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Whether you're a player or a GM, we all have heard those lines uttered by folks at the table that are less-than-subtle indicators of ulterior motives! We already have a great "GM says, GM means" thread going, but the "Player Says, Player Means" thread died tragically in its youth due to forum-user behavior. Consider this the reboot! Post things said by players at the table, and then tell us what (you think) is really going on.
Remember that every player is a little different, and some of 'em have different ways of "doublespeak" than others if they have it at all. So take these with a grain of salt, because they're all based on personal experience with specific players.
Player Says: "I can look up that rule for you!"
Player Means: "I can read the rule aloud for you in a way that spins the interpretation in my favor!"
Player Says: "Does this city have magic shops?"
Player Means: "Does this city have a self-service kiosk that sells every magical item listed on d20pfsrd?"
Player Says: "Can I be a (Obscure and/or Third Party Class) (Obscure and/or Third Party Race)?"
Player Means: "My character has no personality, but I'm trying to mask that with weird crunch."
Player Says: "Have you ever heard of the Book of Erotic Fantasy?"
Player Means: "I'm going to make sweet love to your NPCs"
Player Says: "I'm going for an evening stroll"
Player Means: "I'm a Dhampir who dines on human blood, and I'm keeping my habit a secret from the party by roleplaying these meals out with the GM via passed notes."
Player Says: "That's how it was in 3.5!"
Player Means: "Not only am I going to argue with you about the rules, but my arguments are going to be based on a different system. I'm literally the worst."
Player Says: "Don't worry about it..."
Player Means: "You have one round to prepare for me annihilating this encounter, blowing up everything on the map, and/or derailing the campaign."
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Player says: "But the Core Rulebook/PHB/etc. says...."
Player means: "I don't care if the AP/module/etc. has specific rules for this circumstance, because the more general core rules greatly favor my character."
Player says: "Why do I need to write down my memorized spells?"
Player means: "Are you trying to stop me from changing my spells-on-hand whenever I need a specific one?"
Player says: "I haven't picked a feat yet, but I can play without it for a session."
Player means: "... Until a circumstance comes up in which a specific feat would be exceptionally helpful, then I'll suddenly make that decision."
Player says: "You'll never believe what I found."
Player means: "I've been reading up on char-op guides."
Player says: "Oops, that die fell on the floor, can I reroll?"
Player means: "Please don't let the GM have seen that Nat 1..."
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Player says: I want my character to be Chaotic Neutral
Player means: I'm not that worried about alignment, anyway.
Player means: I want to be Chaotic Evil, but since Evil isn't allowed...
Player means: garfanableagulumpugu WHY DO THE BANANA PLATE!kupokupo
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Players say: "....."
Players mean: "None of all of us put ranks in social skills. We're all playing brooding loners."
Player says: "Natural 20!" before snatching up the die.
Player means: C'mon. We all know what this means.
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Player Says: "I got a natural 20 on my Diplomacy roll to convince NPC to (Insert Something Improbably Stupid Action Here)."
Player Means: "Diplomacy is Mind Control Magic and Situational Modifiers mean nothing!"
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Player says: "To hell with the captured princess. I go to the tavern and get drunk."
Player means: "I don't like your adventure hook, and I'm bored."
Player says: "I'm done with talking to this guy. I draw a sword and attack him."
Player means: "I don't like this role-playing encounter, and I'm bored."
Player says: "Can we move this fight along?"
Player means: "I'm bored."
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Player says: "alignments are straight jackets to force players to play the way you want them to".
Player means: I want the freedom to have my character act based on my current mood, whim or state of bordem.
Player means: regardless of the alignment I write on my sheet my character will be CN. By the way I'm thinking of playing a paladin.
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Player says: I want my character to be Chaotic Neutral
Player means: I'm not that worried about alignment, anyway.
Player means: I want to be Chaotic Evil, but since Evil isn't allowed...
Player means: garfanableagulumpugu WHY DO THE BANANA PLATE!kupokupo
For the love of god tell me why do the banana plate? The suspense is killing me
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Player Says: "I'm very knowledgeable of the rules"
Player Means: "I'm going to break the flow of the session by pedantically correcting your rulings ever few minutes, and I'll only be right half of the time."
