Captain Yesterday's Guide To Skyrim Incompetence: Legendary Edition!


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Greylurker wrote:

I think the game is telling me that I am taking too long with the main quest.

It dose this in subtle ways like attacking Winterfell with two Elder Dragons at the same time

Falkreath in a prior game got hit by two dragons at a time a lot. Except one was always a revered dragon, one I think was ancient. I lost about half the town that way, including the blacksmith. So one of the first mods I downloaded for remastered was 'no more dead merchants'. So now the dragons don't like to visit Falkreath anymore, which is sad, because other than the smith I generally didn't like the town all that much.


You should trade that mod out fr Immersive Citizens. Rathe rthan making merchants and such Essential, it makes them smarter (they run AWAY from danger and into their homes or businesses during vampire or dragon attacks) and gives a sort of morale gauge and threat assessment capability to everyone. Only people like the guards and truly heroic types (like the Companions) will stick around to fight a dragon.

Bonus points, due to how they gauge threats, most NPCs will flee from YOU as well so you don't have those laughable scenarios where you accidentally steal something and in addition to the guard coming after you, you also have 10 unarmed, unarmed civilians trying to slay the Dragonborn decked out in Legendary Daedric armor who can kill them by letting himself be punched enough times.


Ah, but I have Immersive Citizens too. I do believe in redundancy, so making sure merchants won't ever get near danger is a priority. But I might turn it off and see how things go for a while.


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Update time!

With the wife and kids away to a bridal shower yesterday I had plenty of time to rampage (despite the ear infection, which rode in on a sinus infection, f$&# you end of winter!).

Anyway, after it hung up twice riding the wagon to Winterhole, I decided to go it the ole fashioned way, by walking and getting mauled by bears and saber tooth tigers. Which took over an hour (there were a lot of bears) but I finally made it to Winterhole, took their stupid test (despite the townsfolk telling me not to) and went to Saarithal with all the other newb wizards. Which, with my Silver Greatsword and propensity to shout at everything was surprisingly easy.

Between that and making like fifteen steel things are a forge, learned to make fire enchantments betterer, and looting two bandit castles and a mine on the way, it was a full and rewarding day. :-)


How was Winterhole the former capital, it has like fifteen buildings and a third of those are burned down.

Maybe they need to stop fighting each other and start f+!%ing. Seems like they're having population issues.

Just saying, there seems to be entirely more bears and dragons then people.


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Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

How was Winterhole the former capital, it has like fifteen buildings and a third of those are burned down.

Maybe they need to stop fighting each other and start f*#$ing. Seems like they're having population issues.

Just saying, there seems to be entirely more bears and dragons then people.

A few years back the volcano in Morrowind erupted, destroying pretty much the whole island. That sent a shockwave across the ocean, causing an earthquake in Winterhold and a good 90% of the city fell into the sea (you can actually see some of the ruins down below the college if you go in that ravine).

It's the main reason the inhabitants of Winterhold town hate the College, they resent the fact that so much of everything was ruined but the college is still standing, and some people think they caused it for whatever reason.


Well that makes sense.

Just got done with Krosis. Just kept hitting him with Jyrik's staff so the f++&er couldn't summon Flame Atronachs in addition to fireballing the s&*+ out of me with his staff.

So many soul gems used to recharge it! (Yes I have the soul gems provide more charges bit).

Next up, retrieve the books for Wong... I mean Urgrab or whatever his name is.


I have had to abandon LAkeview
Place is cursed

Corpses are not disappearing, including The dragon corpse that randomly drops out of the sky everytime I show up and now the Storage room where I keep all my stuff

it's gone

the entire room is gone...along with my stuff

It looks like it is still there from the outside but no, if I open the door from inside I am back in Skyrim
I bet it's all the Deadra artifacts I was keeping in the basement.

Have moved to Heljarchen Hall. It's cold and snowy but so far not cursed.

I've left the children in White Run, but I want to move them someplace safer before I try and trap a Dragon in the castle.

Meanwhile a whole damn swarm of Vampires tried to wipe out Morthal in retaliation for me killing the ones in the cave there. Next thing you know they are summoning up Gargloyes and it gets ugly. Lost two good guardsmen that night.

oh and the College at Winterhold is going to explode soon....I should probably do something about that


I wouldn't worry too much about Winterhole. It's a fantasy rpg so you pretty much always have 3 days until the wizard/sorcerer/witch-queen/king has their doomsday device/risky magical experiment complete.


