Yes that is why it's at 6th lv. I missed the no drawbacks bit, I'll fix it right away.
project is going poorly... may be tomorrow before I get any more feedback up. Sorry.
I'm working my way through Ynja/Panic's list so please check your link in her latest post and make sure it will direct me to the correct place. Thanks. more feedback will be forthcoming as soon as possible.
Sorry to bother you again panic but I'm no longer a mindchemist
I'm not a mindchemist either!
Submitted PCs with Links
-: JAF0 - Azrael the Avenger - angel blooded Aasimar Paladin L7
-: mdt - Shi'Vatha Eidelon | Ranger L7
-: Nicos - Ealasaid of the Golden hair Half-elf Bloodrager (steelblood) [Arcane Bloodline] L7
-: Jereru - Igmutanka Hanhepi Half-Orc Unchained Rogue (Swashbuckler)/VMC Magus L7
-: eMagdAeH - Mingledash Toe cruncher Halfling Rogue (Filcher) L7
-: JoeLudwick - Ariok Birch Aasimar Cleric L7
-: GM Panic - Ynja Eva Ragnavold Dhampir Kineticist [Void] (Overwhelming Soul) L7
-: WreckTall - Libidinous Prax Tiefling (Asura-Spawn), Inquisitor (Preacher) 7
-: Mbauers - Johan Reinhart Male Half-Elf Occultist L7
-: Moonlight Cult - Berstuk Cert Human Warpriest L6 (Mantis Zealot) / Unchained Rogue (Knife Master) L1
-: BC4Realz - Josei Hebi Vishkanya, Unchained Rogue - Deadly Courtesan, L7
-: Jesse Heinig - Niobe Aptos Merfolk, Druid (Skinshaper) L7
-: loc- ZorinBlitz Tiefling, Alchemist (Vivisectionist) L7
-: Sam C - Marcusic Human, Skald L6 | Evangelist of Shelyn L1
-: Oterisk - Alabaster Boralis Human, Summoner L5 | Dragon Disciple L2
-: DeviousDevious - Drakroo Kobold, (Green) Monk L7
-: Emissary Of The North - Krashsh Aknur Lizardfolk, Cavalier(Beast Rider) L7
-: Zayne Iwatani - Kennen the Halfling Hammer Halfling, Brawler L5 | Lore Warden L2
-: OmniChaos - Sinuo Tlunar Elf, Pact Wizard (Universalist) L7
-: TawnyKnight - White Knight II Android, magus
-: Zahir ibn Mahmoud ibn Jothan - Shaeda Stormborn Halfling, Whipmistress L7
-: Gavmania - Justin Sterne Tiefling, Swashbuckler (Inspired Blade) L1 Investigator (Empiricist) L6
-: Darth Signus - Ik-Ha-Thruune Human , investigator (empiricist) L7
-: ShieldBug - Ebon Pennyfeather tengu, Brawler (Shield Champion) L7
-: AdamWarnock - Mia Curseborne Azata-blooded aasimar (musetouched) fighter L2 ranger L5
-: Darthrancor - Valrim Dalrek Duerger (Tyrant CR1,) Psychic L6
-: Destroya - Rin Fizzlefuse Elf, Secret Broker Occultist L7
No I'm not a mind chemist!
I'm not a mind chemist!
I'm Spartacus!
Wow, wouldn't it be lame if I wasn't making that joke ironically ;)
I'm a pepper! Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?
It's all good, you put in alot of effort with that list Panic. I appreciate it.
i appreciate it also!
MDT is this the right link for -
Its seemed to be broken so I went back and checked and this one works.
thanks
I believe MDT dropped out. I was PMing him about some concerns about his character and how we could address them and he felt it was going to change what he was going for too much, so he withdrew.
Thanks for letting me know GM Nate, I will update the list tomorrow.
Okay, so, after a good amount of work I've come up with a character I'm fairly happy with. He's an elven wizard, but he's definitely not your typical elven wizard.
Nergüi stands at 6'2, and has a rather thick build for an elf, weighing almost a hundred and fifty pounds. Dark hair frames an angular face, which is intricately tattooed. His skin is a light brown, and his wide almond eyes are a yellowish green, as a grass after a long drought.
