Ewww apple.
Nekkid apple.
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My new girlfriend wants us to go to a Halloween party wearing a couple's costume. It consists of us being shrink-wrapped together with a large bar code sticker. That way everyone will know that we are an item.
One of my friends went as bob ross and her boy friend went as a painting of happy little trees.
I fired my masseuse today. She was rubbing me the wrong way.
What did you say to her? it was probably intentional. Also how do you have so much tie that you can see a masseuse in between all the girl friends wife ex-wives and soon to be ex-wives?
Deli workers in ancient Rome were allowed to eat anything they wanted for lunch, except for the smoked salmon. Thus was invented the world's first anti-lox breaks.
... where there actually deli workers in ancient Rome?
A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sneak out of the orchestra and go across the street to the tavern. The other bass players agreed that this was a splendid idea, and a few minutes later, the basses were in the bar, knocking back drinks at a prodigious rate.
This went on for some time, with all the bass players becoming rather inebriated. One of them happened to look down at his watch and exclaimed, "We'd better get back to our seats or we're going to miss our cue!"
"Relax," said the section leader, "I've got it all taken care of. You see, before the performance started tonight I anticipated this problem, so I took a piece of string and I tied the conductor's score shut. He won't be able to turn the pages when he gets to that part. He'll have to stop the orchestra for a few minutes so he can get it untied. We'll have plenty of time!"
The other bass players praised his inventiveness with one final round of drinks. Then they made there way back across the street to the concert hall, and staggered drunkenly to their seats.
Sure enough, about this time the conductor started to have trouble with his score. He tried to fidget with it, hoping he could solve the problem without having to stop the performance. Unfortunately, he couldn't get the pages to turn, and at last he had to stop the orchestra and spend a few minutes untying the string that held the last section of the score bound. The conductor was clearly annoyed and not a little frazzled.
This, of course, did not go unnoticed by the audience. One woman in the crowd remarked to her husband, "That conductor looks upset and rather nervous."
"Of course he's nervous," the husband replied. "It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded."
Wow what a set up. reminds me of a pearls before swine comic.
Well I researched it and apparently they did in fact have deli's
There were called thermopolia and they were pretty much deli's.
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I tried to watch The Neverending Story, but I just couldn't finish it.
I think I'm still traumatized by that horse. Also I'm willing to bet the wolf is still scary AF even today.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and feed them fish?
They also have relations just for fun and entertainment. Humans could learn much from them.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Yeah people think that spruce or oak wouldn't eat them if they could. they are wrong.
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says "Hey. Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Good luck loading the canon. those shells are heavy.
3 words eh... how about: Full of rage.
Morts 3 words are: will eat all.
Limey stares at a lone cucumber.The sheer volume of lewd and/or inappropriate responses I came up with for that single, simple statement made me shudder.
You, sir, deserve a thumbs-up!
If it's green and/or nobbly, you may wish to seek urgent medical attention...
ha that's serendipitous for my brothers Halloween party I went as Pickle rick. (I was both green and nobbly.)
If it's green and/or nobbly, you may wish to seek urgent medical attention...Limey stares at a lone cucumber.The sheer volume of lewd and/or inappropriate responses I came up with for that single, simple statement made me shudder.
You, sir, deserve a thumbs-up!
Looks normal to me.
4th day in a row that I'm stuck watching the desk and setting up breakfast. many will suffer for this.
You know those random pains you get sometimes? Maybe those are caused by alternate universe yous being killed.I want the whole Jet li "one" scenario. I am prepared to kill other mes if I get super powers out of it.
loved the ending and concept. I would not kill other mes though- we must work together to ensure we dominate our respective realities.
Choreography was solid too naturally since it was jet li. although I think his best choreographed movie was kiss of the dragon.
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But, today is Tuesday, and I'm f&*~ing sick of the goddamn f@#!ing rain!
And now I wait for the sun to rise, ish.
So I can clean up the job site so we can shove off to the next one.
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There comes a moment in every creative project where (usually quite close to the end) I get so damned sick of it I just want to throw it on a fire.
Not because it's going badly (because it looks beautiful), and not because it's hard (because it was a fairly easy modification of a basic pattern), but because the only time I have to work on it is late at night, after I've worked a full day, run errands, made dinner, put the kids to bed, and cleaned the kitchen, and all I want to do is lie on the couch with a beer, not put the finishing touches on a @#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^&*!!!!! Easter bunny suit. F@#%!
And I only have tonight and tomorrow night to finish it, in-between 10:30 and midnight before I get up at 5:30.
*Attempts to push a Belgian beer through his screen to LM*
An Easter bunny suit you say…
*Imagines an unholy Easter bunny + Jesus fresh from the cross amalgamation*
I was filling out a job application the other day and it said "Describe yourself in 3 words." I wrote "Well, for one thing, I'm great at following directions."
"Rude, crude and moody"
I love animals, because they're good to eat. And it's true. My nature loving side comes in because if you eat tomorrow's food supply up today, you get to go hungry.
*Pets Mort while humming "the circle of life"*
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Why, oh why, does our need for vengeance run so deep?
