Taking the lessons I’ve learned in recent years I’m actually thinking of working up a list of things I absolutely need from a love and presenting it to any person it seems like I might be heading into a longterm relationship with, just to be as up front and clear as possible. I will invite them to do the same.A list of things I absolutely need, huh?
I don't really have enough experience to know what I need. If I ever get a partner, the only thing I really desire at the moment, is for the partner to accept me for who I am. That's my sole condition, at least for now. I'll try figure other things out as I get to them.
Considering I don't have much interest in relationships in the first place, I guess it doesn't really matter anyways.
You might consider compiling your thoughts on who you are.
I realize this isn't an easy undertaking.
Or at least consider a general 'mental map' of your various emotional/mental tendencies, and how to clue your prospect in to the complexities that make you who you are.
Good idea; part of that 'mutually-rigorous candor and honesty' thing I mentioned.
Were you not disappointed when it became obvious they could not provide what you needed?
Clearing away the uncommunicated expectations can only help... part of the trouble with our idealized, imaginary lover is that we EXPECT certain behaviours from our real lover based on our imagination... which they (the real person) may or may not fulfill, or only fulfill sporadically.
If you're good at figuring out what you expect/need (I'm actually bad at this part, hating introspection as I do) AND are willing and able to TELL YOUR PROSPECTIVE PARTNER about it AND they're willing to listen (AND deal honestly, etc., ad infin.) you'll have a better time of things.
Imo, by the way, break it to them gently and make sure your invitation of reciprocity isn't ultimatum-esque... ;)
Anyhow.
Sad irony that I find it so much easier to discuss my failings in communication and bad thinking habits here, among strangers. Trite, sad irony, I admit, but true nonetheless.
I was disappointed but the difference is…wait, no, I suspect this is going to turn into one of those long discussions where at the end of it we realize we were just saying nearly the same thing but with different semantics. Normally I would be willing to do it but seeing as you just said one of the problems with communication is that words aren’t analogous and I agreed we are going to look stupid if we make a mistake based on that right off the bat without realizing it(though it would certainly prove the point). =D
Instead I will say yes I see what you are saying and agree with it.
And yep it takes fifty million dynamic factors lining up for a relationship to work really spectacularly(as opposed to simple functioning) so in the end it may be a case of “It’s better to be lucky than good.” But if there is one thing about me that seems to hold universally true it’s that I always try even if it seems by any rational standard that I should just give up. I’m insane I know but that’s just the way I roll. =)
Honest introspection is painful and difficult but if you are willing to do it the benefits are actually quite great.
Honest introspection is painful and difficult but if you are willing to do it the benefits are actually quite great.Unfortunately, my mind's been rather hazy for the last little while, making it difficult to really clearly think about things like that. I don't think I'm in a state where I'm capable of such self-analysis; I'm going to need something first.
On the topic of romance, I've before been romantically attracted to objects before. If only I could get that to stick, I might've been able to have some sort of relationship.
It's all good. Before thinking hard one should really make sure they are feeling well first anyway, what is it you think you need?
Unfortunately in the tone dead internet I can't tell if your second statement was serious or was meant to be a bit of dry humor so here is an honest response that works both ways: I feel you man, I'm just this side of being in love with my new California King Bed myself, very few people make me feel this good.
'I love lamp.'
>couldn't resist<
I need something that I can't quite simply get by myself, at least, not that I've found so far. Some sort of help, but I'm not entirely sure what it is exactly. Maybe it's just someone to talk to, or maybe something more. Or maybe I just need a bit of exercise.
I'm sincere with the statement that I've had romantic attraction to objects before, the next statement I'm less sure. My romantic attraction was a new feeling to me and caught me off guard, but at the same time it was rather pleasant. I wouldn't mind it again; romantic attraction to objects have several advantages to attraction to people anyways, at least from what I hear about it.
I'm pretty fine being aromantic most of the time, in any case.
Yes it was the "If only I could get that to stick, I might've been able to have some sort of relationship." That could have been either completely serious or a joke. Seeing as even you're not sure I guess I shouldn't feel bad for being confused =)
From reading your past posts here and other places it sounds like you definitely need some relief for whatever ails you. I hope you discover whatever that relief is soon.
My "brother" just told me one of his ex-boyfriends wants to meet me. I feel caught off-guard to say the least. Any advice from the people here? I find the whole thing strange...
It's possible that he feels like things between you will go back to normal more quickly if you're seeing someone else. Or possibly he just feels bad for rejecting you and is trying to make up for it in a slightly misguided way.
