Medical Malpractice In Pathfinder. Funny or useful stories

[Mal Prac]

Long story short me and some friends recently started a campaign and didn't really think through our party balance. People were concerned about long and close range but not about healing.So I went and make a character I've been thinking about for a while, a good necromancer(explained lower). So what funny medics have you all made and how well have they worked out

*My story*
So after looking at some spells I with some spells but choose False life since it seemed like a funny concept.
Now the problem here was False life is temp hp lasting about an hour and I only have 3 casts a day. So after a couple hour long dungeon dive everyone was alive but all those who were injured had 2-4 our of their starting health. Now queue the boss fight....We start with all of our non-injured second line combatants running in to kill the 2 side bosses. Those bosses went down easily but not before nearly killing our wizard with 2 range attacks(now knocked out) and we haven't even touched the boss yet.So me being the last unharmed player run in and crit hit the boss for 24 damage(which is alot for level 1).Followed by "healing" the main fighter to clean up the fight, we somehow managed. With that our parties average health was reduced to may 2-4. But at least there were no serious worries during the fight.
****Cue Looting the room*****
So we loot the bodies and check the room and find a hidden passage-way leading underwater. So 4 our of our 6 party members jump into it and begin to drown thanks to botched swim checked every time. After 2 pass out 1 of them finally manages to get everyone out but now their in need of serious medical attention(which I'm bad at). So the person with randomly decent heal check rolls a 10,13 on both with no avail. Then I try with only the bases plus 2 but phrased it as "Horribly inaccurate CPR" so my DM gave me a minus -1 instead(worth the joke). Then proceed to roll 18 and nat. 20 to save the day.

*My Character*
Name:Johann Faust(based off the story and "historical" figure)
Class:Wizard
Story*needs more work*: Was resurrected/"saved" by nondescript necromancer as a child, for some reason I've yet to choose. He mistakes this as a blessing and now lives under the misconception that Necromancy is good and his goal is to become a Lich to help others.
Side notes: Playing him as an overly trusting and very medically inept doctor.

[Bandw2]

i made a guy who has an everburning torch strapped to the front of his head and constantly yells "bro, do you even praise the sun" as he casts cure light wounds everywhere. his story was that he got lost in a desert and eventually became delarious and followed the sun out of the desert and then went crazy trying to convert people to worship the sun.

[divineshadow]

Two words... Orge medicine. So we were playing 2e and the cleric is out of spells. We have an enemy captured who is demanding healing cause a crit broke his leg. My bud Marks orge wanders over says "I can use orge secret and your leg wont hurt anymore." Npc agrees we are wondering what is going to happen. Wizards whips out his journal to record this secert magic. Marks orge breaks the guys arm in like 8 places. Says "See leg doesn hurt at all any more does it? Orge medicine is best medicine." We fell out of our chairs laughing.

[Mykull]

My mom is an ogre!!!

Growing up, if I told her I had a headache or somesuch, she'd reply, "Well, I could always drop a brick on your knee; then you wouldn't feel the pain in your head so much."

Yeah, I pretty much just stopped telling my mom when I was in pain.

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My friend, Devin, played a 2E dwarven cleric . . . without access to healing magic at all. Worst case of malpractice (well, NONpractice would be more accurate) I've run into.

[DungeonmasterCal]

In 3.0 a friend played a cleric who was easily far more compassionate than the rest of the players. After interrogating a lizardman prisoner for hours with no success, they decided to let him consider his future fate (they were going to kill him the next day if he didn't give them the information they wanted) and left him alone.

The Cleric, knowing he'd have no chance of convincing them to let him live, used the Alchemy skill to create a concoction that would calm his nerves and lessen the pain of the torture and execution. He rolled the result, and it was so bad that I ruled it was actually poisonous to him and he then died a horrible, twitching, foaming death. This garnered the character the nicknames of "The Sinister Minister" and the "Pastor of Disaster".

[Sah]

3.5, Warforged Warblade with 20 con was often the last man standing (or at least standing when the cleric wasn't). Well we got a bunch if potions for healing, but since he never liked letting enemies escape he did hit and run healing. The trick is to hope the damage of the glass shattering (and thus opening wounds where the potion could get in to the body, I know house rule) was less than the damage healed.

This was mostly for stabilizing purposes. I like that it was a Warforged, because then it can be written off as him not understanding living creatures.