He wears a long, robe like outfit of dyed wool, a dark blue as the sky before sunset, with a black sash across the middle and five clasps about his right shoulder. There are two flaps across the front of his chest, and together with the sash they form a pocket, in which he hides his dagger and scroll cases. These scroll cases are made of hollowed bone, perhaps from some abnormally large horse, and have a cover and straps of leather. He has a small necklace, a rather rough animal hide, with bone and copper beads strung across it. These occasionally rattle faintly, as the soft sound of sand in a dessert wind.
Below the sash his robe extends past his knees, fanning out to allow for ease of movement. And indeed, by the looks of his boots he has done much moving. They were at one point dyed the same color as his robe, but have since mostly worn away to the warm dark color of leather. The back of his robe is also quite worn, perhaps as though he has ridden far. On his back Nergüi carries a heavily recurved bow, which is less then five feet tall, and looks to be made partially of horn and sinew. Whenever it is about to rain he puts it in a waterproof leather sheath, for it is held together with animal glue.
Near him is a small, sparkling sprite not more then 18 inches high, with brightly colored wings that flutter in the breeze. She is immaculate and beautiful, with tiny, almost childlike features and a soft voice that speaks as though it cares for the listers every sorrow, and which all can understand. She occasionally calls a large fiddle like instrument, with a trapezoidal base. It makes a sound impossibly low for its size, though still quite high, and her music soon sets all about her to move at its rhythm, which is like that of a fast walk.
Nergüi is, in a word, pragmatic. He capitalizes on every possible advantage and does not stick to any defined set of rules. Most wizards would be found in a library doing research or reading old books, and while Nergüi does his fair share of academic work, he is more likely to be found outside, mixing animal glue for a new bow. His is a life in which nothing is wasted, not energy, not talent, and not time. His actions are for him first and nobody else, but any careful examination will show that helping others is often helpful to oneself, and so he sometimes appears somewhat altruistic. He does not, however, have the boundaries typical of an intelligent being, and has some small difficulty understanding quite why many people do the things that they do. He therefore at times takes actions which others frown on, being rather unlimited by the normal bounds of society.
He is not, however, socially inept. Indeed, he understands what others want, and can explain precisely how to carry out a conversation is such a way as to make others like him, he is simply incapable of consistently acting in accordance with this knowledge. Furthermore, his awareness of his own mind is somewhat lacking, and as a result rarely understands quite what it is that he wants.
Nergüil is also a great agent of change. Some might say he is critical of those around him, but this is perhaps an oversimplification, for though he criticizes freely he also does try to help others make what he sees as improvements to their lives. He ends up doing things which others would be afraid to do, or would find stupid, for he is not limited by as clearly defined a set of goals as those around him. This is not to say that he is not without desires, but merely that he does not trust himself to adequately asses them.
In truth, they are rather simple. He wants to be a member of society. He wants others to be interested in him and to wish to imitate him. He wishes always for the presence of others who can understand him and who can shepard him, for his lack of definite goals comes from a place of insecurity and fear. It is said that all suffering is rooted in desire, and Nergül suffers, and so frees himself from defined goals as a coping mechanism. His inability to asses himself occurs for the same reason, for if he were to asses himself he would find that he does truly have desires, and would want to act on them, but this would only lead to more suffering. in short he finds great difficulty quantifying his wants for subconscious fear of not getting them. And thus he wishes for the presence of others he can trust, in order to alleviate these fears and make sense of his own mind.
Perhaps the only being he does trust is his familiar, Ariel, who is perhaps the nicest and most kindhearted creature alive. She dislikes suffering and feels a need to help those around her, a task which she is capable of doing fairly well. She does not immediately trust everyone, but is generally perceptive and intelligent enough to evaluate others. Furthermore she trusts Nergül completely, much more than she trusts herself, and will always act as though what he believes is true, for it almost always is. That being said, her reaction to certain assessments might be completely different from his. For instance, were he to evaluate a person as being mentally unstable, his reaction would be to keep his distance, for a person afflicted with some sort of psychosis could not help him, while her reaction would be the opposite, for she is capable of helping someone in such a state.