I've had similar problems with Lakeview, which right now means the ash piles left behind by Serana's rampant undead animation aren't going away. Though I wonder if it coincides with my use of the cutting room floor mod. Though I did go through a drought of no attacks till recently, when the bandits finally popped by-and in! Two made it into the dining room somehow, when I thought they were on the roof! This means WAR, you stupid pieces of filth! Now you've contaminated my inner sanctum, and you will pay!

LOL


Twice I've hit Fellglow Keep. Once I got a glitch and Orowhoever kept trying to talk to me for no reason at all. The second time it hung up when I was about to rampage the necromancer portion.

We'll see what number three brings.


Ha! Stupid wizards!

Tore through Fellglow Keep with Jyrik's Staff (which does twice as much magic drain) and my friendly Flame Atronach. They never had a chance!

Orothorn was killed almost immediately.


So flame enchantments are hard to come by, it would seem, everything is frost this, sanctified that, soul binding the other thingamajig.

Who do I have to murder to get a flaming Greatsword!


So my lock picking is all sorts of screwed up in Muzftltft.

And I can't tell if it's a glitch or because my controller is really, really, really old (over ten years old now).


Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

So flame enchantments are hard to come by, it would seem, everything is frost this, sanctified that, soul binding the other thingamajig.

Who do I have to murder to get a flaming Greatsword!

I want to say if you become Thane for one of the Jarls, they give you a 'weapon of _______' that happens to be flaming. Don't remember which Jarl though, sorry.


It's not Jarl of Dragon Catchy Castle, I know that.

I decided to shop around at the towns not named Winterhole.

Surprisingly, that hadn't occurred to me yet. :-)


Finished with Mufztlt, bought the Frost Atronach book beforehand, so it wasn't as brutal as it might've been.


Lathiira wrote:
Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

So flame enchantments are hard to come by, it would seem, everything is frost this, sanctified that, soul binding the other thingamajig.

Who do I have to murder to get a flaming Greatsword!

I want to say if you become Thane for one of the Jarls, they give you a 'weapon of _______' that happens to be flaming. Don't remember which Jarl though, sorry.

All of the [Weapon] of [Hold] weapons (eg Axe of Whiterun) are randomized magic items just like any loot you find in chests, so none are guaranteed to be any one thing.

Remember that merchants sell magic items. Check with Warmaiden's and Belethor's General Goods along with the Khajiit caravans enough times and they'll eventually have one.

There are other merchants in other towns of course, but it seems like you're based out of Whiterun.


Yeah, bankrupted myself buying a kick ass flaming bow and some other things I've forgotten by now.

Also helped what's his face avenge his aunt. Currently looting the caves in the mountains between Winterhole and Falkreath (so far a pass lousy with vampires and a tower on the other side filled with bandits who were out of their league.


Sundakan wrote:
Lathiira wrote:
Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

So flame enchantments are hard to come by, it would seem, everything is frost this, sanctified that, soul binding the other thingamajig.

Who do I have to murder to get a flaming Greatsword!

I want to say if you become Thane for one of the Jarls, they give you a 'weapon of _______' that happens to be flaming. Don't remember which Jarl though, sorry.

All of the [Weapon] of [Hold] weapons (eg Axe of Whiterun) are randomized magic items just like any loot you find in chests, so none are guaranteed to be any one thing.

Remember that merchants sell magic items. Check with Warmaiden's and Belethor's General Goods along with the Khajiit caravans enough times and they'll eventually have one.

There are other merchants in other towns of course, but it seems like you're based out of Whiterun.

I've gotten a lot of flaming, frost, and even soul-trapping weapons from Jarls, so maybe that's it?


Enchantment that has taken me the longest to get is Carry wieght. Finally found something in a shop that had it. Now I just need some Grand souls to make my Looter's Ring and Looter's Amulet


First named weapons!

Dwarven Rain o' Death (shocking (fine) dwarven bow) and Silver Shock (My trusty Silver Greatsword given shock).

