Hello everyone, yesterday my group played a session, and I wanted to share that session as entertainment for you all. Do note that this particular custom campaign is fairly loose rules wise, with some strong home brewing at parts, so there will be some bizarre or outright "incorrect" things you may notice. Just ignore, and if you can, enjoy.
Note: This will be a longer story.
So, I'll start by saying that our game is set in our modern world, with our PCs living in California. Magic and magical creatures exist, they just tend to purposefully blend in most of the time (think the Dresden Files). Our party consists of 4 lv. 7 PCs and 2 lv. 5 cohorts. an Occultist Arcanist and his cohort (a mage), a human rogue focused on modern and custom made guns (that do insane damage due to said customization), a monk with some home brew feats that will put him in line with dragonball z attacks at some point, and myself, a vrykolakas vampire occultist (aka binder, via radiance house) with a binder cohort. Also note that the human rogue had made me a special gun that shoots 20mm ammunition, and has three barrels that shoot simultaneously doing immense (almost unreal damage).
Ok, so now that we have all of that out of the way, on to the actual story.
Our group had just regathered after failing to stop a fairly strong aztec flavored caster, an his 30+ minions, each armed with guns and non-lethal ammunition, from exchanging a map for the book of the dead with 3 nymphs. After some info from an NPC, we find that the aztec mage has headed to mexico. We follow, finding out on the way there, he ended up in a fight with the nymphs for some reason, killing 2 of them. Anyways, during the flight to mexico city, I had my cohort use a spirit that allowed divination and scrying through a specified beings eyes to find out that they were last at a university and were planning some sort of ritual.
After investigating a crime scene at the university where we found out that a woman had been kidnapped, and apparently hurt by the blood trail leading out of her research office, we use a bit of the blood as a focus for another scrying attempt and find that they're in some run down hotel, near the airport and a museum of some kind. So, we go there and try to find them.
Eventually we come across the aztec mage guy, walking down a sidewalk, having just gotten some food. We stop, and approach him. I turn into a tiny snake, slithering into my cohorts handbag and holding a very specific action. He doesn't recognize us, because we've been using various forms of disguise, what with cellphones and security cameras being a thing. So, my cohort, via my suggestion as we were looking for him approached.
"Excuse me sir, um. Could you direct me to the Oli... ov... it's got an O in it. Sorry, I'm lost."
Giving a confused look, but not wanting to be aggressive in public he gives a few possibilities, each word with an O sound in it. Thus, he triggered my trap (card) and held action.
Using the powers of both of my spirits, I teleport into his mouth, then down his throat, since my spirit allows me to squeeze into fine spaces. Too deep to just pull me out of his throat by hand, he begins to suffocate, a snake lodged in his throat. My cohort continues, giving him a message I asked her to give him.
"My friend says that he'll turn into something larger if you don't cooperate with us and answer some questions. Like a rhino or something."
He begrudgingly agrees and my character slithers down to his chest so he can breath. After giving him a chance to answer questions, he attempts to cast a spell. Our monk, who had stealthed up behind him, gave him a kidney punch, strong enough to cause the spell to fail, and I shifted back to his throat... and turned into a giant porcupine. Our DM ruled that while I could reach full size and just explode out, that he'd allow me to basically stop all air flow and deal quill damage for each round this spat went on.
Eventually, he dies, but not before "hexing" our monk, making him nauseated for 15 rounds. A strong ability. Monk player was unhappy being taken out of the fight for so long. Understandably so.
Then... the earth quakes. Debris falls and our rogue who was perched on a roof top trying to get good shots in, plummets with a crumbling building, managing not to sustain any damage due to a mixture of abilities. The rest of the party gets hit by debris and other buildings crumble. Aztec mage's master was apparently not happy with what just happened for some reason. He summons an elder sunlight (via a feat) air elemental insta-grappling the rogue and he begins a monologue.
I crawl out of the now dead aztec mage's mouth and shift back into humanoid / vampire form as the others crawl out of pinning debris. The old master is flying, speaking to the rogue, still doing a monologue, and my character being the type of character he is, isn't the type to let evil guys finish their monologues, he takes out his big gun, teleports up, just beside the old man and says...
"Boop!" before firing the gun off, pressing the red button put on there by our rogue. This apparently fires all rounds at once. For fun, I utilize my helm of the cyclops, giving myself a nat 20, and roll to confirm. It was confirmed. I roll my 500+d6 and end up with 1,968 damage. He turn dies, and is now a blood stain and, because of a ruling of my DM, I am thrown backward 658 feet due to massive recoil.
The CR 18 BBEG one shotted, and his CR 12 lesser BBEG punched and suffocated to death, we help dig out survivors, retrieve the book of the dead and gather whatever else we could find.
We laughed so hard when the old master was shot and my character was thrown across town. Even my DM said he wasn't even mad, that'd it'd be something he'd laugh about again and again. He also laughed at my lodging myself in the guys throat.
Anyways, that was our night. Now, what I'd like to read, are more bizarre, fun and absurd stories that made you and your team laugh, and that you think are entertaining.
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So our party of a Wizard, Gunslinger/Rogue, and Hunter with a Dragonnel companion (thanks GM) hears spellcasting from the roof of a tower and we head up. Upon reaching the top the gunslinger sees a quasit and a snake, so he naturally rolls to hit the quasit - crit, and it became a bloodstain. On the snake's turn we hear more spells being cast and the snake jumps at the gunslinger, dealing a pretty large amount of damage.
