RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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If you don't have to match the character you're playing except in voice, then shouldn't voice acting be a more welcoming place for actors who are normally passed over for filmed/staged acting? I mean, some trans folks get voice coaching regardless of occupation.
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Hey all,
Thanks for the advice. For the past... week, maybe? (I have problems with time :P) I've been doing more research and have finally decided that yes, I'm trans-MtF to be more precise.
When I finally said it in my corner-just those two words-it felt so liberating. Kind of scary, too. Today, I "came out" to my best friend, and she was totally accepting and cool about it, erasing a lot of my fears.
Possibly what really let me accept it is because someone mentioned that sexual orientation and gender identity are completely different. A main reason that I was unsure is that I'm still attracted to girls. However, that factoid put my mind at ease and now I'm comfortable with me being trans.
So... yeah. Thanks for all of your support, guys and girls. It really helped a lot.
I'm not all the way there, though. I'm still trying to work up the courage to tell my family about me being trans-even wrote a letter!-but as far as I can tell, that is part of the process that everybody has to go through at some point.
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Congratulations, Doomkitten! Coming out to that first friend is a huge step, as is saying the words out loud.
Good luck with your family. I hope it goes well.
And +1 on the new avatar.
Cheers!
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First openly gay city mayor was elected in Poland. Step forward for sexual orientation not being detrimental to one's political career here.
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Something that could be a major change if it happens. I thought about making another thread, but probably belongs in the thread for all things LGBT.
A council that advises the Health council in the US met 3 weeks ago with the suggestion that men who have had intercourse with another man be allowed to donate blood as long as it has been over a year since then.
Today, I believe the FDA met to consider such an option.
They have not made a decision yet, but they met to consider allowing such individuals to donate blood.
I think that's a good leap forward, but I'd add to it. If you've been in a committed relationship with no promiscuity, you can also donate.
Some would question saying, how would you prove such a thing?
I'd say, the same way they do it now. In theory, you could go and donate blood and answer whatever you want on their questionnaire. it's not like they have a lie detector there to see if you are telling the truth or not. They don't verify anyways, so if they are already trusting enough with that, then they should be able to trust that you are in a committed relationship that you haven't cheated on.
Anyways, if the FDA allows this, it could be a big step forward in increasing the blood supply.
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Hooray for Doomkitten!
Also, the Bogert family prints a retraction in the newspaper about the birth of their child. :) It's suddenly dusty in here.
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GreyWolfLord, you are correct that there are people who lie about it now. I actually saw a discussion thread on a gay men's interest page that was pretty evenly split on the subject of whether to be honest on the existing questionnaire. (Personally, I am of the mind that I am past lying about who I am to anybody for any reason with the possible exception of personal safety.)
The proposed change would indeed open up the donation process for bisexual men in an a relationship with a woman, or a man who has had the odd same sex encounter in the past. It would still effectively exclude most gay men, particularly those in relationships, and that is a shame.
Can we get cheap lab synthesized blood already to solve blood supply problems already? :/
Well, I believe over a decade ago they DID create human blood via pigs. There was a major uproar over it, despite that the blood was clean, the best type useable by everyone, and could be made plentiful.
So, I think they stopped doing that. Not sure, maybe they still make it somewhere, but from what I recall, the uproar and unhappiness with it stopped it from being continued?
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It's always a shame when science and progress get blocked by petty trifles.
We could be in space by now, living in colonies, if not for the flaws of our species.
Well, I believe over a decade ago they DID create human blood via pigs. There was a major uproar over it, despite that the blood was clean, the best type useable by everyone, and could be made plentiful.
So, I think they stopped doing that. Not sure, maybe they still make it somewhere, but from what I recall, the uproar and unhappiness with it stopped it from being continued?
I'm not specifically familiar with this having been accomplished already, but it's conceptually feasible to insert human bone marrow into immunocompromised pigs of some variety and then harvest the resulting blood with appropriate filtration. It seems an engineering problem than anything else.