Nergüi the Wanderer
Male Elf Wizard 7
CN Medium Humanoid (Elf)
Init +9; Senses Low Light Vision; Detect Magic; Perception +9 (+11 with familiar)
Defense
AC 16 {20}; Touch 13; Flat-Footed 14 {18}; (+2 Dex; +1 deflection; +1 natural; +2 shield; {+4 armor})
HP 47 (7d6+14)
Fort +5; Ref +6; Will +7 (+2 vs enchantment)
Immune sleep;
Offense
Speed 30 ft
Space 5ft; Reach 5ft
Melee dagger +3 (1d4 19-20)
Ranged composite longbow +5 (1d8 x3)
Statistics
Str 11 , Dex 14, Con 12, Int 23, Wis 10, Cha 10
Base Atk +3; CMB +3; CMD 15
Feats Scribe Scroll, Improved Initiative, Improved Familiar, Spell Focus (Conjuration), Spell Specialization (Black Tentacles), Craft Wondrous Items,
Traits Nomadic, Reactionary
Skills ; Racial Modifiers Perception +2; Spellcraft Identifications +2
Knowledge (Nature) +15 (+6 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
Knowledge (The Planes) +15 (+6 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
Knowledge (Religion) +15 (+6 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
Knowledge (Arcana) +17 (+7 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +15 (+6 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
Knowledge (Engineering) +10 (+1 rank; +3 class; +6 Int)
Spellcraft +16 (+18 identifications) (+7 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int {+2 race, identifications})
Survival +5 (+1 rank; +3 class; +1 trait)
Perception +9 (+11 with familiar) (+7 ranks; +2 race; +2 alertness with familiar)
Ride +3 (+1 ranks; +2 Dex)
Fly +7 (+2 ranks; +3 class; +2 Dex)
Use Magic Device +6 (6 ranks)
*Linguistics +14 (+5 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
*Craft (Bows) +10 (+1 rank; +3 class; +6 Int)
*Craft (Clothing) +10 (+1 rank; +3 class; +6 Int)
*Craft (Books) +13 (+4 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int)
*Handle Animal +7 (+2 ranks; +6 Int)
*Knowledge (Geography) +11 (+1 ranks; +3 class; +6 Int; +1 trait)
* Denotes a background skill
Languages Common, Elven, Undercommon, Celestial, Infernal, Abyssal, Draconic, Sylvan, Aurian, Aquan, Gnome, Goblin,
Combat Gear Composite Longbow; Arrows x20; Dagger; Cloak of Resistance +2; Ring of Protection +1; Amulet of Natural Armor +1; +1 Mithral Light Steel Shield
Other Gear Headband of Vast Intelligence +2; Dusty Rose Ioun Stone, Cracked, Spell Component Pouch; Spellbook; Wand of Enlarge Person; Wand of Vanish (CL 5th); Wrist Sheath, Spring Loaded, x2; Waterskin; Blanket and Bedroll; Trail Rations x4; Masterwork Backpack; Blank Journal; Pencils; Scroll Case x2; 58 PP; 24 GP; 9 SP; 10 CP
Scrolls: Message; Obscuring Mist; Disguise Self; Air Bubble; Comprehend Languages; Detect Secret Doors; Floating Disc; Gust of Wind
Arcane School Conjuration (Teleportation), opposition schools Enchantment and Necromancy
Spells Prepared (CL 7th {+2 vs SR}; concentration +13)
4th—Summon Monster IV, Black Tentacles (CMB +14), Wall of Ice
3rd—Haste x2, Stinking Cloud (DC 20), Fly
2nd—Resist Energy, Mirror Image, Glitterdust (DC 19), Create Pit (DC 19), Pyrotechnics (DC 18), Flaming Sphere (DC 18)
1st— Mage Armor x2, Grease (DC 18), Mount, Silent Image (DC 17), Protection from Evil, Unseen Servant
0—Detect Magic; Prestidigitation; Ghost Sound; Read Magic
School Powers
Summoner's Charm (Su)
Whenever you cast a conjuration (summoning) spell, increase the duration by a number of rounds equal to 1/2 your wizard level (minimum 1). This increase is not doubled by Extend Spell. At 20th level, you can change the duration of all summon monster spells to permanent. You can have no more than one summon monster spell made permanent in this way at one time. If you designate another summon monster spell as permanent, the previous spell immediately ends.
