Jake is the rebel beefcake in a leather jacket that statutory raped Kelly from 90210 and was awarded with his own spin-off (Melrose Place).
And now you know, the rest of the story.
Mostly I was saying Tequila can be the beefcake, it's probably best the statutory rape is left out entirely.
How I stabbed myself with the toilet.
Directly underneath the toilet handle is washer thingy with a stub to catch the toilet handle. Our washer likes to shift so the chain gets caught on something. But it's a simple fix to tighten it up again. Apparently, my thumb slipped ever so slightly as I was tightening it and stabbed it on the stub underneath the toilet handle, more of a prick really, but it hurt.
Three days before Pea Bear's spring chorus concert she comes to us with a problem. She can't find her solid black leggings or whatever they're called that she absolutely had to wear. She checked her dresser and closet and they're nowhere. "No problem, they're probably in your basket of clean clothes you need to put away or in your basket of dirty clothes you need to wash. Just put away and wash your laundry and they'll turn up" the General said, every single day. The night of the concert rolls around and Pea Bear is in a panic, she still can't find them! "Did you wash and put away your laundry" " well, no" "did you look through the basket of clean laundry" "no..." *exasperated sigh!*
She finally settled on her black leggings with shamrocks on the bottom and wore tall boots.
Of course, it was a non issue as only five out of how many kids wore straight black leggings.
The next day, Pea Bear gets dressed for school and comes out of her room wearing straight black leggings. "Where did you find those then" Pea Bear (meekly) "in my dresser" I laugh in resigned exasperation as the General turns a bright shade of red with smoke emerging from her ears that can only be achieved by cartoons or parenting teenagers.
Honestly, it's times like that where I stroke my goatee thoughtfully, then start making s#@~ up.
But in order for them to believe you, you have to start out "absolutely!" first, then branch off from there.
But always, and I mean always end it with "...And that's why Jesus and the Easter Bunny sank Atlantis!"
Captain Yesterday's Cautionary Tale Time!
If you happen to work at a toy store, and you get your sick child a toy whilst checking your weekly schedule. They will forever more expect a toy when you return from checking your weekly schedule. And you'll hear a near constant stream of "...And on the fourth day you check your schedule I want this toy...".
Moral of the story: Tell your kids you work at a strip club or for the mob, anything except that you work at a toy store.
No one knows exactly why Captain Yesterday decided to go into work that day when they called him in.
Perhaps it was the winter madness, taking root earlier then usual. Some people say his heart grew three sizes that day. The eldest among us believe he became greedy with that sweet Christmas bling.
What do I believe? I think he was just wack.
And probably stupid, it's f*!@ing cold out!
Now, I'm conflicted.
This alias leaves me with a few options.
1. Start ten threads petitioning Chris for more characters for names, as my first choice of "Cap'n Yesterday's Old Wives Tales" was too long.
2. Thank the powers that be (Chris) because now I have to know, who StoryTim is, and how to make it wack.
Also what was it for...