Goblins Wreck Kingmaker (Inactive)

Game Master Whack-a-Rogue

Chompy had some very interesting ideas, Dys thought. Veeeeery interesting. Dys really liked the boomstick, but bits to fix it and metal rocks to shoot from it were reaaaally hard to find. In a thoughtful mood, Dys ambles after the longshanks, guarding them as Chompy instructed.

Having to rely on Chompy for translation all the time was annoying, so Dys does the obvious thing. Dys will teach longshanks how to speak properly. Starting with the important bits.

"Dys. Dyyyyyyysss. DYS!" she tells them, pointing at herself.

Love the idea of taking over the trade post and actually trading for stuff.

@Scrabble: Aside from some knickknacks and silverware, there's nothing else of value.

@Chompy: There are three giant garbage/compost pits on the premises, and you're instead suggesting the master bedroom be turned into a mushroom garden. Spoken like a true Goblin. XD

@Croaker: Oldshanks looks completely flummoxed (and more than a little frightened) at your perfectly valid lecture. He clearly has no idea what you're talking about. It's quite pitiable, really.

@Dys: After a few repetitions, Ladyshanks gains a flash of insight. Smiling and pointing to herself, she says, "Svetlana." Then she points at Oldshanks and says, "Oleg."
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Despite being frequently interrupted by all of your extremely important commands, the longshanks slaves are soon busily working on making some Goblin-sized beds. It's going to take them some time, as they lack proper materials, but they should have something put together by the end of the day.

Chompy's head began to hurt with all the reading. He wasn't used to this and all the work was tiring.

He brought all these back and put them in front of the goblins after carefully folding the words out of the way. He didn't want their brains to die.

He pointed at the pictures "Longshanks offer rewards for these to be dead. Look at pictures, we can kills longshanks and get stuffs for doing it. Big happy for us." he said grinning.

He taps at the scaly Goblin and at the piggie "Chompy says we deal with these. Other Goblin tribe will good resources and pig will make good meal. But first we should rest at daylight." he said feeling superior for a bit. It was odd feeling useful as member of tribe instead of guard dragon.

Scrabble perked up at the mention of killing longshanks and getting stuff for it. His pouches were bursting with random stuff he'd pulled off the shelves and the trade house looked like a small hurricane had gone through it.

"Where we find them?"

Chompy looks at the papers again to see if they have any more details before yelling at Oleg to tell him more about the Pig and the Sootscales.

There aren't any other details on the posters. If you're wanting to find any of the things listed on them, you'll likely have to go searching for them.

"Time for fire!" Croaker shouts, now that Chompy was finally done. With a large croak, Croaker spits a fiery ball on the top, igniting the pile of evil books. As the fire catches, Croaker stares at it, completely engrossed in the waving flames in front of him. "What next?"

Mogawg watches excitedly as Croaker sets the pile of nasty words ablaze. As the flames lick higher, he cackles and begins dancing in a circle around the bonfire. "Sing us a song, Croaker!"

I'm picturing some kind of manic goblin version of the scene from the first Hobbit movie when the dwarves sing their song.

In time, when the dancing is done and the fire beginning to die down, Mogawg settles into one of the beds to sleep the night through.

Chompy yawns sleepily "Chompy shall go and check the big room for Longshank evils, then he shall sleep. Stupid Longshanks kept him from getting a proper sleep last night. At dusk, we should prepare to hunt big pig. He is in forest, forest is close to new home." he said offering his opinion before going off to look at the pantry, find some meat, and sleep.

Beginning with a high, quick croak, Croaker starts off on a quick, jaunty tune as he jumps around the fire.

"Jab the knives and light the flames.
Yell the chant and kill the babes.
Stab the horse and shank the dog~

For that's what all the longshanks hate!"

After repeating the song a few times as the fire finally began to waver, Croaker makes sure to tie down the horse with elenty-seven ropes to keep it from trying anything sneaky in the night, and then heads off for bed.

And there is the goblin version of Blunt the Knives.
As for the ropes, the actual number is five.

Dys hangs around the fire, hoping for some horseshanks steak, but as that is not forthcoming she sighs in disappointment and claims one of the four beds in the smaller hut. She goes to sleep hugging the boomstick and muttering to herself.

Trinn finds wherever's unclaimed, not wanting to rock the boat at all. She's still getting used to this whole exile thing, and curls into a tiny ball before fitfully going to sleep.

After locking the longshanks in one of the rooms and triple-checking that the horse is safely tied up, you go to sleep. It's been quite the eventful day. You awaken to the sound of retching and yelling from outside.

Mogawg bolts up in bed when he hears the commotion outside. He goes to make sure Chompy is up. "Chompy, get up! First customers for our trading post are outside the gate, but I can't understand their longshanks words!"

I really need to learn Common at 2nd level. *facepalm*

Chompy was enjoying his sleep but he started to sorta wake up when one of the Goblins can in yelling at him. He yawned sleepily and looked for his Longshanks.

"Longshanks! We has visitor, be best behavior and introduce Chompy to them as nice person who saved you and we will not harm them or you." he said finding the room they were locked in.