Shift (Su)
At 1st level, you can teleport to a nearby space as a swift action as if using dimension door. This movement does not provoke an attack of opportunity. You must be able to see the space that you are moving into. You cannot take other creatures with you when you use this ability (except for familiars). You can move 5 feet for every two wizard levels you possess (minimum 5 feet). You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + your Intelligence modifier.
Dimensional Steps (Sp)
At 8th level, you can use this ability to teleport up to 30 feet per wizard level per day as a standard action. This teleportation must be used in 5-foot increments and such movement does not provoke an attack of opportunity. You can bring other willing creatures with you, but you must expend an equal amount of distance for each additional creature brought with you.
Azata, Lyrakien
CG Tiny outsider (azata, chaotic, extraplanar, good)
Init +8; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect evil, detect magic, low-light vision;Perception +9
DEFENSE
AC 20, touch 16, flat-footed 16 (+4 Dex, +4 natural; +2 size)
hp 23 (3d10)
Fort +3, Ref +7, Will +8
DR 5/evil; Immune electricity, petrification; Resist cold 10, fire 10
OFFENSE
Speed 30 ft., fly 80 ft. (perfect)
Melee slam +7 (1d2–3)
Space 2-1/2 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks starlight blast
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 3rd; concentration +8)
Constant—detect evil, detect magic, freedom of movement
At will—dancing lights, daze (DC 15), summon instrument, ventriloquism(DC 16)
1/day—cure light wounds, lesser confusion (DC 16), silent image (DC 16)
1/week—commune (6 questions, CL 12th)
STATISTICS
Str 5, Dex 19, Con 12, Int 14, Wis 17, Cha 20
Base Atk +3; CMB +5; CMD 12
Feats Agile Maneuvers, Improved Initiative
Skills
Acrobatics +10 (+3 ranks; +3 class; +4 Dex)
Bluff +11 (+3 ranks; +3 class; +5 Cha)
Craft (Bows) +3 (+1 rank; +2 Int)
Craft (Clothing) +3 (+1 rank; +2 Int)
Craft (Books) +6 (+4 ranks; +2 Int)
Diplomacy +11 (+3 ranks; +3 class; +5 Cha)
Fly +21 (+2 ranks; +3 class; +4 Dex; +4 size; +8 maneuverability)
Handle Animal +4 (+2 ranks; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Nature) +8 (+6 ranks; +2 Int)
Knowledge (The Planes) +11 (+6 ranks; +3 class; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Religion) +8 (+6 ranks; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Arcana) +9 (+7 ranks; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +8 (+6 ranks; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Engineering) +3 (+1 rank; +2 Int)
Knowledge (Geography) +3 (+1 ranks; +2 Int)
Linguistics +7 (+5 ranks; +2 Int)
Perception +13 (+7 ranks; +3 class; +3 Wis)
Perform (Strings) +11
Ride +5 (+1 ranks; +4 Dex)
Spellcraft +9 (+7 ranks; +2 Int)
Stealth +18 (+3 ranks; +3 class; +4 Dex; +8 size)
Survival +4 (+1 rank; +3 Wis)
Use Magic Device +11 (6 ranks; +5 Cha)
Languages Celestial, Draconic, Infernal; truespeech
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Starlight Blast (Su)
As a standard action once every 1d4 rounds, a lyrakien can tap into the divine power of Elysium, unleashing a blast of holy starlight in a 5-foot burst. All creatures in this area take 1d4 points of holy damage, plus 1 point for each step their alignment deviates from chaotic good. For example, a chaotic neutral or neutral good creature would take 1d4+1 points of damage, aneutral creature would take 1d4+2 points of damage, and a lawful evilcreature would take 1d4+4 points of damage. A DC 12 Reflex save negates this damage. Chaotic good creatures are unaffected by this ability. The save DC is Constitution-based.
Traveler’s Friend (Su)
The performances and company of a lyrakien ease the burden of travel. Once per day, a creature may spend a minute listening to a lyrakien’s performance— doing so removes the effects of exhaustion and fatigue from the listener.
Alertness (Ex): While a familiar is within arm's reach, the master gains the Alertness feat.
Improved Evasion (Ex): When subjected to an attack that normally allows a Reflex saving throw for half damage, a familiar takes no damage if it makes a successful saving throw and half damage even if the saving throw fails.