Liberty's Edge

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One of my favorite Skyrim builds was a Wood Elf hobo. The basic idea was that he was just some dude; not a hero, not an adventurer, just a homeless drifter getting by. His only "weapons" were a pickaxe, a wood axe, an iron dagger and a hunting bow. He usually just wore clothes, but he eventually crafted some hide armor to wear while hunting.

He would spend three days around a village, mill, mine or city chopping wood, digging for ore or hunting for pelts and meat to earn gold he would mostly blow on booze. If he needed a place to sleep, he would often just pick pockets or steal things until he got caught so he could spend the night in a warm jail cell. After three days, he would head for a new town and start over.

He would occasionally do courier or fetch jobs for people, but nothing dangerous. The closest he ever got to the main quest was declining Farengar's request to go into Bleak Falls Barrow after he delivered a message to Jarl Balgruuf about the dragon at Helgen. Several in-game months later, guards in Skyrim were still talking about the "Helgen Incident" and the return of the dragons, but he never once saw another dragon.

To him, Alduin was an elaborate illusion and the destruction of Helgen was part of a vast conspiracy involving the Thalmor and the College of Winterhold to perpetuate the civil war and distract the populace while Khajit agents of the Aldmeri Dominion distributed Sanguinare Vampiris-laced Skooma to addicts in order to weaken Skyrim with a plague of vampires. It all makes sense if you pay attention to your surroundings but don't actually engage in any of the major quests.

I made that character as a joke, but I ended up playing him for almost two in-game years. It was way more fun than I thought it would be.


New favorite shout: Ice Form.


Saved Winterhold from exploding, became Archmage, got new place to live full of toys. Sold the college my Elder Scroll since I don't need it anymore. Damn 20 lbs piece of scary out of my pack.

Moving on to Markath and the Reach


Found a cave filled with bears and Spriggan. Just the place to use my brand new Animal Allegiance shout!... but then I can't use my Ice Form shout... And bears are a huge trigger for me... And that bear is just asking for it!... maybe next cave...


You can sell the Elder Scrolls? Aren't they necessary for defeating Alduin (which is strangely similar to the BBEG wizard for my old campaign, Anthuin. Coincidence? I guess that's for the courts to decide! Better Call Saul!).


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Where i'm at so far...

So, i'm all of level 22 by now, and this is what i've done so far, skill wise.

Alchemy: 22; haven't done too much here. Mostly eating s*%! and occasionally making a potion

Illusion: 22; Same here, except even less use then alchemy.

Conjuration: 46; this is where i really start using stuff! Novice and apprentice conjuration, Atromany, summoning from further away, etc. I love my atronachs!

Destruction: 18; completely useless, except for starting oil fires.

Restoration: 32; Just by use, nothing done here yet either.

Alteration: 21; ditto.

Enchanting: 45; Enchanter 3/5, Soul squeezer and fire enchanter all gotten.

Smithing; 23: i'm trying i swear! just really busy. Have steel smithing so, a start.

Heavy Armor: 36: Juggernaut! 2/5.

Block: 15; Dwarven armor yo! who needs to block!

Two handed: 48; Oh, i'm sorry, have you met my silver great sword! I use it for pretty much everything.

One-Handed: 44; You know maybe it's because you'd already met my soul sapping elven sword. I enchanted it myself!

Archery: 39; Or perhaps you hadn't even seen me at all! On account of having a flaming dwarven arrow stuck in your eye socket, my bad!

Light armor: 30; How'd that happen? Juggernaut for life!

Sneak: 47; see archery.

Lock picking: 32; i really need to put something in this...

Pick pocket: 17; I prefer a direct approach. Also don't like stealing.

Speech: 35; On account of always shopping and selling.

As far as everything goes, i'm on my way to die trying to reforge some amulet, and Delphine is perpetually waiting at Riverwood to plan to infiltrate the party that is forevermore imminent (or at least until i get around to it) i should probably also tell the archmage i know where the Staff of Magnus is...

Liberty's Edge

captain yesterday wrote:
You can sell the Elder Scrolls? Aren't they necessary for defeating Alduin (which is strangely similar to the BBEG wizard for my old campaign, Anthuin. Coincidence? I guess that's for the courts to decide! Better Call Saul!).

