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All I do is grunt and groan
All the time, such aggravation
Feel so old, too much bad pain
Hurts me bad in a tender location
I-
You may not be familiar with the common types
There's incomplete...!
Epigastric...!
Bladder...!
Strangulated...!
Lumbar hernia...!
Richter's hernia...!
Obstructed...!
...inguinal...
There wouldn't happen to be "a named NPC scholar, knowledgeable spellcaster, or similar figure" around whom I could try recruiting to the Dark Archive, would there? If so, I would automatically succeed on the DC 25 Knowledge (Arcana) check to do so! Similarly, I hate to say it, BUT that Exchange Faction-only Boon should be crossed off my sheet. Also, you forgot my Day Job gold.
Dr. Vitruvian does something you hadn't ever seen him do before: Fly straight over the battlefield with all the speed and unnatural ease of a djinni, before tossing down another of his cryogenic globes!
Dr. Vitruvian doles out today's concoctions: For Maudril, he offers much the same as before - a hefty, pale-turquoise pickled-egg-like lozenge, a bit like a pickled egg in sheen and texture, and another strange, needle-like made from some kind of hard blue pastry. In addition, he gives him a phial of glittery bluish-white sludge, topped with an oddly-shaped copper stopper. "This is much the same idea as that last one I gave you. See this end? Before battle, you need only strike that against your midsection; I recommend going for the mail portions of your armor. If they strike you, they'll pay for it immediately." He also prescribes a small brick of blue-grey, spongy yet powdery matter. "Just in case they literally have you against a wall," he explains. "Give this a good smash between your palms, and do be sure to inhale the vapors that come out when you do." To Ogren he gives another of the copper-stopped sludge-phials, as well as a cave cricket that has been cooked to the point of becoming translucent, reeks of distilled spirits, and is encrusted with what look like hard sugar crystals. "Just eat this, and it should give your jumping muscles a substantial, but brief boost. I've never tried this one before, let me know how it fares." To Malaika, he gives a thin ampoule of effervescent pink syrup with a sour-sweet scent. "Contained within is a means to protect your vital organs - or perhaps it is better to say, a means for your vital organs to protect themselves. It may cause any number of strange sensations, but they should be harmless in the long term." To Swayaah he gives another amaretto-like philter, another of the strange blue pastry-needles, and another eyeball-potion, since she liked the last one so much. Finally , for himself he takes another disturbing black wafer, another of his pyrite tea-flagons, a small vial of lambent, nearly-vaporous blue liquid, a very small bottle of what looks like very dark-colored quicksilver, a tiny golden box from which he uses tweezers to extract what looks like a lambent bluish-silvery egg-white and place it on his forehead, where it promptly sublimes, and a thick flask filled with something that bubbles furiously - drinking this last causes him to thrash furiously as his body twists and shifts into something all but unrecognizable, equal parts elf, demon, skeleton, and crustacean .
Dr. Vitruvian looks from his companions to the governor, his eyes cryptic as ever but his expression betraying his puzzlement. "Did I...miss something? Do you have a 'history' with the clockworks? More to the point, are you saying there is some reason you fear they would pursue you if you fled? That's the only only reason I can think of you'd be bothering to sideswipe the clockwork...that or you wish to smash them so you can dig up their scrap like an otter cracking a clam. 'Petty games of vengeance' doesn't seem like you, Governor."
"Astonishing..." Utters Dr. Vitruvian at the horrible undead hulk, turning to the critical work of taking notes and sketches of his find before his companions can destroy it....
The doctor wanders around the settlement as if in a trance. "Come with me, and we'll be in a world of complex irrigation..."
"...I see fishing techniques that defy classification!"
"If you want to view trilobites, simply look around and you will!"
"It seems any sale you'd wish to make, they can do it..."
"...Want to taste Nar-Voth? There's nothing to it."
"There is no form of life I know quite like this fungus infestation!"
"Thriving in this lake bed's easy...if you like it 39 degrees."
Please excuse this moment but I will be losing a family member today and will be out for three days of mourning returning on Mon or Tues. My condolences. Do you mind if I ask why you say that in the future tense? It's not normally the sort of thing that can be foretold ahead of time (at least, not with to-the-day accuracy).
