Deep 6 FaWtL


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A clean house is a house that's been without internet for a few days.

Edit: I suppose the cleaning starts after you've done everything you can think of while nekkid.


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The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space, which I like to call "The Friend Zone."


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My son asked me what it is like to be married. I told him to shut up and leave me alone. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me.


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Why is it that everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting, or has multiple restraining orders against me?


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My wife told me to go get something that would make her sexy. So I got drunk.


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I asked my wife what she wanted to Christmas. She said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace." So I got her nothing.


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I hope that when I inevitably choke to death on gummi bears, people will say I was killed by bears and just leave it at that.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I asked my wife what she wanted to Christmas. She said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace." So I got her nothing.

That is a gem of a joke.

Shadow Lodge

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Must of been under a lot of pressure.


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I went to a bar the other day. There was a live band playing. I think their best song was "We're going to take a break right now. We'll be back in 15 minutes."


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I filled out a job application today and it asked for three references. I wrote "A Dictionary, a Thesaurus, and an Atlas".


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My New Year's Resolution was to read more, so I turned on the captions on my TV.


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Job Interviewer: "So, why do you want this job?"
Me: "Well, I've always been very passionate about not starving to death."


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I wasn't planning on giving out Christmas gifts last year. Then I heard about those exploding Samsung phones...


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Some people are looking for the kind of girl they can take home to Momma. I'm looking for a girl I take him to my wife.


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Quickest way to get stoned? Drink wet cement.


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They say duct tape fixes everything. Well, it didn't fix my relationship. Although that may be because she wouldn't let me put it over her mouth.


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I told my wife I wanted to see our kids every other weekend. She said "We're not getting divorced, so you'll just have to keep seeing them every day."


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My soul wants to dance, but my body is a really awkward white guy.


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NobodysHome wrote:

So, does it affect my life oracle's "Good" alignment when, after the halfling alchemist kicked the party's tail and got away scot-free the first time (my oracle was... otherwise involved), he got treed, treated to two Flame Strikes, two Holy Smites, and two Lightning Bolts (in addition to being carved up by the now-fire-resistant ranger)... died...

...and she put an apple in his mouth before the party presented him to the authorities?

Only if she didn't feel at least a little guilty about it afterwards.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Sharoth wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
But I don't drink.
So what does that make you? huhuhuhuhu

A sober professional? Or a "sober" professional? Or maybe a sober "professional"? Possibly a "sober" "professional"?


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Oh, yeah! My morning substitute for coffee!

Today the Sun is RED! It's probably because of the fog, but it's a really cool thing to see. It is of a dark orange-red and when I first saw it I was amazed!

I tried to take a shot with my phone, but we seem to see different things...


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I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sank because Jack and Rose had premarital sex.


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I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of me waving "Hi" to people who were waving to people behind me.


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White smoke came out from under my hood today. So either my radiator hose sprung a leak, or my car has elected a new Pope.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
My soul wants to dance, but my body is a really awkward white guy.

My soul wants to dance too, but my body doesn't get the difference between dancing and epilepsy.


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I was at the bar the other day and saw a beautiful woman sitting all alone. I asked the barman for an ice cube, walked over to her, and set the cube on the bar top. Then I pulled out a hammer and smashed it. After everyone relaxed a bit, I said "Hey, now that I've broken the ice, would you like to have sex with me?"

She didn't.


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Kileanna wrote:

Oh, yeah! My morning substitute for coffee!

Today the Sun is RED! It's probably because of the fog, but it's a really cool thing to see. It is of a dark orange-red and when I first saw it I was amazed!

I tried to take a shot with my phone, but we seem to see different things...

There is no substitute for caffeine and sugar.


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I want to design and sell a new font for use when you say something sarcastic. I'll call it "iRoll".


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Ever since my girlfriend found the eyeroll and tongue-sticking-out emojis, her responses to my texts have gotten a lot shorter. And repetitive.


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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.


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It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just a game. A game called "Find the Eye!"


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Sharoth wrote:
Kileanna wrote:

Oh, yeah! My morning substitute for coffee!

Today the Sun is RED! It's probably because of the fog, but it's a really cool thing to see. It is of a dark orange-red and when I first saw it I was amazed!

I tried to take a shot with my phone, but we seem to see different things...

There is no substitute for caffeine and sugar.

My body seems to produce its own sugar and caffeine, feeding it more gets me to a point that I look like I was into more strong substances xD


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I once got into a fight with a really big guy. He said "I'm gonna mop the floor with you." I said "You'll be sorry." He asked "Why?" I replied "You won't be able to get the corners clean."


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Sometimes I shoot off at the mouth. But it's not my fault. I have Turret Syndrome.


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I have a fantasy to sleep with two women.

In the same year.


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Kileanna wrote:
Sharoth wrote:
Kileanna wrote:

Oh, yeah! My morning substitute for coffee!

Today the Sun is RED! It's probably because of the fog, but it's a really cool thing to see. It is of a dark orange-red and when I first saw it I was amazed!

