Some of my gaming buddies played in a Twilight: 2000 game (I wasn't there).
One PC was captured and jailed -- to get out, he pretended to hang himself. When the guard came into the cell to see what happened, he found a note on the character that read "You didn't really think I'd hang myself, did you?" At this point he would jump down, attack the guard, and escape.
Only he rolled a 1 and really did hang himself.
The note was, of course, still there (does this count as a quote?).
So sad :)
Back in AD&D days, while playing through the Temple of Elemental Evil/Slavers/Giant/Drow "adventure path", my high level fighter came face to face with Iuz after being beaten down by a group of previous BBEGs...
I was in chains, on my knees and down to single digit HP... and meta-game, I knew my friends weren't going to get there in time. So I decided to mock Iuz for being "only" a demi-god, asking him if he carried that big staff to help compensate for his "demi" evilness...
I got a laugh out of my DM, but he still had Iuz finish me off :-( ... although my friends did manage to eventually salvage enough of my remains to get me ressurected.
Not mine, but a friend of mine had a rogue who died from a black dragon's acid breath, and as he dissolved 2 bubbles came up from the puddle saying "F!$% You". I thought that was pretty good.
"Oops, my bad."
Doesn't really need an explanation, does it?
"Yes, I said I'm going to pounce on top of the ghost. Is there a problem with that?"
Poor guy. Splat. Then a creeping doom.
He did manage to disrupt the evil ritual, though. That counts, right?
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(The tongues of dying men enforce attention like deep harmony.)
William Shakespeare, Richard II, II.1.5-6
"The room's safe!", by the last halfling thief I played. Well, it obviously wasn't...
If you guys want to see a list of more than 1700 famous last words, have a look here
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If you guys want to see a list of more than 1700 famous last words, have a look here
Most of those are quite shudder-worthy.
~_~
If you guys want to see a list of more than 1700 famous last words, have a look here
ROFLMAO!!! This one might have been uttered by anyone who played "And Madness Followed":
What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again...
Note mine but still my favourite of the ones I have read.
Player: So they are flying above us, eh? I shoot my fireball straight up at them.
DM: Now for a lesson in physics.
Savage Tide coming up soon I can't help but laugh at this one.
"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."
After my monk character realized all the "great" hits he thought he was doing did nothing to his foe. "Why the hE** does this never happen to the fighter!" Then is appropriately killed.
A cleric tried to use a spell that created a mace of energy on a dragon. Good thing I rolled a twenty to hit(the good news) I rolled a one for spell penetration(the bad news!) My character's frustrated reaction. "Damn It! not again!"
"I don't see any traps..."
-The Gneech
What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again...
Lilith where did this come from? I've seen this line all over the place but I can't find anything to tell me what it means and where it comes from.
Lilith where did this come from? I've seen this line all over the place but I can't find anything to tell me what it means and where it comes from.
What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again...
Behold, the King in Yellow, the Feaster from Afar! (Quick summary, part of the Cthulhu mythos.) It is said you can summon him by repeating his name three times...
One of my players walks in to the evil wizard's lair and declares loudly to the party, "you guys guard the door, I'll kick his @$$". Then is promptly dopped by magic missiles.
Now this line haunts the guy anytime he tries to do something foolish.
Director of Sales
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I played an AD&D Wild Mage. The party was jumping across some stones magically floating above a pit of lava (yeah, the DM was a sadist). Amazingly enough, my mage made it across despite have a... ahem... low Dex. Then came time for the rogue.
Rogue. i.e. DEX machine.
Well, he rolled a 1 on his jump check. Then the DM (in an attempt to help him avoid an ignominious end) gave him a super simple Reflex Save. He rolled a one AGAIN.
Seeing as it was his only chance, my mage decide to use the last spell he had memorized: Nahall's Reckless Dweomer for Fly.
(For those of you who don't know, this is a spell that a wild mage could cast to try to replicate the effects of another known spell, but it was an automatic wild surge)
Prag (my mage) closed his eyes and cast the spell at the falling Rogue. The DM rolled on the random table and then just started giggling...
"Caster instantly changes places with target"
Well, the rogue was saved. Prag's Final Words:
"Figures."
*plop*
It's a story that has survived amongst my gaming group for years.
It's a story that has survived amongst my gaming group for years.
Cosmo, you are now my favorite person. I've seen so many wild mages killed by that spell ... I knew WMs who refused to memorize any other spells at that level /other/ than Nahal's Reckless Dweomer. =)
My very first campaign, Sexi Golem's monk: "Come on guys, we can take 'em!"
"I'll let you go if you promise not to attack anybody."
Stupid by itself. But the PC knew he was talking to a evil psychopath that was a compulsive liar. Luckily, he was the only one to die.
Player: "My (2nd level) rogue charges the bugbear!"
DM, other players: (stunned silence)
Rogue puree.
Not exactly a last words story, but close enough.
The scene: Age of Worms, Whispering Cairn, the chamber before the true tomb. After looking at the wall carvings, the party approaches the central pillar of air and the wind warriors pop up.
The party: An archer-specced ranger, a great-axe (Kullen's) wielding Hexblade, a dwarven barbarian, and Sexi's rogue 1/monk 1.
Well, Sexi's character was the closest to the combat, so he charges in.
"Dude," says the hexblade, "don't do that, you'll block me and the barbarian's charge. Just stay back and throw alchemist fires."
