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This human-like fey has vivid eyes and hair and an otherworldly grace and beauty.
Sidhe noble CR 7
XP 3,200
CN Medium fey
Init +6; Senses low-light vision; Perception +13
Aura noble inspiration (60 ft.)
----- Defense -----
AC 22, touch 22, flat-footed 16 (+6 deflection, +6 Dex)
hp 78 (12d6+36)
Fort +7, Ref +14, Will +9
DR 10/cold iron; Immune enchantment spells; SR 18
Weaknesses truthspeaker
----- Offense -----
Speed 30 ft.
Melee rapier +12/+7 (1d6+1/18-20)
Ranged longbow +12/+7 (1d8/x3)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 7th; concentration +13)
Constant — tongues
At will — dimension door
Sorcerer Spells Known (CL 7th; concentration +13)
3rd (5/day) — deep slumber (DC 19), unadulterated loathing (DC 19)
2nd (8/day) — hideous laughter (DC 18), oppressive boredom (DC 18), unnatural lust (DC 18)
1st (8/day) — crafter’s fortune, disguise self, endure elements, peacebond (DC 17), vanish
0 (at will) — dancing lights, detect magic, mage hand, mending, message, open/close (DC 16), read magic
----- Statistics -----
Str 12, Dex 22, Con 17, Int 15, Wis 13, Cha 22
Base Atk +6; CMB +7; CMD 23
Feats Deceitful, Dimensional Agility, Dimensional Assault, Dimensional Dervish, Eschew Materials, Weapon Finesse
Skills Bluff +23, Diplomacy +21, Disguise +13, Knowledge (geography) +10, Knowledge (local) +10, Knowledge (nature) +17, Perception +13, Perform (any one) +18, Sense Motive +16, Sleight of Hand +15, Stealth +18, Use Magic Device +12
Languages Common, Elven, Sylvan
SQ fey grace
----- Ecology -----
Environment any land
Organization solitary, pair or seelie/unseelie court (1-2 sidhe nobles plus 1 treant/hill giant, 1-4 fey unicorns/redcaps, 2-12 korreds/satyrs, 2-12 fauns/jinkins)
Treasure standard (rapier, longbow with 20 arrows, other treasure)
----- Special Abilities -----
Fey Grace (Su) A sidhe noble adds its Cha modifier as a deflection bonus to its Armor Class.
Noble Inspiration (Su) Members of a sidhe noble's retinue within 60 feet receive a +1 morale bonus on attack rolls, saving throws and skill checks.
Spells A sidhe noble casts spells as a 7th-level sorcerer, but does not gain any additional abilities, such as a sorcerous bloodline.
Truthspeaker (Su) A sidhe noble can't speak intentional lies.
Despite claiming often grandiose titles, such as the Woodland Countess or the Lord of Falling Leaves, sidhe nobles are in fact the willful heirs of fairy kings and queens, traveling the world to establish their own realms.
Away from their liege sidhe sovereigns, they gather a retinue of fey, magic beasts, monstrous humanoids and intelligent plants, founding new seelie or unseelie courts.
They tend to avoid entering cities or towns, but enjoy dallying with mortals, though those from unseelie courts delight in malicious behavior.
Vain creatures, sidhe nobles grow angry with anyone who, even unwittingly, doesn't offer them respect. Those of seelie descent may seek retribution through likely harmless mischief, but worse awaits those who upset unseelie scions.
Still, anyone who approaches a sidhe noble with proper deference might be granted a boon. Supplicants should be cautious: While sidhe nobles can not intentionally lie, they obfuscate freely and will exploit loopholes in agreements even as they follow them to their letter.
Sidhe nobles prefer challenges — exchanges of riddles, performance combats or spell duels — to unchecked conflict. If forced to fight, they sow confusion with their magic before using their Dimensional Dervish feat to strike while avoiding close combat.
Some sidhe nobles are more interested in dreams and illusions; shaping forms; or controlling nature than enchantments. Common spell substitutes include haunting mists and major image; beast shape I and pup shape; and frost fall and rain of frogs.
Many sidhe nobles also take class levels.
Hey, Jacob...welcome to Round 3. This carousel doesn't end until you either fall out of the competition or win the whole thing. You've been chugging along with some consistent designs so far. Let's see what you've given us this time around.
Wall of Text:
First off, going into monster design, a freelance designer has to recognize certain basic elements of the game...the give-and-take of all the variables upon which it's mechanically founded. The most important defining characteristic (which has a trickle down effect) in monster design is its Challenge Rating (CR). The rules for Round 3 already told you what that would be...i.e., CR 7. Thus, the "test" for this round isn't just determining if you can cook up a really great idea for a monster. It's also to see how well you can interpret what a CR 7 monster is meant to have, mechanically-speaking, that distinguishes it from a CR 6 or a CR 8 monster.
So, what are the trickle down effects you need to know for a CR 7 creature? In general, its AC should be around 20. Its hit points should be around 85. Its best saving throws should be around +10 and its weaker saving throws should still be around +6. The damage curve potential for a combat-focused CR 7 monster should be around a +13 attack inflicting an average of 22-30 points of damage per round if all its attacks manage to hit an opponent. Even a less combat-focused CR 7 monster should still have around a +10 attack and the DCs for any special abilities or SLAs should be a DC 17 for a primary power and a DC 12 for a lesser power. There's still wiggle room within these numbers, but typically, if you make one of those things higher or lower, you want to offset it with a variation in one of the other statistics above.
Additionally, monsters should be built around the non-standard array for their ability scores (i.e., 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10) before applying racial adjustments. These adjustments should always come in even-numbered increments (i.e., +2, +4, +6, etc.). That means for a basic monster design, you should end up with three odd-numbered ability score values and three even-numbered ability score values.
Okay. With all that serving as your baseline, let's see where you've taken us...
Creativity Factor:
It's an advanced fey noble using the sidhe mythology (the second of this round) with a plethora of emotion-based spells, unlimited teleportation powers, and the means to inspire his followers.
I like how you wove in the new spells from the APG and UM that resonate with a fey creature's themes. Very appropriate.
