I've been together with the same person for approaching 15 years. I'm the RPGer. He isn't. I realized my situation may be somewhat atypical (we always hear about it being 'the guy' who's the gamer), and wanted to open up a thread to see if that's true...or just generally ask questions, discuss it, and so forth about how couples manage gaming, either together, separately, with kids in the mix and so on.
So, here's a set of questions to get us started.
...feel free to answer all or none, or invent your own. As always, keep it civil.
1. Does your spouse game?
Mine only plays video games. I think he'd play a fantastic wizard, but he's less oriented this direction. If it's something like Morrowind though, he will partake.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Yes to both. I've just accepted that it isn't an interest. It doesn't stop me from being hopeful, though.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
While I'm hopeful he'll join at the table one day, I don't pressure him. I am consistent in that he knows he's invited. That said, I also try and support his hobbies. He has a large television for his video games.
His game room has some comfortable couches so that friends can visit and play the games (my one insistence on him getting an entire room was that it not always be a solo activity).
If he runs a video game event, I'll partake some of the time or help plan. Other times, I might provide the food (I love to cook) and then find something else to do.
He also lets me know I'm welcome to join in at any time.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Not disclosing this one! I will say we did not meet at a Tabletop session, though.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
We attempt to balance it. If a new item comes up (for example, Paizo's newest Bestiary), we'll discuss it. If a new video game comes up, the same.
As to who ends up spending the most...I plead the 5th.
1. No.
2. Yes. Tried once, said, "takes way too long to play!" (Wanted whole adventures to be over in 30 minutes or less.)
3. No conflict; I play during my free time away from her, ideally while she's at work, and we do other stuff together.
4. Good Lord, no!
5. I don't spend much on it, except for time and effort.
4. Good Lord, no!
Haha. You know, I had almost written about this but didn't. Is this because she's just not that into it?
Myself, it was something I didn't look at (in part) because of the horribly awkward social dynamics.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
(Because this is important and I can't believe I forgot it).
1. Does your spouse game?
Yes, she does. Video games, RPGs. The only thing she won't do is board games. And that's because I'm a lifelong board gamer, and she's ultra-competitive, so in her eyes, "Every game is just roll the dice, move around, and then NobodysHome wins. What's the point?"
But she does love cooperative board games like Arkham or House on Haunted Hill, or silly games like Gloom.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I introduced her to gaming when we were first going out, and she lovingly crafted a weretiger in Runequest. Who I promptly fumbled and killed in the very first fight. It took her YEARS to agree to game again, but she and I are now inseparable; I have five "active or recently active" gaming groups, and she's in four of them, and participates in the fifth (the kids' game, where the banished all adults, couldn't get anywhere, and asked whether mom could play to help them out).
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
Not applicable.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope. High school sweethearts. That's how we can have celebrated our 26th anniversary last year and still be in our 40's.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
She does get distressed at times with how much I spend on frivolities (I think I spent over $1500 on Pathfinder stuff just last year), but I don't smoke, I don't gamble, and I stay within my allotted "allowance", so she just winces, smiles, and enjoys the fruits of my lack of control. (We have the whole RotRL pawn set, which was the major chunk of last year's outlay, but she's in the RotRL campaign, so she gets to see them in action.)
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
We started Pathfinder specifically because our boys (then 7 and 10) wanted to play "Dungeons and Dragons", and were dissatisfied with their occasional appearances in our Runequest games. I ran the family through Curse of the Crimson Throne, and they love love LOVED it. Unfortunately, the rest of our attempts are not doing so well. Our 12-year-old is losing interest in a weekly game, and our 9-year-old gets extremely frustrated trying to game with other kids because he's a much, much more mature gamer than most 9-year-olds (or even 19-year-olds), so he wants to roleplay, tell a story, and get through the plot, rather than just "kill kill kill".
But they love that every Saturday and Sunday are 'gaming days', and they listen in to Raesh, Shiro, Hi, and Halek's exploits, and talk with us about them frequently.
So they love hearing the game, even if they aren't playing in it. And they make great goblins.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Is this because she's just not that into it?
She never heard of it until we met. And was quick to tell me, "You're a dork, honey, but thank God not a mega-dork like those weird Star Trek convention people!"
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
6. None. Mrs Gersen says, "We should have them so you could teach them to play!" (Thus keeping them out of her hair and giving me players, all in one fell swoop! Or so she assumes.)