I tried to take a shot with my phone, but we seem to see different things...

There is no substitute for caffeine and sugar.
My body seems to produce its own sugar and caffeine, feeding it more gets me to a point that I look like I was into more strong substances xD

I have a friend like that (the same one that tells never ending stories about nothing). You know those drugs they give to you before they drill into your teeth. After they hit him with those He became the most normal person until they wore off.


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My girlfriend said she needed space, so I gave her an application for NASA.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
My girlfriend said she needed space, so I gave her an application for NASA.

But in all seriousness I really do feel sorry for his girlfriend.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
My girlfriend said she needed space, so I gave her an application for NASA.
But in all seriousness I really do feel sorry for his girlfriend.

Me too.


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It really is all her fault, though. See, a couple of years ago she read that "Fifty Shades of Grey" book, and decided she wanted to try something 'kinky'. She told me to be an absolute a#@*&+* to her, as mean as I could possibly be. I didn't want too, but I love her so I agreed. It isn't my fault she forgot the damn safeword.


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Very warm weather.

Very very warm.

Keep your eyes peeled for


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HOTPANTS!

HUZZAH!


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How cheeky.


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Ah, nothing like telling everyone, "Hi! It's my annual vacation time! I'll be mostly out of the office for the next few weeks," to bring out the, "OMG! We need help before NobodysHome leaves!" crowd...

9:00 am: Team meeting demonstrating task management in our community tool
10:00 am: Meeting discussing helping instructors update their courses
11:00 am: Meeting discussing helping instructors test the images

Oh, and I got asked whether I wanted to fly to Europe to bail some people out of another jam.

Apparently, "Not really" is a valid answer...


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I can go in your place.

I'm pretty sure I can fake my way through your job, and if I wear chef pants they'll hardly be able to tell the difference.


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It itches so f%$+ing much right now!

Where's a dog cone thingy when you need it.


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Oh, gods. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.

Both lisamarlene and I have told legends of "Whingy Wizard"'s play style, which is essentially:
(1) "I am a coward, and will protect my own PC's skin above all else, even if it means abandoning my fellow PCs to certain death."
(2) "I will horn in on every PC-NPC interaction that ever occurs, and will attempt to ruin that relationship, no matter how convivial or beneficial, solely for my own amusement and to prove that I can."
(3) "I will take at least 10 minutes per round deciding what I want to do, and if you try to rush me, I will threaten to leave the game."
(4) "I will rules lawyer every possible ambiguity, up to and including the meaning of the word 'command', always to my benefit, and I will resent any implication that this is in any way, shape, or form, any kind of 'power gaming' or 'cheating'." (Favorite moment from Saturday: He rolled, got a 9, and then said, "Oh, I can take 10 on this can't I? I do that!" When I asked him not to roll and then tell me he took 10, he got VERY upset at me for impugning his honesty. So, let's be honest: I have no idea what he was thinking when he rolled the die, so I could be being unfair. But I'm afraid I still believe if that 9 was a 19, he wouldn't have asked about taking 10.)

So apparently I played up Scarwall a bit too much.

In the first 4 books, loot distribution was remarkably even, though the departure of two low-wealth PCs in favor of WBL replacements skews that a bit.

Along came Scarwall, I convinced them that it was a dangerous, dangerous place, and Whingy Wizard has laid claim to over 140k of the roughly 180k found so far, even going so far as to argue that his wizard needed the +3 glamoured chainmail they found.

The whole, "I pocket the Scarab of Protection in spite of the fact that there are other PCs who need it more" has sent the rest of the players into a tizzy, so I'm going to dutifully send out a loot list along with who took what.

It's a good thing it's over a month before we play again... I think there's going to be a great deal of discussion about distribution of wealth over that time frame.

Fortunately, as a GM, I get to say, "I don't even have NPCs who have a stake in this, so don't involve me."


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

It's not enough to say "no" to my family because they don't get it.

Lucky for me, I'm not afraid to peddle in absolutes.

"Absolutely not" "no f&++ing way" and "why would you think I'd want to do that" are all sadly now used the first time.

Of course, it's still better than the General's family's willful ignorance "Captain Yesterday, we never see you anymore" "it was the lying and backstabbing, mostly" "oh, well, hope I see you around again"

Yup, the city life is the life for us.


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captain yesterday wrote:

It's not enough to say "no" to my family because they don't get it.

Lucky for me, I'm not afraid to peddle in absolutes.

"Absolutely not" "no f&*@ing way" and "why would you think I'd want to do that" are all sadly now used the first time.

Of course, it's still better than the General's family's willful ignorance "Captain Yesterday, we never see you anymore" "it was the lying and backstabbing, mostly" "oh, well, hope I see you around again"

Yup, the city life is the life for us.

The older I get, the more I learn that subtlety is lost on most people. Just to use my last example, I'm having a MUCH easier time with Crimson Throne because right there at the table I say, "Don't do that because it pisses me off."

Yes, we've had more heated arguments at the table, but I haven't ANY between-game stress. Just better all around.

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