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Recent threads about logic and philosophy reminded me: I think I've cracked the operating system for barbarians. Here it is:
10 START
20 Is there something in the room? If YES, go to 30: if NO, go to 400
30 Is it alive? If YES, go to 300: if NO, go to 40
40 Is it looking at you funny anyway? If YES, go to 300: if NO, go to 50
50 Is it valuable? If YES, go to 70: if NO, go to 60
60 Is it alcoholic? if YES, go to 70: if NO, go to 100
70 Is it small enough to carry? If YES, go to 200: if NO, go to 100
100 Say "Me smash!"
110 Execute SMASH
110 Are the pieces valuable? If YES, go to 70: if NO, go to 20
200 Say "Me take!"
210 Execute PLUNDER
220 Go to 20
300 Say "You die now!"
310 Execute KILL
320 Go to 20
400 Is there another room? If YES, continue to 410: if NO, go to 500
410 Execute LEAVE ROOM
420 Go to 20
500 Say "Me am win!"
510 END
*Please note that this is the SOLO BARBARIAN. Do not install this barbarian OS in a horde-member barbarian without the Horde Recognition and Horde Exemption patches, or it will kill, steal and/or break its teammates.

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I admit it needs some tightening up. For example, lines that "go to" the next line really don't need to say anything - the program's supposed to advance itself. But that's redundancy, not actual faulty programming. I do wish I'd remembered to code "loot the corpse", though. Oh, well, that's for BarOS 1.1 to attend to. ;)

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Yeah, I need to add another logic split to the SMASH portion of the subroutine:
120 Are the pieces valuable? If YES, go to 70: if NO, continue to 130
130 Will it make a satisfying smashing or splintering noise if struck again? If YES, go to 100: if NO, mark this object '!something'
140 Go to 20
There. AutoBarbarian will still spend an awful lot of time in the smashing loop, but eventually it will lose interest in non-combative, non-valuable, non-alcoholic, non-entertaining objects. A loop counter would probably be more efficient, but I'm no software engineer. ;)

AM BARBARIAN |

Ah, yes. Remember the Pentium barbarians? They'd hit you for 99% of your hp, then steal 99% of your loot and get 99% drunk. (This is why modern versions are built to take at least 125% of your hp. It's a safety margin.)
HIGH-END BARBARIAN AVAILABLE IN-MARKET ABLE TO TAKE MINIMUM 200% OF HP. RECOMMEND THESE ONES FOR SERIOUS GAMING USAGE.