Then again I'm probably the last person who should give relationship advice.: /
Nah, Lynnie; that'd be me...
Alright, alright... not getting into an argument about who is the most socially awkward.:)
Given that the only friends I have are people I know only over the internet and my marriage can best be described as complicated I think I can safely say my best advice is on what not to do.
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Or possibly he just feels bad for rejecting you and is trying to make up for it in a slightly misguided way.
GoogleChat is a wonderful thing. You got it right. His exact words were "cause i want to help and to make up for me not being able to"
He's blushing right now cause I told him he was awesome
Then again I'm probably the last person who should give relationship advice.: /
Apparently you're good at it.
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Or possibly he just feels bad for rejecting you and is trying to make up for it in a slightly misguided way.GoogleChat is a wonderful thing. You got it right. His exact words were "cause i want to help and to make up for me not being able to"
He's blushing right now cause I told him he was awesome
Then again I'm probably the last person who should give relationship advice.: /Apparently you're good at it.
It sounded that way to me, too. Are you in the mood to meet someone new?
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It sounded that way to me, too. Are you in the mood to meet someone new?
I always like meeting new people. Whether or not I'm 'in the mood' is something I'm not sure I can answer, since I've never had a boy or girlfriend before. I don't even know if it will get that far, so I'll probably just see how things go.
Well, I'm talking to the guy now, and he seems awesome.
Very cool, hopefully it goes somewhere fun and uplifting!
As I have been thinking about the list of things I need in a long-term relationship I mentioned a bit ago I decided to make a rough draft of it and came up with the below. At the end of it I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.
Apparently my theoretical future lover is some sort of hilariously bizarre amalgamation of past lover’s issues and I approach the problems I have with them by pointing out how I need things to work and reassuring them that when the weirdly specific situations I encountered with past lovers reoccur I will have their back (again?). Lol, silly.
I would go back to the drawing board right now but in the end for this list idea to work right it is going to have to be individually rewritten for each real potential lover anyway to address the practical side of both what I need and what I see as the potential hang ups in that specific situation without it being a weird laundry list of issues and also the romantic side of making it fun and interesting and personal for that specific person to read instead of pressure inducing and evocative of my past relationships (that isn’t fun for anyone) so I’m abandoning the project for now.
But for those of you who like stream of consciousness rambles this list actually does capture my feelings pretty well, unpresentable as I find it.
Without further ado:
The List Of Things I Really Need In A Longterm Romantic Relationship(with a few statements slightly changed and linkified)
On the most basic level I need us to be emotionally and sexually monogamous, but beyond that and just as importantly I need each of us to be the other person’s highest priority in life. Circumstances in life and other people and their s&&@ are < Then our personal needs and the needs of our relationship. Obviously adding kids or other people dependent on us alters the situation but otherwise I need us to approach this as you and I fighting back to back against anything and anyone that tries to get in between us.
I think there is a good chance you have never before had someone advocate for you as strongly as I will. Whatever you want in life, if I can possibly get it for you, you will have it. If someone is criticizing you and you feel you can’t stand up to them, I will be there shutting them down hard. If they are sneaky and do it behind my back when I’m not there I will seek them out afterwards and climb so far up their a%%$%~! I can pretty much guarantee they will never say a cross word to you again. If we are at a party and you say something really misinformed and people jump on you for it I will tell you how you are wrong, but only later when we are alone, at the time I will support you and make your silliness sound like the most amazingly wise opinion that has ever existed(while subtly cluing you specifically into the fact that you should drop it for now.).
On your side what I want from you isn’t anything over the top, only for you to consistently make the decision to place consideration of my feelings at the top of your list of priorities when deciding how to handle any given situation.
Pretty much everyone I have ever met has a voice that exists somewhere inside their head that tells them that they are useless, inadequate, weak, valueless and a loser. There is nothing wrong with having this voice, it is simply part of being human but I desperately, desperately need you to shut out that toxic m@%++$ f~+!&% as best you can. Why? Because this part of you adds absolutely nothing of value to your life or our relationship… AT ALL. It is nothing but a negative influence and not only does it make you miserable it’s something I cannot help you with. I can defend you decently well against most things in this world but I simply do not have the power to rescue you from yourself. Hopefully if you choose to actively oppose this voice the combination of my continually pointing out the truthful ways in which you are awesome and the confidence you gain in the successes you achieve when we are together will let you bury that part of you six feet deep where it belongs. If you let that voice run wild though it’s just as likely that instead you will come to feel that not only are you a pile of crap but that there must be something severely wrong with me too for loving you and where can we go with that?