The at-will dimension door SLA combined with the Dimensional Agility, Dimensional Assault, and Dimensional Dervish feats is interesting. But, it's a very potent, overpowered combination, considering dimension door is usually a very limited, resource-intensive ability for most creatures. This guy gets to do it as often as he likes. Maybe that's in keeping with the style of combat a fey noble might favor. But I'm worried it might be a bit too strong for a CR 7.
The read-aloud, descriptive text is really kind of bland and lackluster. Not enough details or vivid imagery. It looks like you were banging up hard against wordcount and chose to trim here. That's a shame since it's the first thing anyone will read about your monster.
The Seelie/Unseelie Court angle probably isn't the best direction to go. Paizo has specifically chosen not to define their fey under that mythos. And, since the assignment this round was to create a Golarion monster, that makes the core idea behind using the sidhe a little more problematic. I don't think there's anyway you could know of this stance, necessarily. So, I don't think it's worthwhile to penalize you in any fashion for it. You should just be aware of it in the future, I think.
I would have liked to see you do something more with the noble inspiration ability. A simple morale bonus doesn't feel like it really goes far enough to me. If there were a way to further inspire a sidhe noble's followers in a bard-like fashion or even a ranger's hunter's bond ability, that might have dove-tailed nicely with your intentions, I think.
The truthspeaker weakness was a nice touch, forcing the fey to avoid lying and yet still giving them the Deceitful feat. However, given that their Bluff skill is so potent, I'm curious how they use that skill/feat combination while restricted by always having to speak the truth. In some ways, it feels like you've painted them into a corner.
Mechanical Considerations:
Just because I'm OCD, I did a very quick number crunching of your design using the spreadsheet Paizo provides us as freelancers. I thought it was important to do that just to give some kind of assessment on your technical skills. I ran into a few things that seemed off to me. You might want to go back and double-check the following:
- The Reflex save is exceptionally high for a CR 7 creature. Normally, a +10 would be at the high end of things. A +14 wouldn't be achieved until a much higher CR band. That said, this is a highly dextrous fey. It's in keeping with their schtick. So, maybe it's not as big a deal.
- Spell resistance of 18 will be worrisome at CR 7 and you've coupled it with complete immunity vs. enchantment spells. Beyond that, other types of spells will fail against it about 50% of the time, as well. You couple that with this thing's ability to jump around endlessly with dimension door, and the party's going to have a really tough time putting it down.
- The DCs for the various sorcerer spells supercede what you'd normally expect for a CR 7 creature. DC 17 is usually the high end for a primary ability. This guy gets DC 19 on his best spell effects, which normally wouldn't be encountered until CR 10. Sometimes, you can get away with that in your creature designs as long as you significantly weaken the creature in some other area. But, this thing has pretty good lasting power as a straight-up combatant, too. The rapier attacks are in line with a CR 7 monster. And, with dimension door, he can pretty much stay at range all the time to strike with his longbow if he wants to keep his distance. Or, he can just rely on all his Dimensional feats to make powerful melee attacks, instead.
- Looks like you may have forgotten to increase your Bluff skill an extra +2 for having the Deceitful feat with more than 10 ranks in the skill.
Presentation:
Pretty solid here for the most part. The body text came across kind of disjointed to me in some ways. You don't need a new paragraph for each new sentence. So, group your sentences together in ways that support paragraphs of information like you'd see in a Bestiary writeup.
Bottom Line:
The core concept here explores what could be viewed as the definitive fey noble. Unfortunately, you've ramped up so many aspects of it that the design overshoots the power curve for a CR 7 monster. I like some of the choices you made for flavor, but mechanically they need to be reined back in. Additionally, I really felt like you needed to do something more innovative with the flavor. It's another powerful fey. Is that enough? Do we really need more of that in the game? Maybe not as much as we need stuff for some of the other design areas. So, I think maybe you played it a bit too safe here. You executed the stat-block reasonably well. But you also got paragraph-happy and I'd have liked to see you structure your writing better.
Given all that, I'm going to put myself ON THE FENCE for this design. I'll leave it up to the voters to decide. If you make it through, I want to see you prepare something both technically-proficient and innovative in the encounter round. Apply as many of the lessons you've learned here as possible and make sure you give us something Superstar.
Looking back across your earlier work, I liked your haunting glass. And I thought your organization for the Unfettered explored just the right kind of innovation RPG Superstar is all about. If you can bring more of that while properly assessing the game balance of your designs with some professionally polished presentation, you could be in this for the long haul. Best of luck in the voting.
Jacob, good job advancing to Round 3!
What I am looking for:I’m a big picture guy more than a minute details guy. I don’t think just seeing if you crunched out the rules properly is the right way to judge a good entry for this round. Of course you need to execute the stat block properly. Luckily, Sean, Neil and others are way more qualified than I am to talk about the nit picks and issues with the stat block so I will leave that to them. My comments to you will be more “big picture.” For me, I want to see a monster that is fun and playable—a monster that leaps of the page and makes me find a way to incorporate it at the game table. That, to me, is a superstar monster. So here we go…
Initial Impression: OK, it’s a fey spellcaster. What else?
The Concept (name, overall design choices, design niche, playability/usability, challenge): B-
I think you fell victim to one of the classic blunders of Superstar. The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “don’t outsmart yourself by finding a neat design space but then forgetting to make something awesome.” I think you found some cool stuff in the APG and Ultimate Magic and convinced yourself that using this new content would help you find something awesome. Problem is, this creature isn’t really a monster. It’s just basically a fey NPC spellcaster. Using spell powers from new books doesn’t make it exciting. I really think you outsmarted yourself with this one. Plus, the name has issues. Not sure Golarion embraces the whole seelie/unseelie thing (but I’ll let setting experts comment on that if they choose).
Execution (quality of writing, organization, Golarion-specific, use of proper format, quality of content—description, summary of powers, rules execution, mechanics innovation): B-
Disjointed description. You need to cut a ton of that and beefed up the initial read aloud text and some better powers. This doesn’t feel like a final submission to me. You write better than this. I’m not sure what happened here. Maybe you struggled to find an idea until late and this is all you had time to do. This just isn’t your usual execution.
Tilt (did it grab me, do I want to use one in an adventure?, mojo, just plain fun factor): B-
Nope, sorry. This is more a powerful race than a real monster. Not feeling the mojo. In fact, as I said above, I think you outsmarted yourself.