(1) As I mentioned, our new neighbor managed to clip the Celica with her moving van, putting a fairly large dent in the fender and ripping off the reflector.
(2) She immediately knocked on my door, apologized profusely, showed me the damage, and gave me her name and insurance information. It's not often you get such an honest individual; most people who hit the Celica take one look at it, see how old it is, and drive off.
(3) The insurance company (Geico) did "minimal due diligence", basically sending me to a shady body shop that wanted $1800 to fix a simple dent, then offering me $1500 to total the car. I declined the payment.
So now Hi and Shiro are livid at me for not taking the car to a different body shop, getting the Celica fixed good as new, handing my neighbor the bill, suing her if she doesn't pay it, and letting HER deal with her insurance company. It's like, "What part of being honest and forthright earned her that kind of treatment?"
Yes, it's scummy of the insurance company to send me to a body shop that totaled my car. But as far as I know, that's industry standard for both body shops and insurance companies: They don't want to deal with older cars, and they want to total them and get them off the road.
My plan is simply to fix it myself with some Bondo, a rubber mallet, some polish, and a new reflector, and bill my neighbor directly for that. Should be around $80. If I can find one of those street guys to do it for under $300, I'll do that and bill her. But I'm not going to sue her over what should be a $300 dent.
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Why, oh why, does our need for vengeance run so deep?
(1) As I mentioned, our new neighbor managed to clip the Celica with her moving van, putting a fairly large dent in the fender and ripping off the reflector.
(2) She immediately knocked on my door, apologized profusely, showed me the damage, and gave me her name and insurance information. It's not often you get such an honest individual; most people who hit the Celica take one look at it, see how old it is, and drive off.
(3) The insurance company (Geico) did "minimal due diligence", basically sending me to a shady body shop that wanted $1800 to fix a simple dent, then offering me $1500 to total the car. I declined the payment.
So now Hi and Shiro are livid at me for not taking the car to a different body shop, getting the Celica fixed good as new, handing my neighbor the bill, suing her if she doesn't pay it, and letting HER deal with her insurance company. It's like, "What part of being honest and forthright earned her that kind of treatment?"
Yes, it's scummy of the insurance company to send me to a body shop that totaled my car. But as far as I know, that's industry standard for both body shops and insurance companies: They don't want to deal with older cars, and they want to total them and get them off the road.
My plan is simply to fix it myself with some Bondo, a rubber mallet, some polish, and a new reflector, and bill my neighbor directly for that. Should be around $80. If I can find one of those street guys to do it for under $300, I'll do that and bill her. But I'm not going to sue her over what should be a $300 dent.
canyou get it fixed for 300? If so, do so, and then hand her a bill for 300. That would not ve vengeful, but it would be just.
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canyou get it fixed for 300? If so, do so, and then hand her a bill for 300. That would not ve vengeful, but it would be just.Why, oh why, does our need for vengeance run so deep?
(1) As I mentioned, our new neighbor managed to clip the Celica with her moving van, putting a fairly large dent in the fender and ripping off the reflector.
(2) She immediately knocked on my door, apologized profusely, showed me the damage, and gave me her name and insurance information. It's not often you get such an honest individual; most people who hit the Celica take one look at it, see how old it is, and drive off.
(3) The insurance company (Geico) did "minimal due diligence", basically sending me to a shady body shop that wanted $1800 to fix a simple dent, then offering me $1500 to total the car. I declined the payment.
So now Hi and Shiro are livid at me for not taking the car to a different body shop, getting the Celica fixed good as new, handing my neighbor the bill, suing her if she doesn't pay it, and letting HER deal with her insurance company. It's like, "What part of being honest and forthright earned her that kind of treatment?"
Yes, it's scummy of the insurance company to send me to a body shop that totaled my car. But as far as I know, that's industry standard for both body shops and insurance companies: They don't want to deal with older cars, and they want to total them and get them off the road.
My plan is simply to fix it myself with some Bondo, a rubber mallet, some polish, and a new reflector, and bill my neighbor directly for that. Should be around $80. If I can find one of those street guys to do it for under $300, I'll do that and bill her. But I'm not going to sue her over what should be a $300 dent.
That's my plan. I just figure I might be able to lure my brother down for a visit with a promise of getting to work on the car. If I can do that, I save money on the repair, saving my neighbor money, AND my brother visits. Win-win!
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We view our extended family very differently.
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Still haven't found a job yet. Still trying. Two days until rent is due. Looks like we're going to use a credit card to pay this month. More debt.
On the plus side, I'll be able to make payments to the credit card this month. I was afraid that wouldn't be feasible (the little we had was going to keep utilities on), but thanks to two generous people that's not going to be an issue. Also my Medicaid benefits start on the 1st, and there seems to be no copay to see a doctor, so I'm going to stock the hell up on my medications while I can. I might even see a dentist for the first time in a really long time.
I just want to say thanks again for the support I've gotten. Even seeing people rally and try to brainstorm ideas for me meant a lot. It helps you keep trying when you've hit a wall time and time again to have someone in your corner pushing you. Especially since I know I'm a snarky smartass and sometimes unlikeable person (unintentional for the most part - I'm really trying to tone that down I swear), it means even more.
