The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.

[KSF]

It would seem that, in the Marvel Universe (comics, not film), Loki is now canonically both bi and genderfluid. His bisexuality has been confirmed by his current writer, Al Ewing. And his gender identity, as the article at the link discusses, seems to have been confirmed by a recent mini-series, "Original Sin: Thor and Loki: The Tenth Realm."

And Odin is depicted as a supportive father in regards to this. Note this panel, reproduced from the article. At the end of an adventure (in a mini-series), Thor, Loki and another character, Angela (revealed to be their long-lost sister) return to Asgard. At which point Odin says:

Odin wrote:

My children. My son and my daughter and my child who is both. So strong and so quick. So brave and so cunning.

As someone who, while growing up as a closeted trans kid, found solace in Marvel's comics, and as someone who still reads them, seeing this makes me very happy.

Now if Marvel could just give us some trans superheroes.

[thejeff]

KSF wrote:

It would seem that, in the Marvel Universe (comics, not film), Loki is now canonically both bi and genderfluid. His bisexuality has been confirmed by his current writer, Al Ewing. And his gender identity, as the article at the link discusses, seems to have been confirmed by a recent mini-series, "Original Sin: Thor and Loki: The Tenth Realm."

And Odin is depicted as a supportive father in regards to this. Note this panel, reproduced from the article. At the end of an adventure (in a mini-series), Thor, Loki and another character, Angela (revealed to be their long-lost sister) return to Asgard. At which point Odin says:

Odin wrote:

My children. My son and my daughter and my child who is both. So strong and so quick. So brave and so cunning.

As someone who, while growing up as a closeted trans kid, found solace in Marvel's comics, and as someone who still reads them, seeing this makes me very happy.

Now if Marvel could just give us some trans superheroes.

Of course in the myths, Loki is the trans-species dam of Slypnir, so that has to count for something. I'm not exactly sure what though.

Marvel has had a few gender switching heroes, but no one really trans, that I'm aware of. Generally merged people or something else weird.

[Usual Suspect]

Celestial Healer wrote:

7-2? I doubt it, given that Windsor was only 5-4.

Roberts might flip, citing the Windsor precedent (despite his dissent on that decision), but I don't think there is any reason to think Alito will.

Alito is often inclined to follow president on cases, as is Roberts. It is what makes them barely tolerable as Justices. And in the case of both there will be nothing to gained from dissenting on the case making a 5-4 split an embarrassment to Robert's eventual legacy. If Roberts shifts to a vote in favor Alito may follow having cover to do so. Scalia and Thomas are of course unsalvageablely partisan. They will vote against anything in the face on overwhelming evidence in favor of their personal prejudices every time.

[KSF]

@The Jeff:

Right. I think part of the point here is that the previous times Loki's been a woman in Marvel comics (during J. Michael Straczynski's run on Thor, and during Dan Slott's run on Mighty Avengers), it was depicted as ultimately being an example of Loki's trickery. Whereas Ewing, the character's current writer in both in that mini and in the "Loki: Agent of Asgard" series, seems to be saying (according to that article) that this is instead an element of Loki's gender identity. So it's a bit of a retcon within the comics.

You could get into a discussion about this being a problematic choice, I guess, given that Loki is ostensibly a villain (or at least is one sometimes), and is a trickster, so what's being said about bisexual and genderfluid identities.

But on the other hand, this is a character who is very popular right now, and the reactions I've seen to this seem to point to it being done respectfully, without locating its source within ... should we start saying hir trickery? (I haven't read the comics where this comes up yet. Just picked some of them up today.)

thejeff wrote:

Marvel has had a few gender switching heroes, but no one really trans, that I'm aware of. Generally merged people or something else weird.

Yeah, there's the usually gender switching tropes (mutation, magic, science, etc. - Mystique, Sasquatch, Ultron for a little bit, etc.), but very little actual trans representation. One of Marvel's major writers, Brian Bendis, had a good comment about this the other day. (The character he talks about, Ultimate Universe Jessica Drew, is one he created, a female clone of Peter Parker.)