Share Spells: The wizard may cast a spell with a target of “You” on his familiar (as a touch spell) instead of on himself. A wizard may cast spells on his familiar even if the spells do not normally affect creatures of the familiar's type (magical beast).
Empathic Link (Su): The master has an empathic link with his familiar to a 1 mile distance. The master can communicate empathically with the familiar, but cannot see through its eyes. Because of the link's limited nature, only general emotions can be shared. The master has the same connection to an item or place that his familiar does.
Deliver Touch Spells (Su): If the master is 3rd level or higher, a familiar can deliver touch spells for him. If the master and the familiar are in contact at the time the master casts a touch spell, he can designate his familiar as the “toucher.” The familiar can then deliver the touch spell just as the master would. As usual, if the master casts another spell before the touch is delivered, the touch spell dissipates.
Speak with Master (Ex): If the master is 5th level or higher, a familiar and the master can communicate verbally as if they were using a common language. Other creatures do not understand the communication without magical help.
Spellbook 1:
Oth. Free, 28 pages
Resistance; Acid Splash; Drench; Detect Magic; Detect Poison; Read Magic; Daze; Breeze; Dancing Lights; Flare; Light; Penumbra; Ray of Frost; Scoop; Spark; Ghost Sound; Haunted Fey Aspect; Bleed; Disrupt Undead; Touch of Fatigue; Jolt; Mage Hand; Mending; Message; Open/Close; Root; Arcane Mark; Prestidigitation
1st. 150 GP, 20 pages
Protection from Evil; Protection from Good; Protection from Law; Protection from Chaos; Grease; Mage Armor; Mount; Obscuring Mist; Summon Minor Monster; Unseen Servant; Anticipate Peril; Comprehend Languages; Detect Secret Doors; Identify; Floating Disk; Silent Image; Crafter's Fortune; Enlarge Person; Reduce Person; Snapdragon Fireworks;
2nd. 900 GP, 38 pages
Resist Energy; Mount, Communal; Glitterdust; Create Pit; Web; Pyrotechnics; Detect Thoughts; Locate Object; See Invisibility; Burning Gaze; Flaming Sphere; Gust of Wind; Disguise Other; Invisibility; Mirror Image; Bull’s Strength; Cat’s Grace; Levitate; Rope Trick
3rd. 405 GP, 15 pages
Dispel Magic; Resist Energy, Communal; Stinking Cloud; Clairaudience/Clairvoyance; Daylight;
Spellbook 2:
3rd. 810 GP, 18 pages
Wind Wall; Major Image; Fly; Haste; Greater Magic Weapon; Slow
4th. 480 GP, 16 pages
Summon Monster IV; Black Tentacles; Scrying; Wall of Ice
I wonder if I was too vague with the personality bits? I tried to speak in terms as general as possible, if you would like me to change that, or anything else, please let me know.
We got some oddballs about, not that Sinuo can talk. He is a bit of a contradiction bundle once you get pass a layer or two. Better hope that lower is not wearing black robes though. ;)
P.S. Changed avatar as nothing matched much, so you get to see something that kinda looks like his familiar.
@Oterisk- looks pretty good. If you get bored I wouldn't complain about a little more description
@Drakroo- good description. I'm not going to read the setting spoiler: the idea was that you could use a hypothetical setting to help create a character that had some internal consistency and some kind of cultural identity; if/when you learn about your origin it will be something that I create for you.
