Mr. Badger walks to the stout, comforting oaken doors that stand in the main tunnel. He throws open wide the main entrance to the Celestial Sett, that all of badger-kind and the friends of badgers may gather.
That's too bad. Badger's don't really like murfsays either, but will tolerate them in times of famine.
Are all the other badgers in Indianapolis?
*Floats in*
Greetings, fellow celestials! I have come on a diplomatic mission. We are slightly short on allies, so we thought it might be a good idea to get some before the slaadi try to kill us (being chaotic, they might forget how fun our Scrabble parties are). How's it going?
Ah... <eyes glittering> The celestial home! I've found it at last! <sheds mortal tears of joy on the celestial doorstep>
Welcome home, Minkscooter - How do you feel about fish?
*Floats in*
Greetings, fellow celestials! I have come on a diplomatic mission. We are slightly short on allies, so we thought it might be a good idea to get some before the slaadi try to kill us (being chaotic, they might forget how fun our Scrabble parties are). How's it going?
Scrabble parties? Celestials play Scrabble?
Badgers do not fear the slaad. Unless you secretly bake them into a calzone. <shudders> Chaotic creatures taste terrible, especially the ones with amorphous anatomy like the proteans. We might eat a smurf with lots of salt if there was nothing else to eat.
Welcome home, Minkscooter - How do you feel about fish?
Fish are tasty!
Greetings Angel Fish! Things are going very well, thank you, now that the PFRPG book has finally arrived. (Hooray!) I think that the esteemed Mr. Badger has asked me to represent the badgers in our response to your mission. We badgers welcome offers of friendship and mutual support from all quarters. Those who come to the badgers seeking aid find generous allies. Being neither lawful nor chaotic, we do not forget when someone has shown us a way to have fun. Our gaming tables in the celestial sett are large.
You need not fear us merely on account of being delicious, for we badgers will not betray our friends, assuming that is the spirit in which you come to our sett. Welcome! We will gladly entertain your proposal.
Overhears Minkscooter's words as he is halfway from the larder with his arms full of butter, basil, garlic, and lemons. Turns around and starts taking them back.
Eating him would be an immoral thing. Also, suicidal. Ergo, the danger is moot.
Eating him would be an immoral thing. Also, suicidal. Ergo, the danger is moot.
Calm down, ME.
I am glad that we are received so kindly, and I hope that the Celestial Badger community lasts a good long while. I had better go now, goodbye for now.*Floats out with ME*
Maybe Celestial badgers should only eat Fiendish creatures? Of course, all bets are off for natural badgers...
I hope cloned badgers are OK.
I hope cloned badgers are OK.
You should be... aren't you one of those ARC Badgers, cloned from Jango Taig?
Hm, skittish little fish.
Hey taig! Nice to see you as a proper badger!
I noticed that gnomes in PFRPG no longer speak with burrowing mammals as they did in AD&D, but instead speak with any animal (per the spell) once per day. Except for the oafish, uncharismatic gnomes. These broken, second-class gnomes no longer have even the solace of comforting words from a badger. Every day, they are looked down upon by their more glamorous brethren, like sneetches with no stars on their bellies.
I propose that we open our doors wide to the refugees from these divided gnomish communities, and welcome the tongue-tied little munchkins into our midst. In turn, we will benefit from their obsessive craft skills, and our sett will become justly famous throughout the multiverse.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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I hope cloned badgers are OK.You should be... aren't you one of those ARC Badgers, cloned from Jango Taig?
Nice! That made me laugh.
<Waiting for Trufflehunter to show up...>
Dire Beavers are best waxed.
Yes, I too await Trufflehunter...
Who is this Trufflehunter?
Trufflehunter is one of the greats of our race, dear cub...
Hors d'ouevres go well with tea. How do you take yours?
Pours a strong cup of tea.
Sugar? Honey?
Eat badgers.
Jab shark with spear-guns and electrical harpoons.
Fresh meat, boys!
spoiler
Trufflehunter is one of the greats of our race, dear cub...
Oh, that Trufflehunter. I thought you meant a Paizonian who might actually post here. Of course I've read all the Narnia books and have long admired the Narnian Trufflehunter.
I think I'll join you and Celestial Healer for hors d'oeuvres and tea. Honey sounds good. I've never tried shark before.
Mmmm...shark!
So, for the sake of conversation, has anyone else noticed the plight of the gnomes? Low charisma should not be a barrier to the goodies you expect from a race. If it's a flavor thing, why not just give them different goodies, like a bigger craft bonus?
<stirs tea with a spoonful of honey, sips>
I was thinking that we, as celestials, might bestow such goodies, and that, being celestials, we can expect that our whims here above will translate into new realities below. Call it our first house rule (or sett rule).
Of all the PC races, the gnomes have always had the strongest affinity for our kind. Our gifts to them can only benefit us in turn.
What is your opinion, Celestial Healer? You must have experience intervening on behalf of mortals.
So, for the sake of conversation, has anyone else noticed the plight of the gnomes?...
Of all the PC races, the gnomes have always had the strongest affinity for our kind. Our gifts to them can only benefit us in turn.
I think you badgers only like us gnomes for our fermented berries/cherries and fermented honey.
Mmmm...fermented cherries.
Yes, we should help our two-legged friends.
Greetings fellow Badgers! I have journeyed far, from the lands of Salamandastron, and happened upon this sett. Many thanks for your hospitality Mr. Badger.
Welcome, Boar. I am merely the first badger to find this celestial den, no doubt provided beforehand by one greater than I for the good of all badger-kind. How fares your hunting?
After killing that bastard searat, Ripfang, I woke up near the sett. It's quite beautiful here, but I'm getting my bearings before returning to Salamandastron.
Ah...you are one of the badgers of Moss Flower? Your fierceness is known. Take your ease here.
Places tray of smoked herring on the table.
I think you badgers only like us gnomes for our fermented berries/cherries and fermented honey.So, for the sake of conversation, has anyone else noticed the plight of the gnomes?...
Of all the PC races, the gnomes have always had the strongest affinity for our kind. Our gifts to them can only benefit us in turn.
Why don't you bring some fermented berries and honey and we'll talk it over? :)
Yes, we should help our two-legged friends.
Excellent! Sett rule: Gnomes with Charisma of 10 or lower get a +4 racial bonus on a Craft or Profession skill of their choice (instead of the usual +2).
Now hopefully we can get some really fine fermented stuff!
Hm, it seems there are fewer Paizonian badgers than I thought. At least, those with celestial yearnings are scarce or in need of guidance to reach the sett.
<chews thoughtfully on shark meat>
Boar, if you are passing though Paizonian lands on your return to Salamandastron, spread the word to every badger and gnome that you meet. Tell them of the Celestial Sett.
I wonder, has anyone had word of the Chairbadger, sowhereishenow? I have a feeling he is on his way. We badgers are patient.
