Alathea cannot help but let out a happy little laugh at the conflicting emotions on Kodokura's face. Light! Has no other woman ever spoken to him in this way? But her smile is warm, and she squeezes his hand to let him know that she is not laughing at him, just his reaction.
But her amusement quickly fades as he tries to embrace saidar. By the way his face twists and his eyes dart back and forth under his eyelids, she can tell he is being swept away. "Stop! she cries, shaking him by the shoulders. "Stop, before you lose control!"
No! I can't let go! I won't! I'm strong - in this, I've always been very strong - I can do this. I must! Jaw clenched, his breath hissing through his nostrils, Kodo refuses to let go of what he has only just regained.
Foolish man! Although Alathea's thought is dismissive, she feels a terror rising in her chest as Kodokura can't--or won't--release his hold on saidar. Panicked, she slaps him across the face. "Kodokura! STOP!" Almost as an afterthought, she grabs his hand and attempts to twist the ring off of his finger.
Kodo rocks backwards under Alathea's blow, falling on his side. At the same time, Alathe grabs the ring, and it slips off the former asha'man's finger as he falls. He hits rhe ground and gasps, his eyes opening wide. For a moment he lies stil, expression blank, then his face crumples in loss and pain, his eyes staring off into nothingness.
Alathea kneels beside Kodokura and gives the ring back to him. "I'm sorry I had to hit you, Kodokura, but I didn't know what else to do. You will try again, but you must listen to me, yes? Saidar is not like saidin, and you cannot treat it the same. If I had not stopped you, it would have killed you, yes?" She folds his fingers over the ring in his palm. "Now, we will try again. But if I tell you that you must stop, you will stop, yes? You did not have such a disregard for those Asha'man who instructed you at your tower, did you?"
Kodo nods as he accepts the ring, and composes his features into a stoic expression once more. "Light! That was nothing like saidin." He rubs his cheek. "I'll be sure to listen to your... suggestions from now on," he says. "And... thank you. I was losing control. I guess we should try again."
Alathea smiles shyly. "Then try again. Remember, saidar is not something you can...defeat. Do you know how to swim? If you flail at the water with all your might, you still sink, yes? But if you work with the water, you do not need so much strength, and can swim where you wish. Saidar is like that. Now, put the ring on, yes?"
For the next couple of hours, Kodo works hard with the ring, face focused and void of emotion. There are no more mistakes as there were with the first attempt, and after much concentration, sweating, and encouragement from Alathea, Kodo begins to gain an understanding of and familiarity with using saidar.
By the end of that time he is exhausted but confident. After his initial bursts of emotion, he lets only the occasion guarded half-smile, and he does his best to ignore the earlier feelings that Alathea's presence (and easy displays of emotion) evoked in him.
Now that is some incredible roleplaying! I truly enjoyed that. I read it 3 times because it was so damn good.
As a reward, you both go up a level, to level 10.
Alathea watches Kodokura attempt to use saidar with growing confidence. By the time they end their work for the night, she is pleased that he has learned to grasp saidar successfully. Weaving it will be another thing entirely, especially since he will be unable to see the threads to Weave with...unless the strange ter'angreal also lets him see saidar as well as use it. But that is a matter for another night; Kodokura has to be exhausted after all that work.
Squeezing Kodokura's hand, Alathea wishes him a good night. "You have done well today. We will continue another night, but you must sleep, yes? We have far to travel, and much to learn tomorrow night."
Kodokura nods wearily at Alathea's words, too tired to do any more . As he and Alathea part, he is acutely aware of the ring in her belt pouch. It tugs at his mind, his window to the Power. He tries to banish those thoughts from his exhaustion-befuddled mind, recognising the danger though he is too worn out to form a coherent thought.
Collapsing on his bedroll, he lets his heavy eyelids fall shut and waits for sleep. But the image of the ring, the sensation, circles around and around in his mind. For long minutes, hours even, sleep evades him, chased away by the yearning. Until, that is, his hunger for the Power fades, replaced by a vision of big, dark eyes framed by soft black hair, and a dainty, upturned brown nose only inches from his own.
Alathea is nearly as tired as Kodokura, even though she hadn't been the one learning. But the process was emotional for both of them, and going from success to failure and back to success again had been trying. She watches as he beds down for the night, then goes off to her own bedroll. But before going to sleep, she looks back over at Kodokura. By the way he holds himself--not quite relaxed--she guesses that he is still awake.