Brian Bendis wrote:

I think transgender and/ or fluid sexual people want real representation and not Marvel science-y gobbledygook clone representation.

There's one trans character I know of in current continuity at Marvel, but she's a supporting cast member rather than a main character in a book that has already ended its run. That'd be Tong, one of the Moloids (mole people kids) in Matt Fraction and Michael Allred's run on FF (which was a variant of the Fantastic Four). Here's the pages where she comes out to her siblings. It's actually kind of sweet:

Tong wrote:

I have a girl inside of me. I tried to be a boy like you, but there is no boy here. And I do not wish to be what I am not any longer. This is unexpected? It is unexpected. And scary. And wonderful. It is new. Who I am... is new. My brothers: You have a sister. Are you still my brothers? Are you still my family?

At the moment, DC just has one supporting trans character as well, Alysia Yeoh, Batgirl's roommate. (Though I think Babs is about to move out, and there's a new writer, so Alysia will probably get less screentime.)

In terms of being genderfluid, the only other Marvel character I can think of is Xavin, from Runaways, about 10 years ago. So, if Ewing follows through with this (with Loki's gender identity), that's kind of a big deal, as far as queer representation at Marvel goes.

Back in the 90s, in terms of transgender protagonists, there was Kate Godwin in Doom Patrol, and... (had to look it up, couldn't remember the details) Detective Marisa Rahm in Maddie Blaustein's Deathwish mini-series. There hasn't been much of anything since then. Both of those characters were created and written by trans writers, by the way: Rachel Pollack and Maddie Blaustein, respectively.

There was also Wanda, in one of the storyline's in Neil Gaiman's Sandman, but there are some issues with that portrayal. (That said, she was pretty important to me at the time those issues came out, and there are a couple of her lines of dialogue I still quote to myself from time to time.)

I think that's about it for actual trans people, as far as Marvel and DC go.

(And wow, that post on much longer than I'd planned. Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on so.)

Edit to add: Also, I hope it was clear I wasn't trying to conflate genderqueer identities with more traditional trans identities. Just talking about two aspects of gender identity representation in the same post.

[Freehold DM]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED Wanda as Sasquatch.

I dunno about Loki being seen as a trans supervillain, though. Loki's Loki. Nothing about Loki is true, he's lying even when his lips aren't moving(and that's when you should REALLY be worried).

[Crystal Frasier]

KSF wrote:

There's one trans character I know of in current continuity at Marvel, but she's a supporting cast member rather than a main character in a book that has already ended its run. That'd be Tong, one of the Moloids (mole people kids) in Matt Fraction and Michael Allred's run on FF (which was a variant of the Fantastic Four). Here's the pages where she comes out to her siblings. It's actually kind of sweet:

Tong wrote:

Tong wrote:

I have a girl inside of me. I tried to be a boy like you, but there is no boy here. And I do not wish to be what I am not any longer. This is unexpected? It is unexpected. And scary. And wonderful. It is new. Who I am... is new. My brothers: You have a sister. Are you still my brothers? Are you still my family?

At the moment, DC just has one supporting trans character as well, Alysia Yeoh, Batgirl's roommate. (Though I think Babs is about to move out, and there's a new writer, so Alysia will probably get less screentime.)

Oh! Oh I love Tong so much. She is just the cutest, sweetest little slice of representation! And her brothers are so kind and loving, too.

Sadly, yes, Alysia Yeoh has been written out of Batgirl. It strikes me as weird that the new team decided to make a hispter Batgirl, and the first thing they did was shuffle off her outspoken protester/artist bisexual trans roommate. Can you name a more hipster accessory?

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

That's adorable. Slightly disturbing (what's with the head in a jar?) but adorable nonetheless.

[Freehold DM]

Strange. I am not an FF fan by far(in that I don't read the comic regularly), but I thought this was relatively normal amongst the mole people- in that they lacked sexual differentiation between them, and that mole women looked exactly like mole men.

