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After explaining to the previous poster why you don't have the variety of cheese they requested, ask the poster after you if they have any of a different variety of cheese.
So! To start:
Have you got any red Leicester?
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Appears the cats eaten it. Sorry.
Have you got any Venezuelan Beaver cheese?
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I had some coming in, but the customs officials saw the labels on the boxes and confiscated it all - apparently, they thought the deliverymen were smuggling porn.
Have you got any Tilsit?
Fresh out.
Got any cheddar?
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A flesh golem, a kid with lycanthropy, and a nebbish vampire just came in and cleaned us out of it.
How about some Caerphilly?
Dire mice got it.
Do you have any Double Gloucester, Double Gloucester?
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The Arthur Wilson brothers took all of it with them on their expedition to Mt. Kilimanjaro.
Have you got any Bel Paese?
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Out on maternity leave making Baby Bel.
Do you have any blue cheese?
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We had to get rid of it. It turned out our suppliers had been making it using the completely wrong strain of mold spores. There's a class action suit you can join if you're interested.
Got any Red Windsor?
Yep it's in the back. This way. Riiiiight through here. Totally not a guy hiding in the back who is going to club your head in and sell you to the organ traders, nope.
Get any parmesan?
We apologize but a tribe of satyrs came and bought it all, along with every pound of ground turmeric in a sixty-mile radius. If you listen closely, you can still hear the cries of ecstasy from their ongoing festivities.
Would you happen to stock Quark?
A marilith demon had a seizure and between the scimitar swipes and the tail thrashing... well... the quark didn't stand much of a chance, it was only level 3 quark to begin with.
Have you any ricotta?
Bought out for the regatta.
Have any Pepper Jack?
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We never stock...that cheese. It expressly forbidden to the management's religion.
How about some Stilton?
It was a forgery.
Have any brie with capers?
No, the capers died off in the 40's
I heard there was some Gorgonzola that might be perused here?
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Our supplier insists it'a a must not.
Got any cans of Cheese Whiz? I'm decorating a cheesecake?
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My good sir, you insult me! This is a REAL Cheese Shoppe! To think that we would pollute our shelves with such industrial proletarian rubbish...!
But let me ask YOU: Have you got any Criffel?
Sorry, there is an embargo I can't explain due to the politics.
Do you have any Springfield Rat cheese?
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We sent out for some, but our delivery boy apparently thought we asked for "Spring YARD Rat cheese", and...well, ever since he came back from wherever it is he went, he refuses to go anywhere near a pinball machine.
Have you got any Afuega'l Pitu?
Good evening, cheesemonger! How about some Soumaintrain?
Some jester needed it for their latest sketch.
Seen any Swiss cheese?
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Not since they activated the Large Hadron Collider, strangely enough....
Surely you stock Armenian String Cheese?
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Sorry, squire, but that is a controlled substance in this district.
Would it be worth it for me to inquire about Saint-André?
Afraid the Vatican Council de canonized it.
Would you have any Oaxaca?
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Well, I tried ordering it, but I mispronounced it so badly the supplier hung up and wouldn't answer again.
I know! What about some Luiren spring cheeeese?!?
I think 3 halflings in a trenchcoat stole it all.
Got any cheesecake?
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What the...?!...I'm terribly sorry, I was not informed by the management that that counted as "cheese" to begin with.
Please tell me you've at least got some good ol' Zelu Koloria?
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Oh! We just got a shipment in!
It's a bit oily.
I think it's a bit oilier than you like, sir.
Oh, okay, I'll check...
...Darn, it was SO oily the American military's already bombed it!
Surely I did not come all this way just to be told you haven't got any Winnimere?
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Some bigshot director just bought it all out, told us he needed it to feed "a cast of THOUSANDS!".
My good man, won't you show me your Naked Pruner?
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Not anymore; people coming in and saying stuff like "Dorblu, I've come to bargain" was only funny the first hundred times or so.
I'm very sorry about my last request; that was puerile of me.
How about showing off your O'Cooch Mountain instead???