Captain Yesterday's Guide To Skyrim Incompetence: Legendary Edition!


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Yeah, I'm exploring EVERYWHERE and grabbing everything (and mostly selling it) in Shilmista, so I had 12,000 on hand, so a thousand gold didn't seem like such a bad investment.

And if he runs off with my money I'll gut him and use his entrails to string my bow.

Sometimes, you just gotta ask yourself "What would Kathy Bates in American Horror Story do?"


Muzak stole my dragon soul!!

That piece of s!%$ is gonna die!!!

Eventually.


Well, Muzak does have soul.


Yeah, after I did all the hard work of hiding under a giant f**&ing mushroom and repeatedly summoning s*@* and taking shots with my bow while it was distracted. And then he strolls along and f~%~ing takes it! Not cool! I don't care how much I hamper construction on the Mall of America.

Not cool. >:-(


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That will only stop when you layeth the smacketh downeth on Muzak's roody-poo candy-@ss. So, to misquote Liam Neeson in the A-team, "Well, are you motivated now, BA?"


But is he going to steal EVERY dragon soul? I might as well just not expend resources taking them out if I don't get anything from it.


He will pop up a lot, though I can't remember if it's every single time-I believe that it is. Let's put it this way: my last game, he did it to me once. Then I marched through the plot, found him, and shot him with Auriel's Bow repeatedly. You do get a nice reward for putting him down though. And well, I would still kill dragons for their bones and scales, which I use to make the best equipment. Nothing but dragonbone arrows and a dragonbone mace and dragonscale armor for me.


You will get back all the dragon souls that he "borrowed" from you once you remove him.


And then some. He only got one from me last time, I got 10 back once I got done practicing the fine art of holy bow archery on him.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

I'm pretty sure Miraak can't steal souls from the dragons in Skyrim. If you're running low and need some for new shouts, you can always fast travel there, hunt a few dragons and go back to Solstheim. The last time I went through the Dragonborn questline, I noticed he only showed up once on Solstheim and never bothered me again. It may have been a glitch, but I killed four or five dragons after that first encounter and he only ever stole the one.

If/when Ralis (your Dunmer friend from the dig site) does betray you, have mercy. He knows not what he does.


He shows up in Skyrim, too. I hate that guy. He doesn't take all of them, though. I think it's random.


Note to self: don't go reading the Black Book all willy nilly.

It goes to a bad place.

I did not stay long enough to see if everyone was floating.

So many tentacles...


So General Who's It's Face will NOT be building his army of Ash Spawn.

I saw to that.


How Elf dude doesn't spend all his time floating up and down his giant mushroom house is beyond me.

I know I spent at least ten minutes (real time) doing it.


Helping Elf dude find the other Black Book in the ruins with all the annoying water level puzzles and stupid clockwork b&$#+!%~.

G**$#*n dwarves and their tinkering Roman shtick.

We get it, you died out because of your fondness for overly complicated castles, clockwork spiders, and your heavy ass Napoleon Dynamite boots weighted you down.


All of the Black Books go to that bad place, but making it through them can grant some pretty good rewards. For example, in one book, one reward you can get (you get to pick from 3) is to make your companion immune to your attacks (at least, your blasting spells and whatnot). Who hasn't had problems with their companion getting caught in a fireball or Unrelenting Force shout? I also usually found a fair number of soul gems of various sizes.


Oh I don't care what happens to my companions.

When it comes to video games, I follow Branigan's Law.


I use that as an example. The rewards are worth the tentacles IMHO. I do care about my companions, but that's because I pretty much exclusively use Serana.


Apparently I misplaced a control cube or something.

Already tired of this dungeon.


Understandable. There are enough of them to get the job done. I did find Whirlwind Sprint helped a bit though.


captain yesterday wrote:

Apparently I misplaced a control cube or something.

Already tired of this dungeon.

It is one of the reasons I wish Skyrim had some kind of "grab a ledge, then pull yourself up" mechanic.


What this game needs is a grappling hook!!!


I'm just going to have to check the internet on how to get it done.

Quite a vexing dungeon.