Overall: B-
Just not Superstar in my view. I am sorry to say that because I think you have done some great work here.
Recommendation: I DO NOT RECOMMEND voters consider this monster to advance to the Top 8.
Your haunting glass and the Unfettered were both top notch--I mean really top notch. I hope the voters take that into account.
I am surprised by this entry. I don’t usually advocate letting round 1 and 2 content get you a pass in round 3, but if there is anyone this round who might deserve that, it’s you. I sure hope the voters see it that way and give you a chance. I’m not sure what happened here. I know you are capable of better than this.
The competition is tight and whether I recommended your monster or not you have done a great job and I wish you the best of luck!
Welcome to Round 3! I'm posting this little blurb at the top of my reply for everyone. FYI, I'm not going to crunch all the math in your stat block, for several reasons. One, I don't have an hour for each monster. :) Two, I'm sure you've been very diligent about this and if anything is wrong, it's probably only off by a little bit. Three, if you were writing this for publication in a Paizo book, you'd be using our stat block spreadsheet, which takes care of the math for you--your job is to understand the rules and bring the mojo. Four, Neil's going to scrutinize that stuff because he is a machine. :) My focus in this review is on the overall coolness and balance of your monster, with an eye on how efficiently you put it together and a spot-check of stat block elements that catch my eye.
Italics text doesn't really grab the reader or give an evocative image--yet another humanlike creature with strange eyes and "otherworldly grace and beauty" describes many kinds of fey.
Likewise, the name doesn't have a lot going for it. If you know what the sidhe are in mythology, then this name makes sense, but it doesn't really hint at what the creature can do. If you don't know what the sidhe are, this is just a weirdly-named creature.
Most creatures of this CR don't have DR and SR.
Giving a creature immunity to all enchantment spells borks any enchanter PCs. Absolute immunity is a poor choice for most monster design.
Given that fey are usually presented as whimsical and tricksy, I don't see why these things have a weakness that they always speak the truth. If anything, they should be better at lying and doublespeak than a typical fey. You gave them Bluff +23, they should be able to use that for more than just feinting in combat. Bluff skill says
Noble inspiration is unclear... what counts as its "retinue"? Does it count itself? This should refer to the creature's allies, as that's an understood game term.
I don't think the main description really holds together. There's no hook for this monster other than "annoying fey with sorcerer spells." In fact, there's not much to separate this creature from an annoying 7th-level sorcerer of a common race.
This is not a monster. This is a character. It could appear as a villain or an NPC.
I think you've fundamentally missed the point of this round of the competition. You've produced an entry which is fine as far as the mechanics go but all you've done is taken the monster template and used it like a character sheet.
You put a lot of thought into picking spells, but that's the work of a librarian, not a designer.
A lot of the elements of this design flow automatically from the various source materials - fey, class levels, etc. You don't get credit for that since the game system does the work for you as long as you follow the rules. If you were using Paizo's monster building spreadsheet this would be trivial.
The purpose of this round is not to see if you can fill out a monster stat block. It is is to see what kind of interesting content you can add to the game that Paizo could potentially monetize by using it in a product. This entry is generic and has little value. It doesn't show your skill as a designer. It doesn't show us what level of imagination you'd bring to the job. Since that's the whole point of SuperStar, this is a tremendous failure on your part.
Since you missed the point of the round and the contest and that's a big problem in my book, I'm giving this entry a D.
I do not recommend that you vote for this designer.
Jacob, caps off both to you and Will for going after the Sidhe. I love the type of fairies you're trying to portray here, and I'm constantly frustrated by their clear absence in Golarion. I definitely think you found a niche that needed filling - though I'm not yet prepared to venture whether you did a good job on that. I'll need to mull this over.
It looks a decent attempt of making a minor fey lord. I must disagree with Sean's opinion that inability to lie is inappropriate weakness for a fey - it's very interesting quirk for a fey. However, it means that its high for its CR Bluff skill is limited in use to feinting only. Which is not very useful combat option for it's build (i.e. without Improved Feint).
I must admit that this entity is closer to my idea of Sidhe than Sidhe Lord but it's still not exactly it.
Thanks everyone for any comments, critique and of course especially your votes.
As everyone knows by now, I can't answer any questions until voting has ended, but I'll obviously be happy to do so then.
I don't like this. I simply feel the Sidhe Noble is far too powerful for it's proposed CR. It's AC is a little high for CR 7, it's hp, while a little low, aren't going to be noticed with it's DR and it's SR. It doesn't really have a combat weakness. It's got a pretty decent attack, a little low on damage, but when you Dimension Door at will with the Dimension feats, it doesn't really matter that much. This guy is basically the ultimate hit and run expert. D-Door in, full attack for two rounds if possible, then D-Door out and get ready to run in again, possibly only D-Dooring out of sight, but still within the range of channel. I could easily kill parties with just this guy alone.
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Hello Jacob. Who would have thought, two sidhe lord / noble type entries this year? Inevitably there are going to be comparisons, hopefully for you (and Will) this doesn’t count against either of you.
Having said that, it is hard not to make comparisons ...
Ok, I like the concept of this one. The travelling faerie troupe is a classic concept that Paizo haven’t really covered in a big way to date (that I have seen), and I like that these guys are basically the instigation for such a troupe. Having said that I find the list of creatures in the troupe or court in the ‘organisation’ section a bit off.
I also think the Truthspeaker thing is really cool, it seems like something right out of a traditional faerie story, and I think it could lead to some interesting role playing opportunities . However, I don’t know that it gels really well to have this ability in a CN fey (neither the alignment nor the creature type fits really well with not lying) who is into malicious tricks and illusions. There is a bit of a disconnect there.
One thing that this entry might have above the other sidhe is the height advantage!
While I really like the concept, I don’t think the execution really did it justice. I find the text somewhat bland and disjointed, and while they have some good / interesting spell and feat choices, mechanically they’re a bit bland – are these guys all that different to say an elf sorcerer or eldritch knight of similar level?