"Why, yes; that sounds good." Heal DC 24 OR Knowledge (Nature) DC 19: You are reminded of the doctor's disturbingly gaunt appearance. Studying him more closely, you find yourself more disturbed still; a man who looks like this shouldn't be alive, much less up and moving around with the speed and vigor you've seen him demonstrate.
...the doctor continues as he also gives Maudril what looks like a long needle made from some kind of hard blue pastry. "Give this a good bite so that it stabs you in the tongue or the roof of your mouth..."
"You only live twice. Or thrice. I forgot how many plants have tried to dissect me."
"Fantastic!" Dr. Vitruvian mutters to himself as he observes the transformation. After a moment he adds, "Oh, and if you find it 'spicy,' I recommend you dramatically increase your citrus consumption for the next few days. Just to be safe. Perhaps a few playing cards' worth of paper, too."
Uncertain how to handle the governor's stubborn disbelief - or under the circumstances, might it just be predictable jaded skepticism? - in the face of impending doom, Dr. Vitruvian retreats to brew up a few more alchana for their excursion. When he catches up with the others, he does so bearing gifts: To Malaika, he presents what appears to be a twist of dark wine-colored candy, flaring at the sides into brassy winglets. "I suspect this will come in handy against clockwork constructs," he explains. "They are often built to conduct, or even generate, galvanic forces, and if you take this not too long before we engage with them, it will enable you to hold a charge they use against you, and turn it back." To Ogren he presents a little gelatinous bead that looks like a cat's-eye marble. "A little eye-opener for the trail, if you will." To Maudril he gives a hefty, pale-turquoise lozenge, a bit like a pickled egg in sheen and texture. "This isn't much, but it might save your life if you overexpend yourself," he says simply. "More exciting, perhaps, is this," the doctor continues as he also gives Maudril what looks like a long needle made from some kind of hard blue pastry. "Give this a good bite so that it stabs you in the tongue or the roof of your mouth; it will crumble almost immediately and render your blood a powerful solvent, and I DO mean powerful! I suggest reserving it for a difficult battle, it will not last long." Finally, to Swayaah he gives a philter of what looks like amaretto, save for its disturbing phosphorescent glimmer. "Drink this and you - or perhaps your friend - will be able to cough up a few gouts of fire," He says cheerfully. He also gives her a heavy opaque flask reminiscent of an Osirian pyramid, from the top of which emerges the odor of caviar and the occasional tiny, delicate bubble. "I'm especially proud of this one; it will last for hours, so feel free to take it now. Do NOT be alarmed by the results, they should prove supremely useful!" That taken care of, he takes a few medicines of his own: A tiny bottle of what look like steel-grey fireflies which which he dusts his body and equipment, what looks like a black wafer or flattened rum ball, and a pyrite flagon containing what looks and smells like cloudy gray tea.
The Elven physician's expression becomes one of faint puzzlement. "What, then, IS an efficiently-run local government's primary purpose...?"
Dr. Vitruvian remains almost impossibly still on the ride downward, his gaze seemingly fixed on the structure of the lift itself, and his mouth moving only enough to speak in an ominously soft voice: "Do you see them? This entire apparatus we now ride in has been rigged - there, there's another one! - it's been rigged several times over to collapse upon itself. I wager one of those guards up there could do it all by himself, if he needed...if he wished...."
Dr. Vitruvian reaches deep into his big black bag, and gingerly pulls out what looks like a small, desiccated, somewhat lamprey-like fish, dusted with faintly glittering bluish-gold powder. He proffers it to Malaika. "Here, try this; put it snugly, maw-first, into your ear, and you will begin to understand their speech."
@DM: Just so you know, I've got a number of very special defenses: a +1 dodge bonus to AC against weapons of the Spear weapon category thanks to a Boon from a previous Chronicle. Also, I've got a 25% "Fortification" courtesy of the Preserve Organs Discovery, as well as Lingering Spirit, and now, this!!!
Somewhere nearer the back of the caravan is an elf in immaculate white physician's garb. In addition to his haversack and a brace of what appear to be traditional Elven weapons in rather non-traditional design, he carries a large, heavy-looking black bag. His gaunt, ashen-colored face, delicate straw-blonde hair, and eyes like the walls of some ancient glacier are striking enough, but even beneath that there is something...unnatural about him. He says nothing as of yet, but serenely observes his surroundings as he begins setting up a place for himself.
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