”Bah! Don’t care about saving any lives but my own. But if you can promise discretion, I’ll do the job for 200 gp.”
”Return tomorrow evening and the forms will be complete.”
Farrina leans over and indicates a spot on the form. "And could you make the officer responsible for collections a captain?" she says with a grin.
"I always like being a captain," she says to the rest as an aside.
”Of course!” Ruba cackles, clacking her wooden teeth together.
"Thank you. You won't regret this." Seraphina says with a smile.
While you wait for Ruba to complete her task, you return to the Tooth and Nail for an evening of fun and relaxation. Unlike the more peaceful ambiance of the Long Roads Coffeehouse, the tavern is lively and boisterous. Setrona keeps the drinks flowing as you unwind with your fellow rebels, playing games such as devilpin and odds and evens.
A frail-looking, dark-haired woman makes her way through the crowd, passing out candied blackberry tarts. She wears a simple dress, a patch over one eye, soft leather gloves on her hands, and a fancy rectangular talisman hung about her neck. This is Luculla Gens, the owner of the neighboring confectioner's shop, Sweet Tooth. "The day's leftovers just go to waste if they're not eaten. Please, enjoy!" she says with a coy smile.
Farrina eyes the tart suspiciously. "Nothing's ever free. I'll pass," she says with narrowed eyes before turning back to continue the joke she was telling to a small group of men that had gathered around her.
"You're welcome. I did all the cooking, yes. It's my mother's recipe, though. I'm glad you like it!" Luculla says, smiling at Adolina.
"You could say that," Luculla says, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "If you're interested in becoming a pastry chef, maybe I could teach you some time. As long as you promise not to become a better chef than me!"
"If you're interested in becoming a pastry, maybe I could ...
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"You could say that," Luculla says, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "If you're interested in becoming a pastry chef, maybe I could teach you some time. As long as you promise not to become a better chef than me!"
"That's very unlikely, unless you're an even better teacher than you are cook." Adolina replies with a smile. "Ladies, care to join me?"
Farrina waves her off, quite happy to be at the center of a ring of attention.
Tanjona watches the exchange a bit incredulously, but he does accept a lemon tart. He is, after all, always hungry.
"Well, come by Sweet Tooth some evening and we'll have some fun together. Uh, have fun baking, that is!" Luculla says with a nervous laugh. "Have a good evening!" She departs with a smile.
Seraphina says through a half-full mouth of pastry "Thwese arhe wreally goof!" After swallowing her bite, she adds "And she was a very nice lady."
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Adolina shoots a wink at the retreating pasty cook and laughs heartily when she flushes, before waving goodbye.
"We're coming here after closing time at the sweet shop every day now!" She says firmly, "These are too good to miss!"
It's very nice to just have a completely relaxed evening for once, without danger, Thrune or anything that can ruin the night.
"I'm telling you, you grab my ass just one more time and I'm turning your sword into a rotten banana! And I don't mean the one in your scabbard." Farrina says loudly. "Now watch one more time and if you can't find the queen by now, we're done for the night."
"I mean it's kind of obvious," one of the men says with a rude snort.
"Maybe to a genius like you," Farrina counters with a smirk. "But Benden here hasn't figured it out yet." More guffaws follow. "And if one of you says a word, the show's over."
"Aww."
With one member of the group still not having figured out the joke, the party breaks up a little bit later.
"Nice boys," the Colorful One says as they leave. "Good tippers. I'm gonna have a bruise on my butt, though. Benden just couldn't keep his hand to himself."
"I can cut his hand off if he does it again," offers Tanjona.
You enjoy the rest of the night and lay low the following day. When you return to Ruba Fenquay the next evening, she hands you the forged prisoner transfer orders. ”Here you go. Pleasure doing business with you!”
Farrina spends the rest of the evening fashioning up suitable facsimiles of Dottari uniforms for the others from the pile of textiles filling her room.
Then attired in her own glamour of a tall, dark-haired, impeccably uniformed captain, she leads them to the scene of the crime. She checks that the forged papers are where they should be and pauses for a moment to sink into her character. Her shoulders becoming broader. Her back becoming straighter. The look of commanding arrogance falling into place on her face. She reaches up to stroke the precisely trimmed goatee. "Follow me," she says in the perfect combination of disdain and impatience.
"Wow," says Tanjona at the Fabulous One's disguise. "I had a sudden urge to stab you."
"What the-" Seraphina gasps at the disguise, "Is that-" she stammers "No."
She whistles, "Wowww. You look just like a man! And the attitude! Nice job!" she compliments, clapping her hands. "Do me next, do me!"
Tanjona silently is thankful as Adolina takes matters in hand and avoids the obvious snickering spin-offs on "do me."
"Oh. Right. Of course." Seraphina says nodding to Adolina, slightly sad she won't get to play dress up. "That makes sense. I'm good at being forgettable."