[thejeff]

Freehold DM wrote:

Strange. I am not an FF fan by far(in that I don't read the comic regularly), but I thought this was relatively normal amongst the mole people- in that they lacked sexual differentiation between them, and that mole women looked exactly like mole men.

I have this urge to make a Mole person alias and berate you for your racial insensitivity. :)

[KSF]

Freehold DM wrote:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED Wanda as Sasquatch.

I dunno about Loki being seen as a trans supervillain, though. Loki's Loki. Nothing about Loki is true, he's lying even when his lips aren't moving(and that's when you should REALLY be worried).

Yeah, Loki's an ambiguous character alright. More so now than he used to be.

And regarding Wanda Langowski, I was a regular reader of Alpha Flight at the time this happened, and I can still clearly remember sitting in the car on the way home from the comic shop and turning to the last page of the issue (#45) where the reveal of Walter's change into Wanda happened. I was so envious.

[KSF]

Crystal Frasier wrote:

And her brothers are so kind and loving, too.[/url]

"Love my Tong." *sniff*

Also loved Darla and She-Hulk's simple response.

Crystal Frasier wrote:

Sadly, yes, Alysia Yeoh has been written out of Batgirl. It strikes me as weird that the new team decided to make a hispter Batgirl, and the first thing they did was shuffle off her outspoken protester/artist bisexual trans roommate. Can you name a more hipster accessory?

I think Gail Simone said that initially, the writer taking over from her (Cameron Stewart?) was going write out Alysia entirely, but now she'll still be around occasionally. Better than nothing, I suppose. (Nothing being what we usually get in this area.)

For those not familiar with Yeoh, here's the two page sequence where she comes out to her roommate, Barbara Gordon (Batgirl):
Page one
Page two
(Source)

I remember some (I think non-trans) people criticizing it at the time as pandering, or as a badly written, flat scene. Particularly the two panels where she actually tells her. But I dunno, it wasn't too far from those instances where I came out to someone in person (as opposed to a letter or email, which is how I tended to do it). And whenever I reread it, and hit those two panels, I can feel that same sense of build-up, then the moment of hesitation, then that nervous step forward when I'd say the words "I'm transgender." (For me, that moment always felt like the moment in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade when he closes he eyes, takes a breath and then steps/falls forward onto the bridge above the chasm. Hitting send on the coming out emails, or dropping the letters in the mailbox felt the same way.)

The other thing that I thought was on target here was that Alysia came out to Barbara while Barbara was telling her past as Batgirl. I had something similar happen a few times, where I'd come out to someone I hadn't seen in a while, and they'd come out right back to me (as lesbian or bi).

[KSF]

Slightly off-topic, but since we're talking about diversity in comics, CUNY's "Independent Sources" show just did a show on the subject. It focuses on race and gender, and doesn't include sexual identity or gender identity, but it's worth a watch. In particular, there's an interview toward the end of the segment with Marvel editor Sana Amanat, editor and co-creator of the new Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan), which is currently Marvel's top-selling digital comic.

Here's the piece.

[TanithT]

Krensky wrote:

And yet there are always those ready and desperate to defend the old cribhouse whore with vast quantiti of wailing, wringing of hands, and gnashed teeth.

Please consider what it actually means when you use terms for female sex workers as an insult, and why it's a really terrible idea to perpetuate this attitude.

[Krensky]

Please consider what it means when you don't bother to read a post before responding to a naughty word and why it's a really terrible idea.

Also, I reserve the right to insult the bad habit that is the English language with long standing and well known, if slightly ribald, quotes.

[Rysky]

Krensky wrote:

Please consider what it means when you don't bother to read a post before responding to a naughty word and why it's a really terrible idea.

Also, I reserve the right to insult the bad habit that is the English language with long standing and well known, if slightly ribald, quotes.

Insult the language all you want, but using a misogynist laced insult just because its "long standing" and "well known" just detracts from your statement and you as a person.