Lastly, they seem mechanically over-powered for their CR in a lot of respects. I think between their defensive abilities, high spell DCs, at-will dimension door and the dimension door feat chain, these guys are going to be ripping through a lot of parties. To be honest I prefer something slightly underpowered for its CR to overpowered – an underpowered encounter might be a bit anti-climactic or non memorable, but an overpowered encounter is the sort of thing that leads to TPKs and outrage from players and GMs alike.
Anyway, good luck Jacob.
The problem with making a noble fey at CR 7 is that there's already a CR 7 noble fey. The nymph. So you're already competing with the core monsters right out of the gate. And in a lot of ways, this sidhe noble reminds me of a nymph, only more boring. Both creatures have a Cha-to-deflection ability and spellcasting, but the sidhe noble doesn't have any interesting abilities like blinding beauty and stunning glare. He has a minor buff ability for his allies and a cool feat chain. The best work in this creature was done by other people: the feats and the spells. Sure, it's good to use the resources in the game well, but you need to bring something to the table yourself.
I'm not so sure that the sidhe noble is super-overpowered compared to other creatures of its CR. The damage from its melee or ranged attacks is pretty sad for a CR 7, making up for its high defenses and mobility. The constant teleporting strikes me as a bit gimmicky, but it's a good gimmick.
The flavor-text does seem disjointed; the paragraph breaks every two sentences make it feel like it was being typed on the spur of the moment, with you coming back and adding more as a new paragraph throughout the time slot. Another editing pass would have smoothed out the flavor text and made it seem more organic; as is, it's choppy. And again, Paizo has so far avoided the Seelie/Unseelie split, and you've stumbled into it. Perhaps a bit more research would have helped them feel more Golarion.
Although this monster displays competence, which is good, it doesn't wow me, which is bad. I don't think I will vote for this creature. Best of luck with the polls!
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Sidhe Noble
This is not a monster. This is a character. It could appear as a villain or an NPC. You've produced an entry which is fine as far as the mechanics go but all you've done is taken the monster template and used it like a character sheet. I'm giving this entry a D.
Sidhe Lord
It's a tiny knight. This is a fantastic submission. You've got an entire campaign in one monster. I give this submission an A.
O.o
What.
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@JeremizIah - stretch your brain to see the difference between lightning and lightning bug.
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You're entirely right, the problem here is clearly the small size of my brain, not any inconsistency on your part at all.
I, too, prefer the Sidhe Lord to the Sidhe Noble. It just executes better. However, they're both character-monsters, no doubting. Look at this line from the Lord, perhaps its defining line of description:
Sidhe Lords are otherworldly poet-knights, armored in iridescent dragonfly-scale, skilled with lance and lute and illusion.
Remove the words "otherworldly" and "dragonfly", and you have a cavalier/illusionist with ranks in Perform (Lute). Not that that's not cool! It is. But the premise of "This totally misses the point of the round" being applied here and not over there is inconsistent. It just is. It's pretty apparent, and I'm not the only one who will notice it. The Forgotten Realms have had Griffon Riders for years! Is reducing the size category and making them fey that cool? I guess it is.
Jacob, sorry to take up room in your thread. I found Ryan's comments to be a fair and accurate appraisal of your monster entry, but I don't see that same logic being applied elsewhere. As such, I think it came across a little too harsh. I'm going to cast one of my votes for you on the basis of your prior rounds (and the fact that I don't think the Sidhe Noble is a total dud by any means) and I hope others will consider doing the same.
As others have said, I can see this as an NPC but not really a "monster". I wish I could qualify that better by saying where the line between NPC and monster lies, but when I try it all seems over simplistic.
Hmm, your stat block feels almost more like a villian than a monster, and that concerns me. Not much, but a little. I'm also not a fan of almost every descriptive sentence being it's own paragraph, where it would have flowed better linked together.
The real irony of the two submissions is that I think their primary powers work better with the other than with themselves. The tiny knight should be teleporting around and casting spells, and the larger one should be flying and using melee combat. Heh.
Anyways, I'm on the fence to whether I like this submission or not. There's nothing wrong with it, but as I said, it barely qualifies as a monster. We'll have to see what the rest of the submissions boil down to.
My criteria for deeming a monster voteworthy:
1. Can I drop this into my home campaign and still do something interesting with it outside of Golarion? Perhaps. It does feel awfully generic, though. Heck, the 3.5 verdant prince has more flavor and it's not exactly a masterpiece of creativity itself.
2. Does this monster inspire me to design an encounter just for the purpose of featuring it? No more than other similar medium-sized fey creatures do.
3. Will my players think the monster's physical description is cool, or will they laugh it off of the table? Neither - they'll go, "Oh hey, a faerie dude."
Additional Thoughts: I see where Jeremiziah is coming from with his critique of the seemingly-double standard that seems to be being applied to the two "sidhe" entries this round. The difference to me is in the presentation. With the Sidhe Lord, I feel like I'm seeing a complete picture of how this specific creature type behaves and reacts to situations, and there are a lot of little idea seeds for incorporating it into an ongoing game. I don't get that from the Sidhe Noble - it looks more like a generic stat block for a quick drop-in NPC from the GMG. To me, the flavor deficiency is the difference between the two. (Also, the Sidhe Noble just comes across as being a lot like a 4E eladrin spellcaster, thematically, which really, really irks me on a number of levels. Faeries need to look genuinely otherworldly, IMO - not just like an elf with shiny hair and eyes.)
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In my opinion here's the difference between the two Sidhe.
The Noble is effectively a character.
By that I mean that you get a Lord by assembling parts of the existing game system in ways that are straightforward. The game is designed to work this way for players and GMs.
It doesn't have any mechanical variation created by the designer except for a couple of very small "tweaks" (like giving a minor morale boost to companions, or not being able to lie).
Most of it's impact comes from its Sorcerer spells and its Fey nature - both things that come right out of the books and didn't require any balancing or integration considerations with other rules.
The Lord is a new component of the game system (in this case it's a "monster").
It has 4 abilities that aren't derived from its component parts and were created by the designer and have to be judged within the context of game balance:
1: It gets a flying mount
2: It does all sorts of interesting things as it charges
3: It emits light (with suitable special visual effects for flavor)
4: It triggers wild behavior in those around it with a ranged attack
Take those 4 special abilities and combine them with the stuff you get "for free" from the game system (the spell-like abilities) and the output is much more than the sum of its parts.