Once they were up and moving, he joined them and made his way outside...by...himself...with the longshanks, hoping that the Goblins would soon be ready to help if s+#* hits the fan.

Trinn sleepily rolls out of bed as Chompy exits the room. From her new position on the floor she sees a few fungi growing under the bed. She picks them and stows them in her pocket for easy access, while putting the Nullstone Creeper from yesterday into a preservation jar. She then goes outside to see what Mogawg and Chompy were yelling about.

Fungus Roll: 1d20 ⇒ 4

Today's fungi!
-Demon's Tongue: Blow it at someone, deals 1d6 damage and is shaken each round for 2 rounds. Fort save to negate both.
-Ghost Sheet: Can either apply to a weapon to give the ghost touch property for 1 minute/level, or can be chewed for invisibility, as the spell.
-Honor's Draught: Blow this into the face of a willing person to have yours and theirs attributes set to 10 for 1 minute/level. Used for "fair" dueling.
-Guardian of the Mountain: Apply to a weapon, the next time you strike someone with it (up to an hour afterwards) it summons a small earth elemental.

This is so much better than yesterday's roll! Holy crap.

Croaker slowly awakes, not liking that longshanks had awoken him early once more. "Me says we kill them and eats them. That what longshanks get for waking goblins," he says, heading out after Chompy.

Trinn shrugs. "Guess I am kinda hungry...but then why didn't we just eat the longshanks from yesterday?"

"Come on, Croaker, have a little imagination! If we eats the longshanks, then they can't do stuffs for us because they're dead! My zombies don't last long enough yet," Mogawg adds somewhat dejectedly.

"Yus! Dis place still needs lotsa work! And Dys is not about to do work! We all be goblin chiefs now!"

That said, Dys goes to help Chompy guard the longshanks, her huge boomstick held in balance over one shoulder as Dys struts out into the courtyard, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with one hand and yawning hugely, her pointy teeth all too visible.

Trinn looks around. "Where's Scrabble? He still sleepin? Was gonna give him this shroom, you eat it and people can't see you anymore. Oh well."

Scrabble was up on the wall by that point, peering over the edge at the longshank on the other side.

Stealth: 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (18) + 12 = 30

Chompy sees it first (and therefore has time to act if he so chooses) - a solitary longshank looking at the stealyshanks bodies outside. He looks disgusted, worried, and a bit sick to his stomach. He's holding a big longbow and has a shiny metal deer skull pendant around his neck.
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Meanwhile inside your new base, Chompy releases your slaveshanks. They nod in understanding at the dragon's words but look very worried. Slowly, they start walking with Chompy and Dys toward the voice, calling out in greeting.

Disgusted, worried, and a bit sick to his stomach...not a bandit, but wearing a bandit's pendant? Odd

Chompy spies the pendant and tilts his head trying to remember where he'd seen one before. Then he remembered the bandits and that they had similar shinies.

He paused and held up his claws. "Is bandit? Look like bandit shinies on his neck. We should be careful, could be here to check on other longshanks. Quick, find way to surround him while Chompy distracts bravely." he said to the other Goblins.

He removed his claws from the Longshanks way, and gestured them forwards before he walked out with them a few seconds later.

How far apart is everyone? If we're behind the walls, do we still have to make stealth checks?

@Trinn: everyone's still pretty much where they went to sleep last night. In other words, Scrabble's on the guest house roof, you're in the master bedroom, etc. No need for Stealth checks for the moment, by the way. You're ridiculously sneaky, and there are plenty of distractions outside.
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After a second look, it seems that the longshanks necklace is a bit different than the stealyshanks symbol. His has a bow incorporated into the design. The longshanks looks relieved that Oleg and Svetlana are unhurt. The three of them start talking, but it abruptly stops when Chompy and Dys reveal themselves.

Chompy walks out and scowls at the Longshanks. "Goblins AND Dragon." he says unhappily to hear he was once again excluded like he didn't understand or matter.

This conversation has already turned to a sour note in Chompy's eyes. He snorts, little sparks coming out his nose. "Chompy and his mistress's tribe have saved these Longshanks. We shall be living here now. Chompy would be pleased if you behave in the Goblins territory." he said scowling and giving the man the stink eye.

Intimidate: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (15) + 5 = 20

Trinn carefully makes her way up to Scrabble. "Psst. Take this. If stuff goes down, eat it, it'll make you invisible. And then put this on your weapon-should make a friend for you if you hit someone." She hands him her Ghost Sheet mushroom and the Guardian of the Mountain.

That should be enough invis time to get at least one sneak attack off. The guardian of the mountain works like an oil-you put it on the weapon before you use it. I was going to use it myself, but then I reread it and the rules say that the Earth Elemental gets summoned directly opposite of the opponent-AKA, you get flanking for free, so more sneak attack opportunities.

Strangely, the longshanks doesn't appear particularly frightened by Chompy's posturing. Perhaps he's just particularly stupid for a longshanks. Or a demon horse kicked his head when he was a baby. Or he's stronger than you. No, that one's ridiculous. Goblins are strong. Dragons are strong. Goblins AND a dragon are unstoppable forces of nature. It's probably the horse thing.