[Sissyl]

The truly sad part is when sex workers get touted as victims by other people, who staunchly refuse to let actual sex workers talk about what they need... but that's a different issue. I guess my point is just that we would all do well to find out what the people we're speaking out for actually want.

[TanithT]

Krensky wrote:

Please consider what it means when you don't bother to read a post before responding to a naughty word and why it's a really terrible idea.

Someone could be saying the most reasonable and sensible thing in the world, but if they use homophobic, transphobic, gender-bashing or sex-shaming language to make their point, it detracts a lot from their point and makes the reader focus mainly on the fact that this person is actually saying bad things about other people as a matter of habit.

What does that say about that person's habits and what they take for granted to be true and okay? The problem is not that it's naughty in a sexual way, the problem is that it's historically a mechanism for putting women "in their place" by expressing contempt and condemnation for their sexuality. It's most often used against women who are not even sex workers, but who choose to be sexual with someone other than the person uttering the frustrated insult. The implied message about women's sexuality is really pretty creepy.

Quote:

Also, I reserve the right to insult the bad habit that is the English language with long standing and well known, if slightly ribald, quotes.

In other words, you are saying that because bigoted, bashing, hateful language is long standing and accepted, you will keep using it? Because everyone else does? Understand that the word has a very long history of being used to curse and shame women for being sexual at all or for not being sexual enough with the person doing the shaming. Like the n-word, it is a bad word because it has a very long history of being used as a hurtful bashing tool to keep an oppressed group in their prescribed lower social place with fewer rights.

You are being asked to think about what it does to the social atmosphere, and the kinds of values it supports and reinforces, to use words that shame people for their gender and sexuality. That is all. If after thinking about it you decide that your "right" to use those words is much more important than the effect it has on the people you are carelessly insulting and putting in their place, then that's your decision. Other people listening to you have an equal right to decide on their opinion of someone who makes that kind of choice.

[KSF]

News on the transgender insurance front. Aetna eliminates their transgender exclusion for federal employees.

Aetna's commercial plans to follow suit... eventually.

[Crystal Frasier]

KSF wrote:

News on the transgender insurance front. Aetna eliminates their transgender exclusion for federal employees.

Aetna's commercial plans to follow suit... eventually.

Dang. We're on Blue Cross.

Good news for lots of other trans folks, though!

[KSF]

Crystal Frasier wrote:

KSF wrote:

News on the transgender insurance front. Aetna eliminates their transgender exclusion for federal employees.

Aetna's commercial plans to follow suit... eventually.

Dang. We're on Blue Cross.

Yeah, no impact for me either. (Mine's tied to the university I'm at.)

Crystal Frasier wrote:

Good news for lots of other trans folks, though!

It sure is. And it's another indication of the way that the Medicare decision will hopefully cause other insurers to change their policies.

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

For what it's worth, the value in that quote is in the second sentence. You could paraphrase or omit the first sentence and lose nothing of any worth.

[Yuugasa]

Awwww, Cute kid raps about transgender acceptance.

[Drejk]

Drejk wrote:

Anyway I won't be able to give blood for at least next two weeks - I have dentist appointment for next week.

Blood Donations, Again:

Apparently universe does not want me to give blood - the routine clearing of cavity discovered that the tooth decays inside. It was cleaned and covered with temporary filling that will be replaced in about month and half (or earlier in case of pain or other complications) possibly involving root channel therapy. I suspect that I shouldn't donate blood in mean time with potential infection lingering...

[Odraude]

Looks like my homestate of SC has officially made marriage equality legal. Good to see them joining the charge for civil rights for once.

[Freehold DM]

Wooooooooooooo SC

[Drejk]

On Sunday there are elections for regional governmental institutions - city and regional councils, etc. Trying to get information about candidates is tedious at best... *argh* Every candidate should be obligated to keep a website with his profile held on city/region council servers.

The positive fact that I learned is that more and more candidates are open about their sexual orientation - at least 18 candidates publicly declared to be homosexual or bisexual which is big increase since the last elections where, as far as I could find, only one candidate was openly gay.