I realize that shutting that voice down is a long hard process instead of an easy overnight decision but I really need you to try(especially because what it is saying isn’t accurate anyway, it’s all lies, please, just let it go.)
A central concept that is important to understand about me is that my true method of evaluating people is by looking not at what they do or if they succeed but at why they are doing what they are doing and how hard they are trying. As long as you don’t have malice in your heart and you are trying to make it work you can do no wrong in my eyes, even if our world is collapsing for other reasons.
I want you to know you are free to relate to me in any way you need to. In addition to the fun, clearly positive stuff, you can argue with me, scream at me, burst into tears in public, or angrily wake me up at three in the morning because you are feeling insecure over the fact that you think the neighbor lady has a crush on me and I am not doing enough in your eyes to squash it.
Feelings are feelings, they are nothing horrible or scary(although they can feel that way), and I am well equipped to deal with them, no harm done but the one thing I should point out I am not equipped to deal with is you giving up.
To be clear I’m not talking about you feeling ambivalent or antipathetic about life because you are overwhelmed or depressed and you find yourself incapable of putting any real effort into things, I’m fine with that. In those cases I will simply scoop you up when you cannot walk any further and carry you. I’m talking about making a deliberate decision to give up
While I don’t think it is bad or wrong to do so it is at this point you have lost me. Remember the point that I continuously reiterate about how I approach life.
Perhaps one day life will win and crush me thoroughly but until that day I must carry on and it is a trip I need you to take as well if we are going to be together.
And I’m not talking about only the big lies, small white lies too. I know this sounds like a tall order but let me explain why you should try to stay as honest as you possibly can with me; Because in the long run lying to me does you no good.
The reasons for this are twofold:
One: I am one of those rare people with whom the truth will always get you far further than a lie will. With a lie you may be able to take something you want from me but with the truth I will appreciate your candor and most likely just hand you what you want anyway. So you just got what you wanted AND you are one step closer to both me loving you for who you actually are and my being able to understand you well enough to be a truly effective ally for you.
Two: The more time you spend with me the less you will be able to lie effectively to me. It’s just a symptom of how closely I am paying attention to you. I listen to every word you say and I watch how you interact with both myself and others. As time goes on I begin to truly figure out everything about you, including your tells.
Making this more complicated I suppose is the fact that when it comes to 99.9% of lies people in my life tell me that I catch I not only don’t call them on it but I respond to them like I believe them. That’s actually the one part of me that is truly disingenuous. The problem is since I only get confrontational against lies that are truly destructive it can be really uncomfortable for the person I’m confronting when they realize that they not only didn’t just trick me they don’t know how much I actually know.
I’m sure you’ve heard the “He is a mind reader!” jokes from my friends by now but seriously if you want to avoid an incident where you feel like grabbing your head and screaming “Get out of my brain!!!” just don’t lie to me, or at least limit how often you do so to a few special occasions.
As far as why I want you to not lie to me on my side the reasons are simple.
One: It erodes my trust in you when you lie to me.
Two: In my darker moods I sometimes feel like all I hear from people all day long is just one long stream of disingenuous BS and it makes me tired, I’d prefer if I didn’t get it from you too.
Also as a side note in my last relationship my boyfriend told me eventually that he was changing the song he felt was most evocative of his feelings for me from Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass to this other song of hers.
Take from that what you will.
We keep hitting spots of silence because we can't think of what to talk about!
If you can't easily find a topic of mutual interest right off the bat, I recommend asking noninvasive personal questions, most people in this world appreciate a honest chance to talk about themselves and it has the added benefit of telling you relevant information about the person so you can make progress towards figuring out who they are, there is really no downside for anyone involved.
He left about 10 minutes ago, and told me to call or email him. I think this could actually go somewhere. :)
Nice! =)
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We also figured out a list of things we're both going to hit my brother for. Apparently, he omitted details when he didn't change them outright. Like telling me the guy(here on out to be referred to as Dash) heard about me from someone else when it was really him talking about me months before he mentioned Dash to me at all.
We're calling it the Hit List. ;)
Hehe, I think that was the first thing we did. We still hit the silent spots.
He left about 10 minutes ago, and told me to call or email him. I think this could actually go somewhere. :)
Good luck and I hope things work out the way you're hoping. :)
GO FOR IT DB3!!!!!