I'm very unlikely to ever have repeat encounters with the Noble. If I wanted to have different Nobles, I'd pretty much have to design them myself (as the GM). If I use it once, it's an NPC. If I use it as a Villain, I could have created it myself - I'd not be getting much value from Paizo for my purchase.
I could use the Lord many times. I could have a repeat encounter with a single individual or with many as a group. I could imagine having a PC Lord - or even running a game where all the PCs are Lords. If I wanted to make variant Lords I could do that by swapping the mount/charge mechanic for something else, or even by just theming the mounts differently to generate a range of effects.
So the Lord goes into the toolbox as a reusable, reasonably easily alterable component that can be used and re-used many different ways. The Noble goes into my Rogues Gallery as a potential one-shot adversary (which I could probably have designed myself if I needed a Fey Sorcerous opponent).
To me, that's the essence of this round of the contest. The difference between lightning and lightning bug.
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This is clearly an attempt to create a Fey noble from the Dresden Files universe, particularly in the restrictions on lying while having a high bluff skill. While I think Jim Butcher does a masterful job at portraying this particular facet of the fairy nature, I don't think it translates so well into the game mechanics here. I applaud the attempt, but I can't really vote for it. Sorry.
It might be because I don't know much of fey mythology, but this creature has no 'grab' for me. Perhaps a really sharp illustration would make the difference... but you don't want to be relying on that.
The mechanics have been spoken to, and I won't repeat anything more than to say that I could see a combat encounter being different, if a little frustrating, for PCs.
My impression, at it's most basic, is that I feel like I would have to be a fey fan (fan of fey?) to find some appeal here.
This is a decent entry, though I think it is over powered which is a problem. It is kind of weird to have a maxed out Bluff skill that is evidently only for feints. I ended up voting for this one but only just barely. I liked the other Sidhe better and in fact I could have swapped this one for a number other close calls that I didn't vote for. I think I just like Sidhe. Meh. Just barely got my vote.
As a monster designer, I look forward to this phase of the contest most..so lets see..
I am not sure how I feel about this one. It feels like it could have been a template for any fey.
I actually like all the dimensional abilities/feats. It makes the PC's have to think and plan and work as a team.
In the end..I could make so use of this, or simply adapt it into a template for my home game! I have not decided on my votes yet, so we shall see.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 4
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Star Voter Season 6
aka raidou
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Jacob, while this entry seems mechanically solid, ultimately I don't get a sense that it brings much new to the table. I do wish you good luck in the voting.
Here's what I like:
- I love the dimension door feats. I would have liked to see you build abilities on this core concept.
- the whole thing is mechanically solid.
Here's what I don't like:
- the sorcerer spells weigh it down. Even though you've got a lot of new spells in there, and even though the spells chosen are "fey-appropriate." I would rather not see new monsters built on the "casts spells as class X" chassis. What's more, it's just an exercise in picking spells and doesn't show off your design chops.
- the additional special abilities just don't have that "WOW" factor that entries need at this stage in the game
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RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Stat presentation is good, although I question the very high Constitution of notoriously unhardy folk. Makes a fantastic PC race, given the stacking of sorcerer levels and Charisma bonus to AC, and the xtra hit dice and very high ability scores. Seems like a solid CR 8 or 9 to me.
Writing is a little choppy and paragraphs are awkwardly arranged. Would like to see something about the truthspeaker prohibition in descriptive text, and maybe change the mechanics to make it difficult for anyone to lie in their presence or something. I do dig the inclusion of seelie and unseelie cohorts in the court descriptions.
Unfortunately, I just think this guy isn't special. The mechanics are decent, but there are no original ideas here. Anyone can come up with something that doesn't yet exist in Golarion, but does in tons of other games. Beyond the well-known concept of fey noble trickster, you haven't provided anything new or gambled on any new mechanical ideas. Just not superstar to me, but we'll see how the other monster submissions play out.
Hello again, welcome in round 3 and congratulations on making it this far. I really liked you organization idea, and you did get a vote from me, so I'm excited to see if I'm getting something for my vote.
1) Rules (I want to be reassured that you have your attention to detail and sharpness for rules along here, especially since the organization round tested little on this spot): I fear you’ve gone a little around and overpowered here. The at will dimension door + several feats may be rather troublesome. I like the idea and I love the use of some new feats though. Looks like there’s a few other issue, but monster design is such a bother of fine details.
Rating: 3/5 – Too many issues, where I expected fewer. None too big, I reckon though, but be more careful in the future.
2) Innovation (I want to (again) see promises of an adventure I couldn’t just think up myself, I want to see great and new thoughts, thoughts that seize my attention and holds it): Hmm, hmm. Well, evil fey are plentiful. The attempt to introduce the Unseelie/Seelie angle is probably the greatest innovation, but I don’t actually think that’s something Paizo wants. That said though, I like it. I like using newer feats, and the game does have a underwhelming amount of male/not-gender-limited-to-female fey. I am a little troubled by the lack of things not already in the game. Sure expected more from you.
Rating: 3/5 – Good, I like it, but with some issues and no huge innovation factor.
3) Creativity (Alike innovation, I want something that isn’t just new, it’s the good kind of new, and awesome at that): I really like where you’re going creatively. If I look away from the power level and the fact that it’ll probably never be canon this is something I’d be very likely to use (soon, too).
Rating 4/5 – I really like what you’re doing here.
4) Writing (I’m a nitpicker for good writing, and I want to see it. This isn’t the most writing intensive round, but that just means I’ll be looking for wasted words, that I really get nothing from, and checking the bits that are ever more carefully): Looks fine. I have nothing to comment on, really. If you want to work on anything the writing could be more evocative. Your item and organization was more carefully done.
Rating: 4/5 – There’s nothing exactly wrong and it’s all clarity, but… well, it’s not really over the top amazing either.
5) Golarion (Most monsters can be fitted into my campaigns, but as I mostly run Golarion, I have a keen interest in monster fitting seamlessly with the rest of the world, without expansive details for why they do so): Hmm, well no, this just isn’t Golarion. It could fit, but there’s no First World connection and the entire Seelie/Unseelie aspect would probably need to be cut (which saddens me).