[KSF]

The UN begins to address gay conversion therapy as a human rights issue.

Samantha Ames wrote:

The moment the words “conversion therapy” left rapporteur Jens Modvig’s lips, gasps filled the room. We had done it. Modvig, the Committee Against Torture member from Denmark, asked the delegation from the U.S. State Department how conversion therapy could still be going on in the United States in 2014. Sam, a conversion therapy survivor, who had courageously testified through tears the previous day, grabbed my hand and squeezed so hard I thought it might break. We had done what we came here to do: For the first time, a United Nations committee had addressed conversion therapy as an international human rights issue. It was unbelievable.

Link.

[KSF]

Leslie Feinberg has passed away.

[Usual Suspect]

KSF wrote:

The UN begins to address gay conversion therapy as a human rights issue.

Samantha Ames wrote:

The moment the words “conversion therapy” left rapporteur Jens Modvig’s lips, gasps filled the room. We had done it. Modvig, the Committee Against Torture member from Denmark, asked the delegation from the U.S. State Department how conversion therapy could still be going on in the United States in 2014. Sam, a conversion therapy survivor, who had courageously testified through tears the previous day, grabbed my hand and squeezed so hard I thought it might break. We had done what we came here to do: For the first time, a United Nations committee had addressed conversion therapy as an international human rights issue. It was unbelievable.

Link.

About damned time. It was rough enough growing up with just the endless social pressure to be a macho straight guy. I can't even comprehend how horrible it would have been to be tortured for being just a little different.

[Terquem]

Another Hero Honored

[The Doomkitten]

*Pokes head inside of thread very, very tentatively*

Uh... hi.

So, this is will be my first-and maybe last-time posting in this thread. Because, ah, um... the deal is... I'm "unsure."

I don't know a lot about LGBT stuff, but, ah, um, I, um... and about 75% certain I am some sort of trans/queer/genderfluid. I definitely want to confirm, but the one time some years ago when I finally gathered up the courage/curiosity that had been accruing for a few years and wrote down a letter to my parents about it (I knew that my best bet was writing it beforehand because my power of speech often took vacations in times of great stress), I hid it under my mattress for a month, not able to even put it on my mom's desk.

When she found it, we had a short talk about it in which I was quivering so much that my mouth betrayed me and was only able to agree with my mom about it being my brain getting used to hormones. (I was just entering puberty at the time.)

Like I said, I'm about 75% sure I'm some sort of trans, and I would like to either confirm that yes, I'm trans, or no, I'm not, at the very least. But, every time I gather enough courage to try to at least write a speech, I get scared and walk away.

Advice would be very helpful, thank you!

(And, I just realized putting this in writing to anonymous people who have no connection to my IRL life and won't mock me or write me off has helped a ton.)

[Sissyl]

The important part is that you know who you are and can be at peace with that, even if you never get a clear answer to which gender you belong to.

[Rysky]

Rikers Island to offer separate housing for transgender inmates.

[Rysky]

To echo what Sissyl said, you may never know, but as long as you can obtain content and happyness is what's important, don't let labels and searching override your life when your Heart and Soul already have the answers.

[Usual Suspect]

Hey Doomkitten,

Don't feel threatened or scared by us. We're glad to have another new person posting in the thread. This thread is amazing because the mods do not tolerate people being abusive; but otherwise everybody is free to talk about whatever we need to talk about.

I understand why you might find coming out privately or publically about your gender and orientation dificult. It can be hard. I'm not exactly out to the whole world as a bi guy; just to the people I trust to be completely open with and a few others that I know won't care. Unfortunately that's life. But there are a lot of great people on here who share your issues, or have at one time, about being open about being trans or genderfluid. I know they will be glad to help.

[Terquem]

I am mostly ignorant of such issues, but my opinion is that you do not, or perhaps should not ever have to feel you need to conform to any categorical gender

be who you want to be

[Liranys]

I agree with Terquem. Don't try to conform, be what makes you comfortable and don't feel ashamed about it. You aren't broken, or bad or anything like that. You're just you. :) It took me a long time to figure this out.