Panic here with updated list
Submitted PCs with Links
-: JAF0 - Azrael the Avenger - angel blooded Aasimar Paladin L7
-: mdt - Shi'Vatha Eidelon | Ranger L7
-: Nicos - Ealasaid of the Golden hair Half-elf Bloodrager (steelblood) [Arcane Bloodline] L7
-: Jereru - Igmutanka Hanhepi Half-Orc Unchained Rogue (Swashbuckler)/VMC Magus L7
-: eMagdAeH - Mingledash Toe cruncher Halfling Rogue (Filcher) L7
-: JoeLudwick - Ariok Birch Aasimar Cleric L7
-: GM Panic - Ynja Eva Ragnavold Dhampir Kineticist [Void] (Overwhelming Soul) L7
-: WreckTall - Libidinous Prax Tiefling (Asura-Spawn), Inquisitor (Preacher) 7
-: Mbauers - Johan Reinhart Male Half-Elf Occultist L7
-: Moonlight Cult - Berstuk Cert Human Warpriest L6 (Mantis Zealot) / Unchained Rogue (Knife Master) L1
-: BC4Realz - Josei Hebi Vishkanya, Unchained Rogue - Deadly Courtesan, L7
-: Jesse Heinig - Niobe Aptos Merfolk, Druid (Skinshaper) L7
-: loc- ZorinBlitz Tiefling, Alchemist (Vivisectionist) L7
-: Sam C - Marcusic Human, Skald L6 | Evangelist of Shelyn L1
-: Oterisk - Alabaster Boralis Human, Summoner L5 | Dragon Disciple L2
-: DeviousDevious - Drakroo Kobold, (Green) Monk L7
-: Emissary Of The North - Krashsh Aknur Lizardfolk, Cavalier(Beast Rider) L7
-: Zayne Iwatani - Kennen the Halfling Hammer Halfling, Brawler L5 | Lore Warden L2
-: OmniChaos - Sinuo Tlunar Elf, Pact Wizard (Universalist) L7
-: TawnyKnight - White Knight II Android, magus
-: Zahir ibn Mahmoud ibn Jothan - Shaeda Stormborn Halfling, Whipmistress L7
-: Gavmania - Justin Sterne Tiefling, Swashbuckler (Inspired Blade) L1 Investigator (Empiricist) L6
-: Darth Signus - Ik-Ha-Thruune Human , investigator (empiricist) L7
-: ShieldBug - Ebon Pennyfeather tengu, Brawler (Shield Champion) L7
-: AdamWarnock - Mia Curseborne Azata-blooded aasimar (musetouched) fighter L2 ranger L5
-: Darthrancor - Valrim Dalrek Duerger (Tyrant CR1,) Psychic L6
-: Destroya - Rin Fizzlefuse Elf, Secret Broker Occultist L7
-: Gaurwaith - Nergüi the Wanderer Elf, Wizard L7
wow, slow day today.
i finished my project (finally). I need to rest my brain and get some sleep but I'm hoping to offer some feedback for most or all of the rest of the list tomorrow (if there's not too much piled up for me at work).
Let me just say thanks for giving all of us feedback on our submissions.
With so many applicants I am really starting to wonder about my chances...
Here's hoping for a party of 5 or 6 instead of 3 or 4. *crosses fingers*
Yes, I think we're all feeling that way!
The obvious solution is a series of death-matches between the candidates. To the death :D.
No...not to the death, to the pain!
[Mia]: ;_;
[Mia]: B-but I don't wanna kill anybody!
[Mia]: *Gives big ol' puppy eyes*
C'mon guys, are you really going to risk death by puppy-dog eyes? That's just asking for it.
No...not to the death, to the pain!
What manner of depraved monster are you, to suggest such horror? Fighting to the death is one thing, but that's just perverse!
It's only perverse if it's not consensual... just make sure everyone has a safeword.
"I choose 'ouch' as my safe word."
Zorin is game. He will patch everyone up, with extra additions as well!
@Krashsh Aknur- your link doesn't lead anywhere. Please post a link to your profile (or to the post with your crunch and fluff if you don't have one).
Sorry the link is broken, I have checked but missed that one, found it now.
Emissary Of The North - put Krashsh Aknur stuff in two places,
and
"The 1st rule of fight club is..."
Dress to impress? At least, that was always the first rule of clubs when I had anything resembling a social life.
The first rule of fight club is "Never flake out when its your turn to bring doritos and mt. dew."
@Krashsh- looks pretty good although you do have some background hiding out in your personality (especially the last paragraph).
@Kennen- description of appearance is good. personality/outlook is pretty good except that the first sentence is background...
@Sinuo- appearance is very descriptive, careful though: the first sentence or two of the final paragraph are pretty background-y. personality looks pretty good.
@White Knight- your personality section looks pretty good; a description of your appearance would be helpful.
@Shaeda- personality/outlook seems good. I like the look your going for too but if you have the time maybe think about rewriting the appearance as if it were in game (ie instead of saying it has a steampunk aesthetic try to actually describe a steampunk version of the item, or instead of saying it looks Victorian look at what woman were actually wearing at the time and describe some version of variant of that).
@Justin Sterne- personality is good, an appearance section would be nice.