Rating: 2/5 – Going to have to be mean on this one, which I’m sorry for, but I’d probably have to change either my personal Golarion or the monster, most likely the last.
6) CR appropriate (I don’t want a monster pretending to be CR 7, when it’s just not fitting for what my players can reasonably handle at any level near 7, or opposite, won’t represent a challenge even to a level 5 group): Well it’s powerful, but I think it’s fitting enough for the CR as such.
Rating: 4/5 - I'll say that it’s in the powerful end of CR 7 and excuse some things. It is a little up there, though.
7) Previous work (I’m not just looking for monsters, I’m also looking back at the former rounds, especially since they may well be tie-breakers for my votes, but also because one single round doesn’t show all anyone has to bring): I found your item very well-written and new-thinking. The same goes for your organization. This does not go on in this one. I can hope that this is one slight miss.
Rating - 5/5 – Loved your former work, sad that this one doesn’t seem to follow up.
8) Promise for Adventure (I want to, as a potential buyer, contemplate how likely I am to buy an adventure written by you – based on your previous RPG Superstar work, your monster and my impression on how well you’ll do with an adventure): I’m getting less sure from this entry, but I’m going to say that based on especially your organization, I’d still like to see you write something.
Rating: 4/5 – Yes, but… your performance this round is not what’s pulling you up.
9) Personal Rating (Sometimes, at the end of it all, there’s things I just like, even if there’s other things that might be better for multiple reasons – now I don’t want to tell you I don’t like something, but I do want to, positively, say that I like a particular piece of work a lot): Well, I definitely like the sidhe theme, and I think your idea and execution with it works, even if it’s not all that shiny.
Rating: 3/5 – I’m going to say that while I want to like this, it’s hard for me to truly get overly excited. I may well rewrite and use it, though.
10) Overall (This is where I try to give my opinion on what to improve on, how I feel about your submission in general, and finally, the thing you really want to hear, if you’re getting a vote or not): Vote given. You should be aware that it’s more a vote of confidence in your previous work, than a vote of excitement for this round.
Ratings: 4/5 – It’s an okay monster, but it does border on wanting to be a race. I could find a place for that in my game, but it wouldn’t be like this.
Congratulations on top 16, good luck on your road to top 8!
Ouch. That was a tough round. First of all, thank you to everyone who did vote for me. I don't know if it was solely on the strength of my first two rounds or if some of you found at least the basic concept here to be to your liking, but I definitely, obviously, appreciate it.
One of my first posts (No. 11, to be exact, my fourth thread) on the Paizo boards was asking for suggestions on what to use for a fairy queen for an adventure I was running. Perhaps ironically, among those suggestions was to take a look at a module that had a fairy queen that I could perhaps use: Realm of the Fellknight Queen. I downloaded it -- the first module/adventure I've bought since Dungeon magazine was canceled -- and was introduced to Neil Spicer's work for the first time. However, though I enjoyed the module, Rhoswen wasn't quite what I was looking for.
The sidhe noble then is my attempt to finally just create that monster. Obviously this is a younger, possibly more callow version of that real-world staple that I don't think has ever been translated in a Monster Manual or Bestiary. Think Jim Dresden's Summer Lady (obviously one of my inspirations for my take on this monster, as Tivilio called out) more than the full-blown Oberon, Titania or Mab. (Hence the brief mention of sidhe sovereigns, which would be the full-blown thing at far higher CR, what I thought was a nice little teaser reference that absolutely no one noticed. Oops.)
Obviously I didn't execute the idea well.
I think one problem I faced was there are SO many different things that people envision for fairy kings/queens. Although I didn't really realize it was a wall at the time, I think I nonetheless hit it hard trying to narrow those various powers down. I fell back first on the focus on enchantments and then on using the various spells. Reading some of the comments here, I wonder whether maybe every fairy king/queen does in fact need to be a unique fey, a la Neil's Rhoswen, but I still feel like this is such an iconic type of fantasy antagonist that there has to be some way to get it into a Bestiary.
I think I just also didn't go "cool" enough. This was too much something that I feel has to be in the game already, not something people look at as a GM and go "Wow, that's cool! I've got to throw that in somewhere immediately!" As Clark suggests, I think I found what I thought was a neat design space and forgot to make something awesome, though I think that was more with my core idea than with the spells/mechanics I ended up choosing. Thinking about it after I submited, I sort of felt I didn't go for a home run, but rather went for a solid hit that would advance runners and hopefully plate one or two.
Finally, a mea culpa for the writing, which apparently people found lacking. My first version came in 50 words over and I was really cutting, which might account for some of the choppiness -- unlike my previous two items, I even read this one aloud several times to make sure it flowed. Obviously I thought it had, but maybe the fact I was worried enough to feel the need for reads out loud should've been enough of a red flag. I think I maybe also relied a little too much on my (unconscious) feeling that others would immediately know what I was going for and somehow fill in the blanks themselves, which is obviously a no-no. Also, as a newspaper copy editor, I deal with one-sentence paragraphs five nights a week. I usually try NOT to do that, obviously, for other forms of writing, but apparently it got away from me here in a way it didn't in the previous rounds. Definitely something I'll keep in mind if I somehow advance.
---
Looking at some other thoughts behind the design: I very much wanted to come up with something that I thought would not just be a wandering monster or something PCs would kill and move on. My intent was to try to create something along the lines of a rakshasa, where GMs would give each a name and character and back story, letting them become bigger bad guys, but also monsters that would sometimes help PCs. I wanted a role-playing monster, not just a roll-playing one.
I also wanted to go for something a little less niche than my previous two entries, and I thought this -- which such a storied history -- would work in that regard.
As far as design decisions, I was surprised people thought the combat aspect was so overpowered. Yes, obviously the unlimited dim door is tough. I gave it a LOT of thought, since I knew it was a risky choice. I decided to go with it because using the Dervish feat limits it in a lot of ways. As long as he's using the feat, he can only go up to 60 feet, which means chances are he's going to end up within charge range, at worst. I thought this added a fun, different element to the combat, instead of closing and duking it out, or the move-away-and-fire or even spring attack standards.