[Drejk]

*sigh* I spend some quarter an hour digging through archive to find the strip, only to discover, once I found the strip I was looking for it, that I do have it in my bookmarks, albeit in blog section instead of comic strips.

Chaos Life: Agender Agenda

I am pretty sure it was linked here before but it's good read to anyone questioning, even when not agender.

[Drejk]

Gay marriage is a conspiracy against homosexuals!

[Todd Stewart]

The Doomkitten wrote:

Like I said, I'm about 75% sure I'm some sort of trans, and I would like to either confirm that yes, I'm trans, or no, I'm not, at the very least. But, every time I gather enough courage to try to at least write a speech, I get scared and walk away.

It isn't always easy to come to firm grips with that sort of self-realization either one way or the other. I know that I struggled with it for a long time and completely suppressed it for many years.

Not everyone has the same experience here with this. For some people it's easy to answer that question, for others, not so much. I'm not sure if I would have been able to eventually come to terms with my own self-identity if not for my partner talking it out with me and making me realize what I'd been suppressing for so long out of social norms being what they are.

Learn about things, listen to other folks and talk to them and piece it out for yourself. The self-discovery is worthwhile, regardless of the answer that you ultimately give for yourself. Many folks have been down this road before, and know that you're not alone in that. :)

[Usual Suspect]

Drejk wrote:

Gay marriage is a conspiracy against homosexuals!

Always funny despite an epic level of incorrectness. I love conspiracy theories. They're so entertaining.

[KSF]

Drejk wrote:

Gay marriage is a conspiracy against homosexuals!

I actually saw someone online put forward a theory similar to this. Not as a conspiracy, but as a, if it's genetic, why is the gene still around, wouldn't it be selected against, in terms of reproduction.

The flaw in that thinking is gays and lesbians have kids all the time. Even when they're married to someone of the same sex.

[Terquem]

many straight people also often find themselves in that particularly awkward situation of procreation with individuals they were not necessarily in a relationship with that society approved of.

making babies

and making out

are often not initiated for the same reasons

[KSF]

The Doomkitten wrote:

*Pokes head inside of thread very, very tentatively*

Uh... hi.

So, this is will be my first-and maybe last-time posting in this thread. Because, ah, um... the deal is... I'm "unsure."

Hello, Doomkitten.

Congrats on taking a step forward on this. It can be difficult. It was for me.

At the end of the day, you're the only person who can decide if you're transgender or not, and you're the only one who can decide what sort of gender identity you have. Explore and be comfortable with what feels right, whether that be genderqueer or genderfluid, or something closer to the traditional notions of "male" and "female." All of those identities are valid.

You might also think about talking to a therapist. However, if you do, you'll want to make sure you can find one that has experience in LGBTQ issues. Check to see if they have their own website and see if they list LGBTQ issues as one of their areas of focus. If your town has any LGBTQ organizations, you might check their website, or check with them directly, to see if they have any recommendations. Even with a therapist, however, remember that you're still the only one who knows what you're gender identity is.

Something I found helpful was reading through some trans memoirs. With regards to trans women (male to female), I found Jennifer Finney Boylan's "She's Not There" to be useful. I haven't read as many by trans men (female to male), but I found Max Wolf Valerio's "The Testosterone Files" to be a good read. And there's also a collection of essays called, "Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation," edited by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman, which has short pieces by people of a wide variety of gender identities. And Janet Mock has a memoir out recently, Redefining Realness. I haven't read it yet, but I've heard good things about it.

Youtube can also be a good resource. There are a lot of video blogs by trans people these days, as well as talks given by trans people on trans identity. When I was in the closet, I found this video blog by SamanthaZero34 to be useful. In particular, you might check out this one, called How did I know I was trans?

You might also look at some of poet Ivan Coyote's work. Here's a great piece they did called "Dear Younger Self. Here's another one, also great, called The Femme Piece where, as a butch, they speak to their femme girlfriend.