The rest of us get there and see him trying to shoot a snake which crawls under a dead body. We change tactics, trying to locate the caster as they create geysers and rain down boiling water on us. When we find her everyone focuses on her in an effort to take her down fast, forgetting the snake until it was too late - the snake downs the gunslinger, then the wizard, then the hunter. All that's left is my Dragonnel, and he's low on health so we need him to hit with all three attacks to kill it. I roll, hoping for a good result...
I rolled three 1s simultaneously.
The snake downs my companion and as we all lament my terrible luck an NPC bard walks upstairs hoping to get a good view (he's a gnome who really enjoys tall places), sees the snake and kills it on but reaction, not even knowing he just saved our lives.
Hence the profile pic.
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Our GM got sick of our constant hanging around in a bar and drinking. So when my 1st level barbarian started a bar fight, he got 3 4th level fighters out. What happened next? I won initiative and killed one in one shot with a crit. Then the rangers went and got two crits and downed the others.
We then agreed to go on a quest to hunt ants. The GM was looking for revenge, so he sent an infinite stream of them. We set fire to the burrow, barricaded the door and shot and smashed any that made it out. Then we impeached him for being a bad GM.
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I had one moment, playing a Conjuration mage in Skull and Shackles campaign. After being kidnapped, they sent a bunch of pirates to rough us up, I believe 1 to 1 ratio, with a party of 5. This was supposed to be a rough fight, as our characters had very little in the way of items at the start of the campaign, but I luckily had some material components to utilize.
Rather then even attempting to get into bare-knuckle boxing with the pirate thugs, I decided (even if it was also going to hit some party members) to just cast color spray in this small area where they were all gathering up. I knocked every single character unconscious except for 1 pirate, who just saw me take every single person out of the fight. I asked the DM if I could roll to intimidate and stated
"Now be honest with me, do you really want to keep fighting? Because I haven't cast my lethal spells yet"
Rolled Nat 20.
I walked past him and almost the entire party and group of pirates, ready to continue working menial chores while the last guy standing pissed himself in fear.
Need it not be said that sometimes, the wizard has to be at least a tad bit rough with people.
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My druid was wildshaped as a dire bear, the vampire went gaseous to escape, so I inhaled the vampiric mist. The next round, the vampire solidified in my lungs, and the DM rolled all of the dice for the damage.
But my druid survived somehow.... Or maybe was raised....
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My party foiled an attempted theft of an artifact that makes infinite delicious fruit and are asked to find out who is trying to steal it.
So they open up a fruit stand, using the extraordinarily powerful artifact. They make a pretty significant amount of money, and eventually lure out more thieves.
With a fruit stand.
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My party foiled an attempted theft of an artifact that makes infinite delicious fruit and are asked to find out who is trying to steal it.
So they open up a fruit stand, using the extraordinarily powerful artifact. They make a pretty significant amount of money, and eventually lure out more thieves.
With a fruit stand.
How much clearer can I be when I say THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND?!
Our GM got sick of our constant hanging around in a bar and drinking. So when my 1st level barbarian started a bar fight, he got 3 4th level fighters out. What happened next? I won initiative and killed one in one shot with a crit. Then the rangers went and got two crits and downed the others.
We then agreed to go on a quest to hunt ants. The GM was looking for revenge, so he sent an infinite stream of them. We set fire to the burrow, barricaded the door and shot and smashed any that made it out. Then we impeached him for being a bad GM.
I like that you all just overcame the odds in spite of the DMS attempts.
Lots of fun and awesome stuff everyone! Mage hand to the testies made me grin. "Turn your head and cough!"
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We were all level 1 or 2, most of the party was gnome and halfling wizards and sorcerers, maybe a dwarf cleric, and my (elf?) rogue.
We were fighting a bunch of kobolds amongst bunk beds. My tactic was move into the room, sneak attack. Next round, move out of the room, reload my crossbow, rinse, repeat. This worked pretty well for me, but my allies kept getting hit with kobold crossbows. Eventually, I went down, as did all of my allies--except their familiars!
1 or 2 of the familiars killed all the kobolds while the rest of us lay there, bleeding out.
1 of the familiars then fed a potion to a wizard, who fed a potion to the cleric, who then healed the rest of us.
And these were just regular ferret familiars, not fancy imp or sprite or faerie dragon familiars.
Did the kobolds suddenly turn into Stormtroopers?We were all level 1 or 2, most of the party was gnome and halfling wizards and sorcerers, maybe a dwarf cleric, and my (elf?) rogue.
We were fighting a bunch of kobolds amongst bunk beds. My tactic was move into the room, sneak attack. Next round, move out of the room, reload my crossbow, rinse, repeat. This worked pretty well for me, but my allies kept getting hit with kobold crossbows. Eventually, I went down, as did all of my allies--except their familiars!
1 or 2 of the familiars killed all the kobolds while the rest of us lay there, bleeding out.
1 of the familiars then fed a potion to a wizard, who fed a potion to the cleric, who then healed the rest of us.
And these were just regular ferret familiars, not fancy imp or sprite or faerie dragon familiars.
No, they were decent shots.