1. Does your spouse game?
Yes, she does. Video games, RPGs. The only thing she won't do is board games. And that's because I'm a lifelong board gamer, and she's ultra-competitive, so in her eyes, "Every game is just roll the dice, move around, and then NobodysHome wins. What's the point?"
But she does love cooperative board games like Arkham or House on Haunted Hill, or silly games like Gloom.2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I introduced her to gaming when we were first going out, and she lovingly crafted a weretiger in Runequest. Who I promptly fumbled and killed in the very first fight. It took her YEARS to agree to game again, but she and I are now inseparable; I have five "active or recently active" gaming groups, and she's in four of them, and participates in the fifth (the kids' game, where the banished all adults, couldn't get anywhere, and asked whether mom could play to help them out).3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
Not applicable.4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope. High school sweethearts. That's how we can have celebrated our 26th anniversary last year and still be in our 40's.5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
She does get distressed at times with how much I spend on frivolities (I think I spent over $1500 on Pathfinder stuff just last year), but I don't smoke, I don't gamble, and I stay within my allotted "allowance", so she just winces, smiles, and enjoys the fruits of my lack of control. (We have the whole RotRL pawn set, which was the major chunk of last year's outlay, but she's in the RotRL campaign, so she gets to see them in action.)6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
We started...
This is awesome, NH. Thank you for sharing. :)
If you don't mind me asking, what convinced her to give it another go after so many years?
Sounds like you two are great together. :)
|
1. Yes. My wife has been playing RPGs since well before I knew her.
2. N.A. (See above.) She's in most (if not all) of the games I run.
3. N.A.
4. Yes, as a matter-of-fact, we did. My brother brought me along to a game he'd been involved in for a couple of years, and she was already a player there. We even host that game at our house nowadays.
5. It's usually not an issue for us. Since we're both gamers, we both benefit from the spending. When money is tight, we cut back, but otherwise I just have to keep the spending down to a semi-reasonable level, and it's not a problem. 8^)
6. Having kids changed our gaming habits less than I would have thought. We did not significantly cut back on playing time, nor spending. We don't use physical miniatures or maps anymore, but we didn't much before that either. There is one game we've pretty much had to stop going to (and I'm the GM for it), because the house we were playing at isn't set up for kids, and my wife was having too much trouble keeping the kids out of trouble while we played.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Is this because she's just not that into it?She never heard of it until we met. And was quick to tell me, "You're a dork, honey, but thank God not a mega-dork like those weird Star Trek convention people!"
6. None. Mrs Gersen says, "We should have them so you could teach them to play!" (Thus keeping them out of her hair and giving me players, all in one fell swoop! Or so she assumes.)
Bwhahaha.
Also, sounds like you married a smart woman...
|
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
P.S. to #6 - I am actually on the hook to run a My Little Pony: Roleplaying is Magic game for my girls (ages 6 and almost-4) one of these days. 8^)
6. Having kids changed our gaming habits less than I would have thought. We did not significantly cut back on playing time, nor spending. We don't use physical miniatures or maps anymore, but we didn't much before that either. There is one game we've pretty much had to stop going to (and I'm the GM for it), because the house we were playing at isn't set up for kids, and my wife was having too much trouble keeping the kids out of trouble while we played.
A more general question, just to help out gamers who have kids or who might look at it (and no need to answer if you don't want to)...it sounds as though part of your solution is to either:
A. Host
B. Play with other gamers who also have kids and whose houses are kid-friendly?
...I'm assuming the more kid-friendly houses have kids themselves. So that is my assumption. Please correct me if I'm wrong!
This is awesome, NH. Thank you for sharing. :)
If you don't mind me asking, what convinced her to give it another go after so many years?
Sounds like you two are great together. :)
It wasn't "so many years".
- We started dating in 1987, and we already had a regular gaming group, so she joined in and died on her first PC.- She didn't play again for about two years, but once I graduated from college our gaming went from weekly to nightly, so in order to spend any time with me at all she HAD to game. And she saw how quickly everyone else was churning through characters, so she just rolled with the punches until she created a bad-a$$ elf named Squeak who made all the other PCs quiver in fear.
I typed up the rest, realized I was over-sharing, so here's a spoiler.
- My best friend committed suicide in 1991 and our group shattered, never to game together again.
- From 1991-2007 we barely gamed at all; there was a weekly Champions game in there that lasted 2-3 years, but it was largely forgettable.
