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You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos — writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks — fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House.
Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
You are currently gathered outside the Moot House, awaiting permission to enter from Chief Gutwad's advisor Slorb.
Chuffy bounces from one foot to the other and titters, eager to get in to see the Chief. "Hope we get to kill some pinkies!"
Mogmurch had absurd fun on the previous night. He got to help with the fireworks and burn, burn, burn Scribbleface's hut down, and the insane goblin alchemist was up part of the night still admiring the flames. Rempty, his mate, had troubles but finally she managed to get him to sleep by licking his eyes to close.
By the next morning, when she woke him up to the news Gutwad announced, she was very proud of him - going to speak to the great chief himself, at his moot house! Mogmurch smiled to Rempty and departed, happy as never, towards the place. He was now scratching his own burnt fingers while looking at Slorb.
Mogmurch knows he wants us to blow more thingies. And burn. Maybe burn pink longshanks houses too.
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Slorb's high, nasally voice calls out from the Moot House, "Enter!"
Inside, Chief Gutwad is perched on the six-foot high Teeter Chair, so that he can properly oversee the village's affairs. Slorb gestures to the dirt in front of the fat goblin chief, "Sit." An invitation to sit before the chief is a great honor!
Typically, Chief Gutwad speaks only through Slorb, as his voice would frighten away all the words in a lesser goblin's head. Today, however, Gutwad himself speaks to you. “You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission." Slorb holds up the map found the night before as Gutwad continues. “You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!" Gutwad pauses to let the information sink in. “I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!” Slorb hands over the map and shoves you all out the door.
The map is relatively simple, showing little more than the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs between the two locations. By following the creek, the PCs should be able to easily reach the old wreck. Unfortunately, the old wreck is also located in the part of the swamp that all Licktoads know to be the territory of Vorka the cannibal. Before the feast tonight, you can gather some info on the area and possible threats. If you can't make the following checks, asking other goblins in the village will get the answer.
Chuffy claps his hands excitedly. "Yes yes yes! We do this. Lots of fire, and more fireworks for mighty Chief Gutwad and Licktoads!" But we get them first!
Bonfire is fun! - says Mogmurch, clearly happy with the mission - Mogmurch can blow horses and longshanks up. Dogs too. Dogs make funny noise when blown up. Lotslegs and Vorka, different story.
Chuffy rubs the top of his head, incidentally bursting a few of the pustules that cover his face. (From the number that are scabbed over, this is a common occurrence.) "Brinestump Marsh is good place. Not many pinkies go there. They think it too dangerous. There are big dogs, big snakes, big frogs, and big bugs like Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many. Giant spider--we have to go through where it live, and if we kill it we be even bigger heroes! But watch out for Vorka--she goblin eater of goblins!"
Poog wakes up fairly lately and with a big headache. He spent an hour dancing and singing over the burning hut, praising the mighty Zarongel for making his fiery wishes come true, and probably inhaled an unhealthy amount of smoke while doing so. Quickly donning his chain shirt and positioning his lucky Dogfinder on his head, Poog dashes out and arrives just in time for Chief Gutwad's briefing.
"Poog help find many fireworks, and make great fire for Zarongel!"
The cleric then smacks Chuffy on the back of his head.
"Stupid Chuffy! Poog already knew all that. Say something useful!"
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The goblins spend the rest of the day constructing a massive bonfire from sticks, branches, and what remains of Scribbleface's hut. As night falls, four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair with Gutwad still perched upon it out to the pile of wood. Gutwad then lights one of the fireworks and a glowing fireball shoots out and ignites the bonfire.
The feast features a number of goblin delicacies, snails, fish, snakes, and plenty of hollering and mayhem. The Chief even sends for the barrel of rotten apples, and most of the goblins quickly get drunk.
"Poog knows, but others...." The rogue twitches the tip of one long ear in Reta's direction.
"Haha!", laughs the goblin in a high-pitched, annoying voice. "Chuffy say Reta is stupid! Haha!"
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As the day goes on, Poog gives the goblins some unasked-for advice on how to build a bonfire that will best suit Zarongel's fiery needs. His wise insights include ideas such as "make it big and burny" or "add more flammable stuff". When the feast starts, Poog makes sure to stick cloth up his nostrils to not inhale any more smoke. He spends the evening praising Zarongel in a nasalized voice, downing several shots of fermented apples and dancing a mock waltz with his lucky toad Dogfinder.
Mogmurch parties very happy, dancing with his mate Rempty as she keeps insistently trying to avoid him from getting extra burnt from the bonfire. The insane goblin drinks and eats everything he finds, completing with some bugs and dirty.
Chuffy sucks down a huge helping of fermented apples with no apparent effects. As Poog is distracted by Reta, the rogue pops a few pustules into one hand and wipes them down the cleric's back. "Ha ha! Poog in trouble now!"
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By now the entire village has learned that Chief Gutwad has given you all a special mission, and a small crowd has formed to see the village heroes who are going to get more fireworks. One of the goblins named Blibberblab shoves his way up and says, "Big heroes show Licktoads their bravery, big heroes take dare!" At the word dare all the goblins begin chanting Blibberblab grins and jumps up and down. "I dare you to… eat a bag of bull slugs real quick!"
Bulls slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even goblins find them foul-tasting and hard to chew. If someone can manage to eat the bag of slugs real quick, Chief Gutwad will loan you a treasure from his personal stash.
