~

:P

you look ready to pounce.

More than in a long time I long to back in the ring.

Wait, the PbP! Are we back? Am I on? OMG! Where is it?

I never heard back from everyone, but I would like to give it another go sometime. :/

Fawtly DM wrote:

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

Morning! Going to breakfast with wife.

No Joycean ejaculations this morning?

Homicidal Halfling? Is our PbP coming back? Or am I missing the reference?

I tried to resurrect our PbP, somebody never posted.

Sorry...remember I was in bed for two weeks after the return from FL.

:(

Would you be interested in said PbP still?

I'd like everyone who would like to get it going again to let me know, if you guys are up for it, we just need to find someone to replace Flash and I'd love to give the old FaWTL try. :)

Morning! Going to breakfast with wife.

No Joycean ejaculations this morning?

Homicidal Halfling? Is our PbP coming back? Or am I missing the reference?

I tried to resurrect our PbP, somebody never posted.

BUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP!!!!!

Perception 1d20+6

Pip

Sense motive 1d20+1

Pipp has a rare moment of coherence and grasps Aevelyn's message. He sneaks around the house to get a closer look.

Stealth 1d20+7

The happy go lucky bard creeps unseen around the house towards the window, not a sound is heard as he steathily positions himself to get a better look.

Perception check Pip

Aevelyn BlackHair wrote:

Aevelyn looks across to her companions and waves over to the cottage, while shielding her eyes from the glare. She says loudly, ”Wow, it sure is hot today! It would be nice if we could find some shade!”

Bluff check to pass hidden message there is someone home:
1d20+7

do I have to roll to see if I pick up the message?

"you weak willed woman go sit under a tree"
bluff check to pass hidden message preparing malatov
1d20+3

Yes, you need to make a Sense Motive check to understand what she's doing, I'll allow a +2 bonus because you know each other well

So what is everyone else doing?

Fawtly DM wrote:

Is she looking for anything in particular, tracks, specific bones, etc? Or is this a general scan of the garden area?

Just a general scan, also seeing if anybody else is home, he he

A general scan of the area does elude to the majority of the bones being of humaniod, probably elvish, origin. One of the morbid trophies is tied in a crude cross topped with a skull, it leans to one side precariously.

Out of the corner of her eye she notes a brief flickering movement of one of the curtains.

"If someone is going to start dinner, I'm gonna join in!"

Mal tears a ribbon of cloth form somewhere, as well as grabs a flask of oil and a tindertwig. Just to get ready if a party needs started

Despite the sturdy stone construction of the home, the roof apears to be made from flamable thatch if that is what you want to do.

Aevelyn looks over the bone garden, and thinks, Gods, what a dump! while approaching cautiously.

Perception 1d20+7

Is she looking for anything in particular, tracks, specific bones, etc? Or is this a general scan of the garden area?

PaizoDM wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

Justin Franklin wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

Thread dumps are fun, and a necessary part of a healthy system.

Agreed and well done.

That'll teach that troll and his lack of an arsenal of aliases. Noob. :)

Hey I only have one alias.:) But it did allow me to trump FHDM.:)

Arrrrgggghhh!!!

~taps foot while holding a baseball bat.~

Excuse me....

With a rushing boom and the smell of turkey, booze, and anti-depressants the time warp ends sending shivers down the spines of the stalwart heroes...

The bone garden is much like any other small country garden, only with broken gnawed upon bones jutting from the ground, almost as if the sadistic pigs expect to grow fresh victims from the bleached trophies. Still nothing rushes from the stone cottage to challenge you, but certainly your luck will no be eternal.

Welcome back guys.

The Holy warrior examines the empty jug, and other than the smell of mushroom based spirits it is unremarkable. Whatever was in that jug was incredibly potent... you sure wouldn't want to drink that stuff anywhere near an open flame.

I know that Baz wanted to check out the bone garden next, is that where you guys are headed?

following Aevelyn's guidance Maulfeuer looks to see if there is anything special up ahead

perception:1d20+2

"Why the little one needs lotion, I do not want to know"

blind Maulfeuer is blind

Maulfeuer stares bug-eyed at his surroundings.