Listen to others' experiences. Think upon your own. Explore (but explore safely and take care of yourself).

And as Usual Suspect said, this is a safe space to ask questions in. There are a lot of helpful, supportive people here.

Good luck to you.

[Deadmanwalking]

Well, this is nice to hear, and relevant to this thread.

It's not as nice as my home state never having had a ban on same-sex marriage, but it's still nice. :)

EDIT: For those who don't want to bother following the link, Montana's ban on same-sex marriage was struck down by a federal judge. So yay! :)

[Rysky]

Deadmanwalking wrote:

Well, this is nice to hear, and relevant to this thread.

It's not as nice as my home state never having had a ban on same-sex marriage, but it's still nice. :)

I love the Officiator's cossack in that pic ^w^

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

There are theories of pleiotropic effects, i.e. when a gene has more than one phenotypic effect. There may be a gene that, when you have two copies, increases the likelihood that you will be gay, but if you have one copy, increases fertility in females. Those kinds of genes would have fitness-increasing effects when you only have one copy, balancing any reduction in fitness (which just means how many of the next generation are genetically related to you) due to homosexuality.

[KSF]

Just read about this in Time. A crisis hotline specifically for transgender people.

Trans Lifeline wrote:

Who will answer when I call?

Our hotline is staffed by the true experts on transgender experience, transgender people themselves. Our volunteers are all trans identified and educated in the range of difficulties transgender people experience. Our volunteers are dedicated to improving the lives of transgender people.

The Time article (which is also partly about the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which is today) is here.

[Qunnessaa]

The Doomkitten wrote:

*Pokes head inside of thread very, very tentatively*

Uh... hi.

So, this is will be my first-and maybe last-time posting in this thread. Because, ah, um... the deal is... I'm "unsure."

[...]

I'm about 75% sure I'm some sort of trans, and I would like to either confirm that yes, I'm trans, or no, I'm not, at the very least. But, every time I gather enough courage to try to at least write a speech, I get scared and walk away.

Advice would be very helpful, thank you!

(And, I just realized putting this in writing to anonymous people who have no connection to my IRL life and won't mock me or write me off has helped a ton.)

Hi, Doomkitten,

Like others have said, your gender identity is yours to define; there’s a lot of room under the trans* umbrella, but it does boil down to everyone seeing what feels right for them. What that may be, and how long it takes for people to find it, varies. It took me years between finding out about trans identities and finding one that fit me and deciding that I had to do something about it. I know some trans folks who were able to put some sort of words to their feelings since late in their childhood but have only started to transition recently, and have adult children my age (twenty-something).

If you can find someone to talk to in your community, that might be useful, like LGBTQ groups or psychologists familiar with LGBTQ issues. Personally, what was most useful for me to get to that point was just doing a lot of reading and introspection. To KSF’s suggestions, I would add Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl (which was what finally made me think, “OK, I think I can relate to this very much. What next?”), and Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook. I also found more academic things helpful. If you have access to a decent library, maybe drift over to that section of the shelves and see what catches your eye?

Be safe, but explore what calls out for exploration, on your own terms and at a pace that feels right for you. See what bests suits your sense of self, knowing that that can change and that that in turn is alright.

I hope there’s something useful in all this, but in any case, good luck. :)

[KSF]

Qunnessaa wrote:

To KSF’s suggestions, I would add Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl (which was what finally made me think, “OK, I think I can relate to this very much. What next?”), and Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook. I also found more academic things helpful. If you have access to a decent library, maybe drift over to that section of the shelves and see what catches your eye?

I second all of that.

One thing, though. If you go looking for what's on the library shelves, make sure you don't go with any outdated books on the subject. I did that when I started trying to figure out what to do, and unfortunately I found one from 1973 or 4 that had some outdated info about what sexual orientation says about gender identity. That really screwed me up for a time. (It was one of those, if you're attracted to women you're not transsexual, you're a cross dresser. Which is total bunk. Sexual identity and gender orientation are separate things.) So, maybe stick with things published in the 90s or later? Except for memoirs, I guess.