The problem I would raise on a safety level would be the presence of porcine endogenous retrovirus, which makes any level of xenotransplantation involving porcine origin cells problematic, even if in the case of harvesting RBCs that lack a nucleus.
But beyond that, I suspect that most of the outrage over you know, helping people, was from the 'It isn't natural' anti-biotech fringe minority of the extreme left. Similar outrage from that camp in recent years over human/animal chimeras in research and creating human embryos using genetic material from a third person to cure various diseases caused by mitochondrial dysfunction in the potential child's two primary parents. Sigh. But I'm going on a rant. I'll stop.
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Well, I believe over a decade ago they DID create human blood via pigs. There was a major uproar over it, despite that the blood was clean, the best type useable by everyone, and could be made plentiful.
So, I think they stopped doing that. Not sure, maybe they still make it somewhere, but from what I recall, the uproar and unhappiness with it stopped it from being continued?
I'm not specifically familiar with this having been accomplished already, but it's conceptually feasible to insert human bone marrow into immunocompromised pigs of some variety and then harvest the resulting blood with appropriate filtration. It seems an engineering problem than anything else.
The problem I would raise on a safety level would be the presence of porcine endogenous retrovirus, which makes any level of xenotransplantation involving porcine origin cells problematic, even if in the case of harvesting RBCs that lack a nucleus.
But beyond that, I suspect that most of the outrage over you know, helping people, was from the 'It isn't natural' anti-biotech fringe minority of the extreme left. Similar outrage from that camp in recent years over human/animal chimeras in research and creating human embryos using genetic material from a third person to cure various diseases caused by mitochondrial dysfunction in the potential child's two primary parents. Sigh. But I'm going on a rant. I'll stop.
Dammit! I already put the popcorn into the microwave.
It's always a shame when science and progress get blocked by petty trifles.
We could be in space by now, living in colonies, if not for the flaws of our species.
...
Lalah...She could have been my mother...
Contributor
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Congratulations, Doomkitten! Welcome to the sisterhood!
Possibly what really let me accept it is because someone mentioned that sexual orientation and gender identity are completely different. A main reason that I was unsure is that I'm still attracted to girls. However, that factoid put my mind at ease and now I'm comfortable with me being trans.
I had that same problem many, many years ago, and tried so hard to make myself more attracted to men to prove I was a "real" woman. Took me a while to figure it out, too :)
And don't worry about rushing forward with anything. Take everything at a pace you're comfortable with. I'd honestly advise waiting until you've read up a little more and talk to more friends before talking to family, because they will have a lot of questions and they'll need you for answers and emotional support. Until then, just take your time and explore :)
Thanks, Crystal!
It feels good that I'm getting support from an actual Paizo employee (^_^)
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It's always a shame when science and progress get blocked by petty trifles.
We could be in space by now, living in colonies, if not for the flaws of our species.
...
Lalah...
She could have been my mother...
...what?
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Doomkitten, if there's anything that my trans friends have taught me is that no matter who you are, the closer we can get to our idealized self, the happier each of us will be. You get to define you—nobody else does. I'm so happy for you, and I am happy imagining the smile on your face—one that will only get wider as you begin your transition. ^_^
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Assistant Software Developer
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You rang?
The biggest and most difficult part about being trans for me was finding out all about who I actually was. We take a lot of baggage with us into transition and not everyone comes out the other side sans their own prejudices about men and women and gender roles and orientations and all of that junk. We're somewhat lucky though, in that we get a chance to see those things for what they are and take a step back and have the opportunity to really get rid of a lot of that and get to know ourselves. Most people don't get to do that and those that do even more rarely have the ability to do it so thoroughly and definitively. In short, be yourself and you'll feel awesome about being who you are, even when other things out there get you down. Take your time and explore your feelings and prejudices and how you will fit in to society. It's a fantastic journey. ^_^
For instance, I watched someone give up a lucrative job that they enjoyed to become a nurse because being an engineer wasn't a job she felt a women should do, and she was miserable for it. And she didn't take any time to smell the roses or for self introspection along the route. 6 months from beginning the journey to surgery and she was the poorer for it, so I say, take your time. Enjoy what you can.