"No, no," Sexi says. "I'll be fine."
So he runs up and does a less than spectacular attack against the WWs, followed by them returning blows and hurting him bad.
"Dude, you're gonna' get killed. Now we can't charge and you're going to get ripped to ribbons. Way to go. You should have just hung back and thrown alchemsit fires."
"No, I'm still good," Sexi replies. "I'll just tumble behind him and flank."
"Dude, you're tumble's not that good, and there's two of them. The second one will hit you."
"I'll go around the outside so I only pass one."
"Dude, that's a cliff (the edge of the bridge) and we can't see the bottom."
"It's all right," Sexi says. After all, his character is Dexterity defined.
So he rolls the tumble check, and easily passes by the WW without provoking any AoO. But, as it was on a cliff, I call for a Balance check. Easily done.
Or it should have been. He rolled a 3. "Damn it!"
"Don't worry," says I, "You get a D (10 or 15, I don't remember what I set it at exactly, but it shouldn't have been a problem) Ref save to catch yourself."
Another 3. "Damn it!!!" Splat.
"Dude, I told you, you should have just stayed back and thrown alchemist fires."
The really funny part was when I re-read the adventure three weeks later and realized that I had missed the Ring of Feather Falling that was in the very first loot they found. :)
The scene..4 3rd lvl characters are camped for the night in the woods. The snetry is alerted to the presence of 3 white ghoulish looking creatures. He awakens rest of party.
me..the cleric of Olidama.."no problem, I will turn these things"..rolls a 3..
combat ensues..
"I will turn these things"..rolls a 2...
"I feel lucky, Dm I am using the luck domain to reroll my turn"...rolls a 1...
party is quickly paralysed and eaten alive.
end of campaign.
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The scene..4 3rd lvl characters are camped for the night in the woods. The snetry is alerted to the presence of 3 white ghoulish looking creatures. He awakens rest of party.
me..the cleric of Olidama.."no problem, I will turn these things"..rolls a 3..
combat ensues..
"I will turn these things"..rolls a 2...
"I feel lucky, Dm I am using the luck domain to reroll my turn"...rolls a 1...
party is quickly paralysed and eaten alive.
end of campaign.
Random encounter? If so gods that sucks!!
FH
This is not quite a last words situation, but it's still funny.
The party is in a real bind- we're outnumbered, separated, and outgunned with our backs against the wall. The rogue and monk are tied up in combat with a couple of giants, the druid is concentrating her efforts on controlling a magical spell to give them cover while the fighter/paladin/whatever is doing his best to fly around and watch everyone's back at once. The sorcerer, a normally selfish, arrogant sort, who was holding back a bit during this combat decides he's had enough. He throws back his cape, enhances himself somehow(I think he cast Tenser's Transformation to join the melee) and shouts to the party:
"Guys, if I don't make it back- RAISE ME!"
My very first campaign, Sexi Golem's monk: "Come on guys, we can take 'em!"
::pounding the floor while tears stream out of my eyes due to laughter::
That's classic! I think that's happened to everyone at least once.
This one was fun…
My new char, a Haraknin fighter named Kira, is measuring up to be a bit of a smart a$$. Gets in a situation where she can’t resist taunting a Paladin NPC we’ve encountered… just to see how far she can test his patience.
Background: the Paladin is a survivor of the losing side of massive invasion force, and their deities were killed as part of an epic battle. Now we’ve got survivors / refugees from the loosing side of the war all over the place, trying to find a place for themselves.
So Kira succeeds in getting this Paladin to the point where he glances skyward and starts praying for patience through gritted teeth as his fist clenches on his sword hilt.
Kira: Tilting her head to the side and listening to him mutter under his breath, “Who are you praying to? I thought all your gods were dead?”
The look on the DMs face was worth Kira’s CON point for resurrection.
'Don't worry, I'll just fireball here.'
And;
The party rogue noticing his charge brings him about 10 feet short, right in the line of fire of a magical heavy double-linked repeating crossbow on a tripod.
'Crap.'
I've had this one repeatedly, liking rogues, thieves, and assassins:
"I check for traps"
....fails die roll.
Or the second last character I played, who was hiding in a tree as a platoon of orcs passed below, the rest of the party having scattered. I wanted to see if they had a prisoner we were trying to liberate:
"There's no way they can see me up here. I'll see if they've got him."
We were using detailed critical hits. An orc archer planted an arrow in my eyesocket.
Two 3rd level dwarf fighters, separated from the rest of the party, walking down a very long, wide hallway, no visible turns or exits. A secret door pops open ahead of them and out boils over 30 orcs. They’re all dressed in field-plate. All but one have heavy crossbows. They line up 10-across, the first rank kneeling, the second and third rank standing. These guys are about to use the old British advancing firing line, getting ten heavy x-bow bolts every round as the next rank steps forward, cycling those who just shot to the rear so they can reload!
Dwarf one looks at dwarf two and says, “Shall we?”
Dwarf two looks at dwarf one and says, “Let’s.”
They draw weapons and charge, screaming at the top of their lungs.
The orcs, seeing these two psychopaths charging down on them begin to waver, figuring that those dwarfs must know something awfully important to be so cocky. They break morale and go stumbling and stomping everywhere, killing most of their own kind in the process. Unfortunately, there’s just too many of them and they end up trampling the dwarfs too. A real shame…