- In 2007 we joined a group playing old-school Runequest, and have been gaming with that group biweekly (once per two weeks) ever since, though many members now have young kids, so it's more like bimonthly.
- In 2010 (or so) we started Pathfinder, and have had at least a weekly game since.
- In 2012, we got invited to a Sunday game, so now we have two weekly games, plus the biweekly game. Social life? What's that? We're GAMERS!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Social life? What's that? We're GAMERS!
Hey, it counts! :D
|
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Yeah, most of the games I run, we do host. (Or are online, but that can have its challenges with kids around too.)
The problem with the one game is that most of the players live a fair ways away from our house, so it's pretty much a matter of play near them or not play. And the only one with a residence suitable for playing at was that one. (Everybody else has other reasons their homes are not suitable, which I won't go into here.)
I would say it is generally correct to assume that those who have kids will have kid-friendly houses. If you don't make your house kid-friendly when you have them, it's gonna make your life VERY difficult! 8^) Some who don't have kids may also have kid-friendly homes, but it's less likely.
1. Does your spouse game?
Not at all. She has no interest in pen and paper games and HATES video games and video gaming.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I asked, she declined and has no interest in gaming. She is happy with my gaming, her best friends hubby spent $10000 or thereabouts at strip clubs a couple years ago. I was golden after that.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
They don't really.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope, we met at REI, and still mountain bike together when ever we can. :)
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
My spending on D&D/geek stuff is pretty minor to our biking and related expenses. We're on average buying a new mountain bike every other year for one of us. When you add in helmets and shorts and hospital bills(an ER visit is a $100 deductible, and $150 dollar copay), trips to Moab UT, Colorado and Sedona AZ plus replacement parts for bikes my gaming $ is pretty chill.
6. Neither of us has kiddos...
1. Does your spouse game?
Yes, we share Pathfinder as a hobby, frequently participating in PFS, planning/implementing events at a local game store and also hosting home games, complete with homecooked food and beverages.
We also play video games together, frequently searching out fun couch-co-op titles for consoles.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Yes, from both of us. I orignally coaxed her into playing video games with me, listening carefully to what she found fun and what she did not. Fairly quickly, we were able to find titles that we both loved to play together.
With her, she asked me to become more involved in cooking, which is a great passion for her. We watch cooking shows together, plan meals together and I get involved in the kitchen from time to time as well.
For Pathfinder, it just kinda happened. We would occasionally have moments of nostalgia, where we would share with each other the pencil-and-paper RPG experiences of our youth. After one particular fun conversation over a Saturday afternoon, we decided, "Hey, why don't we try to find a local game and have a good time with it?" There were some bumps in the road in terms of finding a solid group, but these days we're both PFS regulars as players and GMs, as well as event coordinators.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
We have very few of these at this time. We schedule, we communicate and we basically do everything together. She's my best friend and I'd rather hang out with her than anyone else, so we rarely have any conflicting choices to make...instead, there's a lot of talking where we both just keep on the same page. It wasn't always like this, but we figured out what worked and what didn't.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope, we met through mutual friends at a party years and years ago.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
Well, our finances and such are integrated, so mainly we just communicate. At this point, we're fairly well set on the supplies and infrastructure of our hobby, so larger purchases are rare. Even still, we'll generally keep each other in the loop. "Hey, just FYI, I'm gonna pick up these PDFs or such and such scenario" or "By the way, can we swing such-and-such this month?" etc.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience?
No kids for us (yet) but we often game with those who have them. This usually comes down to planning things well in advance to help accomodate them as well as hosting a bit more often at our place rather than imposing on those who have a non-gamer spouse, children, etc.
Questions:
1. Does your spouse game?
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
1. Yes.
2. When we first met, she had only gamed with one group before, and it was a horrible experience and had turned her off. I convinced her to join me in this game so we could spend more time together. It helped that the GM at the time was a mutual friend.
3. She only likes to play in one game a week and I liked to be involved with two. She said she wanted the second game run at our home so we wouldn't be apart longer and she could have more say on when it ended ("Okay guys, time to head home.").
4. No.
5. We still have separate accounts (we are both are on both accounts though). We each are responsible for certain bills, and so must be responsible for our individual spending. We also discuss purchases, especially larger ones. We both are also kind of miserly so it usually isn't an issue.