Chompy pauses as he considers this awkward situation. He looks around for a minute and turns to Dys "Longshank says that Puny Longshanks can't take care of selves, too many bad guys. Say we are mighty heroes and ask if trading post is open and if rooms are rented. He wants to stay?" he said to Dys unsure what to say back about renting a room.

He turned to Longshank "Trading post is open. We protect our tribe's home and we will grow our home to cover as far as we please. Monsters and Longshanks do not frighten us...but we is unsure of this 'renting rooms'. What do you speak of?" he asked confused.

The longshank gave you a wide grin.

This is hilarious. I love how bad at business we are, and how easily we're being manipulated by the humans.

Scrabble's face hung over the eve, upside down, to take a look at the new longshank.

Chompy looks appalled at the idea of letting random Longshanks sleep inside the tribal walls. This is not a pleasant idea. He turns and yells at no one in particular "This rent room thing is crazy! They let non tribe members sleep inside tribe walls. Strangers even!!!No wonder they so easy to trick and kill! But they make shinies this way...Should we build rooms outside of new tribal grounds?" he asked confused and worried at the concept.

"Soooo.... they gives shineys and sleeps inside? Like tribute to chief?" Scrabble asked, still upside down. "How much they give?"

After hearing Chompy's translation, Mogawg turns to Oleg, and shouts at him in Goblin, "How many shinies did you get to rent room?"

Chompy listens to Mogawg and nods at the Longshanks after presumed silence and confusion, Chompy asks Scrabbles and Mogawg's questions.

"Tribute to chief? But we don't have chief yet...unless you're saying that every gobbo here like a chief, and we all are inherently equal and should distribute this property equally among all us gobbos?"

"Inherszawhatnow?"

"Hmm?" Trinn realizes she was talking outloud and blushes. "Nothing. Just...do we need a chief? Not sure I think so."

Dys' head is starting to hurt with all the talking. She scowls at Weakshanks as she tells Chompy. "If longshanks want us to protect dem, dey need to learn to speak proper. All dis gabble-gabble makes Dys head hurt."

She puffs out her chest at the Weakshanks. "Don't worry, we gobbos strong an' fearsome. Kill all bad guys that be botherin' us."

The room renting was indeed a puzzle. Dys has trouble wrapping her head around it. On one hand, the small hut was nice. On the other hand, the big bed in the big hut was extra nice, and why should Trinn be treated special and sleep there by herself? And speaking of...

Dys turns to Trinn.

"We's equal, you says? No chief? Den we alls sleeps in da nice big bed. Den we can leave small beds for longshanks to sleep in and give us shinies for it."

After exchanging a glance with his wife, Oleg holds up both hands with his fingers spread apart.

"Deal. I call the pillow." Trinn spits in her hand and offers it to Dys to shake.

Mogawg pulls his strip of alligator flesh from his pouch and chews on it thoughtfully.

"Okay, this longshanks can stay. 10 shinies each night." He then walks off back into the interior of the trading post as if the matter is settled.

CHompy looks at the others and notices that the consensus are being made. He turns back to the Longshanks "Longshank can stay, we approve this rent. " he said to the Bowman.

He turned to their two Longshanks "Yous, yous needs to learn Goblin. Chompy needs to learn this trading thing. It seems important. Chompy will learn you, you will learn Chompy. Yes?" he said in less a question and more of a demand.

He turned to the Goblins "We has tribute! Chompy needs to learn this trading thing and our Longshanks need to learn Goblin. So we needs to teach...but we needs to take care of pig or we has nothing to eats!" he said nodding wisely.

"We gots stealshanks." Scrabbler shrugged. "Only one days dead. Plenty fresh."

The two slaveshanks nod in agreement. It's not like they have much of a choice. As for the newshanks, he gives you a toothy smile and tosses a small bag to you (gain 70sp) before beginning to walk toward the building with all the small beds.

"I agree with Chompy. Pig sounds good. Let's go get it!"

Obviously there's no problem with leaving our new tribe home in the care of our loyal slaves.

Trinn looks around at the others. "So...we gonna do this?"

I mean unless someone else takes the lead, Chompy would attempt to point the group into the closest bit of forest, IE hex 19

Let me know how you intend to leave things at the Trading Post
2d100 ⇒ (81, 23) = 104

You set off in search of big piggies. It only takes a few hours before you reach the forest. The trees are tall here, and a flock of blue songbirds darts in and out of the treeline around you. They sing a lively tune while they frolic - at least until you start shooting them down. Feathers don't taste good, but the meat underneath does, and it's good to eat something other than pickles every now and then.

After your feast, you continue deeper into the woods. It's midafternoon when you come across a natural amphitheater fashioned from shale. Scattered patches of plants grow throughout the area: radishes shaped somewhat like crescent moons. Something even stranger can be found here, though. Four black-scaled creatures that look an awful lot like Chompy are lying on their backs moaning in pain while holding their extremely-full bellies. Three overfilled baskets of moon radishes are lying nearby.

I'll also mention that the area's natural acoustics make bardic performances function at +1 level. However, you also take a -5 penalty to Stealth checks due to echoes.