Deep 6 FaWtL

[lisamarlene]

Worst. Damned. Dinner. Party. EVER.
This colossal douchebag does not deserve my cooking.
But he and my husband have been friends for25 years, so I am being sweet and polite and doing dishes in the kitchen and waiting for him to go back to whatever ducking demon pit spawned him.

[lisamarlene]

Naked, of course. Because all women should be naked and barefoot in the kitchen.

[lisamarlene]

I need bourbon.

[NobodysHome]

*hugs*

(And they're not even stinky, 'cause I showered after the hike)

[lisamarlene]

NobodysHome wrote:

*hugs*

(And they're not even stinky, 'cause I showered after the hike)

That's okay, I happen to like stinky man hugs.

[captain yesterday]

Do what I'd do. Go over to the kitty thread and talk about your dog. :-)

[lisamarlene]

Nah.. I just snark-texted my sister until I felt better. She's the only person in the world who is snarkier than I am without actually being a drag queen, which is like Gandalf-meets-Dumbledore level of mastery of snark.

[Kajehase]

lisamarlene wrote:

Worst. Damned. Dinner. Party. EVER.

This colossal douchebag does not deserve my cooking.
But he and my husband have been friends for25 years, so I am being sweet and polite and doing dishes in the kitchen and waiting for him to go back to whatever ducking demon pit spawned him.

Next time, add extra salt to everything.

[Vidmaster7]

Serving someone salt water is a great way to let them know its time to leave.

[Drejk]

*grabs a glass of salt water to rinse his mouth - it's supposed to help mitigate toothache*

[lisamarlene]

Drejk wrote:

*grabs a glass of salt water to rinse his mouth - it's supposed to help mitigate toothache*

My uncle swears by pineapple. Fresh if you can get it, or juice if you can't get fresh.

[gran rey de los mono]

lisamarlene wrote:

Drejk wrote:

*grabs a glass of salt water to rinse his mouth - it's supposed to help mitigate toothache*

My uncle swears by pineapple. Fresh if you can get it, or juice if you can't get fresh.

Personally, I'd rather have the toothache. I hate pineapple. Which was one of the joys of sharing an apartment with my brother. He LOVES pineapple on pizza, and would yell at me for picking it off of my slices. Of course, he knew I hated pineapple and could easily have ordered the pizza with pineapple on only half, but that would have made too much sense.

[Vidmaster7]

I feel like the simple solution would be to give him your pineapple slices. Or since i'm the oldest the best solution beat him till he orders pizza without pineapple.... but you know brotherly beatings.

[gran rey de los mono]

I did try offering them to him. He would refuse them, and then tell me that I should stop being an a%!&&+# and just eat them myself. He seemed to think that anytime there was a food that he liked and I didn't (pineapple, sushi, chinese, etc...), that I was lying about it in order to piss him off. I love my brother, but I am really glad I don't live with him anymore.

[Kileanna]

Even removing the pineapple slices the juice contaminates all that it touches! It's one of those ingredients that you cannot just remove and forget they were there.

I love pineapple pizza so I don't have the need of removing anything, fortunately.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I did try offering them to him. He would refuse them, and then tell me that I should stop being an a&@*%*& and just eat them myself. He seemed to think that anytime there was a food that he liked and I didn't (pineapple, sushi, chinese, etc...), that I was lying about it in order to piss him off. I love my brother, but I am really glad I don't live with him anymore.

Them sound like fightin words.

[Vidmaster7]

Kileanna wrote:

Even removing the pineapple slices the juice contaminates all that it touches! It's one of those ingredients that you cannot just remove and forget they were there.

I love pineapple pizza so I don't have the need of removing anything, fortunately.

Like pickles once a pickle has been on something is is polluted with pickle and uneatable.

[gran rey de los mono]

I should point out for fairness, I do like pineapple in one way: pineapple upside-down cake. Although even then, the pineapple can get a bit too overpowering at times.

[Kileanna]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

Kileanna wrote:

Even removing the pineapple slices the juice contaminates all that it touches! It's one of those ingredients that you cannot just remove and forget they were there.