6. We are currently on hiatus due to our first child's birth this last year. We are going to probably wait until he is no longer nursing and sleeping through the night regularly, before we start again. We'll most likely game here since the other people we play with are all childfree (and my wife doesn't trust one household's cat, she acts like she wants to be petted and then attacks you).
1. Does your spouse game? Sadly, no. She likes the fantasy genre (and loves Viggo Mortenssen!) and has a degree in theater, yet has no interest in playing a fantasy character as a hobby. C'est la vie.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond? Yes, and a few ways. I made an Undead Warlock for her on my WoW account when that was how I was spending all of my time, and she never got in to it. Now that I'm back on the pen-and-paper, I've encouraged her to come along and play PFS with me, but she has continued to decline and express a distinct lack of interest. Maybe the WoW attempt was my only shot. Oh, well.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)? They only conflict with regard to time spent away from the kids (in my case, most of Tuesday evenings).
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.) Sort of. We met at Denny's.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue) By spending very little. I am a really cheap gamer and make due with "big" books, almost entirely hardcover rules books. Also, I spend very little otherwise, with the notable exceptions of groceries, the cars, the mortgage, and the kids.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't. No difference, really, since I was not gaming at all when we came back from Germany (two and a half years in Bamberg, Bavaria). The actual change is actually playing. I suppose that I would play more (probably twice a week, and the occasional con) if I didn't have to watch the kids or cover for the wife while she gets her opportunities to leave the house.
It's good to know that the occasional flip-flop of the "one gamer spouse" situation happens.
|
1. Yup. Tabletop RPGs, boardgames, wargames (even that old grognard stuff with hex maps and card counters!!), videogames (mostly puzzle/platforms, RPGs and FPS).
2. Not needed.
3. Not needed. We agreed very early in our relationship that each one had his/her own hobbies and need for space/personal time. Gamers do understand.
Other times we share miniatures to paint, model kits to assemble, manuals to read, etc.
4. At my FLGS, while buying the Tome of Horrors. Ah!
5. She pushes me further, with something along the line of "Oohh, shiny...get it!". Can be hard on the wallet.
6. No spawn.
1. Does your spouse game?
Sometimes. She prefers face-to-face over VTT. She has fun, she's just not a lifer like me and my crew. Much more casual.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I think the understanding is that it's my thing. If she was as into it as my friends, it would be a little invasive. Occasional involvement is good, especially when it's casual and social.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
There was some friction, more early on. At some point, though, she acknowledged that RP has given me several strong friendships and keeps my friends together. That in itself is reason enough to do something, right?
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope. I don't often do cons, and when I do I certainly don't get the impression that I'll meet my soulmate or anything.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
We're lucky. We're far from wealthy, but we're able to afford hobbies. Mainly because we live modestly and have no kids.
6. See #5.
|
1. Does your spouse game? Yes. She's been in every game I've run since we started dating in 2000.
She's really excited about Emerald Spire and wants to run it (her first GMing in about a decade). I'll probably be playing in it.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond? No encouragement needed. She had been gaming for years before I met her.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)? Honestly, the only problem is that it can be hard to schedule with her in all the games. But she doesn't like being left out.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)Nope, but we were set up for a date by a mutual gaming acquaintance.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)We're both pretty bad about it, honestly. We mostly keep it to the Adventure Path subscription (for me) and Comics (for her).
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.No kids, just two adorable cats.
Cheers!
Landon
11 years and counting. I married the greatest woman in the world.
1. Does your spouse game?
Nope, not at all. No computer games or RPG's.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I have invited her a few times but she declines as she has her own hobbies. But we both actively encourage each other's addictions and she has played D&D long before we met so she knows what role playing games are all about.
Role playing games is my time away from home bonding with friends. Computer game is where the arrangement works out for the best as she gets me out of the computer room and into the verse. I love that about her.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
We seldom if ever have conflicts about hobbies and none with my gaming group. However back in the day when I played world of warcraft and we had many conflicts. But it was all me...I was playing wayyyy to much. So I swore off all MMO's and stick to computer games that I can save and walk away from.
I am much happier for this and wish I had all those hours back.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope, we met at a party.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
Gaming is pretty cheap as far as hobbies go. Once you buy the books you can have endless adventures. My wife knits and yarn is expensive.
Right now we are on a pretty tight budget but we make it work. By making it work we only by hobby necessities. For me that is just my Pathfinder core subscription.
I pinch myself every so often that I have it so good.
-MD
I play Pathfinder with my GF twice a week, and she plays my PS3 way more than I do, but she's not "into" gaming for the same reasons or in the same way as I, which sometimes causes friction.