As quietly as she is capable, Alathea rises from her bedroll and pads over to Kodokura's. Kneeling over him, she cups his cheek in her hand. "Sleep, my heart," she whispers. "Whatever is keeping you awake can wait until tomorrow, yes?"
The memory/vision of Alathea's face fades from his mind's eye as her hand touches his cheek, and he turns his face slightly into her palm as he surrenders to a dreamless, untroubled sleep, the first in a long while.
Alathea awakens early the next morning. Despite yesterday's miles of travel and hours of instruction, she feels refreshed. Is it Kodokura's success with the Well, or is it that he feels the same way about me as I do about him?
Whatever the reason, Alathea breaks camp with a spring in her step. Despite the hours of travel ahead of her, the thought of working with Kodokura in the evening keeps her eager to start the day.
Kodo rises early, as is his custom, and after washing his face and taking a sip of water, he moves towards Alathea. "Mistress Alathea, do you..? I'd... That is, I think it's a good idea if I carry the ring while we travel. If danger strikes, I may be able to... be effective with at least a small amount of the Power at my disposal. And before you say it," he rushes to finish, "I will of course be very careful." He looks her straight in the eye, his features wearing the familiar serious, earnest expression. "I won't use it unless absolutely necessary."
"Just Alathea, yes?" Alathea considers for a moment before reaching into a pouch and withdrawing the ter'angreal. "I trust you, Kodokura. You learned a hard lesson last night, and I know you will not put yourself at such risk again." Handing the ring to him, she smiles warmly. "As for using it in danger, we shall see. You have not yet Woven with saidar, yes? I think it best if we practise more tonight, and for as many nights as we can before it becomes necessary."
Kodo nods with a small, lightless smile as Alathea hands him the ring, but when she mentions the idea of practising together every night for the foreseeable future, a hint of warmth touches his eyes as well. "Yes, we should definitely do that. It would be... the prudent thing to do."
Although the day's travel was hard, Alathea finds Kodokura as soon as she can after the chores of setting up the camp are finished. "Are you ready to learn more?" she asks, smiling.
Once settled, Alathea leans over to Kodokura and takes his hand, unsurprised to find the ter'angreal ring on his pinky. "You did well last night, yes? I had not expected you to be able to grasp saidar so quickly. It takes most days or weeks of trying before they succeed." She considers for a moment, then mutters, half to herself, "But you have been grasping saidin for years, yes?"
Continuing again in her normal manner, she says, "Now, though, you must learn to Weave saidar. You will start with a simple weave, the first that you learned at your Black Tower, yes?" Remembering his dejection at last night's failure, she squeezes his hand. "Do not be discouraged if you cannot. Saidar requires a delicate touch, yes?"
kodokura, in order to surrender to Saidar, make a composure check dc 30.
As for making a weave out of saidar....there is a way. Im not going to point it out to you. You will have to figure it out.
"Just like pleasuring a woman, I think you said," he murmurs, the hint of a rueful smile flitting across his features. "Don't worry, I'll be delicate. And as for being discouraged..." He gives her hand a gentle squeeze in return. "One day, I will tell you a story. But for now... I haven't been myself since... I was cut off. I may never be that person again. But last night, I decided something, and failure, pain - death - they no longer worry me. I'll try till I get this right if it takes forever." As he speaks, the emptiness, the hollow look in his eyes recedes a little — it is still there inside him, but it's not all there is.
"Let's get started."
Yes. Fia ended up with the orb.
And that was about all, wasn't it...?
I think so, but I'd have to go back and check to be sure at this point.
"Just so," Alathea agrees, grinning. This time, he did not blush! My Kodokura, you are getting better at this, yes? The thought--"her Kodokura"--makes her feel warm, despite the cool evening air.
More importantly, Kodokura's words and expressions tell Alathea that he is healing. Although her years of experience with Healing have taught her that some scars can never be healed, she knows that they need not remain open wounds forever, either. Light send that he has found some relief, something to live for. She trusts him; he would not say empty words to tell her what she wants to hear, and she knows him well enough to see a new light in his eyes.
Alathea smiles again, this time not to flirt but to show him that she understands. There are many words that she wishes to speak to him, words of relief and hope, but she holds her tongue. Instead, she simply says, "Then Weave for me, my heart."
Kodo sits cross legged and breathes deeply, his eyes closed. After a few minutes, he opens his eyes - they almost seem to glow, so profound is the difference in them when he holds the Power. "One of my first weaves.... I could channel before my recruitment, but I learnt this at the Black Tower - one of the few things that had nothing to do with killing. It's as simple as I can imagine." With that, he furrows his brow in concentration and tries to remember the feel of weaving the strands of the Power, Air and Fire together, to create a globe of light.