Fawtly DM wrote:

What do you guys want to do at this point?

Is there smoke coming from the chimney?

Also, looking around to see if there is any other evidence of where they might be.

Perception: 1d20+5

Jyg'g wrote:

Blergh! Jyg'g goes ah'stniffn the trail. If dere anyee bread crumms, dey're Jyg'gs!

Translation: "My hands are dirty. Anyone have some lotion?"

I was wondering if anyone would inquire about the chimney.

Baz intently looks from one area of the clearing to the next.

Aevelyn whispers into Malfleurs ear, "I wonder if those nasty pigs are home right now?" She stares over at the clearing, looking for any signs of life or movement. Perception 1d20+7]

As you scan the surrounding area, you notice nothing noteworthy.

Sorry to be dumb, but how many of us are there here? We have six PBR restoratives, we can either split between 6 people or one person can carry them all as needed. Maybe it's better tactics to split them up?

7 if Flash is still with us, 6 otherwise.

What do you guys want to do at this point?

Aevelyn has the belt, but has not put it on yet...trying to figure out if playing a male character is easier than a female one in Fawltyland, he he

You assume I would be so predictable? :P

Aevelyn has the belt, but has not put it on yet...trying to figure out if playing a male character is easier than a female one in Fawltyland, he he

You assume I would be so predictable? :P

With Mclovin the Omelette loving webtroll now but ashes, the heroes(?) now turn their short attention spans back to the quest at hand.

It is not hard to re-acquire the trail to the stone house of the Three Little Pigs, and after only a few short hours hike through a forest of giant Henna you find yourself coming to a clearing the center of which is dominated by a squat stone structure with a thatch roof. The door of this structure is solid oak and a chimney climbs up the west side of the home. There is a garden of bones, some humanoid, on the opposite side of the home..... you now stand only a dozen yards from the home of the infamous Three Little Pigs.

Just for my records who took what treasure?

Aevelyn shudders at the thought of that...thing that she gave 'birth' to. She decides to check the belt for magical auras. Detect Magic

The belt radiates Transmutation magics.

Sorry I've been MIA guys, rough week.

Aevelyn claims the belt, anybody want the blade?

After a thorough search of the cave you find the whole of the trolls treasure. It consist of a broken longsword(usable as a short sword) that does radiate magic, a six pack of PBR (Powerful Brew of Restoration), and a golden belt depicting men and women dancing.

Woody, we'll put torchy on the back burner until you get back, we understand RL and this is a casual enough game for anybody to come and go without a problem.

After a brief survey of the lair you spot enough alchemist fire to torch the butt ugly foul mouthed scrawny twit.

So ... why were we here again? Were we gathering information or was this just along the way?

Who was hit? Jyg'g -- you alright?

you had to pass through its turf to get to the 3pigs brickhouse.

jyg'g was the one hit.

Hieron gives up on spell casting. He attempts to close with the troll so as to flank it. (Will let DM add bonus or not.)

Hefting his caduceus, he aims it's axe blade and sends it trollwards with a shout.

Take this, foul cave creeper!

1d20+5
+2 for flanking = 17?
Damage if hit:
1d8+4

As Hieron buries his axe-blade into McLovins skull the "foul cave creeper" goes down in heap,"F&!# yoos! I is leavin' and yoos all suxors!!" he swears as the last life leaves his sorry form.

Scratch those AoO guys, this WebTroll bit the dust.

The crap spewing monstrosity seems upset at having lost its former footing and swings madly at the orcling before trying to rush past and get to the stone spiderweb covered desk."Ahhhg, nononononononononononono! Yoos guys stop pickin' on me!"

His claws strike Jyg'g across the shoulder for 3 points of damage.

McLovin provokes attacks of opportunity from everyone engaged in melee at this time.

As Baz distracts the webtroll with his hammer, Jyg'g continues to do the ole one-two with his ax.

Primary Axe 1: 1d20+4+1 If successful: 1d4+3

Off-Hand Axe 2: 1d20+4+1 If successful: 1d4+1

doncha be frooshkin' wit mah or else iah gonna frack youse up likesah iah did to youse awhn dah last schwoop!