For example, I'm in a run-up to a campaign I plan to start in May, and I'm banging out a whole lot of design for it and could use a spare set of eyes to look it over and see if everything seems balanced. No f%%@s are given by her, she'd rather be recreating Kakariko village in Minecraft.
As for money, we typically split the cost of new games that we both want, which is pretty neat, including a PS+ subscription. The RPG books I buy I buy on my own. We have relatively unentangled personal finances for the moment, though once we buy a condo...
We do not nor will we ever have kids (she's fixed).
1. Does your spouse game?
Only casual video games and the occasional boardgame.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
The wife knows she always has an open invite at the gaming table. She hovers by the table just to see us geeks getting all excited over rolling a 20 but hasn't actively taken part.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
No real conflicts as we both understand and give each other the space to enjoy our different hobbies. She Facebooks, I Game books...
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
She was an intern at my office.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
I am fortunate enough to have a job that more than covers what I spend on games each year. That I also spend on presents for her means everybody is happy.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't
I've had to cut back on my active gaming, but otherwise has not changed. Since this is one hobby that involves lots of reading, she also thinks it is not too bad of a habit to pass to my two sons.
1. Does your spouse game?
She's currently our GM for Way of the Wicked and the captain of our boat in Skulls and Shackles.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
She got me into it, although we were both interested, when she found a local group and dragged me along.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
When she decided to run Way of the Wicked I made her promise to kill me. So far it hasn't happened, as my character is a long range support/enchantment specialist with his own eidolon bodyguard (He's a Magister from Super Genius Games) and also an utter weasel, so I tend to avoid damage, but if it's nice to know I'll get ripped in half given half a chance.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
We met during an online PBEM style roleplay.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
I buy pretty much all the shiny crap in the house, be it video games or RPing books, but we do talk about bigger purchases and, on occasion, my wife will express a desire for something. This is less to do with me doing the more wanty one in our relationship and more to do with my wife's actual fear of spending money. You should have seen how fast Blood of the Moon left my mitts when it came through the door...
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't
We've had to stop going out to RP. When I got back into it I went out to the pub, but as things changed we started a second game on wednesday at our house, and then the sunday one move there too. Getting a baby sitter is awkward, so we have our once a month date nights and that's ir for alone time right now.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
1. Does your spouse/SO game?
Yes, she currently plays in our weekly Pathfinder game. In addition, she has participated in freeform PbPs (non-D&D/Pathfinder) for years prior to our meeting.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Prior to us dating, her roommate was playing in our group. After a few weeks of tagging along and watching, the lot of us were finally able to encourage her to join in.
Ironically, even though she loves our weekly game and hails from a PbP background, I met with utter failure when attempting to introduce her to Pathfinder PbP.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
The main challenge here is that the roleplaying backgrounds we each hail from are polar opposites. She's used to all the participants discussing where they want the story to go and then writing it out together. In the absence of any rules mechanics, admins intervene only to mediate disputes. Additionally, players have some shared agency over NPCs while lacking 100% agency over their own characters.
Later, whilst the NPC ringleader was standing over the distraught PC, my GF's PC retaliated with a concealed knife that had long been established to be on her person... When the NPC's player responded, they retconned the likely fatal stabbing as the ringleader grabbing the PC's wrists and slapping the dagger out of her hands.
Were actual combat rules employed, such a scenario could be adjudicated objectively instead of trampling player agency underfoot. In fact, when first teaching her Pathfinder, I recreated this exact scene from her PbP and demonstrated how it would play out when objective combat rules were applied. She was quite encouraged by the fact that her PC was neither helpless nor subject to the arbitrary whims of a fellow player.
By contrast, the fact that we each have complete agency over our own characters while the world and all NPCs are the purview of the GM is equally foreign to her. Where I would roll a sense motive check against an NPC and expect the GM to tell me the results, she is baffled by why someone else is telling her what her own character is perceiving, feeling that her agency as a player is being infringed upon.
Sadly, I doubt PbP will end up working out for us since our preferred PBP playstyles are anathema to one another, but since she really loves the weekly game, I'm not overly concerned about it. We've agreed that it's simply an impasse and that there's no harm in not sharing every last pastime. In fact, the only difficulty she has in the weekly game is not knowing what she should do — not from a mechanics standpoint, mind you (she picked up the rules quite quickly), but from a story standpoint. I guess she's so used to following an agreed-upon script that it's going to take a while before she feels comfortable acting without one. Thankfully all of the other players have been very understanding and encouraging.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
This one is kind of a tricky...