Although to be honest, I liked DB2 better...but that's because it was my first. Then again, DB3 had Android 18 in it, I think...
As I have been thinking about the list of things I need in a long-term relationship I mentioned a bit ago I decided to make a rough draft of it and came up with the below. At the end of it I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.
Apparently my theoretical future lover is some sort of hilariously bizarre amalgamation of past lover’s issues and I approach the problems I have with them by pointing out how I need things to work and reassuring them that when the weirdly specific situations I encountered with past lovers reoccur I will have their back (again?). Lol, silly.
I would go back to the drawing board right now but in the end for this list idea to work right it is going to have to be individually rewritten for each real potential lover anyway to address the practical side of both what I need and what I see as the potential hang ups in that specific situation without it being a weird laundry list of issues and also the romantic side of making it fun and interesting and personal for that specific person to read instead of pressure inducing and evocative of my past relationships (that isn’t fun for anyone) so I’m abandoning the project for now.
But for those of you who like stream of consciousness rambles this list actually does capture my feelings pretty well, unpresentable as I find it.
Without further ado:
The List Of Things I Really Need In A Longterm Romantic Relationship(with a few statements slightly changed and linkified)
** spoiler omitted **...
Heavy. A bit too heavy, but then again I doubt we'll be dating any time soon. Still, I see where you're coming from with the vast majority of your views.
Heavy. A bit too heavy, but then again I doubt we'll be dating any time soon. Still, I see where you're coming from with the vast majority of your views.
Yeah, like I said, I would never come at an individual who was becoming important in that way to me like this. While I believe in approaching issues straight and telling the truth I also fully realize that how willing a person is to hear what you are saying has way more to do with how you present the information than any objective value of how true that info might be and besides, I would likely not even have to bring up a couple of those points, depending on the person. Still, apparently I find it cathartic to address the past while talking to the future, at least when doing it in my head.
Oh, I guess I should also note that all that list stuff only applies if it’s clear what both I and the other person really want is a long term relationship with each other. Other forms of lover relationships from friends with benefits to flings have completely different needs and expectations. When it comes to that deep down love though, I come at it strong.
My love for kulilen-san is considerable. He remains my favorite character from the series.
Thanks everyone. :)
I'm not sure whether to be angry at the comparison or make a joke about Krillin's lack of effectiveness....GO FOR IT DB3!!!!!
Although to be honest, I liked DB2 better...but that's because it was my first. Then again, DB3 had Android 18 in it, I think...
** spoiler omitted **
Yeah, like I said, I would never come at an individual who was becoming important in that way to me like this. While I believe in approaching issues straight and telling the truth I also fully realize that how willing a person is to hear what you are saying has way more to do with how you present the information than any objective value of how true that info might be and besides, I would likely not even have to bring up a couple of those points, depending on the person. Still, apparently I find it cathartic to address the past while talking to the future, at least when doing it in my head.Heavy. A bit too heavy, but then again I doubt we'll be dating any time soon. Still, I see where you're coming from with the vast majority of your views.
I would add a bit of caution with item number 4 on your list. Just make sure that 'honesty' doesn't become an excuse for jerkery. From you or your SO. I've been on the wrong side of that and can honestly say that nothing discourages honesty more since things don't go well when you say things back like 'I think you''re a jerk, but at least I'm being honest'. Although this at least did lead to a productive conversation (eventually) on the subject of honesty not equaling sharing every thought that runs through your mind.
I've found that honest jerkery is rewarded far too often.
I would add a bit of caution with item number 4 on your list. Just make sure that 'honesty' doesn't become an excuse for jerkery. From you or your SO. I've been on the wrong side of that and can honestly say that nothing discourages honesty more since things don't go well when you say things back like 'I think you''re a jerk, but at least I'm being honest'. Although this at least did lead to a productive conversation (eventually) on the subject of honesty not equaling sharing every thought that runs through your mind.
A wise warning. One thing I should point out about this though is that usually when people say things like 'I think you're a jerk, but at least I'm being honest'. That is often less a case of them being honest per say and more a case of them being extremely angry and/or resentful towards you and taking the opportunity to try to hurt your feelings while excusing themselves from retribution with the ‘honesty’ label. It is at least partially an attack, not a truthful attempt at communication, and so cannot be rolled into the “Honesty” I strive for as it is a different beast.
Edit: Which I think is basically what you were saying so check, message received.