*snikt* *snikt*

Although the first swing misses, the second opens a deep gash across its side.

I think this creature needs more iron in its diet. EAT HAMMER!

Using Smite Evil

To hit -- 1d20+7+3
If successful -- 1d8+2+3

** spoiler omitted **

Baz lands a staggering blow to the foul beast, causing it to fall back breifly. You note that as it does it seems to begin to reduce to its former size.

Aevelyn watches the display of martial prowess displayed by her companion, and sees an opportunity to strike. She circles around the Webtroll, and then pulls out her oddly shaped mace. Grasping it firmly, she utters a magical phrase and the mace vibrates and tingles in her hand.

Move 30' around to rear of Webtroll.
activate Arcane Strike, for weapons deal +1 dmg and are considered magic vs. DR
Attack Mace 1d20+4+2 Flank,
damage 1d6+1+1 STR, Arcane Strike
Sneak Attack 1d6

Although the swing does indeed strike sickly troll-flesh, in his rage McLovin seems not to notice as it repels against his ugly hide.

Initiative Order is as follows:

Aevelyn=15.
Baz=15.
Mclovin the Egg loving webtroll=13.(Flat Footed for first round.)
Jyg'g=12.
Heiron=12.
Pip=10.
Skia=last. :P

Initiative Order. So I think it's Aevy's turn again.

Since the party is already blessed, and Pipp seems strangely well-versed in stacking rules, instead of breaking into song he resorts to a trick of magic he learned on the road.

Daze: (Only works if he has 4 or fewer HD) DC 15 Will save negates. If he fails, he is dazed for 1 round and can take no actions, but has no penalty to AC.

Sensing the magic being worked on him the WebTroll sneers,"Ha! You can't enspell me! I'm too.......droool"

Seeing the hideous creature busy with the others, CHisora moves out behind it and strikes quickly with the gleaming sickle in her outstretched hand.

Attack McLovin with Hekate's Fili: 1d20 + 8
Damage: 1d6 - 1

The drow aims her attack the soft line where Mclovins spine would be, if he had one, but she has to pull her swing short to avoid being gutted by Jyg's second attack.

Hissing and snarling like a pair of tomcats in a mexican standoff, Jyg'g attempts to go for the jugular.

Primary Axe 1: 1d20+4+1 If successful: 1d4+3

Off-Hand Axe 2: 1d20+4+1 If successful: 1d4+1

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND CRAWL BACK UNDAH THE BRIDGE AND SWIM IN DAH SHAT FROM WHICH YA FEESSTEERR! HIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YAH! AH CHOPPAY SOOOEEEEY!

As the orcling darts in his first swing opens a long gash in the poo flinging beast, his brown blood splashing the floor. His second attack however seems to flail somewhere out in left feild.

"Yer so lucky we ain't playin fer really reals punk! Otherwise I'da kicked yer ass already!"

Fortitude Save: 1d20 + 8

*burp*

Despite the dripping mess before him Jyg'g is Da Good!...and he's up to bat. Followed by Pip.

Fortitude 1d20+3

The merry Pip doth posses an iron gut!

Fawtly DM wrote:

Baz make a Fort save to resit being sickened, and follow that with a Will save to resist another effect of dealing with Webtrolls.

Fort: 1d20+9

Will: 1d20+9 (+2 more vs enchantment)

Baz fights back the vomit, and resist the urge to swear like a drunk whore in heat, and other than needing a hot bath a change of clothes and maybe some of Lady Solnes' Brain Bleach, he is unharmed.

Baz swings true and his Hammer shatters Mclovins knee, eliciting a deep rumbling roar, the Webtroll seems to focus his rage on this new threat.

He belches a stream of liquid fecal matter aimed at the man,
Spew Crap, Ranged Touch:1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18,
The blast is accompanied by a loud amalgam of insults in host of varied languages. The results are as impressive as they are grotesque. Baz finds himself covered in dripping brown poo, he doesn't seem to be injured but he does seem to be fighting the urge to vomit.

Baz make a Fort save to resit being sickened, and follow that with a Will save to resist another effect of dealing with Webtrolls.
Everyone within 10 foot of him needs a Fort save or be Nauseated.