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and I am happy imagining the smile on your face—one that will only get wider as you begin your transition. ^_^
It sure is something, how that works.
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One of Dragon Age's designers talks about how Krem came about and was developed. From the blog, it seems they view him more as genderqueer.
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Hey all,
Thanks for the advice. For the past... week, maybe? (I have problems with time :P) I've been doing more research and have finally decided that yes, I'm trans-MtF to be more precise.
When I finally said it in my corner-just those two words-it felt so liberating. Kind of scary, too. Today, I "came out" to my best friend, and she was totally accepting and cool about it, erasing a lot of my fears.
Possibly what really let me accept it is because someone mentioned that sexual orientation and gender identity are completely different. A main reason that I was unsure is that I'm still attracted to girls. However, that factoid put my mind at ease and now I'm comfortable with me being trans.
So... yeah. Thanks for all of your support, guys and girls. It really helped a lot.
I'm not all the way there, though. I'm still trying to work up the courage to tell my family about me being trans-even wrote a letter!-but as far as I can tell, that is part of the process that everybody has to go through at some point.
Congratulations, Doomkitten!
In retrospect, I can recall my own difficulties with sexual orientation and gender identity. When I acquired the terminology to think in a more precise (or at least concrete) way about being trans, other aspects of my identity just fell into place, but I did have a clear sense of their difference. Thinking back to before then (to high school, in my case), though, I can remember feeling awful that I couldn’t imagine myself in a relationship with a girl as a boy. After all, the latter was what everyone assumed I was, and at the time I hadn’t worked out the thoughts or words for why that was incorrect. So I felt like a monster, things oozing out of my subconscious that had no place there. After all, if I was a straight guy, with just a sympathetic inkling of what lesbians had to put up with from a frequently homophobic world, I should just let them do their own thing and not worry about it, since it was none of my business. It was only when I could name myself as trans that I could also really accept myself as a woman attracted to women.
I would agree with Ms. Frasier’s suggestion not to worry about rushing forward with anything, especially if you’re not sure how to approach your family. I certainly don’t mean to discourage you; you’re ultimately the best judge of what’s right for you, but since you had asked, those are two more cents. :) (From a woman for whom it worked, admittedly, to wait six years or so between deciding she’s trans and doing anything about it, so I’m not an entirely impartial witness.)
Welcome out, Doomkitten! Or maybe I shouldn't be saying that, as I'm a kinda passing-for-straight bi guy. But anyway, congratulations.
Welcome out, Doomkitten! Or maybe I shouldn't be saying that, as I'm a kinda passing-for-straight bi guy. But anyway, congratulations.
Well, I think all of us in the larger LGBTQ have had to deal with coming out (or have had to think about coming out for those who aren't certain or have chosen not to), and have had to deal with thinking about and understanding ourselves in a different context than the dominant, mainstream cisgender heterosexual paradigm. So there's a degree of shared experience there. At least, that's been what I've seen in discussing coming out with my various LGB friends.
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Welcome out, Doomkitten! Or maybe I shouldn't be saying that, as I'm a kinda passing-for-straight bi guy. But anyway, congratulations.
Don't worry about things like that, Paly. We all come out in stages and to different extents. There are lots of people thst do not know that I'm bi because they do not need to know that mucj about me.
Hurrah for The Doomkitten!
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Found this on youtube, in Pathe's online footage archive. A brief British newsreel from 1953 of transgender pioneer Christine Jorgensen.
And found this as well. An interview segment with Jorgensen decades later, on an early 80s talk show.
So, a bit of history there.
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Minnesota approves transgender-friendly policy for high school athletes.
Photos from the state school board meeting here, and eligibility criteria here.