To clarify that line was delivered in anger after a few too many instances of 'honest' jerkery. So no, that isn't an example of honest jerkery. It's an example of the inevitable response. It was never meant to be taken seriously, more of a 'this is what you sound like when you amend insults with at least I'm being honest'. Things said without thought of the other person's feelings, no matter how honest, are not good for a relationship. In my experience honesty should always be tempered with compassion.
To clarify that line was delivered in anger after a few too many instances of 'honest' jerkery. So no, that isn't an example of honest jerkery. It's an example of the inevitable response. It was never meant to be taken seriously, more of a 'this is what you sound like when you amend insults with at least I'm being honest'. Things said without thought of the other person's feelings, no matter how honest, are not good for a relationship. In my experience honesty should always be tempered with compassion.
Oh, I see, that was the response, not the opening salvo, ok, makes sense.
edit: looking back I'm not sure how I missed that, curse you insomnia! I don't think I've been this tired and out of it in years =p
The thing I always try to do more than anything else in a relationship is always keep my partner's feelings and consideration for them at the forefront of my mind. Communication with someone you love is about the truth, but it needs to be delivered just right. You are trying to build the person up after all, not tear them down.
Other edit: Er, well at least building them up is hopefully a person's goal for their partner. I think it's time for me to try to go asleep again, four in the afternoon sounds like a great time for some shut eye, good night!
So I saw a doctor about my insomnia recently and he is putting me on Ambien for a short time to see if that helps. I took it for the first time last night and it worked, I actually did sleep so I feel good right now for the first time in awhile. I had a kind of weird (if fun feeling) reaction to the drug though before passing out and apparently rambled on to my friend extensively and passionately about what I thought about the new Domino’s pizza menu.
I don’t really remember doing it and when I asked him “So, what is my opinion of it?” after he told me about it this morning he replied:
“Actually I don’t really know, you talked about it for half an hour and I still have no idea. You then started talking about our pathfinder game and what a disaster it would be if you gave all the goblins of Golarion hybrid cars but then you sat down and fell asleep before finishing the thought.”
“Hmmm, are you messing with me right now?” I asked. “I can’t remember.”
“Having been on Ambien myself, I suspect you never will.” He replied.
Oh well, weird, trippy sleep is better than no sleep, at least at this point.
Oh well, weird, trippy sleep is better than no sleep, at least at this point.
It's much more important if everything is ok after waking up - no fatigue, no headaches, no other undesired sensations.
Oh well, weird, trippy sleep is better than no sleep, at least at this point.It's much more important if everything is ok after waking up - no fatigue, no headaches, no other undesired sensations.
As far as that goes, yeah, I feel good and refreshed. I'm quite happy about it, nothing breaks me down more than a lack of sleep I feel.
Since high school whenever I couldn't sleep I just took a strong dose of allergy medicine which usually helps put me out pretty quickly (or sex- sex is good at tiring me out as well), but I've learned to run on little sleep anyway these days; I work mostly evenings and don't often get to sleep before 2 in the morning, but I usually get up with my fiance when the alarm goes off at half past 7 - he starts to get ready for class while I cook him breakfast. I have to get up at 6 in the morning for work on Saturdays and usually accidently wake him up in the process, so we both try to catch up on our sleep on Sundays, and it's worked out pretty well so far. Bit of a drag this month though, with my workload doubled on acount of the College World Series starting up (I'm a hotel concierge).
Since high school whenever I couldn't sleep I just took a strong dose of allergy medicine which usually helps put me out pretty quickly (or sex- sex is good at tiring me out as well), but I've learned to run on little sleep anyway these days; I work mostly evenings and don't often get to sleep before 2 in the morning, but I usually get up with my fiance when the alarm goes off at half past 7 - he starts to get ready for class while I cook him breakfast. I have to get up at 6 in the morning for work on Saturdays and usually accidently wake him up in the process, so we both try to catch up on our sleep on Sundays, and it's worked out pretty well so far. Bit of a drag this month though, with my workload doubled on acount of the College World Series starting up (I'm a hotel concierge).
Nyquil gets the job done for me pretty well but unfortunately it takes a whole bottle of it to have an effect on me and while it has no obviously bad side effects on the outside I’m sure that destroys my liver so I don’t do it except on extremely rare occasions.
Physical intimacy seems to have the opposite effect on me than it does on most people and both wakes me up and plants the desire for more physical intimacy in me afterwards. Great for when I’m tired and want to stay up but bad if I’m trying to go to sleep.
