Granted. You are a level 20 pathfinder wizard with 3 intelligence. I don't know how that happened but it did.
I wish I had a mint condition Black Lotus.
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted! You would love to play some Magic the Gathering but you are currently in the middle of the greatest wildfire in the history of California, and its getting rather hard to breath the thinning air. Your eyes start to go haze yet you cling to the lovely card you hold in your now blistering fingers.
I wish The Force Awakens to turn us all into our 7 year old selves again.
Granted. Sadly, you have no memory of the intervening years. As a result, you are terrified of your surroundings, the new technology the modern day offers, and the advanced ages of everyone you knew and loved when you were that age.
I wish my rump was as powerful and majestic as a mountain.
granted. your arse is now the size of a mountain. the rest of your body doesn't change.
i wish i knew the funniest joke.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted. The joke is so funny that you laugh until you die.
EDIT: Great minds think alike.
Granted! You are now telepathic. However, having to listen of the minds of so many humans all at once with no way to turn it off drives you insane.
I wish that [Local Sports Team] would win the [Important Sporting Event] so that they can finally get the [Sports Award].
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
"Well, folks, the Blood Pigs just took home the depleted uranium for nuking half the world into oblivion..."
I wish that nobody is allergic to cats.
granted. now everyone is fatally allergic to dogs. all people. every last one.
I love that monty python sketch so much.
I wish I were as funny as monty python.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted. You are as funny as the Mr. Neutron episode.
I wish people would stop coming on to me so much. I have things to do!
Granted. You are now buried in a mountain of dogs all attempting to hump your leg.
I wish that dogs will cease to exist.
granted. All dogs in the world have been instantly replaced with giant, aggressive, venomous centipedes.
I wish wardruna were my friends.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted, you now have an obsession for Misfortune Cookies.
They warn you of all bad stuff that will indefinitely happen to you.
I wish i didn't have to work evening shifts :(
granted. you now work early morning shifts instead, getting up at like 3 in the morning each day.
I wish my memes were the dankest memes imaginable
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted! Everyone is impressed by your dank memes for a minute and then forget that they exist, like every other meme on the internet.
I wish I had an eidetic memory.
Granted, the memory banks in your pC's harddrive are now upgraded, pity your own memory isn't that efficient.
I wish i could control the dead like the Lich King could.
Wish granted! You can control the dead like Barry the Lich King can. Barry is not very good at controlling dead things at all (Lich King is an ironic nickname his party members gave him).
I wish to be an all powerful genie!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted! Your life is now the plot of Groundhog Day. Only it never ends. Never.
I wish for a delicious sandwich that won't harm me or those around me in any way.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted, but you can't harm it either. You can't eat it, can't even lick it, only smell it. Nothing else tastes as good as it smells, which leaves you lusting for only the sandwich. Oh, and it hovers right in front of you all the time.
I wish my house would stay clean without misplacing stuff or breaking it.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted. The whole house has been completely sterilized and all life forms, including yourself and any pets or family, have been evicted, and locked out. It's sealed airtight so that no dust (or anything else, for that matter) can get in. Aside from contaminants, all objects have been left in the house as they are.
I wish I could find quality scans of the original Japanese Tokyo Mew Mew manga.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted, you find them, but the server crashes beyond repair, leaving you still with nothing.
I wish Lamashtu would sick some monster goats upon GoatToucher and inflict upon him horrid mental scarring, so he'll never touch anything or anyone ever again.
Granted. He starts behaving towards everything and everyone like a goat in rut. Especially goats. The goats (and humans, for that matter) are really uncomfortable.
I wish I was as good at the game of go 碁 as a professional player.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
I wish I was as good at the game of go 碁 as a professional player.
Granted. You are as good at the game of go as a professional football player. Your skill at the game is noticeably worse.
I wish that the internet wasn't evil anymore.
Granted. Now your head is locked in brace that forces it to face the left permanently. Enjoy!
I wish I had control of my life.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted. Here it is. You must use it to do anything and can't do anything without it.
I wish for a temperature of 26 degrees Celsius on my next holiday.
Granted, it's 26 degrees Celsius for a few seconds at dawn and at dusk. At night it's -40 and during the day it's 59.
I wish I had a driver's license
Granted. The absolute idiocy of everyone else on the planet drives you to both a simultaneous mass homicide and a project to engineer a strain of humanity about as smart as yourself. Why not? You're smart enough to do it.
I wish I didn't have migraines.
Granted. You now possess a deep and profound understanding of nothingness itself, but you don't understand anything else.
I wish I was a master of seiðr.
Granted, your new name is Sleeping Beauty
I wish I would stop waisting my time with these games
Granted. You start wasting time on different games instead.
I wish that I was a rocketship on my way to Mars, on a collision course.
Granted. You are that rocketship. Unfortunately the rocketship is millions of years in the future during the violent collision between the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies. Mars is thrown out of orbit by the event and you never make it there.
I wish I was a very good pianist.
After you have met God you are struck deaf, mute and blind by your experience. You long to be with God again but live to a very respectable old age.
I wish I received the same money legitimately as my salary without having to do anything for it.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted. Every video game made using the Unreal Engine is made real, and psychopathic 10-year-olds with laser rifles rule the Earth.
I wish that I could meet a hobbit.
Granted. You meet Belkar Bitterleaf. He stabs you repeatedly, just for fun.
I wish I were one of the riders of rohan who is NOT an expendable extra who only ends up dying without any glory.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted! You're one of the Riders of Rohan who chickens out when Theoden falls and are branded a coward for the rest of your life.
I wish that Frodo hadn't gotten such a raw deal.
Granted. It is decided at the Council of Elrond that Frodo stays home and other people carry the ring instead, and enjoys a comfortable life for most of the story, until he is enslaved and worked to death during the scouring of the shire.
I wish that Hikaru no Go was allowed to finish, with a proper and satisfying ending, instead of being cut short by a lawsuit.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Granted! However, the ending is only proper and satisfying to its author. You find it mediocre at best.
I wish that Laser Cats were real.
Granted, but they are matched by laser puppies!
I wish some of these old threads would pick up again.
They do but they become so time consuming that you forget to eat and die, but even then you don't stop posting. I suffer the same fate.
I wish I'd become some really cool sort of undead.
Granted. You become a zombie that is frozen solid.
I wish that everything I typed would be perfectly understandable.
Granted. Unfortunately, whatever your intended message, all you are ever able to type is the sentence "I still pee the bed nightly."
I wish I had a combo beef sandwich, dipped with mozzarella and sweet peppers.