She zips her fingers across her lips "You won't even know I'm there."
That very night, you approach the Holding House, clad in your disguises. The front door is locked at this late hour, but at your knocking, a pair of dottari open it and peer out at you suspiciously. "A bit late to come calling, isn't it? State your business, unless you seek accommodations in a cell for the night."
"Enough of your impertinence," Captain Farrina snaps. He reaches into his coat and pulls out the forged papers. He flashes them at the grouchy door greeters. "It's enough that I have to miss dinner with a very handsome lieutenant who is absolutely entranced with me. I will not be talked down to by peons that don't know their place," he says with a sneer. "I have a prisoner transfer that apparently can't wait until morning. Perhaps the gods know why because I don't. So unless you'd like to spend some time in your own cells, you'll process this quickly and without fuss. I'm already in no mood for petty power-plays."
"Things like this should be handled during the day," one guard mutters, but the other shushes him and sends him into the building to fetch the warden. He returns after a moment and beckons you to follow him past the receiving room and into her office. Seated behind the desk is an intense woman with a lean frame and a piercing gaze.
"They call me Sabo the Spider," she says. "You are here for a prisoner transfer? Who are you representing, and where are the prisoners being taken?"
"Jus' doin' what the captain says."
Farrina grimaces internally when she feels the level of acting around her drop significantly. She combs her memories for names of local military figures - primarily used as butts of jokes in taverns - before coming up with a name that she'd heard recently.
"I report directly to Colonel Windle - not that it's any of your concern. But the orders didn't come from him. To be honest, I don't care one way or the other. I just wish to get this done so that I may attempt to salvage my ruined evening. And the quicker that I finish here the quicker I can get back." He waves his hand dismissively. "So stamp what you need to stamp and bring me whoever it says on there so I can leave and you can return to ... whatever it was that you were doing."
"Uhh. I don't have the details, I just do what I'm told." Seraphina says nervously, looking down at her shuffling feet.
"Right," Sabo says dubiously. She studies Farrina's cronies sternly, then slides the paperwork back across the desk. "I'm afraid I can't process these transfer orders without Colonel Windle's signature on them. Get your superior officer to sign them and come back tomorrow, then I'll see what I can do."
As their plan falls apart before their eyes, Seraphina's eyes move from Farrina's to Adolina's as she tries to guage what to do with a What now? look on her face.
Tanjona's look of unhappiness, at least, is genuine.
"Fine," Captain Farrina says in a snippy voice. He reaches across and retrieves the papers. He carefully folds them and places them back in his tunic. "I'm going to return back to my home. Have a late dinner and then f&~! my dinner guest silly." He reaches up and straightens his goatee. "And then in the morning I'll explain to the Colonel that these orders, important enough to disturb the Colonel's evening as well as my own, were countermanded by a low-level Turnkey who felt that two signatures weren't sufficient and required three. Because of ... reasons."
He yawns.
"I'm sure this transfer isn't anywhere near as important as circumstances would indicate. I'm sure that the Colonel and Paracount Thrune will be so thankful that you delayed it by a day that they'll write you a letter of commendation."
He looks thoughtful for a moment.
"Well, I'm sure that they will be writing a letter. And I'm sure it will have your name on it." He grins sadistically. "What else it says, I wouldn't be so sure."
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"Ahem, sir." Adolina says stepping forward and speaking not quite quietly enough in the 'Captains' ear. "The Colonel said he wasn't to be disturbed tonight, for anything 'short of a mob uprising' were his exact words sir. He won't be happy about this."
She doesn't look at Sabo, but the implication is clear.
"Yes, but I'm sure this nice man here knows more than the Colonel how unimportant this transfer is."
He rises from the seat.
"Good evening, Sir. I will take my leave since it seems that clearly my superiors were mistaken and this is a matter than can obviously wait until tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be hearing from the Colonel in the morning. I should warn you, though, he's not a morning person so if he brings up any truly horrendous tortures, he's probably just exaggerating. Probably."
Sabo sighs and holds her up her hand. ”Wait, wait. Let me look at the papers again.”
She studies them carefully, then looks up at you with even more suspicion than before. ”Are you aware that these papers are forged? Just what exactly is going on here?”
The guards behind you inch closer, hands on their weapons.
"That's a shame, because now we have to kill you all."
The guards are slow to react!
"Damnit! I knew we should found a better forger," Farrina says with a shake of her head. Words of magic follow and then a swath of rainbow colors spew from her outspread fingers.
Seraphina blesses the group, hoping her divine assistance will help quickly end this battle before it can get out of hand.
The pair of dottari guards resist Farrina's spell! Adolina and Tanjona both attack Sabo but neither one hits.
Sabo pushes back from her desk and calls upon Asmodeus, defending herself with a shield of faith. The dottari move in and try to batter Farrina with the hilts of their halberds.