Friday Fun Pages: Best D&D Encounter Chart Never Used

Let us hearken back to them olden days by creating fun encounter charts for fantasy roleplaying. For example:

d10 Roll
1-2 Sexy Barmaid
3-5 Pun Pun
6-8 Female Tarrasque
9-10 Traveling merchant

You will be judged on style and substance

Encounters in an Underdark Beautician Boutique

d10:

1 - Crossdressing Hobgoblin hairdresser
2-3 - 2-12 Goblin floozies with big hair
4-5 - Mimic posing as barber chair
6-7 - Scissor Golem
8-9 - Grell Masseuse
10 - Liberace the Lich

10 - Liberace the Lich

THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Can Bards become liches?

Link for the kiddies

Ok.

Just because its underused but overrepresented in alternative rock songs, Im going with a:

d12

1 A Trapper
2 A Keeper
3 A Trapper Keeper (tm)
4-5 A Mimic disguised as a mimic
6-7 A half-elemental, half golem bard (5th level)
8-9 A Nixie, a pixie, and a large shoe (1-6=normal/7-12=a Mimic)
10 NPC party
11 A cave-in
12 Kostchtchie and an Astral Deva playing chess

Hearkening to an old trip to the Brox Zoo,

d% (Encounter)
01-65 Obnoxious schoolchildren
66-80 1d3 elderly Hassidim, attended by 1d4+1 cold-eyed Israeli-looking youths.
The Hassidim are armed with Talmudic knowledge only; the youths carry UZIs.
81-95 1d4+1 armed Palestinians.
96-00 Both 66-80 and 81-95, approaching from opposite directions.

Hearkening to an old trip to the Brox Zoo,

d% (Encounter)
01-65 Obnoxious schoolchildren
66-80 1d3 elderly Hassidim, attended by 1d4+1 cold-eyed Israeli-looking youths.
The Hassidim are armed with Talmudic knowledge only; the youths carry UZIs.
81-95 1d4+1 armed Palestinians.
96-00 Both 66-80 and 81-95, approaching from opposite directions.

Um... not much fantasy there.

Hopefuls that have no hope:

1d10
1-2: Orcs on a RickRolling Log
3-4: Dragons buying Peanutbutter and jelly timeshares.
5-6: the astral devastation machine
7-8: solar power
9-10: captain planetouched

D10

1.) An entire 'ling' (rather than only half)
2.) An elvish impersonator
3.) A devil with a blue dress on
4.) A grassy gnoll
5.) A 'dorc' (dwarf-orc crossbreed)
6.) A swarm of kittens
7.) A gnome who refers to himself as 'tripod'
8.) A gibbering mouther with a lisp
9.) A nervous-looking henchman in a red tunic
10.) A vampire bard in women's lingerie accompanied by 2 female vampire spawn, a hunchback, and a flesh golem in a gold speedo.

D10

1.) An entire 'ling' (rather than only half)
2.) An elvish impersonator
3.) A devil with a blue dress on
4.) A grassy gnoll
5.) A 'dorc' (dwarf-orc crossbreed)
6.) A swarm of kittens
7.) A gnome who refers to himself as 'tripod'
8.) A gibbering mouther with a lisp
9.) A nervous-looking henchman in a red tunic
10.) A vampire bard in women's lingerie accompanied by 2 female vampire spawn, a hunchback, and a flesh golem in a gold speedo.

You, sir, are very funny. :)

Can Bards become liches?

According to the d20SRD:

Each lich must make its own phylactery, which requires the Craft Wondrous Item feat. The character must be able to cast spells and have a caster level of 11th or higher.

So I guess the answer is yes.

d4

1) Pixie playing
2) Norker snorkling
3) Fail Snail flaying
4) Orc (with pie) eating

-DM Jeff

veector wrote:

Can Bards become liches?

According to the d20SRD:

d20SRD.com wrote:

Each lich must make its own phylactery, which requires the Craft Wondrous Item feat. The character must be able to cast spells and have a caster level of 11th or higher.

So I guess the answer is yes.

THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1d2:

1. A dead cat
2. A live cat

1d2:

1. A dead cat
2. A live cat

Ah, the table that, until rolled, is constantly in flux.

Um... not much fantasy there.

Yeah, but it really happened once. I must have rolled an "00."

I find it impossible to resist posting this.

LOL...

31-35 Actual Chocolate Rain
41-45 Wizard who is LFG but has to logoff, in like, 20 mins

Great link.

How about a Paizo.com Encounter Table? Hmm, I'll do the old skool 1d8+1d12:

2: A fire gensai troll named Frank
3: A Hero-playing werepoodle
4. A gaggle of post lurkers
5. A murder of Smurfs
6. A frumious Archivore
7. A gelatinous shake
8. A Mountain Dew elemental
9. A family member with a chore list
10. A gaggle of Grognards
11. A pod of 4venturers
12. A large poo-flingling monkey
13. A Werewoof
14. A rules lawyer
15. A school of Snarks
16. A scantily-clad female cliche
17. An overworked employee
18. A passel of pontificators
19. A Malevolency of trolls
20. The Hasbrosque (it's eaten everything! RUN!)