And not vexing in a mysterious puzzle sort of way, more in a c'mon! I already have all the control cubes, dude said so, so why can't I start the g%%#@~n f$@@ing furnaces and get the f@~#ing book sort of way.

It's a good thing the dwarves apparently all died out already.


Okay, got it figured out (f&$@ you, operator error!... wait minute...).

Anyway, getting tentacle raped all over Apocrypha right now.

Left Neloth fighting a couple Dwarven Spheres and a Centurion.


No offense to Skyrim, but they could've used a little extra time working on this DLC.

If a wall disappearing doesn't get someone stuck the occasionally bad dialog will make you groan out loud.

"You should go back to Apocrypha, it's said if you reach "the end" great rewards await you" - Neloth, after I fell back to reality.

I mean, come on! That's 1980s RPG game language right there!

It is a f&#!ing great game, don't get me wrong, just an observation. :-)


Probably should've helped what's her face cover up for her shame.

Oh well, what's done is done.

I'll just make sure never to go back. :-)


Apparently, Harmonious Rye wants to learn the secrets of chewing tobacco.

Storn's not gonna like that.


So, i found Ahzidal's Boots of Waterwalking.

Which of course can only lead to one thing...

Obligatory Violent Femmes link!!


Evidently, the tentacles are only going to get worse.


You're not done with tentacles till you're done with the thief of dragon souls and get done wit Apocrypha. Maybe not even then :)


I gotta shut down the other tentacle stones before Storn will show Harmonious Rye what Husker Clams are.

Also, holy s$** are people carrying some serious jewelry around Shilmista.

I have to go to every jewelry and pawn shop in Shilmista AND Skyrim just to get rid of it all.


Then get ready for more tentacles at every stone. Then some more after that. And yes, lots of jewelry. I kept some for future enchanting (I like emeralds and rubies personally, so things with those tend to be kept).


The stones are shut down, I found if I shout at them from a distance on higher ground that cut down on the tentacle raping considerably.

Also, Muzak stole another dragon soul from me, but I was expecting that and didn't try very hard to take the dragon down, mostly by letting Halle Berry (the storm Atronach) do it's thing and letting the former brainwashed idiots soak up some wrath while I shot it up from afar.

I've also completely bankrupted the Shilmista economy. No one has more than 59 gold pieces on hand and nothing useful to buy. :-(


This my good cap'n is why I found a mod that upped the merchants gold considerably. Even the bump from the high level speech skill perk wasn't enough, even with investment. Obviously not an option for everyone. Since you don't do pick pockets (so you can't gain skill levels while giving guards small loot), and don't seem to care much about companions (since your summoning skills are good), you'll likely just have to sail back to Skyrim proper and bankrupt a city or two.


Yup, that's what I did.

Whiterun's economy can handle it.


Hey, Cap? What'd I miss while I was at Tekko?


captain yesterday wrote:

Yup, that's what I did.

Whiterun's economy can handle it.

Whiterun and Solitude are my go-to cities for shopping. Riften's a distant third due to the Thieves' Guild. Windhelm and Markarth are last of what I call "the big cities". I'll stop in Riverwood before those two. Falkreath would be next, if only to see if dragons, thieves, and vampires are running amok in the streets. I avoid Morthol and Dawnstar at all costs, they're so dreary and boring. Winterhold has mages to buy stuff, but it's not really worth finding them most days.


I don't think i've even been to Dawnstar yet this go around.

I pretty much hang around Whiterun and Solitude.

People of Winterhole pretty much hate me so I try to avoid that place (even though I have a killer apartment).

In fact, i've pretty much embraced the murder hobo lifestyle. I sleep on the streets until the pawn shops open.


*snicker* Cap'n Yesterday, Skyrim Murder Hobo Extraordinaire.


I'm a professional.


Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

I don't think i've even been to Dawnstar yet this go around.

I pretty much hang around Whiterun and Solitude.

People of Winterhole pretty much hate me so I try to avoid that place (even though I have a killer apartment).

In fact, i've pretty much embraced the murder hobo lifestyle. I sleep on the streets until the pawn shops open.