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Player Says: "I'm very knowledgeable of the rules"
Player Means: "I'm going to break the flow of the session by pedantically correcting your rulings ever few minutes, and I'll only be right half of the time."
To be fair, if half of his "every few minutes" corrections are right, then the GM is doing no better than he is. ;)
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RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Player says: "So that's 11 on the die, plus 4 for BAB, plus 4 for STR, plus 1 for my weapon... Oh, and Weapon Focus for another 1..."
Player means: "It has never occurred to me that there are some numbers that stay the same from round to round and I could just write down the total."
Player says: "So that's 11 on the die, plus 4 for BAB, plus 4 for STR, plus 1 for my weapon... Oh, and Weapon Focus for another 1..."
Player means: "It has never occurred to me that there are some numbers that stay the same from round to round and I could just write down the total."
I'm guilty of this constantly, eventually I write down the equations for it.
Eventually.
Had a PFS game where I was getting sneak damage and bane damage, every turn, twice a turn. God, I was spending twice the time of anyone else every turn. The GM and the most experienced player reminded me I had a pad of paper out for a reason, and maybe I should just add everything together?
Course, with all that and the temp ranks in mythic I was almost outdamaging the rest of the party together every turn too. So, I was taking up time, but massively speeding up combat. Mythic in a PFS game is awesomely OP.
Too contribute:
Player says: I'm getting tired of this character, and am going to replace it.
Player means: I found the most AMAZING build on the Internet...
Player means: You don't let me get away with things anymore, so I'm going to use things you haven't seen yet.
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Players say: "....."
Players mean: "None of all of us put ranks in social skills. We're all playing brooding loners."
In a group.
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Player says: "Oh, I like gritty games."
Player means: "I like describing torture interrogation scenes in explicit detail. The Bastard of Bolton will seem like a nun in comparison to me."
Player says: "Wasn't this supposed to be a gritty game?"
Player means: "Why do all the enemies we capture have cyanide pills now?"
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Player says: "I think our party has an item for this."
Player means: "Everyone else's inventory is for me to use, so I can blow my gold on this UBER WEAPON."
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Player says: What alignment has my True Neutral witch/wizard been leaning towards?
Player means: I want an outsider improved familiar, but not a psychopomp or elemental.
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Player says: What alignment has my True Neutral witch/wizard been leaning towards?
Player means: I want an outsider improved familiar, but not a psychopomp or elemental.
Player says: I want an outsider improved familiar, but not a psychopomp.
Player means: I have bad taste.| 7 people marked this as a favorite. |
Player says: "Was there anything important in that scene? I didn't catch it."
Player means: "I was watching Youtube videos or browsing [insert website here] while you were talking."
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Player says: "15 Point-Buy, really? Well, that means no paladins or monks."
Player means: "I need an 18+ in at last two abilities because some CharOp guide on the internet said so."
Player says: "The enemy is what? In that case, I won't do anything this round."
Player means: "I have nothing to contribute in this encounter since it doesn't cater to my uber-specialized character, and if I can't apply that 9d6+18 bonus I won't even try."
Player says: "Wait, why is climbing that wall so hard? According to the rules, it should be DC 10."
Player means: "I don't give a damn about situational modifiers and will constantly double-check your every ruling against RAW. Count on it."
Player says: "I am going to talk to that NPC again, to convince him to 'help' us. I'll roll on Intimidate for that."
Player means: "I am dead set on that half-baked plan we came up with earlier, so it better work this time. Look, I won't even bother you with in-character speech!"
Player says: "Man, why is everyone in this town so hostile all of a sudden?"
Player means: "You don't really expect me to treat NPCs as persons, or even remember what sh** I pulled last session? Consequences, what's that?"
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Player Says: "Hey! That's not fair, why are they all ganging up on me?"
Player Means: "Why didn't they just stand there and passively take my Maximized Empowered Scorching Ray without changing tactics?"
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Player says: "I want to play a CN Gnome."
Player means: " I want to be the biggest, mood-killingest, nuisance this side of a kender because they aren't allowed."
Player says: "I want to play a CN Gnome."
Player means: " I want to be the biggest, mood-killingest, nuisance this side of a kender because they aren't allowed."
