Deep 6 FaWtL


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Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? All the fans had left.

Of course I'm nekkid, that's how hot it is.


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If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Bagels.


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If a chili pepper won't leave you alone, would you say it is jalapeño business?


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Why did the mermaid wear seashells on her breasts? Because she outgrew her b-shells.


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What is the hardest kind of tea to swallow? Reality.


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Some people just have a way with words. Other people...ummm..not have way.


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I went waterskiing once. I fell over, as people are wont to do, and the boat circled around to pick me up, I noticed a duck hunter sitting in bushes. Jokingly, I raised my hands and said "Don't shoot." He looked at me coldly and replied "Then don't quack."


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Short alternative plot explanations for selected movies:

The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes horribly wrong.
The Lord of the Rings: Group spends 9 hours returning lost jewelry.
Titanic: Everyone does the ice bucket challenge, whether they want to or not.
Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm Syndrome works.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Group of kids come out of the closet.


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The four most beautiful words in the English language are: I told you so.


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I think my neighbor is stalking me. Last night she googled me and spent over an hour searching the results. I know because I watched her through my telescope.


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I'm not saying that I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone even if it still had 75% battery left.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
The four most beautiful words in the English language are: I told you so.

Pretty sure I saw that one in a movie.


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A couple at the table behind me was arguing quietly. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to say something. So, I stood up, looked them in the eyes, and said "Hey! Speak up and include some more backstory! I keep getting lost over here!"


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This weekend I'm having an introvert party, and you're all not invited.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
A couple at the table behind me was arguing quietly. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to say something. So, I stood up, looked them in the eyes, and said "Hey! Speak up and include some more backstory! I keep getting lost over here!"

'

Lol you know either way it should make them shut up. I like that.


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Whenever I have a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Whenever I have a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

That should take care of your headache then.


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My email password just got hacked again. This is the 3rd time I've had to rename the cat. Poor thing is getting confused.

(This is clearly a joke. Cats don't give a s&++ what you call them, they'll ignore you anyway.)


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gran rey de los mono wrote:

My email password just got hacked again. This is the 3rd time I've had to rename the cat. Poor thing is getting confused.

(This is clearly a joke. Cats don't give a s*#& what you call them, they'll ignore you anyway.)

You beat me to it.


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It's easy to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, and then shut the f#@* up.


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I tried flirting with a hot girl the other day. Problem is I'm sometimes too literal. For instance, I told her "Whenever I close my eyes, I can't see."


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My ex and I used to argue about my leaving the toilet seat up, so I started pissing in the sink instead.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I tried flirting with a hot girl the other day. Problem is I'm sometimes too literal. For instance, I told her "Whenever I close my eyes, I can't see."

Something amiss with that one. did nothing for me.


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It's sad that we now live in a world where saying that you read a book makes people think you're showing off.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
It's sad that we now live in a world where saying that you read a book makes people think you're showing off.

Been there.


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When I was in 8th grade, 52% of the class was good at math. I was in the other 37%.


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I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.


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Why did Frosty the Snowman have such a big smile on his face? He could hear the snowblower coming.


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I accidentally dialed 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.


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If that old saying "What you don't know can't hurt you" was actually true, some people would be damned near invulnerable.


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My girlfriend said that there was nothing I could do anymore to shock her. That's when I went on Amazon and ordered a cattle prod.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
The four most beautiful words in the English language are: I told you so.
Pretty sure I saw that one in a movie.

Maybe.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I tried flirting with a hot girl the other day. Problem is I'm sometimes too literal. For instance, I told her "Whenever I close my eyes, I can't see."
Something amiss with that one. did nothing for me.

It didn't do anything for her, either.


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I once had an astrophysicist tell me "You're so dim, even a black hole at night is brighter than you!"


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If it ain't broke, then I haven't borrowed it yet.


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I used to be in a band. We called ourselves "Lost Dog". You may have seen some of our posters.


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I read that ignorance of math concepts is growing geometrically. Whatever that means.


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Why do Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.