I got a call back from a job yesterday. It was just a phone interview, but it was something. About the only thing I've heard from since I got here. But hey! Something!
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Still haven't found a job yet. Still trying. Two days until rent is due. Looks like we're going to use a credit card to pay this month. More debt.
On the plus side, I'll be able to make payments to the credit card this month. I was afraid that wouldn't be feasible (the little we had was going to keep utilities on), but thanks to two generous people that's not going to be an issue. Also my Medicaid benefits start on the 1st, and there seems to be no copay to see a doctor, so I'm going to stock the hell up on my medications while I can. I might even see a dentist for the first time in a really long time.
I just want to say thanks again for the support I've gotten. Even seeing people rally and try to brainstorm ideas for me meant a lot. It helps you keep trying when you've hit a wall time and time again to have someone in your corner pushing you. Especially since I know I'm a snarky smartass and sometimes unlikeable person (unintentional for the most part - I'm really trying to tone that down I swear), it means even more.
I got a call back from a job yesterday. It was just a phone interview, but it was something. About the only thing I've heard from since I got here. But hey! Something!
Something > Nothing!
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And speaking of being Lawful and frustrated...
As I think I mentioned, thanks to our Halloween construction our curb is a No Parking zone from 8 am - 5 pm all this week. Needless to say, last night when I tried to put the Prius in front of the house at 5:10 pm, a big black SUV was already in "our" spot.
They haven't moved since. The construction guys showed up and are having to work around the vehicle. By 9:30 am, since they hadn't called the cops yet, I did.
And the officer didn't even bother taking my address. "Yeah, parking enforcement isn't in yet..."
So why the **** do we have no parking signs up and down our block to provide room for the construction people if they're not going to be enforced, and people are just going to ignore them?
CY, wanna take a quick trip to Albany and "accidentally" ding an SUV with a mini-bobcat?
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Still haven't found a job yet. Still trying. Two days until rent is due. Looks like we're going to use a credit card to pay this month. More debt.
On the plus side, I'll be able to make payments to the credit card this month. I was afraid that wouldn't be feasible (the little we had was going to keep utilities on), but thanks to two generous people that's not going to be an issue. Also my Medicaid benefits start on the 1st, and there seems to be no copay to see a doctor, so I'm going to stock the hell up on my medications while I can. I might even see a dentist for the first time in a really long time.
I just want to say thanks again for the support I've gotten. Even seeing people rally and try to brainstorm ideas for me meant a lot. It helps you keep trying when you've hit a wall time and time again to have someone in your corner pushing you. Especially since I know I'm a snarky smartass and sometimes unlikeable person (unintentional for the most part - I'm really trying to tone that down I swear), it means even more.
I got a call back from a job yesterday. It was just a phone interview, but it was something. About the only thing I've heard from since I got here. But hey! Something!
believe me, you HAVE to look on the positive side here. You have to. The alternative is to crack open the skulls of your neighbors and feast on the sweet goo within. And that is not wise, at best.
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And speaking of being Lawful and frustrated...
As I think I mentioned, thanks to our Halloween construction our curb is a No Parking zone from 8 am - 5 pm all this week. Needless to say, last night when I tried to put the Prius in front of the house at 5:10 pm, a big black SUV was already in "our" spot.
They haven't moved since. The construction guys showed up and are having to work around the vehicle. By 9:30 am, since they hadn't called the cops yet, I did.
And the officer didn't even bother taking my address. "Yeah, parking enforcement isn't in yet..."
So why the **** do we have no parking signs up and down our block to provide room for the construction people if they're not going to be enforced, and people are just going to ignore them?CY, wanna take a quick trip to Albany and "accidentally" ding an SUV with a mini-bobcat?
NOW is the time for vengeance.
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I'm a professional, I'm not dinging shit with my mini bobcat.
But, you're in luck! I spit on SUVs for fun.
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And speaking of being Lawful and frustrated...
As I think I mentioned, thanks to our Halloween construction our curb is a No Parking zone from 8 am - 5 pm all this week. Needless to say, last night when I tried to put the Prius in front of the house at 5:10 pm, a big black SUV was already in "our" spot.
They haven't moved since. The construction guys showed up and are having to work around the vehicle. By 9:30 am, since they hadn't called the cops yet, I did.
And the officer didn't even bother taking my address. "Yeah, parking enforcement isn't in yet..."
So why the **** do we have no parking signs up and down our block to provide room for the construction people if they're not going to be enforced, and people are just going to ignore them?CY, wanna take a quick trip to Albany and "accidentally" ding an SUV with a mini-bobcat?
No parking enforcement, huh? Means they probably won't deal with petty vandalism that might happen in the dead of night from - hey, let's say random teens?
Sugar in gas tank
Slice of bologna on roof of the car in a warm day
Potato in the tail pipe
Keys writing "no parking a~%!#&#" on the side
Slash 3/4 tires (I remember reading somewhere that insurance only covers 1 unless all 4 are busted)
Antennae popping
Egging the shit out of it
Duct-taping a raw fish to the undercarriage to make them wonder where the hell the smell is coming from
*whistles innocently*