I also figured the classic fighter-rogue-cleric-wizard combo is going to probably have 120 hit points, not counting any Constitution bonuses, Toughness and of course healing. The noble can do -- at best (by critting twice!) -- 28 points in a round. Considering it's far more likely to do less than 10 hp in a round, that gives a party about 12 rounds to deal without it before factoring in any healing. I didn't think that was too bad, and if the party has cold iron arrows (or an inquisitor!), they can do some serious damage to the sidhe noble, far more than in return. Even if the PCs can't keep up, they can hold actions and attack when the noble closes to attack. Even if the noble chooses to use his bow, he's only got 20 arrows and if he's in shooting range, so are the PCs.
Lastly, my vision at least doesn't have it in straight-up combat all that often. It prefers performance duels (song vs. song, using its perform skill, for example) or other verbal challenges intended to give GMs the chance to have some fun role-playing opportunities.
The Bluff issue is an example the judges have often talked about, being aware of design decisions and how they might otherwise be used. Big fail there on my part. I honestly didn't even THINK of the feint in combat (since I had set up a different style of combat); I was thinking that while the sidhe nobles can't actually lie, there's nothing that keeps them from trying to misdirect. But they're pretty sneaky about being able to do that, much like an aes sedai, for example.
* I found the descriptive text surprisingly hard, perhaps because these guys basically look human. As Neil thought, I did also trim a few words because the word count was really killing me.
* Definitely wasn't aware of Paizo's decision to stay away from the seelie/unseelie aspects of fey. Dang. Here I was trying to play it a little safer in terms of something that could be dropped in anywhere in Avistan, at least...
* Neil, I saw you call out several people for the SR18, saying it would be worrisome at CR 7 and I'm not quite sure I'm following your concern. Is it because of the relative lack of spells characters of the appropriate level to face this would have? The monster creation guidelines specifically call for SRs of 11+CR, generally, and 7th-level PCs are generally going to have a 50-50 chance of beating the thing.
* Dang. I definitely forgot to add the additional +2 for the Deceitful feat.
* Noble Inspiration: Poop. I meant to chance it to specifically say its allies, as that's an understood game term, as opposed to retinue.
* Standback: Thanks. At least someone else thinks that the area needs to be filled!
* Mothman: The list of creatures in the troupe was a tough one. I suspect I should've just said "see below" and made clear the type of creatures that could be found in the court in the descriptive text, but I felt like I needed to give some sort of sample. Honestly, I figure the court would be highly tailored to what a GM needed.
* Demiurge: I guess I don't see the nymph filling the same role as the sidhe noble. I see them as far more solitary (per the Bestiary entry) and far less mischievous, not monsters that will gather a host of other monsters around them. Still, I appreciate very much you pointing out that it's not super over-powered and the lower damage likely with its weapons. : )
* Jeremiziah: Please don't feel the need to apologize for defending one of our entries. I guarantee all of us appreciate everyone who does that! : ) If I ever meet you, I'll buy you a drink. Thanks very much for your vote as well, especially since I obviously didn't quite hit the mark in this round.
* Power Word Unzip: What's the verdant prince? I'm not sure I'm aware of that one.
* Steven Helt: There is one reference to the truthspeaker prohibition in the descriptive text (though I certainly understand if that wasn't enough). An earlier draft had a truthspeaker aura, basically creating a zone of truth around it with it automatically failing its save. Just ended up switching tracks, though I did like that idea a lot.
* And finally, Lutha -- Thanks. I think you may've been a little generous with some of your number ratings, in my case, but I definitely appreciate the sentiments.
* Neil, I saw you call out several people for the SR18, saying it would be worrisome at CR 7 and I'm not quite sure I'm following your concern. Is it because of the relative lack of spells characters of the appropriate level to face this would have? The monster creation guidelines specifically call for SRs of 11+CR, generally, and 7th-level PCs are generally going to have a 50-50 chance of beating the thing.
If you're going to give a creature SR, it's appropriate to use the mechanic you applied. You were right on target with that. The mechanic is built with the implication that most spells will fail 50% of the time against such a creature. That's a fairly powerful defense. And, the problems come in when you pair that type of defense with a creature that's difficult to stop.
If the creature also has heavy DR (for its CR)...or effective combat abilities...or potent spell-like abilities (say, at-will dimension door?)...or other similar effects where it's even more difficult to stop it without relying on magic, those kinds of choices tend to magnify the inclusion of SR to become even more valuable than it might otherwise be. So, you have to be careful when you layer that into a monster. But only if you've got a heavy concentration of some of those other effects compounding things. I think your monster write-up here ventured into that territory. And, some others fell victim to that, too.
It's not a lesson that would-be designers would intuitively realize. Sean probably has a better feel for it than I do. Individually, I don't think the inclusion of it served as the single flaw that undid anyone's design. As usual, we all wanted to be as thorough as possible in helping all of you learn as many different things about monster design as we could possibly highlight. The SR concern was just one example of it.
Hope that helps,
--Neil
I think if you added something like the succubus's boon it would have been an interesting addition. This really needed something to make it pop. Something like a gift it could add to those who swore fealty, with a potential drawback.
Unfortunately this just comes across to me as a high ELO race with 7 levels of sorcerer. Dryads and nymphs come accross the same way to me.
And I would like to say I love the idea of Bluff 23 but unable to lie. It fits perfectly with the theme. Their whole point is that they decieve you with riddles and half truths but cannot blatantly lie. As such, they rarely answer questions straightforward. This is one of my favorite fey traits.
Thanks, Caineach, especially for that last graf. I'm glad that works for a few people, at least.
I think no matter what happens, I'm definitely going to practice making monsters -- I think I forgot to mention in that wall o' text I posted before that this is the first time I've ever done this in Pathfinder (and rarely did it in 3.*, since I've generally been more than happy with the Monster Manuals/Bestiaries) so clearly I need to work on it (though I think in this case I just got too caught up in the core concept of what I was trying to do).
I may try to rework the noble but I may just move on to a few other ideas -- the Mwangi demon monkeys I was considering before finding out the Round 3 twist are still sort of calling my name; not sure yet.
What's the verdant prince? I'm not sure I'm aware of that one.