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A man was captured by a tribe of cannibals. As they prepared to cook him, he begged "Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! EAT THEM INSTEAD!!!"


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My family has a long history of stupidity. For instance, during the American Civil War, my great-great-grandfather fought for the West.


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According to my nieces, the best way to enjoy Instagram is to not follow a single person, but instead follow all the dogs.


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I hate it when I'm singing along to my favorite album, and the artist messes up the lyrics.


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My Mom's favorite thing to do on my birthday is to describe my birth in exacting detail to some poor 18-year-old waitress who just wants to take our drink order.


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I heard that the hip new thing that all the kids are doing these days is "Netflix and chill", so I put my DVDs in the fridge.


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The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Why did the mermaid wear seashells on her breasts? Because she outgrew her b-shells.

I have no idea why, but this one particularly tickled me.

Seeing Disney finally make a decent movie after a couple of decades (The Little Mermaid) might be it. Or maybe I'm just a mermaid perv or something...


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Limeylongears wrote:
4) Cut my leg open by accident with a kukri (nothing remotely serious)

Leg injury... Flesh wound... British understatement...

So, did you amputated your leg above or below knee?


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Kajehase wrote:
Y'know, just once I'd like it if I saw people start talking about Babylon 5 out of nowhere, and have it not be because one of the actors have died. :(

Crap... :(


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OKAY SO Iron Gods just happened and I was hit with a weird situation.

IG book one spoilers:
The party got to the warehouse late in the day after a long surveillance, and knocked out the relay. No problem, next day Meyanda would notice and dispatch people to go deal with it right? Except... no. The party wound up busting in first thing in the morning after refreshing themselves, and killed all the fanatics and ratfolk that she'd normally send. Whoops.

So now the big bad is aware that something very wrong has happened, AND her minions are dead, so for the first time I had to come up with a 'what will happen today.'

I know the PCs are going back into the cave again to finish off the last 2/3rds of the final floor, so I had to sketch out what she's doing...

PLANS!:

-Not there when PCs go back to the reactor.
-Gargoyle is guarding the reactor. Desperation attack is actually his opener, he's confident in his fort saves and thinks this is the best way to solve things... also he's a LITTLE bit sore about that time Meyanda ripped out his throat still.
-her secret shortcut exit is already open next time they leave.
-She slays the skulks who let the PCs through time and again based on some deal.
*Items gained: 2 alchemist's fire, 1 liquid ice, 3 smokesticks, 2 potions cure mod, 1 sunrod, 1 shield scroll, 1 identify scroll, 143 gp
(subtract from skulk hoard) --the PCs never killed the Skulks, making a deal with them instead. They're going to do a total amount of basically nothing to Meyanda and her collector bot.
-Grabs two ropefist thugs from the warehouse. Would be three, but she shot one since he wanted to quit. Asks them about the PCs' tactics, gets information.
-Takes robot with her, total encounter is 2x thug, 1x robot, 1x badass mamma jamma
-leaves 1 each of 3rd and 2nd unprepared initially.
-goes to warehouse, nothing there. whaat?
-Drop searing light, as instead she on the spot prepares locate object to track down relay. (instead of searing blast)
-prepares Silence in 2nd level slot. (instead of Sound Burst)
-Khonnir finds her when she breaks in, gets hit by a net and captured (-1 net on collector)
-Val is also captured, tied up, and unceremoniously held captive.
-Meyanda interrogates Khonnir, learns PCs are using that as a base.
-Oh hai PCs, I am a boss fight with a gun literally to your wizdad's head.
-Thus we can have a tense moment in which Meyanda can go :V :V ROBOTS R GREAT MEATBAGS SUCK HAIL HELLION!! :V :V

I'm planning on having her cast silence on her robot and having it hover near as many of the casters as possible. The party relies a lot on its wizard/oracle/cleric core, and while she can't stop the psychic with silence she can certainly mess up the others pretty badly.

I'm very excited for next session.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Happy Father's Day FaWtL people!!!

My plans are to make sure my family doesn't realize it, thus ensuring a nice quiet day where I get to do my chores in peace.

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