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And in Not-Good-News, Republican Congressmen ask Labor Dept. to withdraw the LGBT Protections the Dept. recently set forth.
Uhgggg!!! There's always somebody.
Speaking of somebody: When I was stationed at RAF Upper Heyford as an Airman in 1993 I had a supervisor that said to me that if Clinton lets those "faggy bastards" into the Air Force he would get out. When I pointed out to him that in the civilian would he would likely have to work with somebody that is gay considering that we were the military equivalent of commercial artists he replied, "No way. I'd know if somebody is a f$@ and refuse to work with them."
At no point in my 20 year military career did I have a harder time keeping a straight face and not laughing out loud. I keep thinking that I should look Dave up and ask him if he ever figured out which person in the Visual Information section was LGBTQ now that I'm retired and DADT has both come and gone.
And in Not-Good-News, Republican Congressmen ask Labor Dept. to withdraw the LGBT Protections the Dept. recently set forth.
Frown. :(
They're asking for a 60 day public comment period during which the labor dept ruling would not be in effect. I strongly suspect that the two members of Congress behind this may be surprised at how much flak they're going to get from a good chunk of their own party over this. It's rapidly becoming an issue of civil rights that's supporting by people across the political spectrum. This is a good thing. Those railing against equality for LGBT folks are an old and dying breed on both the Left and Right.
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Hi, so, I have a friend Raine who is non-gender-binary and has unfortunately suffered some severely infected teeth, and doesn't have any dental insurance. He (his expressed pronoun preference) has regular health insurance, which will cover giving him antibiotics any time the infection spreads out of his teeth, but no one but a dentist will touch the teeth themselves, and they want thousands of dollars up front.
So, he's in tremendous danger of imminent death, due to the risk of the infection spreading to his brain or other vital organs. In the so-called 'greatest country in the world'. Where poor people die from toothaches, apparently.
Some people in our social circle have suggested going to the media but his non-standard sexual and gender identification makes him think that's a bad idea. Arizona's a very conservative place and the media are likely to shy away from something like that for fear of being pilloried by the social conservatives.
So, the only thing he can do is basically beg. Here's his Gofundme campaign.
If you don't want to or can't do anything about it, you don't have to -- you don't know this person from Adam, but if you care to, anything could help.
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Those railing against equality for LGBT folks are an old and dying breed on both the Left and Right.
Unfortunately, judging by the photos and video I saw of the Minnesota high school board hearing, many anti-LGBT people are not old at all.
So, the only thing he can do is basically beg. Here's his Gofundme campaign.
If you don't want to or can't do anything about it, you don't have to -- you don't know this person from Adam, but if you care to, anything could help.
Done.
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First openly gay city mayor was elected in Poland. Step forward for sexual orientation not being detrimental to one's political career here.
An elder lady was asked about the newly elected city mayor by a journalist during interviews of random citizens on street and supposedly responded "We were electing the mayor, not the company to bed".
Some elder ladies here in Poland are the backbone of reactionary social conservatism. Other elderly ladies, not so much :D
It's always a shame when science and progress get blocked by petty trifles.
We could be in space by now, living in colonies, if not for the flaws of our species.
Maybe.
Maybe if we found a way to remove those "flaws", there would be unforeseen consequences of a disastrous kind.
Sometimes what looks like a flaw actually does serve an important purpose.
So I have been thinking back over the last few days at all the pretty funny stuff that has occurred in my life as a result of my gender and sexual identities. It seems most of us in the community at large have a horror story or two about how people have treated us because we are LGBT, but what about the more amusing or interesting things that have happened, maybe we should talk about that stuff more often.
Even some of the things that have happened to us that mortified us at the time can be funny in retrospect.
One of the big ones that I have been thinking about recently is how, pretty consistently as I grew up, when I had to go to the bathroom and I was in a public space, if I was tired or distracted or for some reason not paying attention I would enter the women's bathroom pretty consistently.