You still sleep? I only tried that once, to provoke the Dark Brotherhood in coming to me so I could join their ranks. Found me in my coffin in the basement of Lakeview Manor at that. You'd think they'd know not to open a vampire lord's coffin....


Well, I sit around at least.


captain yesterday wrote:
Well, I sit around at least.

Good man! Sleeping is for the commoners you feed on! The bandits you slaughter in their sleep! Why waste time with it? *sees wife in bed* "Yes dear, I'm coming...."

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

I've got a question for anyone who likes to keep Serana around as a follower.

Why?

Her presence grates on me. Aside from my general dislike of vampires, I don't like her dialogue, her personality, her daddy issues, her sense of entitlement, her fashion sense, her face or the fact you're railroaded into keeping her alive and defending her blighted existence in every conversation with Isran. Considering you don't even

spoiler:
need Auriel's Bow to kill Harkon
, I never saw any legitimate reason why you can't just gank Serana, her dad and the entire Volkihar clan from the get go. It isn't like a high-level Dragonborn should have any real trouble doing it.

Granted that would make Dawnguard a really short DLC, but I think that's a problem with the questline writing. It immediately breaks immersion for a sworn vampire hunter to not put a bucket of crossbow bolts into Serana's rib cage as soon as she stumbles out of her stone phone booth dressed like a Hot Topic catalog model. Making Serana an ordinary human in suspended animation, finding out she's Harkon's daughter and then giving her the option to become a vampire if you pick Harkon's side would have fixed things easily without having to rework most of the quest.


I took Lydia out once.

She didn't make it back.


Muzak is dead!

And as a happy little bonus, I get all his tentacle raping gear.

Skyrim will never be the same.


I didn't want to f@&& anything up by resetting any of my skill trees.

I like how i've evolved and wouldn't change anything.

Next up, reforging the amulet and tentacling the three (ghost) stooges.


Velcro Zipper wrote:

I've got a question for anyone who likes to keep Serana around as a follower.

Why?

Her presence grates on me. Aside from my general dislike of vampires, I don't like her dialogue, her personality, her daddy issues, her sense of entitlement, her fashion sense, her face or the fact you're railroaded into keeping her alive and defending her blighted existence in every conversation with Isran. Considering you don't even ** spoiler omitted **, I never saw any legitimate reason why you can't just gank Serana, her dad and the entire Volkihar clan from the get go. It isn't like a high-level Dragonborn should have any real trouble doing it.

Granted that would make Dawnguard a really short DLC, but I think that's a problem with the questline writing. It immediately breaks immersion for a sworn vampire hunter to not put a bucket of crossbow bolts into Serana's rib cage as soon as she stumbles out of her stone phone booth dressed like a Hot Topic catalog model. Making Serana an ordinary human in suspended animation, finding out she's Harkon's daughter and then giving her the option to become a vampire if you pick Harkon's side would have fixed things easily without having to rework most of the quest.

Serana's dialogue differs from everyone else's. Different voice acting. She looks different. Sounds different. And unlike most other followers, continues to grow in power over time. If you don't like her fashion sense, do what I do: give her dragonscale armor. And a shield. Boots. Gloves. After having experimented with other followers, she's refreshing. I tend to be more martial in nature, so having a competent wielder of destruction magics doesn't hurt either. Though she does need to learn to be more discriminating when reanimating corpses sometimes. Though having her animate a dead chicken to attack our enemies was priceless.

Oh, and you can always find mods to alter her face while you're at it.

For her role in the story, well, why blame her for Bethesda's writing?


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Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

I didn't want to f@*! anything up by resetting any of my skill trees.

I like how i've evolved and wouldn't change anything.

Next up, reforging the amulet and tentacling the three (ghost) stooges.

Do note that going legendary down the road (as compared to the reset from the books) helps you continue to gain levels in the game. Something to consider.


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The Afterlife is a lot more foggy than I had previous imagined. Doesn't help that Alduin is plucking these poor bastards up whenever I run into them.

Spotted a building up ahead and started running for it.

Turns out there is a huge damn waterfall between me and it and I fell to my death

Thanks Fog

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