Alathea's face breaks into a radiant smile as a Light flickers between her and Kodokura. Though the Weave is messy, as might be expected for one who has used saidar for the first time, it holds together.
"Well done, Kodokura!" Alathea exclaims. "You have woven saidar!" Though she does not speak of it aloud, the pride she feels for him shows in every aspect of her appearance.
Kodo has his entire mind focused on attempting to blindly weave the globe of light, until Alathea speaks. His attention even slightly divided, the globe collapses upon itself with a tiny puff of sound. He frowns, shaking his head. "I can do it, but Light it's hard without being able to see. And that's the simplest thing I can think of. Tying off a weave will be nigh impossible, and the slightest distraction - say, the words of a pretty lass - will be enough to make me lose control." He sighs. "Try as I might, this is next to useless if I can't see what I'm doing."
Alathea shakes her head, still smiling. "But you did it, yes? It does not matter that it is difficult. Was it not also difficult when you first wove saidin?" She muses for a moment. "But yes, it will be a problem if you cannot see the threads you are weaving. I will think on this for a time, yes?"
"It's a... different kind of difficult," Kodo says slowly. "Maybe you're right. But it feels like a cleverer person could learn how to do it, over years, but me..? The Creator blessed me with good sense, but not a brain for learning things. But," he sighs, "I'll keep trying. I just can't help thinking there's an easier way..."
Alathea shakes her head at Kodokura's comment. "Do not underestimate yourself, my heart. Even if you cannot see what you are doing, you are becoming more and more comfortable with saidar, yes?"
After a few more hours of hard work, Alathea stops the lessons for the night. Unlike the previous nights of their journey, Alathea does not unroll her bedding by Fiallain, but instead puts out her bedroll next to Kodokura's. She makes no mention of the change, but seems to be hiding a smile under a stern expression.
The next morning, Alathea wanders over to Fiallain as the party is preparing to leave. "May I ask a favor of you, sister Fiallain?"
As Kodo sees Alathea laying out her bedroll next to his he freezes, then sighs internally before readying himself for bed. She doesn't understand, does she? She has no idea that she's just making it harder, worse for both of us. It's my fault. I should have pretended to be cold, kept her at a distance. It would have been hard, and cruel, but better than... kinder than...
As he crawls under his blankets, his thin chest bare to the cooling night air, he turns to Alathea, taking care that she isn't in some state of undress. "Good night Alathea. Thank you for your... faith." With that, he curls into his bedroll, his back to her, and tries once more to find sleep, despite his racing mind.
Fiallain looks up from where she was stowing her things for the day's trek. She had of course noticed the change in arrangements the night before and seemed to be hiding a slight smile as she looked up. "Of course, sister. What do you need?"
Alathea does not miss Fiallain's smile. She returns one of her own, but it is a sad one. She hadn't missed Kodokura's discomfort at her presence. Just when I think that something has changed in him, it has not. But she did not come to speak of her relationship troubles. Instead, she shakes her head. "You know that Kodokura and I are working together, yes? We have found a setback," she explains in a rush. Nervously twirling a strand of hair, she asks, "May I borrow that orb that you carry? I think that it may be useful for him." She pulls out the sa'angreal belt from her pack. "You may use this while we use your orb if you wish, yes?"
Kodo reads the subtle signs in Alathea's actions in the morning that reveal her hurt and confusion from his distancing behaviour last night. Unsure of how to fix it, or even if he should fix it, he quietly goes about his chores before breaking camp.
Fia's brow furrows in surprise at the look in her friend's eyes. She does not ask or mention it however, knowing that if Alathea wished to talk she would do so. Instead she listens to the request and nods, as she puts two and two together.
"Ahh... so that he can see the weaves? I saw the two of you with the well and ring. Is he able to feel saidar through it?
Of course you may borrow it! You do not need to trade for it. What is mine is yours, sister."
Alathea nods, grateful for Fiallain's understanding. "Yes, it is extraordinary. Kodokura can grasp saidar, as strange as that sounds, and even Weave with it. But without being able to see what he is doing, he is having a difficult time of it, yes?" Gratefully taking the orb, she shakes her head as if still unable to believe in such a preposterous idea. "Just as you say, what is mine is also yours, too. Should you wish to use the sa'angreal, you have but to ask." With a smile, this time warm and not at all bittersweet, she embraces the other woman. "It is good to have a friend such as you, yes? But come, we have a long day's ride ahead of us."
