This is Pathfinder. Badgers called from the outer planes can be celestial or *fiendish,* so no wonder the celestial badgers are feeling a bit underrepresented...
I've heard that real estate in the fiendish planes really sucks. No sane badger would desire such unlovely terrain for digging homes. I've always doubted the existence of these fiendish badgers, and I suspect that they are merely the creations of evil casters hoping to emulate our fearsome and legendary strength.
Will you be staying to share more or your intersting theories? You are welcome to some of this delicious shark meat. Some of the badgers might even step away from the gaming tables long enough to hear an idea or two.
sowhereishenow?
*Polymorphed kobold in form of badger leaps out of hole*
*Changes back into kobold*
Whew! That was close! Stupid cultists...
Hold!
Are you a friend of badgerkind?
Hold!
Are you a friend of badgerkind?
What? Listen, I'm just trying to get away from a really annoying wolf spider and some sort of anthropomorphic dog.
You have entered the Celestial Set of the Badgers. Only badgers (by definition, good) and their throngs of righteous frienddom may enter this sacred den.
sowhereishenow?
That's what I was wondering.
What? Listen, I'm just trying to get away from a really annoying wolf spider and some sort of anthropomorphic dog.
Another visitor? Hey, you in some kind of trouble?
You have entered the Celestial Set of the Badgers. Only badgers (by definition, good) and their throngs of righteous frienddom may enter this sacred den.
Yeah, what he said. Righteous frienddom.
Hey, C.H. I guess you know this...one?
He just showed up grumbling and seems hesitant to identify himself.
We badgers are cautious lot.
He's probably an enemy of our allies, the gnomes. You have to admire his disguise, though. We should do a quick refugee head count.
You have entered the Celestial Set of the Badgers. Only badgers (by definition, good) and their throngs of righteous frienddom may enter this sacred den.
Wait, righteousness?
Uh...hey, look, a distraction! *Teleports*
You think that the word "celestial" is a tip-off?
Wait, righteousness?
Uh...hey, look, a distraction! *Teleports*
{teleports in via nifty wand in his pedipalps, is wearing a obviously fake halo on a stick on his cephalothorax} Oooo, badgers! Neato!
{wiggles antenna in random directions} Rats! My Buddysense has stopped tingling. Have any of you magnificent mighty celestial mustelids seen the most awesomest embodiment of kobold perfection pass through here? He is ever so handsome and ever so smart, the bestest big buddy a bug could have!
Are you sure he went this way Wol-
Hey, I think I saw his tail disappearing at the other end of the thread!
We're coming, KC!!!
Hm, it seems there are fewer Paizonian badgers than I thought. At least, those with celestial yearnings are scarce or in need of guidance to reach the sett.
<chews thoughtfully on shark meat>
Boar, if you are passing though Paizonian lands on your return to Salamandastron, spread the word to every badger and gnome that you meet. Tell them of the Celestial Sett.
I wonder, has anyone had word of the Chairbadger, sowhereishenow? I have a feeling he is on his way. We badgers are patient.
<Notices someone reaching for herring and begins to draw broadsword>
You...
<Sees that the thief is a celestial being>
I get the feeling that I won't be returning to Salamandastron. Damn searats!
I have been to many places, always wondering where I am. This is definitely ... somewhere. Somewhere I belong.
Drip, reporting for duty! I am the renegade soul of the Forgotten Village. I have come to redo all the plumbing and install golden pipes throughout the sett. You will hear merry sounds when you flush! Next, I will build magnificent water slides for the children. I can also sculpt custom minis for the gaming tables, and when the mood strikes I can give stirring performances on the glass harmonica.
Also, I heard that the sett is seeking a brewer of fine beverages. You will find that my concoctions are invigorating! I use secrets passed down by the gnomes of the Forgotten Village for generations.
The badger stares, slack-jawed in momentary disbelief.
Uh...well, now.
In spite of your unfortunate name, my forgotten friend, you claim to be quite gifted. I propose this: before we accept a stranger and non-Mustildae into our sett, we will confer and set you a challenge. If your complete the project to our satisfaction, then we will make a place for you here, Drip. What do you say?
Drip, reporting for duty! I am the renegade soul of the Forgotten Village. I have come to redo all the plumbing and install golden pipes throughout the sett. You will hear merry sounds when you flush! Next, I will build magnificent water slides for the children. I can also sculpt custom minis for the gaming tables, and when the mood strikes I can give stirring performances on the glass harmonica.
Also, I heard that the sett is seeking a brewer of fine beverages. You will find that my concoctions are invigorating! I use secrets passed down by the gnomes of the Forgotten Village for generations.
Yay! A lost hero from the Besotten Rums! And he can dual-wield pipewrenches with angsty ease!
As awesome as you are, maybe one day you will approach the Legendary Greatness of the Mighty Magnificent Kobold "Angel Eyes" von Cleever!!!
Oh where, oh where could he be?!
The badger stares, slack-jawed in momentary disbelief.
Uh...well, now.