See the D&D 3.5 Monster Manual IV, p. 172. It's a Neutral Evil CR 11 medium fey. Their major feature is the Oath Bond special ability - breaking an agreement with a verdant prince imposes a huge ability score penalty that can only be nullified by death, a wish, or a miracle.
The similarities are not a dealbreaker, mind you - no one can possibly know the contents of every monster book printed for OGL gaming!
I won't lie and say that i wasn't slightly disappointed by this entry. I really liked the Haunting glass and The Unfettered. They where both top notch. So i expected something equally thrilling this time around.
I'm sure that the numbers are solid enough and the mechanics work but i'm just not a big fan of the fey. I wanted to see something new so the name immediatly turned me off. It seemed like a variant of something that already exists, kind of like Goblin Cutter, Goblin Skullcleaver and Goblin Underboss from 4E DnD. The last sentence of how Sidhe Nobles also take class levels was also an unwelcomed reminder of game mechanics. I prefer that the mechanics stay in the stat block and the description text is reserved for "flavor". Text to tell me what the creature is all about and to send my mind running with ideas how to use it.
So, you had alot to compete with when getting my vote. Uninterest in fey, my predisposed view of what the creature was about and abit to much mechanics.
But, there there are of course stuff that i like. I commend you for making a monster that differentiates from the usual "kill stuff and take their xp" template. A monster that doesn't rely on being taken out of the beastiary, thrown into an encounter then placed back into the beastiary never to be seen again. The high bluff score and the unability to lie is a nice touch. I think it just needs abit of something (sadly i'm not a designer or a writer so i can't say exactly what) and it will be a really good monster.
All and all you got my vote. Much because of your submissions in round 1 and round 2, but also on the merits of this monster. I hope to see you in round 4!
Of course these are just my personal and not even close to resemble some credible feedback on playability or design.
Ps. I like the sound of Mwangi Demon Monkeys :) Ds.
Thanks, Patrik. [Kingmaker spoiler]I hope you don't dislike fey TOO much.[/Kingmaker spoiler]
Mwangi demon monkeys would/will be fun. Hmm. Now I'm wondering whether Kingmaker could work if transferred down to Sargava/the Mwangi Expanse. Maybe next time I run it...
Sorry to see you didn't make it on. Should have liked to see your encounter. I think your suspection of generosity may true... I may have been a little too busy to go in depth with the flaws... guess I'll see you around next year?
Good luck with improving the monster design. Some quick thoughts...
One thing you need to mind is that giving monster full class spellcasting is a major trait, and sort of limits the rest of their abilities. And the could get the same from being lower CR with class levels.
Another is probably the thematic linking of powers, that you could work far more one.
Oh, and I'll still say, I really liked this thing, and I'm still rewriting it, CR'ing it up and stealing it to pester my kingmaker team.
Also, NO Mwangi Demon Monkeys... At least, not with that name... maybe corrupted monkeys... also, be careful, sounds like something from Serpents Skull... or, perhaps, check what is in there already for inspiration?
Thanks. Who knows about next year. Worry about that when I get there, I suppose.
I'd love to see how your rewrite. Glad it inspired you at least somewhat.
They won't actually be called Mwangi Demon Monkeys, though that's how I'm referring to them in my head at this point.
If anyone's interested, I created a thread in the Homebrew section where I hope to practice some monster-making.
I just put up the first guy (the aforementioned Mwangi demon monkeys) and any feedback would certainly be appreciated. I may eventually get back to these guys and see if I can do a better version of them, though at the moment I'm not quite ready to tackle that.
This human-like fey has vivid eyes and hair and an otherworldly grace and beauty.
Sidhe noble CR 7
You should know the drill by now, but in case you (somehow) missed it so far, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a (very advanced) CE aligned succubus:
Maths is Important. How many points is the name worth, and does it successfully ‘Scrabble’ around for extra points?
It's worth sixteen points and scores no bonuses.
Would a specimen of this creature look good on the cream and scarlet paisley pattern sofa I have in my Druman villa?
On the level of does such a thing look elegant and graceful, admittedly yes. On the level of would I ever want a fey like this in that house, no.
What place does this have at a dinner party?
Do. Not. Mess. With. Fey. Like. This.
You only ever invite a fey like this to a dinner party if you have it wrapped up in an agreement so fantastically flexible that no matter how much it wiggles he or she cannot successfully cause trouble.
And as any kind of entertainment or trophy, living or dead, either it or its relatives are likely to make it just not worth the bother.
Other comments?
Some Sidhe Nobles would be horrified to be described as 'monsters', I suspect. Others would probably be quietly amused. I'm surprised you haven't indicated any inherent supernatural or spell-like abilities specific to their interactions with fey, however. This sort of fey ought to be able to do something such as summon lesser fey who serve it in with a snap of the fingers, perhaps, or to outright magically control their lesser brethren.
Rating:
If this creature were a crime, what sort of crime would it be ?
Sacha Poshnose the cleric of Shelyn, with the fan, in the Drawing Room.
I want to say I love the Dresden Files. Jim Butcher didn't invent the restriction that the sidhe must speak truth but can still deceive--as far as I know that comes from Celtic mythology--however, he uses it to good effect in the stories.
For those wondering how it would work, imagine you ask a sidhe noble who attacked the castle that now is in ruins.
It replies: "I must speak the truth--Zalthar the Wizard arrived with an army of orcs and made a great hole in the gate." While all technically true, Zalthar was actually tied up at the time and launched from a catapult belong to the orc hoard at the gate, thus making a hole in it.
Unfortunately, I just don't think you captured the conniving nature of the sidhe lords in this stat block.
The SLA chosen are a little off too. Deep Slumber is an awful spell for anybody (HD restrictions suck). Also, you should have given them more illusion SLAs since that is what they are known for.
With a little more work, this could be really be a good entry, but it seems like a rough draft right now.
I am really not trying to be mean here, but when I first started reading this monster. I had this vision of the Sidhe from Changeling the Dreaming by White wolf. It just seems like PC taken from Changeling and converted to Pathfinder. Very lack luster and I would suspect that a Sidhe Noble would be much higher CR. I have to agree that some of the abilities seem out of line with a CR of 7.