So I like to start my games by really trying to set the mood for the player (no I dont play kenny G), so I usually do little intros.
I'd just like some opinions on the two I wrote for the start of this new war campaign im gonna do, as well as corrections on typos redundancies so forth.
The first one is for the intro into the game period and is supposed to really get the feeling of the strife of war:
The air is thick here, the anxiety of thousands so palpable it makes it hard to breath. The fear drenching the lands in a ocean of despair and depression. There is no mirth, joy, or happiness in these people. Their days are spent wondering if that day, doing some innocuous repetitive task, it will all end for them.
A plague has swept this cursed place, a plague that has been resilient to the waning of time, coming and going generation after generation. It has taken sons from their mothers, husbands from their wives; it is the killer of all men weak or strong.
War has come again, and it comes with a price, payable only in blood and lives.
Then this one is the intro about the place they are gonna start at, its supposed to be an isolated harbor town from the rest of the conflict, so I was trying to make the contrast as large as possible:
The sun slowly sets, trading its place in the heavens during the day, for its place of rest in the sea for the night. Both endlessly vast bodies are set ablaze in a fiery explosion of light and color, the world basking in its transcendent glow. The seagulls glide along on the ocean breeze as it rolls in on the back of the tide, the sound of them squawking drowned out by the crashing of the water against the harbor docks. The fishermen busily work to tie off their boats and unload their hauls, the mist from the waves glistening around them. A faithful old dog lies patiently on the cool sand next to its long time friend who sits on an upturned row boat, small puffs of smoke rising every few moments and dissipating in the wind. As the sun begins to fade, its task is taken up by another, a light rotating up high a beacon for all to see. Torches are set alit and the fishermen head inside their homes, the world now quiet and still. The sun is gone and night has come, but it leaves, with a promise to come again.
^ I really didn't know how to break that up into paragraphs
So anyway ANY feedback on how to improve them would be AWESOME. Also I kinda dont want to start them in a tavern or anything, any ideas on getting the party together without being like "You receive an invitation" lol or "A mysterious old man in a dark lit corner of the tavern"
I like the first one, expand from that! :D personal opinion only though. (play some backstreet boys to break the mood after)
First I would like to say that they are both written beautifully and need very little correction. That said, here the error I noticed:
The fear drenching the lands in a ocean of despair and depression.
fix: The fear drenching the lands in an ocean of despair and depression.
Now as far as the party forming up with the Tavern cliche, it depends on the party makeup and alignment are.
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These are interesting to read. They will be less interesting to hear. Room descriptions in published adventures sound like this and players tend to tune out after the first sentence.
If you are reading your introductions you should consider focusing on one aspect of the scene.
For the introduction:
It is a beautiful day in Kings Harbor. The sun is shining and a cool breeze blows. The nice day seems to cheer everyone from the whistling fisherman mending his nets to the children skipping through the streets.
For the oppressive location
War has come again. You can feel the tension, the expectation of death and horror permeating the village. Weapons are sharpened, defenses are shored up, graves will be dug.
Keep it short. Lose the extraneous adjectives and details.
First I would like to say that they are both written beautifully and need very little correction. That said, here the error I noticed:
The fear drenching the lands in a ocean of despair and depression.fix: The fear drenching the lands in an ocean of despair and depression.
Now as far as the party forming up with the Tavern cliche, it depends on the party makeup and alignment are.
If they are helping only one side of the conflict, then you could start it by having a scouting party of the other side start harassing a citizen, then one of the players step forward to defend said citizen, followed by the rest of the players as the fight progresses. NOTE: this also can work if they are going to play a mercenary type of role. Or, they could be survivors of one of the recent battles and are in town to recouperate when a raiding party arrives.
Oh cool! I love the scouting party idea! And thankyou for spotting that, I never use a and an right.
These are interesting to read. They will be less interesting to hear. Room descriptions in published adventures sound like this and players tend to tune out after the first sentence.
If you are reading your introductions you should consider focusing on one aspect of the scene.
For the introduction:
It is a beautiful day in Kings Harbor. The sun is shining and a cool breeze blows. The nice day seems to cheer everyone from the whistling fisherman mending his nets to the children skipping through the streets.
For the oppressive location
War has come again. You can feel the tension, the expectation of death and horror permeating the village. Weapons are sharpened, defenses are shored up, graves will be dug.Keep it short. Lose the extraneous adjectives and details.
These will be going up on a meetup.com before each game to sum up the start of that game, but yea I totally know what your talking about, I even do that as a play "Oh hes still talking" XD.