In spite of your unfortunate name, my forgotten friend, you claim to be quite gifted. I propose this: before we accept a stranger and non-Mustildae into our sett, we will confer and set you a challenge. If your complete the project to our satisfaction, then we will make a place for you here, Drip. What do you say?
Oh, thank you sir! Thank you!
<grovels before Mr. Badger, face wet with tears>
You won't be sorry! I love badgers more than anybody! The day I heard about your sett rule is the day I started believing in myself. That's what inspired me to be the best plumber I can be!
Uh, Drip, why don't you come with me? I think it's best if you come down below with the rest of the refugees for now. It's just going to take a while for the other badgers to come around before they learn to appreciate you and the others. They're just used to gnomes who ... uh, you know, gnomes who can talk to animals.
Yay! A lost hero from the Besotten Rums! And he can dual-wield pipewrenches with angsty ease!
Hmm... the "renegade soul"? Somewhere I have heard that name before. Somewhere...
Do you two think this Drip poses trouble for the sett? Was it a mistake to let him in? He seemed rather harmless.
Good point, Celestial Healer.
BTW, as a healer, I couldn't help but notice your trust sword and shield.
As creatures who go into a rage when it is necessary, we badgers like your thinking, CH. Stop by the sett whenever you like...we aim to keep this place peaceful...well-healed, if you will...
A searat needs killing?!
<Draws broadsword>
*SHING*
Associating our beloved game with your mindless Rick Rolls is enough to enrage badgers. You have been warned.
<Slices annoying jester in half>
'Tis a searat's game!
Well done, sir.
<shows Boar a toothy badger grin>
Drip, huh? He must be from South dakota.
Drip, huh? He must be from South dakota.
He's from Paizonia, where not all gnomes are created equal.
Why is it that fey are always drawn to badgers? Do the leprechauns also have troubles they cannot share with anyone else?
Obviously your charisma is even lower than Drip's, making you a spectacle of brokenness among the easy laughter and glib charms of the leprechauns. Nothing brings these issues into focus better than discussing them with a badger, but don't think your tricks will get you any wine.
Might you find sympathy and acceptance from the folk of that otherworldly land you mentioned?
Leprechauns! Just what we need. I'd better tell Drip to set some traps.
Nah, man...leprechauns, they're all right.
Dig it, Spanky: can you lay some of your gold and pot on me, man? Dirty Dragon owes me, so I'm running short and comin' down...
Nah, man...leprechauns, they're all right.
Except that Paizo brought evil fey into vogue, making Paizonian leprechauns suspect. Can you vouch for this leering fellow, Mr. Badger?
Who? The dragon or the leprechaun?
Who? The dragon or the leprechaun?
Are they both fey? Cool! This must be one of those fey dragons, like a faerie dragon. This place is getting interesting!
Possibly the leer is intended as a friendly smile. Don't attribute to malice what can be attributed to low charisma, I guess. Perhaps I should get the leprechaun a drink.
Who? The dragon or the leprechaun?
The leprechaun.
<comes back with fermented berry juice for Spanky>
I wonder what the dragon is doing here?
Has anyone seen my boss around?
Another one!
Hey man, lay a little of your weed and wages on me, little bro'...I hear that all yr s@*$ is magical...I have no idea how I ended up at the end of the rainbow, but I'm about to crash! Help a dragon out, man!
Another one!
Hey man, lay a little of your weed and wages on me, little bro'...I hear that all yr s!@& is magical...I have no idea how I ended up at the end of the rainbow, but I'm about to crash! Help a dragon out, man!
I think you're looking for the hippie thread, good sir.
<Points in the direction of the untitled II thread>
They talk a lot about hippies over there. Perhaps you should journey to that place for your help.
I don't think I'm gonna make it, little furry dude. I need a quick fix! Help a brother out. We dragons have always been there for you.
I don't think I'm gonna make it, little furry dude. I need a quick fix! Help a brother out. We dragons have always been there for you.
I'm sure Drip could fix you up with some magical brew, but he's off visiting the Celestial Thread. Until he gets back, you can try some of our fermented berries and honey.
Gold is so plentiful here we use it for plumbing. Take a stroll through the gardens outside the sett and you should find gold nuggets just lying around.
Once you calm down, it seems like the thing you need most is a good long talk with a badger. That and some frolicking by the sea. You seem to be dropping a lot of green scales...
Has anyone seen my boss around?
He's somewhere around here. He was just here, but now he's somewhere else.
I only frolic in the Autumn mist...which is to say, mist caused by dried leaves...smoke, in fact.
Sigh...you guys really brought me down. Now I just miss H.R., Ollie...even Dirty...well {starts picking up stray gold objects} thanks for the gold...it'll power some future party.
These former star dragons often end up as reefer heads, but I believe poor old Puff started out as one. Still, basically harmless, I'd say.
As for all these leprechauns, they put me in the mood to go rage-tastic, but the warning about fey is well-taken. Who knows what dark fey lady dotes on them, and then we'd be in an even bigger to-do. I've been out seeing that welcome signs are erected in Gnomish. A good influx of gnomes, driven off by the evil sorcerers on the far shore, would probably take care of our leprechaun drifters.
Aw, man...I wish. I already looked everywhere, man.