This happened prolly three dozen times in my teenage years.
Sometimes I would walk in, realize there were no urinals and that I was a man, turn around and leave quickly but sometimes I would go in, brush past a bunch of women, do my business, wash my hands and leave without it ever registering. Only when I went back out where my friends or whoever were waiting for me would I get it pointed out to me that I wasn't suppose to be going in there.
It actually became a bit of a running joke amongst my friends that I was just so air-brained and lost in my own world that I couldn't even be bothered to pay attention to what bathroom I was walking into.
The crowning(but ultimately positive) moment of this awkwardness came when:
She was much cooler than me and was kind of a punk and hated "conformity and society" and all those other bleak evils of the teenage world. I was straight laced and boring and couldn't think of a way to impress her but when I asked her out she said yes! And more importantly when we actually went out on a date I was killing it. She liked my jokes, she liked the restaurant I choose, we loved the movie, and afterward we hung out at the mall and had "deep" and humorous conversations, everything was going great!
But then of course she says she has to use the restroom, what a coincidence, me too! (we must have been meant for each other to have so much in common) so she walks into the women's restroom and without slowing I follow her right in.
Once inside I realize what I'd done, I freeze as she realizes I followed her and turns to give me a speculative look. The blood rushes to my face and proceeds to burn with embarrassment.
Then she says. "Wow, you really don't give a f#$@ do you? I like you."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway we were happy together for about two weeks until she began to realize that, not only was I not a heroic rebel who proved his heroism by having no respect for segregated bathrooms, I was the most conforming conformer who ever conformed in conformityville(I wouldn't even smoke drugs, man!). A month later we broke up and I proceeded to spend the next two or three months(about twice as long as the relationship actually lasted) shut up in my room in a depressed agony while listening to a selection of woeful breakup songs.
Still, that was a good night and one of the few times a super awkward moment transformed into something awesome.
Anyway, my habit of accidentally wandering into women's restrooms confused even me for many years until I realized what was happening: I would approach the restrooms and see the signs, my brain would inform me: "You're a woman, go to the women's restroom." and I would do it without thinking.
It doesn't happen nowadays (I pay more attention to what I am doing) and I am prolly lucky that I was feminine looking enough as a teenager that no woman ever saw me and had a "What the hell are you doing in here?" reaction (I could have gotten into serious trouble) but as things stand I just have these awkward and kinda funny experiences.
So what about you guys? Care to share your stories of awkward or humorous things that have arisen in your life as a result of being LGBT?
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So, these things happened a year or two ago, before I realized I was trans (kinda like Yuugasa's stories):
1. So, I was wandering around school, wearing my absurdly long for a boy (but perfectly acceptable for a girl) hair. I've always been thin and more than slightly effeminate, so I suppose, to a casual observer, I looked a lot like a girl. As a matter of fact, to most people, I was a girl. (When people told me I "_____ like a girl," I took it as a compliment rather than an insult). Then, out of the blue, a younger kid walked up and asked if I would be his girlfriend. I am not kidding. (You must keep in mind that his was before the days when my face started looking more bumpy than flat.) I was so stunned I couldn't respond for a moment, blushed, and ran away.
2. I always played female characters in games. Always. (Again, I suppose that was my brain screaming at me to wake up.) I didn't even realize that most people though that I was a woman because of the way I acted until one guy asked me if I had a husband. Again, stunned for a little while, then frantic logging-off.
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Great to hear a state governor speak out against anti-trans hate mongering. Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton on things being said by opponents to Minnesota high schools' transgender student athlete policy. (This is from before the resolution was successfully passed.)
He's partly responding to "a recent editorial from a lawyer published in the Star Tribune [that] suggested that someone such as Green Bay Packer’s Clay Matthews could now play on the girls teams if he said 'my long hair is evidence of my sincerity and my feminine self-expression.'"
Meanwhile, in New York City, the City Council votes to end the surgery requirement for birth cerificates. Makes me wish I was born in NYC, like my brother. (Instead, I'm stuck with New Jersey's surgery requirement.)