There are two NPCs who will take the Elder Scrolls off your hands. I won't spoil who, but they will express interest in them after you've completed the quests associated with the scrolls. If you don't get rid of them, they just sit in your inventory forever with no way to dispose of them.


captain yesterday wrote:
You can sell the Elder Scrolls? Aren't they necessary for defeating Alduin (which is strangely similar to the BBEG wizard for my old campaign, Anthuin. Coincidence? I guess that's for the courts to decide! Better Call Saul!).

Once you've used the scroll to learn Dragonrend you don't need it anymore and can sell it.

Unless of course you have Dawnguard DLC

Where you discover you need to BUY THE DAMN THING BACK and go get another one.


Got sidetracked, doing the beacon thing now.

Found like ten caves with bears and Spriggan in them, including one with Balthor's Oathblade in it and one with a big long and high up spiral ramp with super polite bears and Spriggan that would stand by the edge so I could ice form them and watch them slowly tip over the edge. Where I had my frost Atronach waiting for them at the bottom, in case they survived the fall (one did).

I got three bears and 2 Spriggan doing that. :-)


Almost done with the beacon angle.

Corrupted Shades don't have s+#& on my Dwarven Bow of Flames, Flame Atronach (Frosty was getting stuck in doorways), and Silver Greatsword.


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Right, time to flex the unused muscles. Putting away my Glass armor, Dragonscale shield and Skyforged longsword for a suit of Ebony Plate and a big damn Axe.

Got Forsaken to kill, skills to increase and levels to earn


Captain, I might suggest you work on Alchemy, Alteration, and Illusion.

Illusion: learn the Muffle spell. Cast it wherever you go. Gain levels. Not to mention be sneakier so you can use that flaming bow more.

Alteration: learn the spell for transmuting ore. Turn iron and silver ore into gold, then make gold ingots, make jewelry. Watch your smithing skill grow while you make a bit of money on the side. Especially if you can find a gem or two to add to your necklaces and rings.

Alchemy: Poison for your weapons. Not to mention occasionally useful items like potions of fortify carry weight, cure disease, cure poison. Oh, and when Alchemy, Smithing, and Enchanting get high enough, doing the loop of Fortify Enchant potions to make better items to Fortify Alchemy can be fun.


Forgot I had that spell...


Anyway, done with the beacon, got Dawnbreaker.

For now.


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So I walk in to Markarth or wherever and this a%!+*+& is all "I'm the best fisticuffs guy around, you want to fight over it!" So of course I'm all "yeah, I'll beat your ass!"

No sooner did beardy put up his dukes then the town is attacked by a f~$@ing dragon!

I'm all like "dude! A f@%@ing dragon!" And he's all "ah ha! I will beat you in this incredibly long duel of fisticuffs!"

Meanwhile, all around us people are firing bows and the dragon perches on the rooftops, blasting half the town's folk with fire. People are literally burning to death at our feet so I can punch this dude in the face for five actual minutes!

Naturally, by the time I was done, the dragon was gone. So I left the a++$!~@ to pick up what was left.

I made sure I looted all the arrows from the dead guards on my way out of town.


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Have you tried a dungeon called Ironbind Barrow yet? It's a coupke ways northeast of Whiterun, just by a nearby inn with a fancy orc. You'll know you're close when you see him. There's a really good enchantment you can take off of a weapon there- basically Soul Bind and Fire damage rolled into one enchantment! Also you get help with the dungeon; A steel plate redguard fighter and an argonian mage!

Also, if you're looking for mods, may I suggest one called "The Forgotten City"? Really interesting plot, lots of fun and well-written characters AND it is the first video game mod in history to win a screen writer's guild award!

:
Also I'm in it as a voice actor: Gulvar and Vernon! :D


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Lathiira wrote:

Captain, I might suggest you work on Alchemy, Alteration, and Illusion.

Illusion: learn the Muffle spell. Cast it wherever you go. Gain levels. Not to mention be sneakier so you can use that flaming bow more.

Alteration: learn the spell for transmuting ore. Turn iron and silver ore into gold, then make gold ingots, make jewelry. Watch your smithing skill grow while you make a bit of money on the side. Especially if you can find a gem or two to add to your necklaces and rings.