We first met at a geek-centric event (figure-drawing of models cosplaying superheroes) held at a local bar/pizzeria where I was on a date with her now ex-roommate. After hitting it off straight away, she began coming to our weekly games and the rest (much like said roommate) is history.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
The Pathfinder subscriptions don't really register and since we both play similar video games those are pretty much accepted/expected expenses. Now there maaay have been a few Kickstarters where I maaay have gone overboard *cough*Reaper*cough*, but her level of reaction has been more to ask if I can afford it and to be aware of my spending than to freak out. Grateful as I am for her cool head in such matters that I've been showing more restraint of late.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
N/A, although given that we both love to write, cosplay, and game, I'd say there's a strong likelihood that we'd look for ways to incorporate any future children into our hobbies.
Questions:
1. Does your spouse game?
Yup. Since long before I even met her she played D&D, boardgames and video games.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
I met her when a mutual friend suggested she would fit in to our Warhammer FRP group as we were short of players. She has been in virtually every game I've ran/played in since. She boardgames with me and some of our friends every Friday night and we have a semi-weekly D&D game I run and she plays in.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
No conflict. We do occasionally go out and do our own things away from each other but mostly we are inseparable. Going on 16 years together (10 of them married) and she still isn't sick of me!!
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
See above. Although we don't know how we missed each other at the local university gaming club considering we were members at the same time.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
We spend very little on gaming right now. Our library of games (of all sorts) is pretty robust and it is only the occasional new game that gets our attention. We haven't spent anything on RPGs in a couple of years as I like to run my own scenarios based on old adventures. Video games are mostly bought online through www.gog.com for a few dollars.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
No kids. No plans for any either.
1. Does your spouse game?
Yes, he very much does. My spouse has an encyclopedic knowledge of table top game mechanics from before the advent of THAC0 to present day. It's wonderful, if I need to look something up I can jsut ask him where it is. He's even around these boards somewhere. He could be reading this psot RIGHT NOW!
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
It's not so much ask/encourage as it's a hobby we both share and have done so since before we met.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
We handle it by calling each other names (like Book-thief) in jest when we are trying to share the same set of game resources. Or sheepishly cleaning the teeny tiny fleck of paint off the wall when I accidently get a bit to careless with minature painting after he points it out. The only real conflict is that it's best if I don't play in games he DMs, because I get very, very competitive with him if we don't play on the same 'side.'
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
I actually met him in a criminally run city on the plant of Talus, in the Corelli System. In the video game Star Wars Galaxies. So, different type of gaming, but gaming all the same.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
Actually I'm far more likly to resist spending on our hobby than he is. I'm the one that hates spending money. If I suddenly came home with hundreds in gaming materials he'd probably be thilled :)
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
1. Does your spouse game?
If she didn't we wouldn't have lasted this long. As it is, she started in 2E whereas I started with 3.5.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
No need. On our first date I killed her PC. :)
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
I just have to accept that I can't game all the days and make sure to schedule free days for us. And sometimes she wants to go game that day too. But the option to not game is the important distinction.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Worse. An online message board just like this one.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
She collects My Little Pony and Monster High, I collect miniatures and anime/manga. It's a wash. Sometimes I feel we spend too much and think we need to manage ourselves better. But I recognize that it's not a problem with her, it's something we both need to be aware of and communicate on. We're managing so far.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
We don't have kids, but the dog sort of counts. Luckily, her mother is always willing to dogsit at the drop of a hat. But it is a concern, leaving him alone for upwards of 8-10 hours. Thankfully, he is well housebroken and had to endure longer hours while I was active duty and she was in school.
Wow, Laithoron - I just read the spoilered part about your girlfriend's former game - how could anyone play in a game where every effective move you made could be countered by another player saying "nope."
People can become acclimated to some pretty extreme forms of treatment in RealLife™, so I guess the same can happen with recreation too. I myself certainly couldn't handle it — not unless I won the lottery and could afford to jet around the country reenacting the final scenes of Jay and Silent Bob Strike back anyway. >.>
I will say this: it makes me grateful for the Paizo community. Yes, there are frequent threads in this section asking for advice on resolving social issues such as Milk Drinking, sexism vs inclusion, role vs roll, player vs GM, etc. Yes, the posters get chided for not knowing to 'talk it out'. However after reading thru multitudes of such conflicts by diverse groups, and peoples of differing mindsets, it really helps one to recognize such abuses and be conversant upon both the problem and possible resolutions.