Sounds about right in my experience. I grudgingly agreed to allow two players to play gnome brothers in an upcoming Wrath of the Righteous game because they assured me they wouldn't pay them like they're the Pathfinder version of FishMalks, and am already suspecting I'm going to regret it given every time it comes up, the players start repeating the term 'gnomebros' in increasingly silly voices. On that note...
Player says: It's cool, you're going to love this concept. It'll change how you think about *insert GM pet peeve*
Player means: I'm going to reinforce every reason you have for hating *insert GM pet peeve*
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Modern Horror RPG
Player says: "My guy is heavy into his research, investigating the Unknown and fighting monsters. He would never have attachments like a family, wife or gf."
Player means: "Are you nuts, you will use them as leverage against me the first 5-minutes after we start the game!"
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In a group.Players say: "....."
Players mean: "None of all of us put ranks in social skills. We're all playing brooding loners."
And we'll be called... "The Lone Rangers!"
Player says: [name] can't make it today, I'll play their character for them.
Player means: In every social encounter where you can get ahead by insulting/lying about someone, guess whose character I'll be insulting? Also, I will make the character way blander.
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Player says: "What's the enemy's AC?"
Player means: "I'm trying to decide if I should use Power Attack and hope you're tired enough to slip up and tell me."
Player says: "Does a twenty-one hit?"
GM says: "Yes."
Player says: "Oh, wait, I forgot to add in my favored enemy bonus. Does a twenty-three hit?"
Player means: "I know I hit already, but I want everyone at the table to know that my character is 'Good at Things.'"
Player says: "I got a 10 on my Fort save."
Player means: "Where did I put my back-up character's sheet?"
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On Die rolls...
Player says: "look, it hit the book and I can't tell which number its on! No, I'm serious, look at it."
Player means: "Please, please, please let me re-roll the dice, this number is crap!"
Player says: "20!" As he accidentally let the die slip from his had before rolling to attack.
Player means: I really hope you let me keep this roll even though I wasn't actually ready to roll the dice when I dropped it.
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Player says: "Does a twenty-one hit?"
GM says: "Yes."
Player says: "Oh, wait, I forgot to add in my favored enemy bonus. Does a twenty-three hit?"
Player means: "I know I hit already, but I want everyone at the table to know that my character is 'Good at Things.'"
This. I don't know what it is, but that happens with terrifying frequency at my table. Also, as a variant, the "I raise you" classic:
Player says: "Does a twenty-one hit?"
GM says: "No."
Player says: "Twenty-three? I forgot that favored enemy bonus."
GM says: "No."
Player says: "Twenty-four? We still have that luck bonus going on."
GM says: "..."
Player says: "Ok, wait, I got it now. Twenty-five, weapon is masterwork!"
GM cries behind his screen.
Player means: "I can't be bothered to keep track of my bonuses... Yeah. Either that or I'll raise you bonus by bonus to nail down the opponent's AC, I am sneaky like that. My tun will just take 5 minutes or so, no worries."
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Player Says: "Can we implement Variant Rule X?"
Player Means: "Can the party one-sidedly abuse Variant Rule X, only to get frustrated when a single NPC finally takes advantage of that same rule?"
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Variant Rule X must apply across the board!
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Variant Rule X must apply across the board!
They didn't get that memo. They asked to have the Called Shot variant rule introduced for the sole reason of groin-shots to every bipedal creature they encountered. I let them have their fun for a session and a half before I brought in a crossbow-wielding baddie that exploited the rule just as badly.
By session's end, I got them to agree that the variant rule was not a good idea for that particular playgroup.
Yeah, my group hollered for Crit Charts until I told and then proved to them they went both ways. That hushed them up.
Player Says: "I forgot my character sheet at home"
Player Means : "The single thing I am responsible for, yeah I didn't do that, oh hey is that pizza? Cool I haven't eaten today."
OMG if I had a nickel for every time this one player forgets or loses her sheet!
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For the love of god tell me why do the banana plate? The suspense is killing mePlayer says: I want my character to be Chaotic Neutral
Player means: I'm not that worried about alignment, anyway.
Player means: I want to be Chaotic Evil, but since Evil isn't allowed...
Player means: garfanableagulumpugu WHY DO THE BANANA PLATE!kupokupo
I've seen why banana plate, but who was phone!?
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LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.
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LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.
I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.