Alright, that's all I have time for tonight. Sorry its taking so long, I'll try to finish the feedback tomorrow.
Nate - you're doing great... you've got a couple of days left before your planned close of recruitment, so I wouldn't stress... you'll get them all done! Thanks for providing the feedback, and good luck to all!
@nate lange, apologies I had posted it some time back, but must have forgotten to paste it into the alias profile, d'oh! It now in profile and below.
At first the pale slender figure seems to be a statue, he stands motionless, save for a silk black and white chequered cloak stirring gently with the breeze. His skin is white with a faint metallic sheen, and even his armaments, clothing, helm, and scimitar, are predominantly white giving him a ghostly appearance. Emblazoned upon his chest is a black horse head resembling the Knight chess piece. His pale hairless features are perfectly symmetrical, but more harsh than handsome, and the letters WKII are embossed upon his forehead.At the pale warrior's feet sits a small winged humanoid creature, with a comically spherical head, that seems to have been roughly hewn from white granite. This one has WPVIII seemingly chiseled into his forehead, and is humming a jaunty little tune. Pausing it looks up,
"What's going on boss? Poor old Pawny don't remember a thing."
The White Knight frowns, "I am unsure Pawn, we do not appear to be in our place. This troubles me."
"Oh right? So what are we doin' then?"
"I suppose we must find others and ask them... Ask them where we belong? We are... Incomplete, part of a set, yes?"
"Don't know nothing about that, but if you say so boss."
As Azrael said, you're doing fine. Unless you get a glut of new applicants, you shouldn't worry about it, and given the already impressive field, competition is going to be fierce. I don't think you'll have to worry about another dozen applicants suddenly showing up.
[ooc]In order of Submission
Submitted PCs with Links
-: JAF0 - Azrael the Avenger - Angel blooded Aasimar Paladin L7
-: mdt - Shi'Vatha Eidelon | Ranger L7
-: Nicos - Ealasaid of the Golden hair Half-elf Bloodrager (steelblood) [Arcane Bloodline] L7
-: Jereru - Igmutanka Hanhepi Half-Orc Unchained Rogue (Swashbuckler)/VMC Magus L7
-: eMagdAeH - Mingledash Toe cruncher Halfling Rogue (Filcher) L7
-: JoeLudwick - Ariok Birch Aasimar Cleric L7
-: GM Panic - Ynja Eva Ragnavold Dhampir Kineticist [Void] (Overwhelming Soul) L7
-: WreckTall - Libidinous Prax Tiefling (Asura-Spawn), Inquisitor (Preacher) 7
-: Mbauers - Johan Reinhart Male Half-Elf Occultist L7
-: Moonlight Cult - Berstuk Cert Human Warpriest L6 (Mantis Zealot) / Unchained Rogue (Knife Master) L1
-: BC4Realz - Josei Hebi Vishkanya, Unchained Rogue - Deadly Courtesan, L7
-: Jesse Heinig - Niobe Aptos Merfolk, Druid (Skinshaper) L7
-: loc- ZorinBlitz Tiefling, Alchemist (Vivisectionist) L7
-: Sam C - Marcusic Human, Skald L6 | Evangelist of Shelyn L1
-: Oterisk - Alabaster Boralis Human, Summoner L5 | Dragon Disciple L2
-: DeviousDevious - Drakroo Kobold, (Green) Monk L7
-: Emissary Of The North - Krashsh Aknur Lizardfolk, Cavalier(Beast Rider) L7
-: Zayne Iwatani - Kennen the Halfling Hammer Halfling, Brawler L5 | Lore Warden L2
-: OmniChaos - Sinuo Tlunar Elf, Pact Wizard (Universalist) L7
-: TawnyKnight - White Knight II Android, magus
-: Zahir ibn Mahmoud ibn Jothan - Shaeda Stormborn Halfling, Whipmistress L7
-: Gavmania - Justin Sterne Tiefling, Swashbuckler (Inspired Blade) L1 Investigator (Empiricist) L6
-: Darth Signus - Ik-Ha-Thruune Human , investigator (empiricist) L7
-: ShieldBug - Ebon Pennyfeather tengu, Brawler (Shield Champion) L7
-: AdamWarnock - Mia Curseborne Azata-blooded aasimar (musetouched) Fighter L2 ranger L5
-: Darthrancor - Valrim Dalrek Duerger (Tyrant CR1,) Psychic L6
-: Destroya - Rin Fizzlefuse Elf, Secret Broker Occultist L7
-: Gaurwaith - Nergüi the Wanderer Elf, Wizard L7
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@Krashsh- looks pretty good although you do have some background hiding out in your personality (especially the last paragraph).