In another game on a different board, she and another female player wanted their two same-sex lycan characters to have a light-hearted affair showing how awkward they were in matters of love. However, when others on the board got wind of it, the admins came down like wrath of God citing cannon about this particular race not havin homosexuals, and their actions would lead to police involvement that would lead to the discovery of their entire lycan clan and the two would likely end up getting captured and dissected if their clans didn't get to them first...
She was literally in tears when one 'admin' refused to just forget it ever happened or allow a re-do. I told my GF it was like two people wanting to go check out a romantic comedy and instead finding that they'd been duped into some kind of psycho-thriller. Definitely NOT what they signed up for. Thankfully another admin with less ego and more empathy ended up appreciating the movie analogy and sorted matters out. But FFS, it's supposed to be a hobby, not an opportunity to subject yourself to someone else's power-trip.
Anyway, I don't want to drag a fun discussion into a somber place, so I'd rather not discuss the matter any further in this thread. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
1. Does your spouse game?
Yes. Card Games, RPGs and Video Games. Her first real video game was Dragon Warriors 1 for the NES (I'd been video gaming since pong). Years later We had an Xbox 360 (mostly my machine) and she had a graduation gift of money, and spent most of it on a PS3. We both have played magic (too expensive to stay in, but we both have our decks still). She bought me the PACG: Rise of the Runelords for Christmas, so I can do solo play (sorta RPG) when she isn't up to GMing, but we have been playing it co-operatively. :D
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
No need.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
Not a lot - she has some ways she GMs that are not my style, and I do stuff as a player or GM that can bug her occasionally, but nothing major.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Yes. In the previous year had started playing Champions (in 1985). Then I moved and she was the GM of the Champions group I joined. She had been GMing it since 1st ed Champions in 81, and started GMing with the PH in 1977. She played, but not GMed, before AD&D came out.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
We are careful with the cash. We always take 10 or 15 per check each for "fun money" that can be used for whatever - we each tend to use that for our gaming.
I am one of those lucky few who has a perfect Gamer Wife. :D
1. Does your spouse game?
Mrs The 8th Dwarf used to RPG. RPGs are too much of a time sink for her now and the angst of WoD wore her out. She will play board games and card games, like King of Tokyo, Smash Up, Spartacus, and Carcasone.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
It was mostly a social thing as all of our friends were gamers. When some of our friends moved away, and we started having children there was less time for gaming. When the dwarflings went to school Mrs T8D made friends with lots of non gaming mums... One of which teases me for being a nerd but she is nice so I put up with it.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
Every second Friday after work is mine to do with as I please, I will reschedule if important things turn up. Mrs T8D has Thursdays, I can squeeze in one saturday a month but my crew generally have time constraints as well so board game Saturdays don't happen as often as I would like.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Nope I met her in Residential College at University she lived in the room next door to mine, I can't work out why she liked me, I was drunk and obnoxious during my waking hours, if I wasn't drunk then I was either up to some skulduggery, or being a pompous know it all.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
My money is mine, hers is hers, and house budget is spent on the house.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
Kids thinned out our group and slowed down gaming, the positive is I have two board gamers and a third on the way... I haven't broached the subject of starting the Dwarflings on RPGs yet because I don't think they are old enough.
0. How long have you and your spouse/SO been together?
23 years, married for almost 20.
1. Does your spouse game?
Nope.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Yes. She agreed to play a couple of times, but just wasn't into it. For that matter, she's not much of a scifi/fantasy fan either. I actually think it's a good thing that we each have our own "me things" that the other doesn't object to, but isn't particularly interested in.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
Other than needing to jeep track of each other's calendars, there really isn't much conflict. She accepts my periodic "nerd nights" and I accept her desire to go to her book club, or out with her friends for a drink and socializing sans spouses/SOs.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event?
Nope. Since she's not a gamer, she doesn't go to such events. We met in college when we had a class together.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby?
This is probably the only bone of contention vis-a-vis my hobby. I do tend to spend a bit on gaming stuff, and sometimes it's more than we've budgeted. (Thank you, Great Golem Sale!) We work through this like any other disagreement.