When the day's travel is done, Alathea and Kodokura retire to their usual teaching. But before they begin, she sits down in front of him, eyes level with his. "Kodokura," she begins, "What is it that you want from me? Two nights ago, I could have sworn that you wanted me, yes? I scolded myself all that night that I did not kiss you, that I did not stay with you after our teaching, because it seemed to me that you had wanted me to do these things. But now, you are cold to me again, like my presence causes you pain, yes?" She shakes her head, clearly upset. "I know that you are in pain, that your loss of saidin weighs upon you. I do not ask you pretend that all is well, yes? But if you think that you are worthless, and that you are saving me from something by pushing me away, then you are a fool. I am capable of making my own decisions, and if I decide that you are worth my affections, then why do you doubt my decision?"
Alathea pauses openmouthed, perhaps surprised by the anger she feels, but then her look of determination returns. "All I wish is to know what you want. If you want me, then say so. If you don't, then I will not be hurt, yes? Why make this more difficult than it has to be?"
Kodo rocks back slightly under the force of Alathea's words. He opens his mouth to respond, closes it for a moment, then begins.
"You want me to be forthright and honest?" he asks, then nods. "Yes, of course, you deserve the truth of me." He sighs, and settles himself.
"Firstly - Peace, woman, do you think I'm made of stone? Even with half of my soul ripped out, of course I want you. You are... remarkable, and I'm not quite so much of a fool as that." Kodo shakes his head. "But I am afraid. Afraid for myself, yes, for I know what my fate is. But afraid for you moreso."
He takes a moment, then begins again. "I mentioned yesterday that one day, I would tell you a story. Well, this is perhaps sooner than I intended, but here is my story."
"Often, that's what a boy will choose. But I was too afraid. I didn't want to die. I knew what must happen, but I defied my fate. I ran away, and Osara, silly girl, came with me. I wanted to leave her, make her stay and enjoy the life I couldn't, but she wouldn't hear of it."
"We fled. Life was hard, made harder by my uncontrollable channelling. Sometimes those powers helped us - I discovered I was quite good with illusions, disguises - but other times they got us into strife."
"And of course, it eventually happened. I was found out, and Osara paid the price. She took a wound as we fled into the wilderness, and without proper help, it cost her her life."
Kodo sighs deeply, eyes down. "Then I came to the Black Tower. My grief was soon stripped from me. I wasn't the most skilled in the killing ways of the Asha'man, but I was a good study, and I followed orders. I knew that what I was doing was not always... the right thing to do, but I felt I had nowhere else to go, no choice. I'd lost Osara, my family, and my chance at an honourable death."
He raises his eyes to Alathea's, looking her straight in the eye with a rock steady gaze. "And now? Now, I have had the Power torn from me. Again, I have received a death sentence. Don't pretend it is otherwise - gentled men never last long. I know it, and this time I will not attempt to cheat my fate, despite the fact that I have just found you. I will die, soon, and hopefully it will be doing something worthy of a man of Shienar. I hope to die in service to you, or our friends, but if not, death will find me anyway. I will waste away, fading day by day until one day my body won't bother to rise from sleep. So, hopefully I find a way to die with my sword in hand, fighting the dark."
"Do I want you? Of course I want you. Last night, I made an attempt to push you away, too little too late. I can't pretend otherwise, resist my own feelings. Like I said, I am afraid. It would be better for you if you had never met me. All I have to offer you is my death. But Light help me, I am too weak to push you away."
Then Kodo snorts, looking away. "Listen to me. Such self-pity. I will do what I can do, until the earth takes me. If you would still have me, I am yours, with what's left of my heart and soul. If not, well, I'm still yours," he finishes with a wry twist to his mouth. He then sits very still, awaiting Alathea's response.
"Your Osara knew what loving you meant, and chose you anyway. I know what might await you, too, and I accept it. Sometimes, love is worth the price we pay for it, yes?"
Kodo exhales heavily, then puts Alathea's hands together, with his hands enfolding hers. "I'm sorry for being a fool. The thought of hurting you, though... Can you forgive me?"
Alathea tilts her head to the side. "Do I forgive you for being a fool, or do I forgive you for perhaps hurting me in the future? I can forgive one but not the other, yes?"
Kodo blinks, obviously trying to sift through Alathea's words. "Your tongue is too quick for me - I'll admit, I'm confused. But, if you can forgive me being a fool, I can accept that your future is yours to choose, not mine to decide."