Done.So, the only thing he can do is basically beg. Here's his Gofundme campaign.
If you don't want to or can't do anything about it, you don't have to -- you don't know this person from Adam, but if you care to, anything could help.
Thank you!
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Contributor
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So, these things happened a year or two ago, before I realized I was trans (kinda like Yuugasa's stories):
1. So, I was wandering around school, wearing my absurdly long for a boy (but perfectly acceptable for a girl) hair. I've always been thin and more than slightly effeminate, so I suppose, to a casual observer, I looked a lot like a girl. As a matter of fact, to most people, I was a girl. (When people told me I "_____ like a girl," I took it as a compliment rather than an insult). Then, out of the blue, a younger kid walked up and asked if I would be his girlfriend. I am not kidding. (You must keep in mind that his was before the days when my face started looking more bumpy than flat.) I was so stunned I couldn't respond for a moment, blushed, and ran away.
2. I always played female characters in games. Always. (Again, I suppose that was my brain screaming at me to wake up.) I didn't even realize that most people though that I was a woman because of the way I acted until one guy asked me if I had a husband. Again, stunned for a little while, then frantic logging-off.
My favorite war story from the Before Times, back when I had an androgynous name, was one of my first job interviews. I applied to be a delivery driver for Papa John's, and everyone was SO nice to me during the interview, especially the assistant manager, who was the only woman working there. During the interview, the manager gushed about how polite I was, and at one point said "You'll make okay money. People usually tip girls better than they tip boys." and I just thought, in my youthful naivete, 'why is he telling me that?'
He tells me I have the job and says he needs a copy of my driver's license and insurance forms to photocopy, so I hand them over. A few minutes later, he walks back looking shocked and slightly disgusted--all the pleasantries have dropped from his voice--and says "Male drivers can't have hair below their ears. You'll have to cut it."
I did not take the job, and left quickly.
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Very good news for trans people living in the state of New York. Gov. Cuomo says insurers must cover gender surgery.
That makes nine states plus the District of Columbia where such coverage has been mandated: California, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Massachusetts, New York, Oregon, Vermont, Washington, and DC.
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Interesting overheard convo at work last night. Normally certain topics are verboten, and in this case, this was brought up by one of our more religious employees. Discussion of the rising atheism survey, tragic signs, the devil yadda yadda. When initially mentioned, it apparently didn't garner much or perhaps more likely the appropriate pearl clutching reaction. She moved it to a more receptive audience and repeated her efforts.
In the meantime, the others left behind quietly talked below their hearing threshold and confirmed a few things: We were atheists or kept our faith to ourselves. We were GLBT allies/membership or had no issue with it. We noted the hypocrisy in the overheard convo: proclamations of morals and faith followed by threats.
End result? We know who has our back, who doesn't. And acknowledgment that religion should remain a verboten subject at work.
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In a similar vein, it is a dreadful faux pas for a British politician to mention his religion (apart from sectarian Northern Ireland). When Tony Blair revealed his Catholocism when his Prime Ministering days were over, it was seen as crass.
Yet it seems to be the opposite in the US. Voters there would rather vote for a Muslim, even in this terrorist paranoia, than vote for an atheist.
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Assistant Software Developer
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Washington state specifically mentioned that they didn't have to provide gender confirmation surgery unless they provided it for other reasons, but they did inform the insurance companies that they could no longer discriminate against transgender men and women if they insure services for any other reason. However, this will in fact be enough to make the larger companies not want a suit and I found a notice that my specific insurance will now cover surgery pursuant to the washington law against discrimination starting January 1st.
Thanks for the clarification, Lissa.
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Nice. Hopefully, when in a few years when I have my English degree and I move to Washington to work for Paizo, I'll be able to get surgery if I didn't get it sooner. (^_^)
Hmmm, I am facing an interesting dilemma these days.