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
I pretty much dropped out of the gaming scene for a few years when our kid was little. Since my wife doesn't game, it was easy to get back into it, as she stayed home with the kid when I was out on one of my interests, and I would stay home when she was out. It's another positive thing about keeping separate interests. My kid is now in high school, and has expressed some interest in the game. I ran a couple of adventures for her and her friends, but they weren't all that into it, despite being big fans of SciFi and fantasy.
0. How long have you and your spouse/SO been together?
Known 24 years; married 18
1. Does your spouse game?
not rpgs; enjoys non-complex board and party games with friends
we do not game together (RPGs) because it's guys-night. we b+#~+ about our wives and do therapy that night. not a good time for the gals to be around.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Yes
play with us when younger
bored to tears with D&D; was ok with cthulhu
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
She gets tuesday nights twice a month; and book club once a month
We do a date night 2x month deliberately
I get 2-4 game nights a month
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event?
gods no!
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby?
I make the money [.!]
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming
My kids just aren't falling for gaming. There are too many other distractions. Could be the system though. Lots of petty modifiers aren't their thing either.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
We don't have kids, but the dog sort of counts. Luckily, her mother is always willing to dogsit at the drop of a hat. But it is a concern, leaving him alone for upwards of 8-10 hours. Thankfully, he is well housebroken and had to endure longer hours while I was active duty and she was in school.
TOZ's dog, I can say from personal experience, is far better-behaved than most people I know.
|
1. Does your spouse game?
No, But she supports my hobby.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
Not really, I've known her a long time and realize this just does not jibe with her interests3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
No conflict as long as I go see a chick flick with her occasionally4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
No5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
it's not a problem as our accts. are together and we do not live beyond our means
1. Does your spouse game?
My boyfriend of four years is very much a gamer. He mainly plays video games, but he's shown an interest in tabletop gaming as well, and currently plays in the same Pathfinder games I do - every Tuesday night, and every other Saturday.
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
To be frank, I nagged. I nagged him to give D&D a go, and when he caved, he realized how much fun it is. He's now played two half-orc barbarians, an elf druid, and a human paladin, and will be a dhampir sorcerer in my upcoming game.
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
He doesn't share the same crazy passion for tabletop gaming that I do, and I don't share his interest in medieval re-enactment. I'm trying to accept his hobby, but it's a bit tough due to reasons I won't disclose on a public forum. Our games sometimes conflict with weekend events for his hobby, so sometimes I game without him.
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
Not at all! We met at a local heavy metal gig in '09. He was wearing a Universum shirt and cargo pants, I was wearing fishnets and a Slayer shirt, and when our eyes met from across the moshpit, I knew - I knew this was the man I wanted to headbang next to for years to come.
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
Well, look at my subscriptions - I spend a lot on Pathfinder. But he spends more money feeding his iced coffee addiction than I do on gaming, and we both currently live with our respective parents, so it's not a major point of disagreement. He just sighs, smiles and rolls his eyes when I fawn over my new goodies each month, usually saying something to the effect of "Oh, Ronnie. You're such a nerd, you know that?"
|
P.S. to #6 - I am actually on the hook to run a My Little Pony: Roleplaying is Magic game for my girls (ages 6 and almost-4) one of these days. 8^)
Could also try "Faery's Tale". It is a very easy game for introducing kids to RPGs and is pretty cool stylistically....Here it is on RPGnet for $15. You could even add in some Mystical Ponies with magical traits...
Questions:
1. Does your spouse game?
2. Have you ever asked/encouraged them to join in your hobby? How? Also, how did they respond?
3. How do you handle the conflicting interests (if they conflict)?
4. Did you meet them at a traditional gamer event? (Tabletop session, Con, etc.)
5. How do they handle you spending on your hobby? (Finances can sometimes be an issue)
6. If you have kids, how has this altered/changed your gaming experience? This is an open-ended question, and feel free to offer some advice on what's worked for you and what hasn't.
1. Yes she does! She plays in multiple online games with me. And she's amazing :)
2. I did it didn't take much convincing she's into fantasy as much as I am. And already played video games.
3. No conflicting interests so that's not an issue.
4. Nope.
5 Just talk about it and check how much we have.
6. None yet.
It seems as though we're split a little on whether spouses game with us or not, and those that don't, a number of them invest in other gaming areas (just not the one you happen to).
That is pretty cool. :)
I also suspect we'll be seeing more "Introduce your kids to your hobby" box sets in the future. If so, that could be a lot of fun.