Damn! You spotted it... my Sleight of Write isn't as high as it used to be. I will modify/remove any semblance of background from there, and if selected he will simply have a soft spot for Cute little people, reasons unknown ^^
"What is that?"
"A gnome, they descend from th-"
"CAN WE KEEP IT? PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE. I promise Rex won't eat no more horses!"
@Sinuo- appearance is very descriptive, careful though: the first sentence or two of the final paragraph are pretty background-y. personality looks pretty good.
Sinuo does not have a background per se, more like a rough origin. It's more a set up for you then anything else. You choose to throw someone with his very specific clothes set, except for a few minor differences, into his path and a connection is pretty clear. It's also a connection point and set up as to his slight personality shift hinting to the reason for it. So he is not labeled mentally unbalanced or something, he is not. I tried to keep it vague, truth be told I didn't even think up a name for his order yet. x3
I'll take out/rewrite those two sentences if you want.
@Azrael + Adam- thanks, I'm just trying to make sure that everyone has time to make any changes they want based off my feedback before I start trying to make selections.
@Panic- and you're doing a great job curating the list, thanks for that!
@Krashsh- don't worry, I've got a pretty high perception ;)
@Sinuo- having regalia that suggests you were part of an order is fine but don't name the order or make up much about it because if/when you learn about it in game I will be creating the order and its goals/tenets/etc.
** for everyone**
The deadline for submissions is Midnight GMT tomorrow. That's approximately 32 hours from now!
My Saturday is going to be very busy so as long as your application is in on time you'll have about 24 hours to make any last minute tweaks to your fluff before I do final evaluations and start building the party.
As you may have noticed, my feedback has been focused on fluff- that's my primary concern in selection (unless your mechanics are so jacked up that it seems like you don't know how to play the game at all). Once the party is assembled I'll audit everyone's crunch we'll take a day or two to get all that settled before we dive into the game.
I'll keep my lucky charms within arms reach throughout the weekend then.
They're magically delicious...They're magically delicious...
@Ik-Ha-Thruune: I don't see any fluff for you... The link only has crunch and the profile you set up appears to be empty... If you have posted fluff please post a link to it; if you haven't please make sure it's in by the deadline.
Good luck one and all, I worked hard to make a PC I felt would fit, both in a team and V the GMs outline, but so did we all. Some great ideas out there and cool fluff. All the best everyone.
@Ebon- looks good.
@Mia- as previously mentioned, I'm not reading anyone's setting spoilers (The hypothetical origin setting is to help you build a character that has some internal consistency and cultural identity. If/when you discover your origin in game I will make it up and there's no guarantee it will be the same as your hypothetical one. The more accurately/specifically you describe your appearance/thoughts/actions the more likely it is that your actual origin will end up being similar to your imagined one.) Other than that, everything looks good.
@Valrim- I don't see a conversion anywhere for the duergar tyrant to be a playable race... I know you don't have a ton of time left for major changes but the honest truth is you are more likely to be picked with an established race. If you would like to leave your application as is I will still consider it but I have to tell you that on a casual inspection the race looks like it would put you on the high end of the power spectrum. Regarding fluff, what you have looks fine.
@Rin- labeling your "concept inspiration" isn't really allowed, although your description was so clear the label was completely unnecessary. The other fluff was good too (although the third paragraph of "personality" was fairly background-y...)
@Nergüi- you have a lot of good stuff in your fluff but there's a lot of background-type elements as well (for example- the last sentence of paragraph 3 of appearance requires memories of being outside in the rain. no memories. you could say "His bow is in a waterproof leather case and he fears to get it wet" or something like that.)
Well, that should be everyone. Hope it was helpful. If anyone got missed please speak up (after doubling checking that you didn't just miss it). It looks like we've got about 23 hours left for anyone who want to make big changes .
Almost done with my Norgorberite, hopefully it's in time to get feedback!