The Ambien seemed to work great last night but unfortunately it is not a drug that can be taken longterm so there is a good chance that my struggles with insomnia will return in the future. It’s all good though, I suspect that my insomnia relates more to my internal conflicts than it does anything physically wrong with me. Perhaps one day when I find some level of true peace good sleep will follow on a consistent basis.
Yes, I have done the slightly conflicting schedules thing too, it can be hard. I recommend practicing your ninja skills so that you can slip out of bed without waking him ;)
Insomnia sucks. I have taken trazodone for many years, originally for depression but the main side effect is that it makes you sleep. I've been off it for a few months now and I've noticed I'm having more trouble with getting to sleep. May have to try melatonin which is what I give my eight year old (with his pediatrician's blessing) to treat his insomnia. As far as we can tell it seems to be related to the ADHD. It's hard to sleep when your mind never slows down. Anyways, good luck dealing with your sleep troubles dogbladewarrior.
Insomnia sucks. I have taken trazodone for many years, originally for depression but the main side effect is that it makes you sleep. I've been off it for a few months now and I've noticed I'm having more trouble with getting to sleep. May have to try melatonin which is what I give my eight year old (with his pediatrician's blessing) to treat his insomnia. As far as we can tell it seems to be related to the ADHD. It's hard to sleep when your mind never slows down. Anyways, good luck dealing with your sleep troubles dogbladewarrior.
Thank you.
My last boyfriend was actually on that drug for a long time and had a hard time sleeping too when they took him off it and put him on something else. It seemed to get easier with time for him though so hopefully it will work the same for you.
I understand that mind never slowing down part as well and there does seem to be something vaguely manic in the way I approach my life, if not in my affect display. My parents actually took me to see a psychiatrist when I was a teenager and was having behavioral problems to see if I had attention deficient or bi-polar or something but after a lot of tests and conversations she just declared me an “enthusiastic kid” who “mentally runs hot.” (which I’ve actually learned recently may have been an atypical response from someone in that field as apparently the way it often works is that if you see a doctor you pretty much get a label slapped on you no matter who you are or what your situation is, but that might just be my bitter friends’ point of view.)
It is something I wonder about sometimes though and I have considered going to a psychiatrist as an adult and just telling them what’s up to see what they think. Right now things are going ok in my life all things considered so I suppose so the drive isn’t that strong but if things take a turn for the worst at some point I will prolly do it.
I dunno, I guess what I wonder about that interaction with the psychiatrist as a teen is if her opinion was accurate and based on what methods she had access to or if the fact that I presented well and didn’t seem obviously disturbed by anything concealed whatever my real issues are from her.
In the end I know two things pretty much for sure about the way things have happened in my life:
1. The situations that were most important to me haven’t worked out particularly well.
2. The one thing that was consistent throughout all those situations was that I was at the center of them.
Bad luck has played a large part of it, sure, but still…
People involved in the circumstances often seem almost eager to absolve me of responsibility for when things fall apart but, while I believe their sincerity in doing so, I am an integral part of everything that happens in my life and the possibility that I’m making some pretty severe mistakes, even if noone seems to see them, is too large to ignore.
I try my very hardest in life but my best just hasn’t been good enough, I just hope that the reasons for that are circumstantial instead of internal.
So we’ve had this thread running for awhile now and with only one apparent exception I missed haven’t been harassed by trolls or the flame war inclined. That’s pretty good in my estimation considering the sometimes heavy subject matter and it definitely puts a +1 in the “People are actually pretty decent.” Column in my book.
I just want to say thank you to the Paizo community at large for being so respectful.
The Paizo community is pretty awesome, yes. :)
Addressing your concerns about whether you're sabotaging yourself...that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Happens to everyone. But I would encourage learning better communication techniques. I'm far from perfect, but I know that has helped me a lot. And this is from someone who is totally wary of psychologists and psychiatrists. Some of them are maybe not so bad. ;)
The Paizo community is pretty awesome, yes. :)
Addressing your concerns about whether you're sabotaging yourself...that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Happens to everyone. But I would encourage learning better communication techniques. I'm far from perfect, but I know that has helped me a lot. And this is from someone who is totally wary of psychologists and psychiatrists. Some of them are maybe not so bad. ;)
Thanks ;)
I do hope you appreciate the irony that even with help I'm still a crappy communicator. :)
Most people are. It would be nice if how to relate to other people was something we were actually taught instead of something we're supposed to magically absorb from observing other people who don't know what they're doing either.