I love pineapple pizza so I don't have the need of removing anything, fortunately.

Like pickles once a pickle has been on something is is polluted with pickle and uneatable.

I love pickles but I have to aggree.

It happens with most veggies, at least the juicy ones.
I also have that issue with pepperoni. I like spicy sausages like chorizo and similar, but pepperoni has to be awesome for me to like it. And it overpowers all flavors.

[gran rey de los mono]

I can usually handle eating something once I've removed the offending bits (pineapple, pickles too I hate pickles, raw tomatoes, various others), but I would much prefer not having to. It makes the food taste worse, and the time it takes to pick the stuff out makes the dining experience less enjoyable. And that's assuming nobody is pointing out what you're doing. Even if they just say "Oh, you don't like mushrooms?" in a non-judgmental way it still subtracts from the enjoyment of the meal.

[gran rey de los mono]

And now, jokes.

[gran rey de los mono]

I am currently boycotting any company that sells items I want, but cannot afford.

[gran rey de los mono]

For parents, college is kind of like a reverse kidnapping. You have to pay tens of thousands of dollars, or they send your kid back home.

[gran rey de los mono]

I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children" and thought "That sounds like a fair trade. Where do I take the children and pick up my watch?"

[gran rey de los mono]

A serious study of economics will usually show that the best time to buy something was three years ago.

[gran rey de los mono]

My accountant asked me if I'd put anything aside for a rainy day. I said yes. What I didn't tell him was that it was an umbrella.

[gran rey de los mono]

I think I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

[gran rey de los mono]

My goal in life is to be rich enough that people will call me "eccentric" instead of "b****&* crazy".

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

My goal in life is to be rich enough that people will call me "eccentric" instead of "b$%~**& crazy".

Better start saving up 10 years ago.

[gran rey de los mono]

If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crises, it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless.

[gran rey de los mono]

Twitter is my 'serious' account. My bank account is the joke.

[gran rey de los mono]

My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. She can only spend $20 on me, and I can only spend $1500 on her.

[gran rey de los mono]

Well, it took 45 minutes, but I finally paid the pizza guy all in quarters that I found behind his ear.

[gran rey de los mono]

My daughter took her driver's test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 were just barely able to jump out of the way.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Well, it took 45 minutes, but I finally paid the pizza guy all in quarters that I found behind his ear.

But did you remember to tip?

[gran rey de los mono]

I thought I was doing a good deed when I gave up my seat to a blind person. Unfortunately, that's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

[gran rey de los mono]

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I quit because I couldn't park anywhere near it.

[gran rey de los mono]

Working in groups is important. It makes it easier to pin the blame on someone else.

[gran rey de los mono]

I'm a great multitasker. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.

[gran rey de los mono]

When I got hired, they gave me a form to fill out. One of the lines said "Who should we contact in case of a serious injury?" I wrote "A very good doctor."

[gran rey de los mono]

Apparently it's a new trend at my office for people to name their food. Today I ate a sandwich called Kevin.

[gran rey de los mono]

You should never make yourself irreplaceable at work. If they can't replace you, you can never be promoted.

[gran rey de los mono]

The reward for a job well done is usually more work.

[gran rey de los mono]

My resume is a list of things that I hope my boss never asks me to do.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

When I got hired, they gave me a form to fill out. One of the lines said "Who should we contact in case of a serious injury?" I wrote "A very good doctor."

*Definitely not a faith healer or mortician.

[gran rey de los mono]

Feeling stressed out? Do what I do. Make a steaming hot cup of tea, and then pour it in the lap of the person who's bugging you.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

The reward for a job well done is usually more work.

Its so true it hurts.

[gran rey de los mono]

My annual performance review said I lack "passion and intensity". Obviously, my boss has never seen me eat a Big Mac.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Feeling stressed out? Do what I do. Make a steaming hot cup of tea, and then pour it in the lap of the person who's bugging you.

o_O brilliant! *goes to make hot tea eyeballing Gran the whole time*

[gran rey de los mono]

The proper use for a stress ball is to throw it at the person who is stressing you out.