Some surgeries are out of the question for me (both because I have health problems that may get in the way and also because many surgeries will not achieve what I ideally want) but living as a woman is not. Everyone who matters accepts me as a woman and my wife has told me she would actually enjoy it if I lived as a woman.
However I joined a trans* support group recently and many of the things they talked about made me very hesitant to even try.
Basically everyone there has faced large amounts of prejudice and like half the people there have been assaulted for being trans*.
One man was pulled out of his car at a gas station, beaten and raped, apparently so he would "Just accept being a woman and stop trying to be a man."
One woman had been beaten many times and apparently was once arrested and charged with a crime that could have put her on the sex offender registry just for using a woman's bathroom. (don't know the details, but it certainly makes me want to avoid the women's restroom even though I am a woman because f$#@ that noise, wouldn't want the law to come at me in addition to the possibility of bigots who want to beat me.)
After a few of these stories I jokingly said something to the effect of "Well, so much for the idea of me transitioning, I think I much prefer my life without the random atrocities."
Basically the whole group was at least passively supportive of me except one woman who got quite angry and said I should just be myself, f$@# what others think.
It led to an interesting conversation where the woman was saying basically "Better to die then to not be yourself in full, other people's opinions don't matter, all that matters is being true to yourself." Which is something I hear nearly everyone in the world saying(and everyone else giving them thunderous applause and support for saying so) but I was trying to explain that look: I am a woman, but I have a body that presents as male. In the same vein I am not Caucasian, genetically or on my birth certificate, but damn does everyone assume my pale ass is white.
I was born into a time and place where being a white male is one of the most(to use that word so many people hate) privileged positions there is. What is white male privilege? It is being able to walk down nearly any street in the U.S. without being hassled for what I look like, it's being able to go nearly anywhere without being considered a freak or inherently suspicious because of my gender expression/race. It is a comparatively easy life I have a good deal of appreciation for.
She told me that if I don't transition I was lying to myself and lying to other people, I told her she was right in some ways, in not correcting assumptions about my gender to strangers I am certainly lying by omission if nothing else and perhaps not being true to myself.
The question I am asking myself now is what really is my higher priority? Expressing what I really feel in presentation and action, or blending in for the ease of it and the advantages it brings?
It is a hard topic to talk about with people because the vast majority of people's answers are the same. First they say that obviously the right answer is to be true to yourself and then they say that, despite the difficulties of the path they walk they are always true to themselves and present themselves honestly(in regards to everything, not gender specific, most folks don't have the same situation that I do). Sure it has cost them alot but man is it better then just trying to blend in, so much freer, so much better.
It is kind of funny because when strangers say the above it could be completely true, but the vast majority of people I have spent any time with that say it I've seen be completely disingenuous and not true to some aspect of themselves in certain situations. It's not necessarily even that they don't genuinely think they are completely honest, it just doesn't register in their conscious thoughts that they are lying. In my experience almost everyone is disingenuous with other people at some point in their lives to either keep themselves safe or to bring themselves closer to something they want, even though most people pretend they never do.
I dunno, in some ways it just seems like one of those "What can you live with?" questions, if being in the closet is killing you then you need to get out, otherwise, when staying in is so much more advantageous and safe, I dunno.
Often in life I find myself asking myself very important questions that take me a long while to fully figure out that others seem to have an easy time with(although I am not sure they actually do or if they are just presenting it that way to me).
Well, regardless of what you do, you are not "lying to yourself and others"; you are a woman, regardless of how your body is shaped or what clothes you wear, and you know that. And its none others business what gender you have.
Cant give more advice than that, but regardless of what you do, noone should shame you for it. I have no trans experiences but I have on many occasions hidden that Im gay (not saying tjose are equal but...). You always weigh between how strongly you need to express something and what you do to feel safe.
Also, different people have differently strong gender identities. Theres nothing wrong with being a woman and not even caring what strangers think you are, just like theres nothing wrong with having a strong need to be recognized as a woman.