*Mercilessly devours Sunomono Slaad, scratches Pulg's itchy nose.*
Someone mentioned me? How can I help?
*And Waterhammer lets GoatToucher experiment on him (to prove his sturdiness).*
Hello Schism Hag, I am just about to announce the next match.
*The teams head out onto the pitch.*
Please welcome, the Howling-Hills Hellions and the Dark Ark Serpents!
*Everyone in the stands cheer.*
We have one heck of a match, folks, make sure to back your favourites!
I got tickets for 3rd row mid-field.
Excellent selection, you'll be able to see the whole thing from a safe distance!
Normally, people prefer to be right near the action (quite literally)!
Fish-Malkovich wrote: *Mercilessly devours Sunomono Slaad, scratches Pulg's itchy nose.*
Someone mentioned me? How can I help?
Swim up this trombone. There's a conger eel in it that won't leave, and it's doing dreadful things to my intonation.
*Reaches into the trombone, pulls out the conger eel.*
There you go, I'll take my fee now.
*Keeps the eel for a pet.*
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Fish-Malkovich wrote:
*And Waterhammer lets GoatToucher experiment on him (to prove his sturdiness).*
Desist with your lies. Waterhammer does not let GoatToucher, nor anyone else, perform experiments on him. He does however, refer to himself in third person from time to time, apparently.
*Fish-Malkovich is soon struck, by a really, really, really bad stomachache...*
*Does little more than give Fish-Malkovich a nasty case of bad wind.*
*Sunomono Slaad does exit out of Fish-Malkovich, eventually.*
Don't know about you folks, but this is probably the best episode of 'Walker: Texas Ranger' that I have ever watched.
*Smashes Pulg's television/scrying orb/whatever.*
How's your nose? Not itchy now, I hope.
Walker: Texas Ranger’s fists have their own fists…
Just like my nose has its own nose (which is no longer itchy, thanks very much), though 'nose' is a loose description, used to render it comprehensible to your feeble non-hairy minds.
What can I say? GoatToucher has broken each and every one of us (except Waterhammer).
And you can deny all knowledge of the event, only because GoatToucher allows it.
Speaking of GoatToucher, if he has yet achieve creating the song of pain, just what did he do to me over two hundred posts ago!? I demand answers, and I demand them right now!
But of course! I began by... (twenty minutes of description has been [REDACTED] in defense of the collective mental well-being and the integrity of the space-time continuum.) ...and I finished with a nice cup of herbal tea with lemon to cleanse the palate and refresh the soul.
I hope that clarifies things.
Fish-Malkovich wrote: What can I say? GoatToucher has broken each and every one of us (except Waterhammer). "Broken"? :waves dismissive hand: Piffle. You are, each and every one, improved for your experiences.
Except Waterhammer.
:sips from tiny gilded goblet:
For now...
As they say, 'Some are Great; some have Greatness thrust upon them'
Yes, and I have the recorded evidence right here!
*Holds aloft a video/DVD/USB device, then places it into the appropriate play device.*
Beware, the horrors that you're about to witness are but a trivial sample.
*The recording shows everyone (except Waterhammer) in the Workroom, and GoatToucher is preparing for "surgery". Soon, each and every individual (including those yet to appear) are subjected to such extreme measures of "enlightenment", both physically and mentally. For instance, Pulg has every strand of hair plucked and examined in every which way, while Count Reiner Heydrich himself has his blood drained from his body only to be replaced by highly concentrated liquid sunshine. All in all, it's a most horrendous experience.*
*While Count Reiner Heydrich is re-traumatising everyone (not quite in the same vein as GoatToucher, but close enough), a young lad in his makeshift lab is working on some new technology to open gateways across space and time (and many other marvelous creations).*
C'mon, I just need to get the calibration right!
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You are too late.
My father already has one.
He sent me on a quest for him a while back to other dimensions and different eras.
Of course, the machine kept glitching on him and he had to use his own power to send me to the proper destination (not final).
Quite right, though I still need to fix the ruddy thing!
*Uses powers to connect with the experimental teleportation device.*
Let's see what we can do about the little "calibration" issue.
*Successfully opens up a rift, allowing Andrew "Flux" Kidwell to travel across dimensions.*
Hope you're satisfied with this, Flux, it wasn't easy.
And, there's always the possibility that you (unwittingly) brought others with you.
Pulg wrote: As they say, 'Some are Great; some have Greatness thrust upon them' So they say, though we can quibble about prepositions later.
Prepositions, as found in the Former Sutra.
Very true, but why would you want to goodbye in the first place?
And I have just realised that I'm not commentating the match between the Howling-Hills Hellions versus the Dark Ark Serpents! Hopefully, my daughter is on it. What else could happen, dare I ask?
*In answer to this question, three individuals suddenly appear and start fighting amongst themselves. Two of the individuals are male, one being an eagle-man wielding a magnificent sword and the other is a lich with sun bleached skin and wielding a wicked looking staff, and the third individual (the only girl) is a green skinned fairy who, though tiny in size compared to the other two that stand at human height, proves herself swift and just as powerful as the other two as all three exchange magical might with each other.*
Great, these clowns! Marvelous, just marvelous!
I don't know where we are, but I blame the both of you!
You dare accuse me! Surely you must realise that you spoke a half truth!
My, aren't we the denial types! Just accept that you're at fault!
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You haven't missed much father.
Let me tell you, this has been the most boring game I have ever seen.
Time is running out and the score is still 0-0.
Neither team has mounted any offence, even the defense is lackluster.
There hasn't been enough blood spilled to dip a redcap's cap.
Should these teams even be in the majors?
That is curious, daughter, as both teams are some of the most brutal.
Perhaps they too have been distracted by the footage I showed earlier?
Oh well, here's hoping that the next three matches are better!
“This ought to liven things up.”
Suddenly a roiling green thundercloud appears above the field, and it begins to rain down cooked white navy beans.
In the Navy!
You can sail the seven beans,
In the Navy!
But, you're in the air force!
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Whoa!
With time running out the Hellions make a last push and totally owned the Serpents for the win at the buzzer.
I don't think there was a single Serpent player with all their limbs or tails attached after that play.
Umm, daughter, the Hellions are the ones with the tails (and other such mutations).
The Serpents are just a regular dark elves.
Beyond that, it was such an awesome turn of events!
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They all had their hair in ponytails.
And their ponies in hairtails, by all accounts.
So much blood and parts on the field it is hard to tell.
I guess what I thought was a tail could have been a spine.
Check and see which one you're missing.
No time for that, we've got another match to announce!
*The teams take to the pitch.*
Short, bearded people who worship dark gods meet primordial throwbacks because we've got Chaos Dwarfs against Lizardmen as the Scarfaced Scavengers take on the Tlanxla Terradons!
Hey now. That is no way to talk to a Lady.
Thawed from the ice and a long slumber, I am back to claim the win of this thread!!!!
The Vikking has returned to defy any claim on the win!
CHOMP
Nothing like Norwegian food to sate an apatite.
The vikking will feed the body, which 45 fairies all playing 'Take On Me' by A-Ha on their accordions will nourish the soul.
They do make the best chum bucket, that's for sure.
Oh, and in case any of our newer Blood Bowl fans are wondering why a Chaos Dwarf team has few actual dwarfs, that's because they tend to be slow and instead utilise their sturdy builds to act as "blockers" relying on their hobgoblin slaves to do most of the work (as well as bringing the occasional minotaur and/or bull centaur for some truly hard hitting action).
Wham!
The two teams collide on the field.
Wake them up before you go-go.
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