Alchemy: Poison for your weapons. Not to mention occasionally useful items like potions of fortify carry weight, cure disease, cure poison. Oh, and when Alchemy, Smithing, and Enchanting get high enough, doing the loop of Fortify Enchant potions to make better items to Fortify Alchemy can be fun.

That's right, transmute and alchemy is a helluva way to make money. You can find Transmute in Halted Stream Camp, a bandit filled iron mine exactly north of Whiterun. Also, you can pretty much become god with alchemy. Just be careful with how much you do it: too much and you only get 1% of a benefit, or worse, crash your game.

Also, paralysis poison + unrelenting force = physics shenanigans!


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Alas, I'm on my dependable, but archaic ten year old Xbox 360 without even a modem.

So, sadly, no mods. :-(

Sounds great though! And congratulations on the voice work! :-)

Liberty's Edge

I know you're not using guidebooks or references so I'll put a spoiler on this Alchemy tip:

The most valuable potion in Skyrim:
Salmon Roe, Garlic & Nordic Barnacle makes the highest value potion in the game and also provides the biggest boost to Alchemy. I've never seen Salmon Roe for sale in the game. The only way I've gotten it is by catching or killing spawning salmon (the ones swimming up waterfalls.) There are a mess of them in the White River (the river next to Riverwood.) Just follow the stream from Lake Ilinalta to a little past Honningbrew Meadery and you can collect 12-16 of them IIRC. You have to either pluck the fish out of the air like a bear or kill them while they are jumping to collect the roe. If you use Flames or something similar to kill them, the roe will float downstream and usually get lodged in some rocks near shore. It looks like a clump of tiny orange beads. If you don't have the other ingredients, anything that gives Waterbreathing mixed with Salmon Roe will produce a high-value potion.

I made an Argonian merchant character whose goal was to acquire a property in every hold and earn 1 Million gold. These potions are responsible for a good chunk of her sales. I had to cheat a little with a mod for a tiny subterranean home in Winterhold, but she eventually earned her million. You'd think all that wealth would finally stop her wife from complaining about living in a swamp, but nooooo. "You married an Argonian, you dingbat! Where did you think we were gonna live? Do you know how hard I work so you can ignore our kids and spend all day inside, doing Zenithar knows what, with the bard and the housecarl? Now, get back in the kitchen before I lock you in the cellar with the skeevers I refuse to kill!"


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You can get salmon roe more easily via the fish hatchery option for any of the houses in Hearthfire. Plop it in each of them and every couple of days, you'll make a bug-ton of money. It helps if you get it into all three of them; revolve around the houses and you'll practically never run out.


Made it to the cave to reforge the amulet wherein I got my intestines handed to me by the second of the three (ghost) stooges.

F$&!ing Moe!!

Maybe I'll go see if Mister Fisticuffs in Markarth is up for being a meat shield before I have another go at it.


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I remember those three. Last time I fought them, I literally sneaked up under the platform they spawn on. Waited for each one to come down. Sniped each one in turn. The amulet isn't too shabby at the early-mid levels.


How to kill a Saber car in the absolute most convoluted way.

1. Shoot it with an arrow.
2. Summon Fire Atronach.
3. Run towards dragon lair.
4. Shoot dragon with arrow.
5. Hide in tower and continue summoning Fire Atronachs.
6. Step out occasionally to shoot the dragon with arrows.

At some point the saber cat will die.


Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

Made it to the cave to reforge the amulet wherein I got my intestines handed to me by the second of the three (ghost) stooges.

F!%$ing Moe!!

Maybe I'll go see if Mister Fisticuffs in Markarth is up for being a meat shield before I have another go at it.

The bow one

Who Unrelenting Force shouts at you a lot

I dislike him

.......a great deal


Yeah, Moe is a prick!


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captain yesterday wrote:
*snip* Saber car *snip*

That really ought to be a mod of it's own design: just ride around in a car adorned with a sabre cat pelt.


Damn my phone and/or dyslexia! (whichever one is to blame).

That reminds me of the part of Tiny Toons Summer Vacation where Elmira gets loose in the animal sanctuary. :-)


captain yesterday wrote:
Damn my phone and/or dyslexia! (whichever one is to blame).

Cosmo!

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