Poog shoves Reta back, wipes the pustular ooze off his back and folds his arms. He raises his nose and says,
"Now Poog show you that Poog goblin is best goblin! Bring the bag of slugs now!"
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A wicker basket containing the slug bag is carried over and the slimy leather bag is plopped before you, along with a napkin made from a soggy leaf. Eating a slug is easy, though they wriggle a lot, taste like rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal as you chew them. The hard part is eating the whole bag in a hurry. There are five slugs in the bag, and you have one minute to eat them. Eating a slug is a full-round action and requires a DC 15 Fortitude save, or a DC 10 Fortitude save if you don't bother spitting out the mildly toxic slime bladder. If you fail the save to eat a slug, you can try again next round. If you took the DC 10 option, you must make a DC 15 Fortitude save, with a -1 penalty for every DC 10 save you chose, or you are sickened for 24 hours.
Chuffy stomps on the ground and claps as he chants, "POOG! POOG! POOG!" I hope stupid Poog throws up on idiot Blibberblab.
Poog just manages to swallow the slug whole, and its toxic bladder tickles his throat, making the next attempt harder.
"Poog will eat another slug! And this time eat it smarter!"
While the goblin does eat the slug smarter, he accidentally gulps down too much slime and spits out tiny slug pieces.
"Slug is evil and want to kill Poog! Chuffy think he can do better? Chuffy try!"
Having seemingly already forgotten the results of his previous attempt, Poog grabs another slug and stuffs it down his throat, spitting the toxic sac at Chuffy's feet.
Poog stuffs another slug into his mouth, quickly spewing it out.
"Poog... Poog can eat more! Poog goblin best goblin!"
"Stupid goblins! Poog was always green!"
Struggling to properly swallow the slugs, Poog resorts to stuffing as many of them as possible, toxic bladders be damned.
Moments before his time is up, Poog manages to swallow his fifth slug. In this morbid trance he accidentally tries to gulp down an additional slug, finally breaking and spewing an awful combination of spit, ooze & invertebrate.
"Poog win! Poog win! Poog goblin best goblin!"
As Poog makes this victorious statement, a terrible greenish liquid starts dripping from his mouth, and the cleric excuses himself to behind a bush for a few moments, giving the plant a close meeting with his digestive liquids.
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The other goblins cheer, and Chief Gutwad is suitably impressed. He gestures to Slorb, who scurries off and returns bearing the Gorge of Gluttons, Chief Gutwad's personal dogslicer. "Poog, you be goblin hero. Chief has decided to loan you the Gorge of Gluttons, so that you may chop many enemies to bits! Don't lose it, or you be chopped into bits!"
The goblins are amped up by the dare, and another challenge is called out. "Good heroes can hide good! Hide or get clubbed!" This challenge is met by vicious laughter as the goblins run about gathering clubs for the game.
"Chuffy is best goblin at hiding! No one find me!" The warty little goblin pads off into the underbrush, grinning.
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Chuffy runs off as the club-wielding throng chases after him. Good thing Chuffy hide good. In fact, he hides so good that no one can find him to give him his reward. Eventually Slorb gives up and hand a ring to Reta. "When you find Chuffy, give him this. It the Ring That Lets You Climb Stuff Real Good! Use it to, I dunno, climb stuff real good."
The goblins are getting excited by all the successful feats of daring, and soon come up with a new one. "Many scary beasts live in the swamp, eat goblins right up! Prove your bravery by dancing with the ferocious boar Squealy Nord!" Squealy Nord is actually a piglet that eats goblin corpses. He lives in a pit in the village, and isn't really ferocious, but his diet scares many of the superstitious goblins.
Mogmurch runs, quickly, for the despair of his wife. The insane goblin immediately tackles the piglet to ride it.
Mogmurch goes! Mogmurch rides ferooooocious Squealy Nord!
While Poog tries to recover from the slugs' effect, he declares that he will be the one to dance with the great Squealy Nord. However, Mogmurch apparently capitalizes on Poog's sickness and takes the dare before the cleric.
"No! Bad Mogmurch! Poog was going to show he can ride Squealy Nord good!"
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Mogmurch easily stays on the piglet's back to the delight of the watching goblins. Slorb nods and brings Mogmurch a bright red gourd. "For being so good at riding, have a Dragon's Breath Gourd!"
The crowd begins chanting, "One more dare, one more dare!" One goblin jumps up and runs off, returning with a couple more goblins pushing the Rusty Earbiter. The Rusty Earbiter is a mad conglomeration of bent swords, shards of glass, and busted barrel staves. The goblin grins and shouts, "Who will crawl through the Rusty Earbiter?"
Chuffy looks at the Earbiter, considering, then picks up the bag that lately contained Poog's snack and rubs himself down with it. "Watch! Chuffy is best at crawling, too!"
"OW! Stupid Earbiter!"
The slime-covered and bleeding goblin emerges triumphant from the depths of the sadistic device. "Chuffy only gets little scratch. ARE WE HEROES, LICKTOADS?"
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Slorb congratulates Chuffy on another successful dares as the village cheers your names. "Good job all of you. Chief Gutwad chose good, you all heros. Chief also say to give you this, the Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful."
The rest of the night is spent burning stuff in the bonfire, eating, drinking, and generally partying. In the morning, Chief Gutwad calls you before him before you leave. He has just one command, "Get fireworks and bring them here to me!" Slorb then hands you the remaining fireworks that were taken from Scribbleface's hut and points you in the right direction.