Happy Gobboween!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Joy to the world on this glorious, sucrose-fueled nightmare night! And if you Paizonians are anything like the Paizo staff, then you know there’s only one way to celebrate Halloween: By hiding your face so evil spirits can’t find you and make you learn to read.

But this year is different! This year you can hide your face in style with your very own Paizo Pathfinder goblin* mask, free of charge. To bring your goblin face to life, just follow these easy instructions:

1. Download this handy goblin-face PDF and print it out on your home system. Don’t have a color printer? No problem! Goblins print just as fiercely in black and white, and then you can color it in yourself and fool your friends and neighbors into thinking you have crazy, Paizo-level artistic talent. Don’t have a printer at all? Also not a problem! Just grab a piece of paper, draw a circle, add two red eyes and approximately fourteen thousand teeth.**
2. Paste your goblin face and ears to poster board for added stability.
3. Carefully cut out your goblin face and both ears along the dotted lines, then snip out the dotted eyeholes in the face. Kids: Always remember to get an adult’s help when using scissors! Adults: Always remember to get a kid’s help when following dotted lines! To make your goblin performance more authentic, do not cut out the eyeholes and instead cut out a tongue-hole.***
4. Glue, staple, or magically bond the ears to their appropriate sides of the goblin face. If you can read the abhorrent letter guides, you are not a true goblin and should stop this farce immediately!
5. Use string, tape, rubber bands, or spittle to secure the goblin mask to your face. Drool to excess.
6. When evil spirits come looking for living to torment, simply cock your head toward someone not wearing a goblin mask and give them a wink. They’ll understand.

If you want to make your goblin appearance more genuine, try a few last-minute, so-easy-an-elf-could-do-it goblin costume tricks:

• Roll your rattiest clothing around under the car. Alternatively, roll your clothes around in rats.
• Smear a little black makeup around your eyes to help them blend with the mask. Or to reflect the darkness in your soul.
• Eat a pickle.
• Brush your clothing’s elbows, knees, and cuffs with rough sandpaper or a wire brush to make it appropriately goblin-esque.
• Grab a paper towel tube and stuff one end with red crepe paper, wrapping paper, and ribbon for an impromptu (but sadly not enflamed) torch. Tape a small flashlight in the other end to give it a bit of a glow! For a more authentic goblin torch, melt pitch and bear fat and use a bigger flashlight.
• Hose your forearms with a little hairspray or spray adhesive, then run them under the bed!
• Eat another pickle.
• Practice your crazy laugh. 90% of goblin is attitude (much of the rest of snot and belly-button lint); the laugh is half the attitude. So if you master the laugh, you’re like... 97% goblin.

Download the Paizo Pathfinder Goblin Mask!* - (864 KB zip/PDF)

Crystal Frasier
Production Specialist

* Any resemblance to actual goblins, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
** Fourteen thousand is merely a rough estimate. Goblins mouths range anywhere from seven to twenty thousand teeth. Shazo the Grinny currently holds the record for most teeth in a single mouth at 21,337 (not all his).
*** Paizo does not advocate this approach for anyone without the Blind Fighting feat. Or anyone. Ever.